Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, and this story is just for my own amusement.

Author's Note: Hey! Thank you so much for all your comments! It made me feel so happy that you cared so much about what was going to happen. I hope this reaches your expectations. I'm sorry it took so long. (School...homework...tests...ugh! lol) Anyways, this was a hard chapter to write for some reason, and I feel exceptionally nervous about your reactions. I hope you like it, please enjoy! Please read and review!!!!! NO FLAMES!!!

Chapter five Raging feelings, empty thoughts

Tea stood frozen. Her insides were twisting painfully inside of her, her heart hammering loudly in her ears. Her eyes were wide and confused, unable to register what was going on before them.

Her mind was completely blank.

She was incapable of retaining a single thought, even the tiniest fragment of sense or logic seemed out of reach. She merely stood there before him, gaping openly.

Seto Kaiba was literally shaking, eyes narrowed in insuppressible rage, demanding for every ounce of information she held about the book, and what she had been doing with it.

But...what had she doing with it? In fact, what was she doing at all? Everything seemed so surreal, blank, white. It was impossible for her to believe she was here, in Domino City, standing before a snow-capped Christmas shop, listening to the infuriated CEO.

"I'm going to ask you again." Kaiba growled through gritted teeth. "WHAT are you doing?!" He looked like he was holding back, fighting down his uncontrollable temper that was willing to break at any given second. His face had been drained of all color, reduced to a pale, dead white, like some sort of ghost. His icy blue eyes were slits, blaring down at her in fury.

He was looking right at her, staring with those deep, blue eyes, and she felt lost in them. They seemed to stretch on for miles...like the dark night sky...There was no end, you just kept going on for eternity...And then Tea's mind snapped back into reality, violently and abruptly, jolting her back down to earth.

Kaiba found the diary.

Her heart stopped beating all together. Panic erupted in the pit of her stomach, coursing through every vein, making her insides squirm worse then ever. She had to say something, something... anything to justify herself.

"K-Kaiba..." she muttered weakly. "I...I didn't mean to...I swear I didn't..."

But this went far from justifying her actions. Kaiba's temper, so close to the edge, finally snapped completely.

"DIDN'T MEAN TO WHAT? GO OFF AND READ MY MOST PRIVATE THOUGHTS! I SAW YOU, GARDNER, HOW STUPID TO YOU THINK I AM-"

"Kaiba!" Tea sobbed hysterically, unable to take his shouting. "I'm sorry...I really, really am! But I was curious, and the things you wrote-I never would have guessed-" Tears were pouring down the girl's face like tiny waterfalls.

But Kaiba was way too angry to even think of pitying her.

"Oh, so you found PLEASURE reading my thoughts, is that is Garden? Like they were some sort of NOVEL?"

By now people inside the shop were poking their heads nosily out the front door, staring mildly interested at the abulic quarrel. Tea ignored them all, for once not caring, as violent sobs shook her whole body.

"Kaiba, you can't blame me!" she finally blurted out.

Although she felt extremely sick, her own temper was beginning to rise to the surface. Maybe if Kaiba wasn't so distant from everyone around him, maybe if he actually tried to be social, she wouldn't have become so absorbed in the stupid entries.

"Your so cold and aloof! Maybe if you just opened up a little bit I wouldn't have had to- "

"OH, SO YOU HAD TO-" Kaiba began to bellow, but Tea finished for him.

"YES!" she screamed. "I HAD to read the book! How couldn't I? To finally get a chance to find out what you think, the answers to why you always act like such a creep!"

Tea wanted to stop, wanted to turn and run away from the entire scene, but her rage wouldn't allow it. Although her mind was screaming in resistance, her mouth kept forming more words.

"You stride around school with your head held up high like your so much better, so much higher then everyone else! But just because now you have more money then any other person I know doesn't mean that deep down your not really just a-just a-"

Tea clamped her mouth shut, anger throbbing through her, a painful lump forming in her throat. Her eyes blazed down to the snow sprinkled ground, trying hard to restrain herself.

"Just a what?" Kaiba asked quietly. He hadn't taken his eyes off her. Every single inch of his face seemed to be contorted with purest loathing, and yet behind it all Tea almost thought she heard a slight note of worry.

Slowly, the brunette averted her eyes towards Kaiba's face, her voice shaking, her hands clutched in fists. And without a single thought she uttered-

"Just a poor little orphan."

Seto didn't know what came over him first. The most absolute, gut-wrenching horror or white hot, uncontrollable fury. His mind stopped working logically, emotion flooding through him, overpowering him, as Gardener stared grimly through her wide blue eyes.

He wanted to smack her. He wanted her to feel just as much pain as he was right now, to feel as empty and hollow, to have lonesomeness gnaw at her insides, just like him. He wanted to smack her-but he didn't.

In fact, he seemed incapable of even moving. Gardner was glaring at him through eyes that were once bright and cheery, but were now dull and dark. Slowly, the emotions within him began to form into hatred, and he realized something. Kind, compassionate Tea Gardner was scoffing at him for being an orphan. Words couldn't describe how he felt.

"Bet you loved reading that didn't you?" he barely whispered. "Bet it gave you a real laugh."

Gardner's mouth dropped slightly, and it looked as though she were about to say something, but Seto couldn't take it. He turned on his heel, hand clenched firmly over his journal, and strode away.

Tea watched as his tall figure shrank into the distance, and suddenly felt totally and entirely wretched. She stood gaping, legs shaking, at where Kaiba had walked off. For the first time in her life, she was mortified at the outcome of an argument she had had with the CEO not because of him, but because of her.

How could she say something like that to him? What could possibly have possessed her? But it had been hopeless, as soon as that anger took root-

Tea felt salty tears cloud her vision and roll down her face. Stupid girl. Chided a cruel voice in her ear. It's not like crying will change anything.

She looked up from the ground, taking short, gasping breaths. It was just then she became aware of the amount of wide eyes staring at her through the shop window.

"Well, what are you looking at?!" she cried hysterically, rounding over to them. "Go about your business and leave me alone!"

She stalked away, a strange pressure rising up from her chest into her throat, practically choking her.

You called Kaiba an orphan. She scolded herself. And in public! Great way to show how caring you are, Tea!

She kicked the ground roughly, and shimmering flakes of snow exploded around her ankles in a swirl of icy mist. Tea grit her teeth in frustration and emotional anguish. Things weren't suppose to be like this right now. There wasn't suppose to be any blinking lights and shining snow! She couldn't take the smell of Christmas trees, or the gleaming wreathes on every door. At this very moment, she couldn't take Christmas itself...

"It wasn't my fault!" she called out blindly to no one. "It WASN'T my fault!"

"What wasn't your fault?"

Tea jerked her head over to the voice. It was soft and kind, the complete opposite of the burning hot feelings that filled her to the rim.

There stood Yugi Moto. He looked concerned, worry etched across his face. White flakes were fluttering around him and settling in his abnormal, tri-colored hair.

Tea just stared at him, tears still spilling down her cheeks. Slowly, a broken smile slid across her face.

"Did you really here that?"

Seto through the doors of his mansion open, temper flaring, hands shaking, fire coursing through his veins.

"Mr. Kaiba!" sputtered Mr. Yuroshi. He was small, timid man, his fear for Kaiba almost shameful, as he was much older. "The orders just came in for the new duel disk set, but they've malfunctioned-"

"Like a give a damn!" Seto snarled violently, stalking towards the stairway.

Mr. Yuroshi chewed on his fingernails, and gave a few pathetic attempts to impose the issue further, but was futile, and he gave up in defeat.

Seto stomped heatedly into his bathroom, slamming the door shut. Far away, he thought he heard another door open. Probably Mokuba, poking his head out of his room, wondering about the noise.

Seto's breath was harsh and rapid. The diary dropped from his sweaty hands as he clung to the sides of sink, trying to master his own emotions.

He couldn't believe that had happened...he couldn't believe he had let that happen... Brainless Garden...calling him a orphan... And to think that at one point, only a few hours ago, he had almost thought that she might be able to-

Seto broke off and averted his eyes towards the mirror. His own face reflected back at him. He saw rich, brilliant Seto Kaiba, who had everything.

He saw a lie gazing back at him.

He stared into his own empty blue eyes.They were like dark tunnels that led nowhere. Nowhere except misery and darkness. Constant darkness that never left. He was pale. Pale and weak.

To think he had thought she might understand.

Seto's hands suddenly grabbed the mirror on impulse and rammed it hard into the ground. It shattered all around him, glimmering pieces flying across the floor.

And it was smashed-broken-just like he was.

"You know Yugi, you didn't have to invite me in." Tea replied meekly, shivering as she wrapped the towel Mr. Moto have given her tighter around her shoulders.

"You were freezing out there, Tea!" Yugi remarked, smiling warmly at her. "Would you mind...telling me what you were doing?"

The same faded, worried smile passed Tea's face. "It's nothing..." she muttered distractedly.

"Yes it is." Yugi replied firmly. "It's alright, you can tell me, I'm your friend."

Tea fiddled with her fingertips. It was nice to have someone so caring, but Tea wasn't sure if she deserved it.

No one cares about Kaiba, whispered a dark voice in her mind. No one except Mokuba...

She was swept with another rushing desire to burst into tears, but ignored it defiantly.

"Tea?"

The brunette looked up into Yugi's violet orbs. "It's nothing..." Tea began, but she was suddenly overcome with a powerful urge of recklessness. "It's just that today, I was shopping when I ran into Kaiba-"

She buckled her knees against her chest, and began spilling her heart out, from when she first found the journal to this very moment.

The only part she left out was earlier today, when that strange emotion that had come over her in the cafeteria, and she had suddenly felt like embracing him. She couldn't help notice that the feeling was growing slightly stronger.

She didn't understand. Was it pity? She had never been more furious at someone in her whole life, but there was something about him, something about knowing his deepest secrets, his deepest fears...

Tea's eyes drifted over to the Moto's lit Christmas tree. It's pure white lights glowed merrily, reflecting the rich reds and purples of the glass decorations. It was so beautiful, so warm, so full of life. So why was it that she felt so empty?

"What should I do, Yugi?" she pleaded hopelessly. "What should I do?"

She didn't turn over to him, but rather kept her eyes on the tree, trying fruitlessly to catch some sort of glimmer of hope through the thick darkness.

She could hear Yugi shifting nervously in his seat.

"Well...Tea...you could...apologize."

"What?" Tea turned her head so fast she gave herself a painful crick in her neck.

"Yugi, it's his fault!" she fought defiantly. "He shouldn't leave his things lying around! Besides, maybe if he was a little more social-"

"I know." Yugi murmured. "And your right about that...but Kaiba does have a right to be angry. After all, it was his diary."

Tea sighed in defeat. "Your...right." she muttered. "It's just, I don't really know if I can confront him again. You should have seen him, Yugi..."

But Yugi gave her an encouraging smile.

"I'm sure you'll do the right thing."

The warm lights from the Christmas tree reflected in his enormous violet eyes. Yugi's hand stretched tentatively over Tea's.

The brunette blinked. She was extremely confused.

"Seto...Seto, are you okay?! I heard something break!" Mokuba was ramming hard against the bathroom door. His heart was racing frantically, but the door stood ajar.

"Seto!" he wailed. "What's going on?"

He finally heard movement, someone's feet crunching what was probably numerous pieces of glass, and the door swung open.

There stood Seto. He looked weak and shaking, and yet livid and intimidating all at the same time. Mokuba stared up at him worriedly. His grayish violet eyes suddenly shot behind his brother, to the broken mirror that littered the tiled floor.

"Big brother...," he moaned, "what's going on...?"

"It's nothing." Seto muttered, looking over his shoulder at the mess behind him. "I was just...what happen was..."

Mokuba crossed his arms over his chest. "Seto, I'm your brother! You can tell me!"

"Mokuba, it's fine..." Seto replied unsurely. "I just got-er- angry..."

"About what?" the young Kaiba questioned skeptically.

Seto covered his face with a quivering hand.

"Mokuba...it's so close Christmas, I just want you to be happy, that's all I want..." He sounded almost desperate. Mokuba frowned as pity surged through him.

"Big brother, I am."

It was a huge tree. Enormous. And every year, it lit up. It happened on the same day, at the same hour, with the same people, the same bitter weather...same everything. That was how he always remembered it. Even when he was a little boy, clutching his mother's hand, unable to understand why so many people were cramped around a single tree, waiting anxiously for something.

And that it had happened. The bright colors had erupted all over, and the cheers had rung loudly in his ears. And even though the icy wind had lashed across his face for the past ten minutes, and even though his very fingers were numb from the cold, he had suddenly felt warm and safe. And most of all, loved.

And that, that was the feeling of Christmas. A feeling that had died away years ago, an emotion that would never come back, leaving him empty.

He stood before that tree now. It was unlit and blank, but waiting silently for tonight, when it's moment of glory would finally come once more. A wind rustled through it's branches.

Mokuba wanted to come see it tonight. Seto cast his eyes down to the snowy, yet barren ground. So many emotions were welling up within him.

Seto didn't like emotions. He would so rather do away without them, but they came anyway, haunting him...choking him...and leaving him with nothing.

Going to the tree lighting would make Mokuba happy, but it also meant he would have to face up to his childhood memories, something he tried very hard to avoid.

"Kaiba?"

Seto turned around. Before him stood Gardner, her chocolate colored hair whipping in the wind, alongside her woolen scarf. She seemed very on edge about something.

Seto looked away from her, fury mounting on him like a plague. He didn't want to be anywhere near her.

Gardner, however, must have thought different. Instead of leaving, she took a step closer.

"Pretty, isn't it?" she asked softly, gazing up at the rich green tree.

"Why are you here?" Seto muttered in a low voice, his eyes glued to the gigantic tree before him instead of the girl next to him.

He heard the snow and dead grass crumple as she shifted her feet uncomfortably.

"That book said a lot of things about you. A lot of things I didn't know were possible."

Seto felt like his throat was stuck. He simply remained where he was, his eyes blaring through the tree's vast branches.

"I never would have...would have guessed." he heard her continue. "The way you act...I always thought you were just an arrogant creep."

For a long time, Seto didn't comment. Her words sunk into him, biting at his soul, like the last time she had spoken.

"I used to write in that damn book every night." he said abruptly. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but continued anyway, not even waiting for an reply. "Every night. I wrote every single aspect of my life, poured out my whole damn heart, like it was some sort of person...someone meant to....console me or something."

His mouth formed a sarcastic smile. "As you can see, that worked."

"Kaiba, I'm sorry." Gardner blurted out, she was speaking very quickly. "I know it was wrong, and I won't ever do it again, I promise! I was just...just curious. And the things you wrote-the things you said about your family, your parents-they were beautiful-"

"Just go." Seto whispered. His eyes were oddly bright, staring blanking at the huge pine tree before him.

But Gardner didn't leave. She tried to speak again, sputtering apologies and words, but he refused to even listen.

"Just go, Gardner, just leave me alone. I want to be alone."

Gardner's feet crunched in the snow as she took a few steps backwards.

"But you are alone, Kaiba. And you will be, you'll always be, until you open up."

He heard her turn around, and listened to her footsteps until they faded away.

His penetrating gaze stayed locked on the pine, staring almost past it.

That memory was exactly what it was. A memory. And that little boy didn't believe in Christmas anymore. That little boy had given up.

Author's Note: There it was...I hope you liked it. It took me AGES to write... lol Thanks for all your comments, there much appreciated, please read and review!!!! NO FLAMES!