Beyond the Bunnies: The Life of Sirius Black
Potter: Hello, I'm James Potter, filling in today for Sirius Black becase I am going to do an interview with him...sad though that may be.
Black: I'm right here, James.
Potter: *clears throat* Right! And now we have some questions from our readers...most of which seem to concern you being single and you going out with them.
Black: Come and get it, ladies *charming grin*
Potter: Okay Sirius, that's disgusting. Here we go: One Slytherin asks if your initals really are SOB?
Black: Yep, my mother was a...*sees it's rated G*...really mean person. I don't like her.
Potter: GryffindorGirl asks if you were a Muggle movie star?
Black: What's a movie star? What's a movie?
Potter: Ah, the pureblood curse. And Moony wants to know why you have an obsession with pink and purple bunnies.
Black: See, it all started when I was just a small Black. Narcissa, my...Slytherin...cousin, had brought home two cute fluffy bunny rabbits, and naturally I was dying to terrorize them. So the minute my dear old mum left the room, out came the wand and POOF! went the bunnies. Pinky and Lavender emerged, but unfortunately the spell had this side effect of blowing them up, and my mum wasn't very happy and made me clean it up, then she made me buy Narcissa new rabbits, but in that time from when I bought them to when I gave them to her I came to love them and now I want Pinky and Lavender back! PINKY! LAVENDER! WHERE ARE YOU, MY LOVE BUNNIES?
Potter: That was....er....enlightening, Sirius.
Moony: Disturbing, you mean.
Potter: That too. Now Sirius, one fan wants to know how you manage to be so sexy?
Black: It's all natural, baby. *pulls off his shirt*
Potter: Sirius, that was more of you than we ever wanted to see. *fangirl screaming can be heard in the distance* Well, than most of us wanted to see. Go back to sleep.
This has been James Potter, interviewing Sirius Black...sadly. Now we have to go run from random fangirls...we'll be back next week!
Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...
Ask Moony
Dear Moony,
I dumped my boyfriend last week and he won't leave me alone! What can I do to make him quit?
-Stalked and Hating It
Dear Stalked and Hating It,
Isn't there something like a witness protection program you can go into?
Moony
Dear Moony,
How come you weren't at the Yule Ball?
-A loyal fan
Dear Loyal Fan,
Did you have nothing better to do at the ball than wander around looking for me? Get a life. I was sick.
Moony
Dear Moony,
I keep hearing these sounds at night that nobody else hears and it really scares me. People tell me to get counseling, but I don't want to. Can you give me some advice?
-Hearing Things
Dear Hearing Things,
Get some counseling.
Moony
Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!
Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...
Lion's Roar
This is Alice Remerta, your Gossip Queen, here reporting on the Yule Ball news. We have a wealth of stories this week folks, all beautifully romantic, some sad, some sweet and some naeusatingly disgusting. Good news at last--James Potter took Lily Evans to the Yule Ball! The petite redhead was definately the belle of the ball in a stunning creme colored dress robe that complimented her hair and eyes perfectly, while James looked the hunk he is in a beautiful, expensive black formal robe from Gladrags Wizardware.
Metallic colors and blue seemed to be the fashion at the ball this year, with many shades and variations of this gorgeous sky-color appearing all over the school. Emmeline Vance, of Ravenclaw, had to be best dressed in stunning blue dress robes, Egyptian cut with a fashionable gold belt, gold collar necklace, and bangles and rings galore, going with none other than our troublemaker, Sirius Black, who was seen snogging no less than five girls, including Emmeline, before the night was over.
But the love-hate couples abounded. Though James and Lily came in together, they had a fight during the evening over a dance which ended up with James soaking wet due to the punch bowl being dumped over his head. Most mysterious. And while amusing this scene was to all spectators, Professor McGonagall seemed to not find it so and assigned each a detention and ten points from Gryffindor each. Ah...love is in the air.
This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar!
Lioness Poetry
The Lioness has once again picked a poem from the three and a half under her door, and her favorite one appears below. Thanks all you participants!
Full moon rips through my blood,
Unwaning, uncaring, torturing,
Demons I face inside of me
as the full mooon rips through this facade.
-Fifth year
House Points Currently:
Gryffindor: 340
Hufflepuff: 310
Slytherin: 345
Ravenclaw: 302
All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 95, 5th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters.
Author's Notes: The idea for the article came from PhoenixGirl123456--thanks! Somebody pointed out that Narcissa's maiden name was Black, thanks for that, I had forgotten it and changed 4th edition. I won't be updating as much now because I'm limiting my internet so I can work on my novel, and I am reading no fanfiction. Self-discipline is a harsh thing :p melaniewilliamsandharrypotter seems to act a lot like me at times. That's scary. And whoever posted the S.O.B. thing, that was funny! I used that in my article.