Disclaimer: If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh, every single episode would be about either Seto or Marik. Evidently, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.
Author's Note: Thank you all for such nice comments! You people seriously keep my going. My appreciation comes from the very depths of my heart! Once again, I apologize for thehow late it is.I hope you all know I really tried to make this as best as a could. A special thanks, as always, to Caoramm fridh Bronach, always so keen to help me out with grammar and give great suggestions.
Chapter Nine Not Quite, But Almost, Accepted Feelings
She was out of her mind.
There was simply no other explanation. Gardner stood there, fingers pressed hard over her mouth as if she had just given away some sort of extremely valuable information to her most hated enemy. She seemed utterly horrified, gaping beneath her cold, slender fingers.
But the brunette's hopelessness did not hamper Seto's anger in the slightest. In fact, she only caused it to flare higher, forcing the grip on his briefcase to tighten dramatically.
So it wasn't enough that she had made a mockery of him last Friday. She needed to do it again. Like she was constantly tugging at the memories she knew taunted him most, delighted to watch them rise once more to the surface after he had tried so hard to bury them.
Well, he wasn't going to continue amusing her.
"What did you say?" he growled, making sure that every ounce of loathing was clearly evident in his voice.
Gardner quaked slightly but soon regained her confidence, as she always did, and removed her hand hesitantly from her face.
"I-I said I wanted to help you. Please let me."
It was strange how a voice so sweet could sound so poisonous.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Seto snarled furiously. "I don't need any help. What I do need is for you to leave me alone."
He turned to walk away, a strange, abnormal feeling other than fury pulsing through his body as he made his way up the block.
But Gardner, like a chick that thought you its mother, couldn't be avoided so easily.
"Please, Kaiba!" she begged, jogging now to keep up with his vast strides. "I didn't know before, but now-now, I understand!"
Seto came to a halt. A shadow of the meaningless word echoed coldly through his brain as he spun around.
Of course Gardner understood.
Just like the doctors that had refused to let him see his dying mother and the matron at the orphanage, always so keen to ignore bullies that constantly tormented Mokuba.
Yes, they had always understood, a malicious voice whispered in his ear, just like Gozaburo. He understood too...
Something inside Seto snapped.
It wasn't exactly hatred, but it certainly wasn't happiness either. It felt like a dark, choking suppression, as if someone had tied a rope around his chest and was it pulling tighter and tighter, leaving him gasping for breath.
"You think you could ever possibly understand?" he shouted, unaware of his now panting, uneven voice. "You think just because you read a few lines out of a damn book you suddenly know everything? Get realistic, Gardner. Those words were a lie, nothing but a facade. I don'twant nor need your help. I don't need anything."
The words hung hollowly in the silent, still air suddenly devoid of all wind and sound. Seto's brain began demanding him to move, but his entire body felt like lead. It was as if the brunette's strange stare were a web that had some how managed to ensnare him. For a long time, nobody spoke, then Gardner slowly parted her frowning lips, whispering three very quiet words.
"That's not true."
Of all the emotions ever to have gone through him the past few wretched days, this had to be the most bizarre.
It took all the CEO's might to restrain himself from shaking as he made his final turn towards Mokuba's school, determined not to hear the brunette's constant calls for attention, plowing faster through the blackened snow away from her.
&&&
Tea sighed hopelessly before walking away. It was hard enough trying to face up to her own emotions-but did Kaiba have to make it ten times worse by shoving her away?
Well, he wouldn't be Seto Kaiba if he didn't do that, now would he? a tiny voice whispered in the back of her mind, and Tea couldn't help but smile.
Even if the CEO hadn't actually come out and said it, the brunette was almost certain that her words had affected him in one way or another. After all, she had never thought her speech at Duelist Kingdom would have made such an impact, but according to his diary, it apparently had.
She felt strange as she walked home, hands in her pockets, musing over Kaiba's thoughts and feelings. Almost as if she were beginning to accept what was happening to her– almost at least.
After all, Yugi was always encouraging people to follow the heart of the cards and, well, she was following a heart. Just one of different sorts.
"Seto, you're picking me up today!"
Mokuba laughed gleefully as he plunged through the thick crowd toward his big brother's direction. It was always rather special when Seto came to pick him up, especially since he was constantly too busy.
But the boy's excitement withered instantly upon seeing his older sibling. Seto appeared irritated and disheveled, his left hand plunged deep within his pocket. Mokuba opened his mouth to voice it, but Seto spoke first.
"How was school, Mokuba?"
"Fine," the young Kaiba replied shortly. "Seto, is something-"
"Didn't you say you had some sort of exam today? A math one?"
"Yeah," Mokuba answered hastily. "And it went good." He added when Seto reopened his mouth.
"It went well, Mokuba. Not 'good.'"
The young Kaiba only pouted at his older brother's correction, crossing his arms irritably over his chest.
"Quit trying to change the subject. What happened?"
The stiff silence rang awkwardly in the air. Mokuba gave an inward sigh and stared pointedly at the ground. Once again, his Seto was failing to tell him anything.
"Does it...have something to do with the book?" the boy asked vaguely as they left the schoolyard. Seto didn't answer, but Mokuba saw the long fingers around the young man's briefcase tense.
Ever since Sunday, the two siblings had silently agreed not to bring up Seto's sudden outburst or the incident he had spoken of after Mokuba had walked in the room. It had taken the boy quite a bit of prying just to find out that someone had found Seto's diary. As for who-Mokuba reckoned he'd never know.
But as they stood there, walking side by side, the boy felt the need to voice the subject again. He had been hoping for so long that this year would be a normal Christmas, and the nosy-body who had read the stupid book was really destroying his plans.
Seto didn't answer right away. Mokuba noticed the glazed, distant look in his eyes and realized his brother was either very puzzled or very disturbed.
"It doesn't concern you, Mokuba," Seto finally answered. Mokuba groaned and shuffled his feet. He suddenly decided to use a different tactic.
"Seto, do you want to have a good Christmas this year?" he asked innocently, trying to sound as bright and energetic as possible.
His brother gave a curt nod.
"And you want us both to be happy, right?"
There came another nod and Mokuba let out a satisfied smile. "Well, how can both be happy if you're keeping stuff from me?"
"I'm not keeping anything-" Seto began at once, but Mokuba shook his head.
"I'm not mad," he replied truthfully. "I just want to know who's bugging you so much."
Seto sighed as they he pushed the brown bangs off his face with his free hand. "She's no one Mokuba, just a stupid classmate."
She. That word intrigued the boy. So it had been a girl who read his big brother's diary? Well, that made sense-females were prone to be snoopy and gossipy. He scrounged around his mind for the most likely person it could be.
"Well, it can't be Tea Gardner-"
The words jerked Seto into a sudden halt and Mokuba's eyes widened in realization.
"No way..."
&&&
Tea plopped down on her bed, allowing her exhaustion to finally take root. She knew that she was more emotionally drained than physically. After all, ten blocks had never done this to her before-even with the now dense, muddy snow.
"I hope it snows again..." Tea sighed as she pressed her fingers against the frost-bitten window. She stared mournfully out the glass, her mouth slowly quivering into a small frown. Why was it that this depressed her so much? Snow was nothing more than frozen water. Just ice that would eventually melt anyway...
Repressing the oddly strong urge to cry, she suddenly caught hold of a flickering red light emitting from her answering machine. Someone had apparently left her a message.
Leaning over a particularly large pillow to reach her bedside table, Tea fumbled before pressing down on the 'play' button.
Mai's rather weak voice filled Tea's quiet bedroom.
"Hey, girl...got your phone number from Joey, but I'm not gonna waste time chit-chatting. I was real angry at you last Sunday and I still haven't completely forgotten you turning down poor Yugi."
Tea's stomach gave a guilty lurch at the word "poor".
"You see, me and Joey have been planning for you two to go that dance together for quite some time now, and I guess I just never saw you with anybody else. I mean, who else could it possibly be? I'm finding it hard to imagine Tristan or Joey. Anyway, I suppose I called to...sort of apologize. I'm still not happy with your actions, but I thought you should know that. Bye."
The brunette dropped her face into her pillow, allowing it to completely obscure her vision.
"Just great," she muttered thickly into her pillowcase. "The whole gang's still furious at me for turning down Yugi, and I'm sure they'll be just peachy about my new center of affection."
Tea lay there for quite some time, her head to sinking deeper into the feathered mattress while she wished fervently that time could just stand still forever.
It was only when she heard someone rap on her bedroom door that she returned to the real world, lifting her heard of her pillow and letting out an irritated sigh.
"Come in..."
The door creaked open on its less-then-oiled hinges and Joey Wheeler stepped inside, red-faced and shivering from the outside cold.
"Joey! I didn't even hear my Mom let you in!" Tea exclaimed, jumping upright and staring questioningly at her companion. "What's wrong?"
The teen was frowning openly at her, his warm brown eyes dull and hurt. With a sudden thrill of horror, Tea wondered if Joey had somehow figured out her secret feelings towards the CEO.
But the male blonde's abrupt querying quickly diminished Tea's worries.
"Tea, do ya like the other Yugi?"
The girl sat up, startled at Joey's bold, outright question, but immediately shook her head no. Her nerves had already begun to subside but only very slightly. She knew what question would come next.
Joey's frown instantly melted away in relief, replaced with his usual, rather goofy, grin. "Yugi will be glad ta hear that. He was all convinced ya didn't wanna go to that stupid dance with him 'cause ya liked that spirit in his puzzle."
"No, I don't like Yugi's other half," Tea assured him, secretly longing it to be the only news needed to be told.
Joey was frowning again. He knit his brow and shot her a perplexed look. "So...why did ya turn down Yug? It's not really like ya, Tea."
The brunette's insides began to coil up painfully within her. She had already edited the truth a bit when she had told Joey about the diary–she couldn't just evade the verity completely. It went against everything she believed in.
"Well, you see..." Nerves were shooting up and down her spine like tiny needles. "I don't know if I can answer your question," she finished uselessly.
She focused her eyes on the tiny rose petals printed on her rug, hands clenched together, determined not to look Joey in the face.
She felt his hand clap down on her shoulder.
"Ya know ya can tell me anythin', right Tea?" he whispered truthfully.
A throbbing lump seemed to have formed in the very center of the brunette's throat, so that even if she had wanted to speak, she wasn't entirely sure it was possible.
"I mean, it can't be that bad," Joey continued. "Sure, Yug's a bit put-out, but he's not about ta quit bein' ya friend. Just tell me. Who's it that's got'cha so captivated?"
Tea's mouth went unmistakably dry. She almost thought she could hear the quick, fast-paced thudding of her own heart.
Why was this so complicated?
"Is it someone I know?" Joey asked, studying her intently through his chocolate brown eyes.
Tea squeezed her own blue ones shut and nodded. There was no possible way he could guess...
"Tristan? Bakura? Or..." Joey opened his mouth hesitantly, but closed it right away. Finally, looking pale and sheepish, he mustered up the strenght to say what was needed. "Me?"
"No." She let out a high-pitched, nervous giggle. "Don't worry, it's not any of you guys."
But Tea's words went far from relieving him. The teen soon began pacing around the room, causing her stomach to twist into an uncomfortable knot.
"Well...it's not like it's...Marik, or anyone, right?"
Tea's heart must have ceased beating completely. Marik had not been the person she had been expecting him to mention.
"No, Joey. I promise it's not Marik. But please-I think that's enough interrogation for one night. Here, I'll show you to the door..." Her voiced sounded weak, almost exhausted. She swallowed hard and got to her feet, sweeping over to the door in an instant.
"Tea..." Joey began, "I didn't mean ta insult ya or anythin'-"
The girl shook her head feverishly. "Don't worry, you didn't." She pushed the door open creakily and gave a false smile, praying that he'd given up on his curiosity and would leave.
"Just one more person. I know it's stupid ta ask, but there's no way that Kai-"
"Joey, I think you should leave!"
She had shouted loud enough to drown out Joey's last words, though she knew exactly what he had said.
Her breath was ragged and uneven. Joey's mouth fell open in horror, but Tea shoved him out of the room before he had even the slightest chance to retort.
She threw her entire weight on the door and pushed it forcefully closed, cutting her friend off completely. Panting, she slid down the door's rough wooden surface, burying her head in her knees.
Tears had already begun to form in her eyes, but she wiped them away angrily. They had shed enough this past week.
"Tea! Open up!" Joey demanded. But the brunette only clapped her hands over her ears and moaned. The awful thuds of Joey's fists against the door seemed to vibrate through the wood into the girl's very spine.
For a moment, time itself really did seem to stand still, but seconds later it was broken by her friend's quiet footsteps slowly receding down the hall.
&&&
"That's not true."
Seto dropped his head to his hands, abandoning his half-finished work and sighing loudly. A prickle of irritation ran through him as he stared up at the bright computer screen. Normally, his work could take his mind off anything, so why was it that she wouldn't leave?
It was childish, really. His mind was able to block out dying parents, crumbling orphanages, and abusive step-fathers, yet it was incapable of removing a simple, blue-eyed girl from memory.
Then again, he couldn't truly say that he had completely erased his past–not with the ugly presence of his diary's burnt ashes lying dormant in his fireplace back home.
He couldn't help but feel that...somehow...he had asked for all this torment. After all, hadn't he wished for someone to know his thoughts? Hadn't his journal's last entry clearly stated that he wanted someone to understand?
Seto cupped his long-fingered hands back over his face, allowing the cool, soothing darkness to sweep back over his face.
Emotion was like poetry. Flowery and useless. You didn't need it to survive. In fact, Seto found that it rather hindered one's life. How many people fell into depression a year?
Not that depression was anything he had in any way experienced. Perhaps Seto Hashishima, but definitely not him.
And yet, with all the hard core facts noted for how harmful and pointless emotion was,
why was it that this simple, nosy girl was causing some form of feeling to flicker in his empty soul?
"Mr. Kaiba? Mr. Kaiba, someone is here who wishes to see you."
Seto rose from his hazed thoughts and shot the intercom a quizzical look. He hadn't made any arrangements with any other corporations.
"Tell Mokuba I'm busy," he spoke into the machine before turning back to the computer.
"It's not Mokuba, sir. It's a young woman. She claims to know you from school."
Seto's mouth fell open slightly. It couldn't possibly be who he thought.
Author's Note: I think you all know who that is. Chapter 10 is going to be a very big turning point in this story. Certain people may even begin to open up... Please read and review! And no flames!