Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh

Author's Note: Okay-Okay. I know I haven't updated in forever. I'm caught dead center in my midterms so it's been really difficult to write. By next Saturday I'll be done and I promise to update all weekend! So, if I even have any reviewers left, here it goes!

Chapter seven Rejection and the Orphan's entry

Seto trudged home with Mokuba at his side, only dimly aware that his little brother was speaking. Confused thoughts were spiraling through Seto's mind like a violent snowstorm. His icy blue eyes were dazed and perplexed, yet their penetrating gaze seemed a bit softer then usual.

He felt as if every problem, every trouble, had suddenly been washed away, leaving him floating in the remains of a long forgotten happiness.

He thought he could still see her, the girl's gentle face hovering in front of him like a phantom. He had never seen someone so radiant, so beautiful, in his entire life. She seemed unreal.

And yet at the very same time, she was almost familiar. Like someone who had been right before his eyes every single day and he had failed to ever notice. But even if this were true, he couldn't quite put his finger on who she was...

In the mists of his fogged joy, a small curt voice whispered coldly in his ear.

A ridiculous thing to waste your time thinking about.

It was as if somebody turned the reality switch back on. He could suddenly hear his own feet crunching through the snow, and Mokuba's constantly chattering voice. The mystical joy had been feeling quickly drained away, and he was left in the same hollow, blank state he had become so accustom to over time.

"Can we do this next year too, Seto?" Mokuba was chiming happily."It's so nice walking home instead of going in that stuffy limbo all the time."

Shimmering white snowflakes began falling gently around them. A sudden stab of pain hit Seto directly in the chest. The flakes continued to waver almost menacingly before him, though he had a reckless urge for them to burst into flames.

He fought down the boiling pressure that was rising rapidly into his throat, trying to keep his expression blank and cool.

He didn't know why he felt this way. He had never had such strange mood-swings before. Well, maybe during Gozaburo's lifetime, but certainly not now. He normally tried his best to stay devoid of all emotion entirely.

He looked away from his little brother, pretending to be glancing at a nearby tree, while seriously trying to fight down the nagging pain that he knew was written all over his face.

Try as he might, Mokuba was still glimpsing him warily.

"Seto, are you okay? You seem so..." Mokuba paused, biting his lower lip as he scrounged his mind for the right word. "...upset, lately." He completed, eyeing his brother with large, mournful eyes.

For a spilt second, a very real glimmer of affection flickered in Kaiba's dead, vacant eyes. Buta mere moment later it had already been snatched away by his heart's cold barrier, like so many times before.

"Of course I'm fine, Mokuba."

The young Kaiba frowned, shuffling his feet and allowing the icy cold water to sink through his shoes. Hot tears were forming in the corners of his eyes.

"You always say your fine."

Seto didn't hear him. Although his eyes were quite dry, his heart had already begun weeping it's own silent tears long beforehand.

&&&

"What's up, Tea? You seem out of it."

Tea hardly heard Mai's voice. She was trying hard to suppress the steadfast flow of emotion that was slowly poisoning her heart.

"What?" she inquired, rather distantly.

Mai was frowning openly at her, white snow sparkling in her honey-blonde hair like tiny white gems.

"You're out of it, girl! What's wrong? Someone on your mind?" Her purple eyes darted towards the short teen walking besides them.

"Yeah." Tea sighed dully. "Someone's defiantly on my mind."

Mai beamed at her, unable to catch the bland, miserable look in the brunette's blue eyes.

All this guilt and confusion was really beginning to tear Tea apart. She wished desperately that she could just throw it away. If only she could seal it in a bottle and toss it into the ocean, then it'd float far, far away...

But the problem was, she couldn't get rid of it. As hard as she tried, she either saw Kaiba's depressed face swimming up before her eyes, or was hearing his words echo repeatedly in her head.

Tea sighed and jammed her numb fingers into her pockets, brow furrowed. If she only could get him off her mind...

"Umm, Tea?"

A tentative voice broke Tea away from her muddled thoughts. She turned around to see Yugi's small frame standing somewhat meekly against the snow. He was fiddling skittishly with his fingers, and his large purple eyes seemed determined not to look at her. In fact, it was only when Joey gave the boy a small, unnoticed nudge in the back that Yugi's great orbs finally rose to Tea's face.

His cheeks were flushed a deep, plum red, no doubt from the constant beating winds and icy snowflakes. Or at least, Tea thought. She was proven wrong moments later.

Mustering as much courage as humanly possible, Yugi let out a tiny, shuddering breath and spoke.

"T-Tea? I...I was wondering. C-could I have a word?"

"Sure, Yugi." Tea replied, mildly confused as the spiky haired teen led her away from their friends, face now furiously red. He looked as though he was trying very hard to not to hear the group's stifled snickers.

It was only a mere second later that Tea realized what must have the group so pleased and giddy. And sure enough-

"T-Tea? With the d-dance coming up...would you....go with me?"

Yugi's eyes automatically shot towards the floor, and he became very interested in picking the nail of his index finger.

Tea thought that even the howling wind must have stopped. She opened her mouth, and closed it again, speechless in the strange, blaring silence.

Tea suddenly realized how incredibly stupid she had been. How could she not have noticed Yugi's obvious crush on her? The way he glowed as bright as the Christmas lights on her tree if she so much as looked at him, or the way he constantly stuttered when he complemented her on her hair or clothes.

Why had she been so blind?

She wanted to say something, anything, but an abnormal pressure in her throatkept suppressing her voice. Like there was a solid wall blocking the words that she so desperately needed to say.

Then again...what did she need to say? She had always considered Yugi her best friend, someone who would always be there for her, ready to listen to even her most silly, pointless fears without laughing.

But her boyfriend? No...Tea had never thought of that...

Her brain suddenly came to a nasty conclusion with fierce bump.

Yugi was her best friend in the entire world, but that was it. Her best friend. Nothing more.

Tea's stomach rolled over when she turned back to the short teen, looking as pale as the snow and completely horrified at her stunned silence.

She felt rather ashamed of herself as she stood there, thinking over all the times Yugi had probably practiced what to say, and how much courage he must have gathered to finally ask her.

"Oh-Yugi." she sputtered, her voice slightly higher then usual. "That-that's sweet. Really sweet. B-but...I just have to t-think about it."

The crushing look on her friend's face was enough to make her burst into tears. She longed to cry out "never mind Yugi, of course I'll go!", but she knew it wastoo late for that. Besides, that same choking suppression had returned, barring her voice from speech.

Yugi gave the palest, weakest smile she had ever seen in her entire life.

"That's okay, Tea." he said softly. "Think about it all you want."

The brunette found that she could do nothing but nod.

"Well, I better go...you know, Grandpa's waiting..." Yugi said solemnly. He looked back over at his friends with huge, broken eyes and relayed a similar message . "See you, around..."

Yugi's small figure padded it's way through the snowstorm, his head bent low as he battled through the obsessive winds.

"Yug-" Joey took a step forward, concern etched deeply into every line of his face as he stared at his miserable friend, who was shrinking away in the distance.

Mai placed her hand on his shoulder, frowning as Yugi continued amble slowly away.

She rounded on Tea like an angry wolf. "Why-"

"I don't want to talk about it!" Tea suddenly snapped, feeling both shameful and angry all at the same time.

Her hands balled into fists and her eyes burned bright with tears. She didn't allow anyone else to speak. She just walked away.

&&&

Seto's eyes dimmed as the large mansion loomed closer into sight. He wasn't sure why, but the building had never seemed much like home.

Perhaps it was an after effect from the cold, foreboding feeling that had taken him the first day Gozaburo's limo had pulled into the driveway, or the accursed memories that the building brought to mind. Either way, it didn't make much of a difference to Seto.

Mokuba trailed up behind him, rather like a small shadow, dragging his feet and moping silently.

Seto glanced at him worriedly. It was peculiar for someone as happy-go-lucky as his brother to ask this way. He didn't like it.

But when Seto turned around to voice his distress, Mokuba only slumped passed him, swinging the door open half-heartedly and slinking into the hallway.

"Mokuba..." Seto implored, sounding almost apprehensive, "are you feeling alright?"

He scoured the boy's miserable, cold face carefully, but besides the rosy complexion that the snow had given him, Seto failed in finding any symptoms of illness.

"You know, Seto, I'm kind of tired." Mokuba gave a large yawn and rubbed his blood-shot eyes sleepily. "I think I'll just go to bed. Don't worry, I'm not sick." he added when Seto opened his mouth.

The CEO frowned as his little brother trudged slowly up the spiraling staircase. Seto heard the boy's light footsteps die away a few moments later, and padded up the stairs after him.

He came to a halt in front of Mokuba's shiny oak door, hesitated slightly, and stretched out his hand grab hold of the doorknob.

And yet...Mokuba had never lied to Seto before, why would he be doing so now? And if he really was asleep, Seto certainly wasn't going to disturb him. Maybe he'd just hold off his concern until tomorrow, Mokuba would probably feel better then and there wouldn't even be a need to anymore.

So instead going inside, Seto walked passed his brother's room, and pulled open the door to his own, shutting it behind him with a sigh.

He collapsed into a computer chair and flipped open his laptop. It was too late to go back to the office, but he could still make some progress here.

That was when it caught his eye. The little book laying casually at the side of his computer, waiting quietly to be opened again.

Seto picked up the journal and examined it. From it's cover, nobody would ever have been able to guess that this was Seto Kaiba, multi-millionaire's personal journal. In fact, it looked downright plain and ordinary.

What could have possessed Gardner to open it? She had never seemed remotely interested in him before, why, all of a sudden, had she decided on knowing his deepest thoughts?

Perhaps to embarrass you. A small voice suggested.

Seto gave a loud snort though his nose and dropped the book carelessly onto the table, turning back to the screen of his laptop.

Maybe Gardner had read the book to embarrass him-he remembered quite clearly raging at her on the very day he had lost the book for breaking his laptop.

Well, she had deserved that. Seto scowled angrily. Losing my business report and forcing me to use this piece of junk...

He glared irritably at the computer he was using. To most others, it would have been very high-tech, but it didn't work nearly fast enough for the young CEO. He was obliged to use it, however, until he had enough time to fix his other one. Seemingly, never.

Seto tried hard to concentrate on the dull words blaring out at him from the computer screen, but something else kept catching his attention.

The little book seemed to had propped itself right near his elbow, gazing imploringly at him as he worked.

Garden's words suddenly cut sharp though his memories.

"I'm sorry...I really, really am! But I was curious, and the things you wrote-I never would have guessed-"

What, exactly, had he written in the diary? He normally wrote in it so late that by the next morning it was all a big blur. The only thing he could almost remember was the last paragraph he'd written, and even that was rather fogged from his memory. All he could recall was how miserable he had been the night he'd written it, and it disturbed him slightly to think of the passage might say.

Almost reluctantly, he reached out for the little booklet. Gradually, he began to flip through the pages, rereading entries that he barely remembered writing.

The words became smudged as he skimmed faster and faster through the pages, horror-struck and confused.

It was bad enough that he had called Gardner beautiful, but did he have to mention the bit about caroling when he was young? And Gardner knowing how Gozaburo had treated him? No one was ever suppose know that. It wasn't even suppose to be real...

And then his eyes fell upon the last paragraph, the words gleaming quite clearly, so that just anyone could read them.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm even here. The whole world seems so pointless. If it wasn't for Mokuba, I don't think I would have made it through all those tests Gozaburo's put me through.

There are times when I still don't think I'm going to make it. I've watched so many people perish before me. Mother, Father-

The day Father died...

I know that it didn't happen on purpose. It was an accident, it has to be. But still-the doctor had taken a different theory.

He said that Kado Hashishima had not driver off the road by accident. He had explained that my mother's death may have ran too deep for my fatherto survive.

The day my father died I had been angry at him. I can still remember screaming to him how he was never there for both me and Mokuba, that all he did was sulk in his room. I had kept going at him until he was well out the front door.

He went to visit Mother's grave that day and never came back. The memory still haunts me.

There are times when I almost want someone to read this. Times when I could pray for someone to see my life through my own eyes-and know that it's not so perfect. And that maybe, they could see that I'm not who they think I am.

But I know they can't. And I'm sure by tomorrow, I'll regret I ever even wrote this.

Seto's short, ragged breath ceased. The churning sensation in his stomach suddenly lifted-in fact, it seemed as if he had no insides at all.

His blue eyes flashed across the words he had written, reading more slowly, trying to calculate and absorb every word he had written.

The sentences jotted on the page were inky and messy, a contrast from the neat, type-writer-like handwriting he normally wrote in. This handwriting seemed more real.

Seto stared at the words until he was seeing passed them. The night he had written this was shrouded in a hazy fog-he could barely remember even picking up the pen.

But he, like so many times before, was correct. He did regret writing this.

These words hadn't been written by the cold-hearted, emotionless CEO that the all of Domino City knew. These words had been written by somebody else.

Seto Hashishima, the desperate orphaned boy who had spent numerous hours sobbing over his lost parents and clinging onto false hopes.

But it couldn't be possible. Gozuaburo had killed Seto Hashishima years ago.

For the second time in two days, Seto did something on impulse. Yesterday, he had broken a mirror. Today, he threw the book in the fire.

He watched as the pages curled up into a worthless heap of ashes, pages that had once held the secret yearnings and pains of a lonely orphan boy. The fire sparked and sizzled, devouring the words that he had so desperately poured onto the paper.

Seto stood quite still, the orange flames reflective in his deep blue eyes, and immediately fell backwards into his computer chair with a loud thud.

By this time Mokuba had crept quietly into the room, slightly nervous, as he knew that his brother despised being interrupted.

But the boy couldn't help it-he knew that something was wrong. Seto ordinarily stayed very cold and clinical, and these sporadic outbursts of anger and anguish were just plan weird, especially when he wouldn't tell Mokuba what was wrong.

The young Kaiba was taken by surprise by he saw Seto sitting in front of the fire, breathing heavily and staring hollowly at the flames. His knuckles were white and his eyes wide.

"Seto?" Mokuba asked placidly. "Seto, are you alright?"

Seto didn't turn around, he only hung his head.

"No, Mokuba. I don't think I'm alright."

&&&

Tea moaned, dragging her frozen feet heavily to the stone steps of her small porch.

All of a sudden snow didn't seem so wonderful.

Her hands felt like frozen bits of ice, only being weighed down by her sopping wet gloves. Her pink scarf was constantly catching whizzing snowflakes, which would sink through the fuzzy fabric and cling horribly to her already aching neck.

She sighed thickly, rubbing her numb, stiff nose, and attempting to open the slippery door, which had been coated with a seasonal sheet of ice.

When she had finally fumbled enough with the knob to get the door open, she sidled over the threshold and into the house, allowing the wet snow to trail on the rug behind her.

Her weak legs collapsed once she reached the coach, groaning as her head she dropped to her hands.

"This is the worst day ever!" she muttered irritably, scuffing the now damp floor with her foot.

"That's what you said yesterday." Came an amused voice. "What's wrong?"

Tea looked up to find her mother with her hands over her hips, gazing over at Tea with a mildly curious expression.

"Nothing." Tea sighed dully, breaking the tense gaze as she began to inspect their Christmas tree.

"Tea..." her mother stressed, narrowing her eyes and striding over to her daughter. "I'm your mother! What happened?"

"Yugi asked me to the dance!" Tea blurted out angrily, whipping around to face her mother once more. She buckled her arms across her chest and frowned, the intensifying guilt churning with bubbling aggravation.

But Mrs. Gardner only shot her a confused look. "Well, what's wrong with that?" she inquired, raising her eyebrows as she sat down. "He's quite a sweetheart. So polite, the way he remembers to greet me and clear off his plate when he stays for dinner..."

Tea moaned. "I know! And that's what makes it so confusing. It was like I couldn't say yes to him."

"Why?" Tea's mother asked calmly.

"I don't know!" the brunette wailed. "It's just-he's just-just a friend! My best friend! He'll always be, but that's it!"

Mrs. Gardner was silent for a moment. "Has someone else caught your attention?"

Tea opened her mouth to say no when a very peculiar thought hit her. Her eyes widened and her jaw hung slightly open, but she closed it as soon as she noticed her mother smirking.

"May I be excused?" she blurted out quickly.

Mrs. Gardner's eyes were questioning beneath their glasses, but she nodded, and Tea sped off to her room.

The brunette collapsed onto her bed and spent a long time contemplating over she had just thought.

She wasn't exactly sure what she believed anymore.

&&&

The room around him was dimmed, the sole source of light the crackling flames, which sent flickering shadows across Seto's face.

Mokuba had long since curled up on his lap, and was now breathing slowly and deeply. The boy was still holding a handful of his brother's trench coat from when he had attempted to cheer him up, though he had not been entirely successful.

Seto hung his head and stared down at the innocence before him, praying that Mokuba would never feel the way he did now.

But what he was feeling-for once Seto didn't have the answer. He was sure that no textbook he had ever studied described the alien emotion that was rising up on him from inside.

Beneath the burning flames, Seto knew that his diary's remains laid dormant somewhere, and he was quite glad they were out of reach.

He was sure that it was moments like these were the orphan boy would emerge, desperate to write just a little bit more.

A/N: There you have it. Tea's finally starting to realize she had feelings for him...now I have to work on Seto. Please stay in tune, I promise to update as soon as possible. Your comments are what keeps me going! Oh, and I hope that the Seto's diary entry wasn't a little to-er- emotionl for Seto to actually have written it. I wanted it to be something that he'd truly dread others reading, so I didn't think it was really out of character. I hope not, I try very hard to keep the characters to their actual personalities...Anyways, and please read and review! No flames!