Mysterious Disappearing Doorknobs
A mysterious happening is happening all over the school, and it has alarmed countless people. "I don't understand it," Kerry Johnson told your reporter with wide, frightened eyes. "I reach for it...but it's not there! It disappears!"
Indeed, many students of Hogwarts have been traumatized by mysterious disappearing doorknobs. (And besides that, there are exactly twenty two Sickles stuck to the floor outside the Great Hall, unremovable by anyone). Disappearing doorknobs are described by Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor House, as: "a childish prank, foolish and traumatizing already overstressed students."
But is it really that harsh?
"I don't see any harm with it," James Potter, Gryffindor Quidditch Team Captain said nonchalantly. "I mean, sure it's a little childish, but then again it's all in fun, right? And if you're going to be 'traumatized' by a disappearing doorknob, you're obviously under too much stress anyway."
Indeed, most people seem to agree with Potter's statements. "I don't see anything dangeorus in it," Seventh Year Alice Remerta said frankly. "I mean, sure it's childish, but not dangerous as McGonagall makes it out to be." Are disappearing doorknobs really evil? Your Sirius Black thinks not.
Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...
Ask Moony
Dear Moony,
My friend says the sky is blue because of light reflecting off the ocean. I tried to tell him he was wrong and that it had something to do with gases. I also told him the ocean isn't blue. The blue comes from reflection of the sky. How do I convince him that I am right?
-Annoyed with Friend
(from Little-lost-one)
Dear Annoyed with Friend,
Stop sending contridactory messages. Tell your friend that the ocean is really purple, and he's colorblind. That always freaks them out.
Moony
Dear Moony,
James is ignoring me and it is starting to scare me. I don't mind him leaving me alone, but what has caused this sudden change.
-Lily
(from Little-lost-one)
Dear Lily,
In the words of a third grader: That's for us to know and you to find out. Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah nyah-nyah!
Moony
Dear Moony,
Can you get James to stop ignoring Lily? She keeps going on about how James is ignoring her. The other day she confessed that it was weird for her not to be pestered by James and that she sort of missed him. Okay, well she didn't exactly say that she missed him, but she implied it.
-Lily's Dorm mates
(from Little-lost-one)
Dear Lily's Dorm mates,
Don't tell anyone, but James will soon be paying attention to Lily. This is going exactly as accorded to plan...Mwhahahahahaha!
Moony
Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!
Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...
Lion's Roar
Well, things are getting interesting this week. It is Valentine's Day at long last and couples are EVERYWHERE. James and Lily are almost as pathetic as ever. First of all, just when Lily had broken up with her one-week boyfriend Doug Sanders, James came up to her in the middle of the common room and said: "Lily, you're a bitch and for all I care you can burn in Hell."
Oh my gosh! What went wrong here? If James had hoped to make Lily infatuated with him by playing hard-to-get, he was not far wrong. Despite the protests of many Gryffindors to Lily that "he loves you!" Lily was heard saying: "I would never, never, never never ever go out with James Potter in a million years. I hate him with the power of a thousand suns."
Some even suggest that James was merely staging the entire thing to get Sirius to quit bugging him about Lily, but it didn't work. James approached Lily later, trying to explain that this was exactly what he was doing, but Lily didn't buy it. "I don't give a damn if you are Quidditch Captain, James Potter," she shouted. "If you're going to act like you're ashamed to be around me, that's your problem! Leave me alone and go back to your pathetic friends!"
Poor, poor James. Ah well, better luck next time. But in odder news, Lily's past boyfriend Doug Sanders has admirers. Tara Kingsley is reported to be going after the handsome sandy-haired boy now, but sources report that Doug likes Fiona Landon, who still has her sights set on Sirius! This is turning into a soap opera!
This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar!
Lioness Tip of the Day
Don't accept a gift from the Marauders. Ever.
The Lioness
House Points Currently:
Gryffindor: 312
Hufflepuff: 367
Slytherin: 414
Ravenclaw: 357
All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 367, 22nd edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters.
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Ask Moony is now posted at fictionalley, at the address . Review there for all Ask Moony stuff.
For anyone who's wondering about James ignoring Lily and pretending he hates her, read Girl Scouts and all will be clear.