Cheerleading Sensations
This is Sirius Black, your Oracle Reporter, here to report on an amusing and disturbing incident that happened Tuesday morning. All the Gryffindors had come downstairs for breakfast, thinking it would be a normal day, but they couldn't be more wrong.
A short while after all the Gryffindors had been seated at the Gryffindor Table, the doors of the Great Hall burst open to reveal several well known Slytherins, such as Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Black, and Severus Snape, all dressed in gold turtlenecks with red sleeves, emblazoned with a lion and a scarlet 'G'. But the most disturbing aspect of this uniform was not the red-and-gold pom-poms they carried, or even the fact that they were wearing Gryffindor colors. No, the most disturbing fact was not even the fact that they were wearing gold underwear! The most disturbing fact was that they were all wearing red miniskirts--and they all looked incredibly like cheerleaders.
Cheerleaders, your amused reporter found out, are muggle atheletes who's purpose is to cheer on the players of any muggle game--basketball, football, whatever. And they are usually girls. They lead the crowd in cheers, which is just what they did, leading the entire Gryffindor Table in a re-endition of: "Gy Lions! Beat Snakes! Go Lions! Beat Snakes!"
They did several other cheers, and then Snape performed a series of acrobatic flips that were simply amazing--a "cartwheel, front flip, back handspring, and back tuck" according to experts--and then Snivellus...Severus and Narcissa were hoisted in the air by one leg, showing off a disturbing amount of underwear.
All the Slytherins were promptly given detentions, because of course they could not have done this by any way other than their free will. "Sure, it was weird and out of character," Marie Nalon shrugged, "but unless someone used the Imperious Curse--and I doubt it, just for a prank--or hypnotized them or something..."
For now, all Gryffindor Students can do is wonder. And be amused or disgusted--take your pick.
Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...
Ask Moony
Dear Moony,
I am currently in the hospital wing in the form of a pink donkey and have to dictate this letter to my friend. This is the fault of a certain 'greasy-haired git' in Slytherin. I am extremely P.O'ed, and I wondered if you had any ideas for REVENGE? >|-]
-Revenge Will Be Slow and Extremely PAINFUL!! Muahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Dear Revenge,
He sleeps with a fluffy teddy bear called 'Snuggles'. Spread it around.
You will pay for this!
-I Do *Not* Sleep With a Teddy Bear (aka Snape)
Dear Teddy Bear,
My mistake, it's a stuffed bunny isn't it? ^_^
-Moony
(all the above form Luinramwen)
Dear Moony,
How come you never answer my letters? Why is the sky blue? Why do eggs have yolks? Why can I not stop reading green eggs and ham?
-Questioning
Dear ??????????,
Because....I don't feel like it. The sky is blue because the amount of nitrogen in the atmosphere is more than any other gas and nitrogen happens to reflect and scatter blue more than any other gas. Eggs have yolks so you can eat them. I think you need to get counsling from Sirius.
Moony
Dear Moony,
I am a Slytherin female who reads this paper. Since I
know you will be wondering why, I will be blunt and
say that the Slytherin paper is simply horrible. (As a
side note, if any Gryffindors would like to ask
questions and/or throw insults at me, just publish a
meeting time and place.) Great apologies for the long,
but necessary, introduction. My question is this, how
can I get a certain Gryffindor boy to like me? Before
you think I am mistaking this column for a romance
advice column, let me clarify. I am not talking about
romantic love, merely wanting the boy in question to
not desire me dead every time we cross paths.
-Hopeless?
PS: I personally have been enjoying the pranks on
Slytherin (as Lioness said, Slytherins have no
loyalty).
(from PryncessD)
Dear Hopeless,
I wonder what the Sorting Hat was smoking when it sorted you....isn't that always the question? My advice--if he's Sirius, send him some green Jell-o, if he's not, send him anonymous notes from an un-identified person of an un-identified house and discuss the matter. Then tell him it's you--he'll change his opinion.
Moony
Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!
Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...
Lion's Roar
Well, Sirius has a new fling of the week! Sarah Faye Angele (SerephAngel, cameo apperance), of Gryffindor, is hiw new girlfriend. But unlike many of Sirius's past girlfriends, this one has been met with aproval by much of the house. Sarah is a fifth year, and the reasons for this romantic meeting are quite amusing.
"It was hilarious," Marie Nalon said, smiling. "She walked up to him and said, 'I like your socks.' I think Sirius fell in love with her just because of the socks." But who knows how long this crush will last? Sarah is a beauty, with black hair and dark eyes, and the two have been seen all over the common room, like most of Sirius's past flings.
And Lily and James are at it again. I don't know why I even bother to write about those two anymore, because it's happening so much none of the Gryffindors actually care. Anyway, James tried to put his arm around Lily, Lily smacks him, da-da-da-da-da...anyway. Remus finally (finally!) sent a Goldnote to Aladdin, which she took in private. She and Remus both refused to tell anyone what it said (as did Marie, Natalie, and Megan, for privacy's sake), but Aladdin came out in tears and enjoyed a very long snog with her long-time boyfriend. Love is in the air. This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar!
Lioness Poetry
The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the twelve sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! Her favorite appears below.
An Ode To Lily
Lovelier than her namesake, her gorgeous nose
In purest white, like driven snows
Like a calm sea, then a wild hurriccane
You hear her sweet voice, like gentle rain.
-Anonymous
House Points Currently:
Gryffindor: 410 Hufflepuff: 426
Slytherin: 415 Ravenclaw: 444
All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 365, 20th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters.
Notebook: I wrote this in...oh, an hour. I'm in Flordia right now, so I had the hardest time getitng all this. Blarg. But I got one cameo appearance in...SeraphAngel, your email was weird, so sorry I didn't get back to you. But here you are! Enjoy, all.