Chapter 4

Everything Else

Edwina's eyes opened wide and she sat frozen, staring at him. Finally she spoke hesitantly, "How…how awful for you."

Remus, who had obviously expected a very different reaction, did not continue his explanation.

"Do you, I mean, what can you do about the changes? Isn't it horribly painful? Can they do something to help you?"

"I take a potion as the full moon approaches. It doesn't do anything for the pain, but it makes me safe. I still transform, but I am not dangerous."

"Oh Professor, is that all that they can do? There isn't a cure or anything they can do so it won't hurt you?"

Remus made a wry face and said sadly, "No. Even this potion that I take now is a very new development. Since I am able to keep my mind when I transform, there is not quite as much damage."

Edwina placed a small, pale hand on Remus', which was now resting on the table. "But it must have been safe or we wouldn't have married, right?"

"I suppose that is true, yes." Pulling back his hand and stepping slightly away from the bed, Remus cleared his throat and said nervously, "There is something else that you need to know, as well." After firmly fixing his eyes on Edwina's face, he stiffly continued, "You are two months pregnant."

Edwina blinked her eyes several times and pressed herself back against the headboard again. She peered seriously at his face for several moments before responding, "Oh. We are going to have a baby?"

"Yes. The Healer assured me that the child was unharmed by whatever spell-casting was performed on you."

"Oh, well, that is good then." She sat thinking for a few moments, fully aware that Remus was watching her carefully. Finally Edwina looked up with a hurt expression and asked softly, "You aren't happy about it, are you?"

"I do want children with you, Edwina, very much. However, I'm worried about you."

"Why? I thought you said that the baby was healthy. I'm not sick am I? Breochaid doesn't affect having children does it?"

"I suppose that it is possible. Perhaps there are some potions or charms to ease pregnancy or birth that might not be advisable with Breochaid, but you should be able to have this baby without any problems if you follow all your normal precautions. The Healers said that you are in excellent health, Winnie."

"Then, well, what is it that worries you?"

Remus took a deep breath and schooled his features to hide his annoyance. He didn't know why he felt so frustrated. All of her questions were reasonable and the way she had reacted to his admission about his condition had been nothing like he had expected. She didn't appear to have been disgusted at all. "I am worried about you, Edwina. This is an incredible situation in which to suddenly find yourself. It must be quite a lot to digest all at once. I can understand if you need some time to sort out everything."

Edwina could see that Remus was genuinely concerned, although she wasn't sure that he was telling the whole truth about what was bothering him. She sighed softly and asked, "Well what do I do? Where do I go now?"

"Well I..." Remus frowned. Edwina could see that he hadn't expected her question. "Nothing has changed for me, Edwina. Your home has been with me for the last three months and it is still your home if you want it to be. You do not have to stay with me however. I am sure that your family or your friends would welcome you, or else I will move back with my best friend and you can remain in the house. I suppose it depends on what will make you the most comfortable."

"We had only been married for three months?"

"Yes."

"I thought...well I've been out of school for a year and a half, so I thought it had been longer."

"No. We only began our relationship just over six months ago."

Edwina looked curiously at him as she lay silently on the hospital bed.

"It was a very quick courtship."

"Would you tell me how it was?" Edwina could see Remus' struggle for composure and wondered why her request had upset him.

"I will, yes. I don't think that I can...right now, however. Perhaps later, I don't think that it would be a good plan at the moment." Remus saw the crushed expression on Edwina's face and had to fight with himself to keep control. He had to leave in less than 15 minutes in order to be back at the cottage with enough time. "I'm afraid that I have to leave soon, Edwina. Tonight is full moon."

"Oh! Of course, I hadn't realised. Does that mean that you will be gone a while?"

"I should be able to come back two days from now. I need at least one full night of rest after the full moon before I am healed enough."

Speaking almost to herself, Edwina sighed, "It is that bad then."

Edwina's voice had been full of pity, but Remus could not find any comfort in her concern. The refrain that had been constantly shouted inside his mind since speaking with the Healer that morning was getting continually louder the longer he remained in the room with her. He was barely able to keep track of what she said. Almost all he heard were two sentences repeating in his mind. Remus replied, "Sometimes it is worse. But I am used to it, Edwina. It is alright." Remus suddenly noticed what the object was that Edwina had been turning over on top of the eiderdown. It was her wedding ring.

Edwina saw Remus' face twitch and followed his gaze to the heavy, old fashioned gold ring that was in her hand. "It is very beautiful, sir. I've never seen one quite like this, but I like it. It feels different; like there is something special about it."

Remus said carefully, "You and I chose to cast charms, Edwina. You are feeling the Charm when you handle the ring."

"Of course. I should have thought of that. It is such a beautiful ring."

"It was my great-grandmother's and later my mother's." Remus saw a slight smile on Edwina's lips and tried not to remember how she had reacted after the wedding when she looked at her ring. Unbidden, the memories of their wedding day flooded back causing Remus to have to lean on the back of the chair beside the bed.

"May I...should I still wear it? Do you want me to give it back to you until we...?"

Remus cut her off quickly, "No, I do not want it back, Winnie. It is yours."

"I only meant that since I don't remember anything that maybe you might not want me to..."

"I understand what you meant, Winnie. But my feelings for you have not changed. It will not be me who chooses to end our marriage. I am sorry, but I must leave now. I know that you have more things to ask and I will do my best to answer every question that you have when I return." Remus saw that Edwina was both hurt and confused, so he repeated softly, "I will return, Winnie. If I could stay here, please believe me that I would. Do you understand?"

Edwina nodded and looked down at the ring in her hand. Ever since she had pulled the ring off to examine it, she had felt as if she were missing something important. It was the same sensation she had got in school when she felt that she had forgot an important assignment, but hadn't yet remembered what it was. Edwina slipped the ring back on her hand and the sensation of uneasiness instantly disappeared.

Remus noticed the surprise on her face as she put on her ring and understood that she must have the same reaction to removing her ring that he did with his. He had only ever removed it at the full moon and each time he had felt physically miserable. It was a common result of the Charm they had used, but it relieved him to know that Edwina had a reaction, too. That meant that she had at least felt something for him when they cast the Charm.

"I will be back as soon as I can, Edwina. You will be having some visitors, as well." Remus suddenly pulled out his wand and waved it in a short arc toward the window, causing a small silvery globe to hover in the air emitting a shimmering light from its surface. "I have to go. Now. I'm sorry, my love, I will be back soon."

Remus left the room at a run, leaving Edwina staring at the back of the hospital door through which he had passed.