As I sat outside of the church on the porch with no roof, it began to rain. Light raindrops fell all over my head and mixed with my tears. I knew that it was going to happen. Pony is disappointed in me. He said he couldn't look at me the same.
But how can he see me as a murderer, and not a protector? For once, I broke out of my "weakling shell" and took a chance. I saved Ponyboy by stabbing a guy that was about to kill him. I mean, he doesn't have to be proud of me, but can't I get a better acknowledgement than disappointment? I took a cigarette out of my back pocket and lit it with some matches I stole from the deli from this morning. As naïve as I was, I took a puff and instantly in 2 seconds a raindrop fell on the light on the cigarette.
I then threw the cigarette in the nearby grass and decided to go back inside. The best way I knew to deal with people who were disappointed in me was to ignore. As I entered the church, I threw off my jean jacket and sat on the small stool in the center of the room. Ponyboy was still sitting in the corner, now reading a book and eating another disgusting bologna sandwich. After five minutes of waiting, (and expecting Ponyboy to talk to me), I shook my head and began to put on my jacket.
I then took a pack of bologna and 2 packs of cigarettes and stuffed them in my pockets. Pony looked up from his book and laid his eyes on me. "Where the hell are you goin'? It's raining hard out there." He said. I turned into his direction and sneered at him. "Oh, now you give a shit about me all of a sudden? What happened to you ignoring me? What happened to the disappointment?" I snapped.
"Johnny, I do care about you. I said all those things out of frustration. I'm… just… scared. I just have so much going on in my head. We don't even know what's gonna happen to us, Johnny." I turned to him and he looked into my sky blue eyes as I looked into his deep green. I realized that me and Pony had too strong of a bond for him to ever be disappointedin me. I knew he understood. I threw off my jacket and sat in the corner with Pony.
"I know how ya feel." I said, as I sat my hand on his shoulder. He then let out that crooked little smile that he always does, when he's frustrated and still calm at the same time. I hadn't seen that smile for days, ever since the "Bob incident". I was glad it returned, that Pony returned. I knew he forgave me for not thinking as usual, that's why he was my best friend.