An OOC Fanfic written by Kawaii Fantasy and Akuhei no Kyouwa
Love – noun. An action that eventually leads up to either A) Death; B) Murder; C) Jail; D) Plots of Revenge
Disclaimer: We do not own any of the characters of the animes and games mentioned in this fanfic. We only own the plot.
Author's Note: This is a plot that Kawaii and I (Akuhei) came up with randomly. It was a lot of fun to make and hopefully equally as fun to read for all of you. The contents of this story are really random and leave a lot to the imagination. There are a lot of pairings! Now I have the pleasure of listing them for you. InuKik, KouAya, RyuMim, EdWin, RoyRiz, CloAer and TidYun. Most of you probablydon't agree with most of those pairings, but you should read on anyway. All of the people listed abovewith the addition of Al,Cougar, Kazuma,Sesshomaru, and a surprise guest, will be mixed and matched with each other. Trust me, they won't be with thesame people all the time.
Chapter One…Arrival
Group One…the Extravagant Suite
Ryuhou, Mimori, Kazuma, and Cougar stepped out of their rental car and started walking towards the check-in at the resort for their reservations.
"Hey Minori-san, looks like your shorts are riding up your ass. Need help getting them down?" Cougar innocently asked a horror-struck Mimori.
"Mimori desu. AND EXCUSE YOU, BASTARD!" she screamed at him. Kazuma snickered. Ryuhou apparently didn't notice, or decided not to. They finally made their way into the lobby of the 5-star hotel they were planning on staying in.
"Good afternoon, we reserved two rooms here under the name of HOLY." Ryuhou stated matter-of-factly to the desk clerk.
"Excuse me? Holy? As in God! TERRORISTS!" Just then, a group of Muslims walked in, heard the remark, and quickly left to find a different, less racist hotel to stay in. (A/N: we're Muslim, so don't think we're bashing or anything…it's just a stupid joke dammit, PUT DOWN THE EXPLOSIVES!)
"No. Not in the name of God…as in under the name of the organization HOLD/HOLY."
"Oh." the clerk started searching through the reservations, "no, you guys don't have a reservation."
"YOU'RE SO MEAN!" Mimori cried and ran, sobbing, into the men's bathroom. Noticing her mistake, she ran back out and into the ladies' room.
"Okaaaay…" a confused Kazuma said slowly. "Talk about hormones…"
"Maybe I should go comfort her…" Cougar thought aloud.
"NO!" Kazuma and Ryuhou screamed in unison. By this time, the desk clerk looked horribly confused and slightly hysterical.
"So," he continued in a mock-cheery voice, "you don't have a reservation. Sorry. Buuuut, I know of a Motel-5 across the street with a less-than-acceptable suit you can stay in."
"Don't you mean suite?" Kazuma asked, more confused than ever.
"NO! I never finished grad school, so sue me." The clerk replied looking close to tears.
"Okaaay…" Just then, Mimori walked out of the ladies' room with a burger and drink in hand.
"Where the hell did you get that?" Kazuma asked her. This was just not his day…
"Ummmm…Barney gave it to me."
"Hey, don't trust that purple dinosaur," Ryuhou warned, "last time I asked that guy for some cola, he gave me some spiked juice." Mimori stared at him for a while, before the desk clerk interrupted.
"You guys need to get out of here, we got some more customers. Oh, and the owners of the Motel-5 are an elderly couple who happen to stay in a beautiful, rather large suit…here."
"You mean suite…" Kazuma noted, making the clerk break down in tears, sending him to the men's restroom to recuperate.
Taking this grand opportunity, Cougar yelled after him, "can you get me a McFlurry and double cheeseburger while you're in there?"
"Hey guys…" Mimori whispered eagerly. "If the owners of the Motel-5 are staying here and about to croak, we might as well speed up the process. Then, we can steal their room!" Everyone stared at her in disbelief.
"Well I'm game." Kazuma replied to her inquiry. Ryuhou nodded in agreement.
"CAN'T TOUCH THIS!" Cougar screamed loudly, alarming everyone else in the lobby.
"I'll take that as a yes…" Mimori noted, and the three set off to find the extravagant suite, leaving a dancing Cougar in the lobby.
Group Two… "DIE!"
Inuyasha, Kikyou, Kouga, Ayame, and Sesshomaru rolled out of Inuyasha's pimpin' minivan. Yes, they rolled. Literally.
"Dude, I feel like a soccer mom…" Kouga said, stepping out of the driver's seat. If you're wondering why Inuyasha isn't driving his car, it's because he was too busy supervising the others. He's very protective of his baby.
"Speak for yourself. I feel like a soccer ball…" Ayame responded after rolling in the trunk for five hours straight. Inuyasha had thrown her back there after she dropped a few crumbs on his hott leather seats. Like we said, protective…
"Shut up. Let's just go in for the goddamn reservations." Sesshomaru impatiently commanded. The four set off to enter the lobby, while Inuyasha stayed behind, eyeing every inch of his car for a scratch.
They approached a devastated looking desk clerk, a box of tissues at hand. No one bothered to ask what the hell was the matter with him…no one seemed to care anyway.
"Give us our reservations!" an agitated Kikyou forced, "Please?" she added as an afterthought. This caused the desk clerk to sniffle.
"Under what name?" he asked, rather hesitantly.
"Half-demon-dog-breath-who-is-destined-to-be-exiled-from-the-family-honor-and-restrained-from-eating-biscuits-that-are-good-but-not-for-him," she replied, while Sesshomaru smirked in agreement. It was lucky for them Inuyasha turned up as soon as she had finished talking.
"Half-demon?" the clerk responded, wide-eyed. "WHAT'S WITH ALL THE TERRORISTS!" Kikyou pulled out her bow and arrow and aimed at the desk clerk.
"I mean…right away ma'am," he said quickly, afraid of the possible consequences if he denied.
"She's still a little touchy after that…incident…" Ayame informed the poor man. Kikyou turned her aim to Inuyasha.
"DIE INUYASHA!" she screamed, her face turning pink from anger.
"WHY THE HELL DID YOU REMIND HER YOU IDIOT!" Inuyasha asked Ayame, who had joined Sesshomaru and Kouga on the couch, a bowl of popcorn in her hands. Inuyasha and Kikyou glared at the three.
"Ummm…anyway…you guys don't have a reservation…" the clerk spat out before diving under the counter to avoid certain death.
"What the hell!" Inuyasha yelled.
"B-but t-there is a Motel-5 across the street…" the clerk suggested, standing back up, "the owners are currently staying at a suit here…you can go talk to them about it."
"Ummmm…don't you mean suite?" Kouga asked innocently. At this the man ran back into the men's restroom. "Ummmm…did I say something?" The others merely stared at him, just as confused as he was.
"Well, I say we get rid of the goddamn bastards running the Motel-5 and steal their room," Inuyasha said bluntly.
"Whatever. As long as we stay somewhere…" Ayame replied. Kouga and Sesshomaru agreed as well.
"Kikyou?" Inuyasha asked.
"DIE!"
"Okaay then…so it's settled!" The five set off to destroy the owners of the Motel-5 and steal their beautiful suite…or as our friend the desk clerk would say…suit.
Group Three…Bottled up AngerEdward, Alphonse, Winry, Roy, and Riza jumped out of Roy's new Mustang convertible… (A/N: see the pun here? HAHAHAHAHAHA…okay sorry. We've had a bit too much sake. cough JOKING JOKING. No sake…sadly) and walked into the lobby of a magnificent hotel.
"Wow…this place is kinky." Roy said, studying the lobby.
"What the hell? Kinky?" Riza asked, dumbfounded.
"Whatever…" Winry said, agitated. All the way to the hotel, Riza and Roy had been arguing and fighting about the most useless things ever, including a jar of peanut butter, plastic fighting umbrellas, and purple, albino hippos. Yes, we are just as confused as you are…
"Hurry up all ready," Ed commanded impatiently.
"Brother…remember what the doctor told you…no yelling. If you want to get rid of bottled up anger, we can buy you ice cream to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside! And POOF! No more anger!" Al suggested. Ed sweatdropped, and everyone else stared at Al. "I'M ONLY TRYING TO HELP!" Al wailed.
"Anyway…" Winry started, walking up to the clerk who seemed to have puffy, red eyes. Has he been crying? What a baby… Winry thought to herself as she proceeded to verify their reservation.
"Hi!" she said cheerfully, hoping the man would lighten up. "We have three rooms reserved under the name of pipsqueak."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE CAN'T BE SEEN OVER A PILE OF ROY'S PAPERWORK!" Ed screamed in the background.
"Ummm…Ed? No one can be seen over Roy's paperwork…" Riza commented. Roy glared at her.
"Okay, well do you have the reservations?" Winry proceeded to interrogate the clerk, who seemed to be getting more and more nervous by the second. He hurriedly shifted through his papers, hoping this woman didn't carry a bow and arrow.
"No, I'm sorry, you five don't seem to have a room," he quickly picked up a stack of papers shielding his face, hoping she didn't have a gun. Unfortunately for him, the other woman did. She pulled it out and aimed it at him.
"Give us another room. NOW!" Riza yelled, losing her patience.
"Now who has all the bottled up anger!" Ed snickered…as quietly as possible so that she wouldn't hear him. Lucky for him, she didn't. The clerk started shaking violently at the thought of losing his head…and job.
"T-T-There i-is an-another hotel ac-cross the s-street from here," he managed to spit out, still shaking, "t-the o-owners are s-staying here in one of our s-suits…s-so you have t-to go find th-them."
"Ummm…don't you mean suites?" Al inquired.
"WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE AGAINST GRAD SCHOOL DROPOUTS!" he screamed and threw his paperwork at the five, wailing in another clerk's arms."
"….the hell?" Ed questioned.
"What a little baby! He doesn't have his mom here so he grabs another clerk? He doesn't know what it's like to live without your mommy while growing up!" Winry sobbed while Al tried to comfort her to no avail. Ed started twitching at the sudden contact between Al and Winry. Roy, clearly amused by all the commotion, tried to hide his laughter, while Riza glared at him for being so insensitive.
"What are you crying about! WE LOST OUR PARENTS TOO!" Ed screamed, almost in tears himself. At this, Roy positively burst with laughter. Al scooted himself and Winry over and put another arm around his brother, tears in his eyes as well.
"WELL I LOST MINE FIRST!" Winry yelled back, spitting on Al in the process. Al, seeing as this would start another huge argument, split the two apart. Eventually, it led to Ed and Winry having a time-out for improper use of bottled up anger and wrench.
Finally, after everyone was on good terms again, Al came up with an idea.
"Nii-san, why don't we kindly ask the couple in charge of the hotel if we may use their suite?" Al asked Ed, who just stared back.
"Ummmm…how about we just jack them off and take their sweet."
"HOW DIRTY!" Winry screamed.
"NO, NOT THAT WAY!" Ed yelled defensively. And thus, this led to a second time-out. Eventually, the five decided to go with Ed's plan, because it was far more interesting than Al's. Before they left, however, they shoved Ed and Winry in a closet together, as further punishment for releasing their bottled up anger and wrenches.
"We'll come back for them later…" Roy said as they set off.
Group Four…A Taser for your Thoughts?Cloud, Aeris, Tidus, and Yuna all climbed off the private jet they 'borrowed' from the guy from the lance commercial to enter a high-class hotel.
"That was AWESOME!" Cloud exclaimed happily, "WE WERE FLYING THROUGH DA CLOUDZ!" Aeris, afraid he'd burst with joy, tasered him and continued walking. The three (Cloud was still stunned) walked into the lobby of the hotel and up to the desk clerk. The desk clerk looked as if someone had just tasered him as well…he sat on his desk, yes, ON, sucking his thumb and mumbling to himself in a fetal position.
Unsure of how to approach him, the three decided to have Cloud talk to him.
"Ummm…hi. Do you have our reservations?" Cloud asked, rather hesitantly.
"Heehee hic reservations? Under what hic name?"
Cloud stared at the man unsurely… "Ummm…Tifa-has-a-bigger-rack-than-Aeris-but-I-seem-to-be-dating-her-anyway." Aeris tasered Cloud yet again, and proceeded to finish talking to the clerk in his place.
"At least your trunk isn't as chunky as Yuna's," Tidus remarked, trying to make Aeris feel better. Apparently he didn't consider how Yuna would take this, as she whipped out her hair spray (A/N: how else does she maintain her hair? …trust Akuhei, she knows…), pointing the nozzle menacingly at him. He shut up instantly.
"Anyway," Aeris continued, stepping on Cloud's face as she walked nearer to the clerk, "do you have our reservations? We ordered two rooms."
"What is it with you people lying to me! NO ONE TODAY HAS ACTUALLY RESERVED A ROOM!" the clerk yelled, finally losing patience.
"No…we reserved two," Tidus replied proudly, not catching how stupid he must sound. Everyone stared at him for a moment.
"Ummm…well could you give us a room then?" Yuna asked.
"No, could you give us TWO rooms?" Tidus corrected her. Yuna sprayed him in the eyes and he fell screaming. The clerk leaned over to get a better look at the two men twitching uncontrollably on the floor. Suddenly he came back to his senses.
"Oh, we don't have any more rooms, but the Motel-5 across the street has one you could sleep in. You have to find the owners, though. They have a suit here." The clerk said.
"Don't you mean suite?" Cloud asked, finally getting up. The clerk ran from his desk, whipping out his blanky while sucking his thumb.
"I QUIT!" He screamed. Everyone stared after him.
"What's with him?" Tidus asked, also standing.
"Well, I say we go interrogate the owners of the hotel and FORCE them to give up their rooms," said Yuna, pulling out her hairspray again. And so the four set off, Tidus and Cloud only following in order not to get tasered and/or sprayed in the eyes again…
Author's Note: We already have the next 10 chapters written, but please comment to let us know what you think. We need to know whether we should bother posting up any more. Flames are welcome but only with a good explanation behind them. We are looking for awesome reviews and constructive criticism!