Sirius Counseling
Have you ever felt sad? Lonely? Like no one understood you?
Well you worries are over! Sirius Black, your Oracle reporter, is happy to report that a counseling service has been opened in Gryffindor for all those lovesick, heartbroken, over-stressed, and emotionally unstable teenage Gryffindors, run by none other than your own Sirius Black (voted Biggest Flirt, Handsomest Boy, Class Clown, Most Annoying for three years in a row, and one-fourth of those most likely to get in trouble).
Being a teenage wizard or witch is a difficult time in everyone's life--you feel like no one understands you or cares about you, you feel overstressed, you feel hormonally charged, and you feel like you need counseling. Sirius Black is here to help. With more than 20 certified mental problems himself, he is just the guy you want to talk to. I've been to so many psychologist I can give you their routine by heart, I could write you the textbook, and I know all the answers, which is just what you need to cope with your emotionally unstable years. I know the pressures of having a big break-up, worst enemies, gossip behind your back, jealousy, stress from school work, having detention (386 times), and all the other problems in your life.
Why go to expensive counselors that don't know you? I'm a Gryffindor, and I know that Gryffindors are a breed apart, and consequently know just how to deal with our mental problems. Don't go to some crackpot who doesn't know you--come to Sirius Black, who you know and trust.
Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...
Ask Moony
Dear Moony,
I've considered counseling with Sirius for my pyromaniacy. Should I? Can he really help me?
-New Pyromaniac
Dear New Pyromaniac,
NO! DON'T YOU DARE ENCOURAGE HIM! YOU'LL END UP GIBBERING IN THE HOSPITAL WING! I'VE HAD TO PUT UP WITH THIS CRAP FOR FOUR DAYS NOW AND SIRIUS IS GOING TO DIE SOON! But other than that, I would suggest ice cream, which is the anithesis of Sirius, despite their obvious love for each other. Opposites attract, you know.
Moony
Dear Moony,
What is the antithesis of a Care-Bear?
-wondering
Dear Wondering,
Snape.
Moony
Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!
Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...
Lion's Roar
Well the news this week is definately the census results. I was most offended to find out that I should be in Hufflepuff, but I can only put it down to Sirius rigging the votes. As the editor of the Oracle, I got to see many of your entries, and they were amusing. Well, onto the gossip.
Fiona Landon seems to be basking in the light of her 'Biggest Flirt' award. She seems to take this as a personal excuse to be a hooker at every possibility, and the only one immune to her flirting is the one she most wants to attract--James Potter and Sirius Black. Sirius went out with Fiona briefly before Christmas, but as many Sirius Fling of the Weeks, Fiona was left, heartbroken, in the dust while Sirius's short attention span moved on to another girl. Fiona seemed to take this as a personal insult, and since then has resulted to the lowest level of sluttiness to make Sirius pay attention to her. Needless to say, Sirius was too busy playing the psychologist and obsessing over green Jell-o and pink and purple bunnies to notice her.
Fiona Landon, angered, seems to have turned her attentions on James Potter, who--everyone knows--is hopelessly in love with Lily Evans, so her flirting had no effect at all. Now she is merely annoying the decent girls of Gryffindor with her prescense.
And despite the obvious lack of Lily-James-ship, Lily and James were indeed voted the cutest couple, which made me believe most of our readers love the amusing cuteness (and occasional loudness) of their relationship. Of course, despite their hand-holding incident last week, Lily seems to have gotten aggrevated at James, considering the amount of pumpkin juice he was wearing this morning, and they are no longer a couple. This 'cutest couple' award seems to only have put wood on Lily's fire of anger, so avoid her if you don't want detention.
This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar!
Lioness Poetry
The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the twenty sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem follows.
Identity
by Julio Noboa Polanco
Let them be as flowers,
always watered, fed, guarded, admired
but harness to a pot of dirt.
I'd rather be a tall, ugly weed
Clinging on cliffs, like an eagle
wind-wavering above high, jagged rocks.
To have broken through the surface of stone,
to live, to feel exposed to the madness of
the vast eternal sky.
To be swayed by the breezes of an ancient sea
carrying my soul, my seed,
beyond the mountains of time or into the abyss of the bizarre.
I'd rather be unseen,
and if, then shunned by everyone
then be a pleasant-smelling flower
growing in clusters in the fertile valley
where they're praised, handled, and plucked
by greedy human hands.
I'd rather smell of musty green stench
than of sweet, fragrant lilac
If I could stand alone, strong and free
I'd rather be a tall, ugly weed.
House Points Currently:
Gryffindor: 410
Hufflepuff: 426
Slytherin: 415
Ravenclaw: 444
All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 290, 18th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. The poem Identity copyright Julio Noboa Polanco, used without permission as I don't know if she still exists and where or when.
Notebook: Love you all, you know that. No winners in the Lioness contest yet, thou keep trying! Review with an answer, and if it's right, I'll email you and tell you. So leave an email. Otherwise it's pointless. The poem is a real poem, called Identity, by Julio Noboa Polanco, and it belongs to her. If I could hit three hundred, that would be nice, but expect more chapters tomorrow, as there is no school (YAY! JOY! LOVE! HAPPINESS! REJOICING!).