Chapter 6

When Edwina tumbled out of the fireplace grate she fell into a small, bright room that was lined on two sides with tall, dark wood bookcases filled with rows of leather-bound books. The bookcases had traditional runes carved deep into the edges of the shelves, which spelt out something in a Germanic language that Edwina did not know. Edwina did recognise the pictures that were carved into the bookcase ends. She stepped closer and saw a panel showing the gaping jaws of Fenris devouring the world at Ragnarok and she shivered. She remembered how frightening those stories had been when her Aunt Ælfflede would read them at night. When Edwina stood back and looked at the rest of the room however, she saw that the furniture was old and sparse, yet everything was very clean and well pressed or polished. It looked rather nice, she thought. The curtains were sort of pretty and there were some pictures...Edwina bent down to look at one and saw it was herself looking up into the face of Remus Lupin with a completely worshipful expression. The picture-Lupin was first smiling at real-Edwina and then stealing a proud, almost dazed glance at the picture-Edwina. She heard Lupin arrive behind her and turned to face him. "Is this our home?"

"Yes."

Edwina smiled genuinely, "It is nice."

"Yes, I think that you and Molly Weasley did an excellent job with what I had."

Edwina could see the extreme discomfort that Lupin appeared to be feeling and asked, "Are we going to stay here? Do you have to go somewhere, I mean?"

"No, we aren't going anywhere. Why do you ask?"

"Could we talk a little? I feel like we ought."

"Are you hungry?"

"Only a little. They served me breakfast only just before you came. Maybe if we could make some tea?"

Lupin was standing watching her, his free hand gripping the back of a chair. "Yes, that is a good idea. Follow me." Lupin slowly moved into the hallway and led Edwina through it to a small dining room. He pushed one of the chairs back under the table with the end of his cane as they walked past it into the room at the far end of the house. Edwina immediately smiled when she saw the yellow and white kitchen with its gleaming, though ancient cooker and highly burnished cupboards and floors. It felt good to be in here. She saw that there were two pots of Wodensbane on the windowsill and smiled. Those must be hers. Edwina walked to where a shining copper kettle was set on the old Aga and picked it up to fill it. When she turned to place it back on the hob she saw that Lupin had already lit the flame.

Edwina smiled shyly at him and said, "Where are the tea things?" Lupin gestured to a white dresser that had an odd assortment of crockery lined up neatly on the shelf boards. He reached on top of one of the cupboards and pulled down a Japanese style lacquer tray with a shiny red interior and placed it on the counter by the cooker. Edwina had not yet moved towards the dresser, so Lupin summoned a large pewter teapot and then two plates. Edwina reached over and picked up two teacups, neither matched the other, but their saucers at least matched the cups. She placed them next to the plates and watched as Lupin rummaged in a cupboard pulling down a tin of tea and finally a strainer. "Where is the milk?"

"There is a cold cupboard behind you. Did you want some biscuits or something?" Edwina nodded eagerly. She was really very hungry. "I believe that there is half of a shepherd's pie in that cupboard if you would like some of it." Edwina pulled out both the pitcher of milk and a plate with several meagre slices of pie on it. The gravy looked slightly grey and she wondered if maybe she ought to ask for something else when she noticed that the cupboard that Lupin was looking through was almost completely bare. The cold cupboard had only a smallish lump of butter, the milk, and four eggs in addition to the pie. Edwina suddenly realised that Remus Lupin must be very poor. He had said that she and Molly Weasley had "done the best with what (he) had." He must have meant that there had been very little with which to work. "I've found a wrapper of orange crèmes."

"Ooo yum, I like those."

Remus Lupin was placing the four crème biscuits on one plate and emptied another wrapper of eight broken oat biscuits onto the other plate. "I know you don't like Nairns, but if you want some of them anyway you may have them."

Edwina shook her head vehemently and made a face. Oat biscuits always made her think of Great-Aunt Edwina's house. It was unfortunate how much she had disliked her namesake, since the elderly lady really had a fondness for Edwina. Great-Aunt Edwina would have been happy to have Edwina to stay at her sprawling estate in Northern Scotland over holidays, which should have been better than the unhappy Leighton home. But Great-Aunt Edwina had firmly believed that Breochaidie witches should not be allowed to do anything that would tax their body in any way, so Edwina had not been allowed to do anything for herself. The house elf had even been ordered to help her dress, which Edwina had found unbearably fussy. Therefore Edwina had always politely refused the kindly meant invitations to visit her Great-Aunt.

Edwina noticed that Lupin continued to look at her surreptitiously as he poured the hot water over the tea leaves and returned the kettle to the cooker. She wondered what he was worried about, since his face seemed frozen in a nervous frown. "I have a little chocolate in my case, as well."

"Don't you want any?"

"I still shouldn't have any for a day to be sure."

"Is it...oh, because of the full moon?"

"Chocolate makes a werewolf ill near the full moon, yes."

Edwina sat down at the little whitewashed table in the corner of the kitchen and tried firmly not to cry. This house was supposed to be her home. She ought to know what foods her "husband" liked or couldn't eat and where they kept the cutlery and what food was in the house. "Tonks told me that you were always afraid that I was too young for you. If you originally thought that I was too young, what changed your mind?"

Lupin looked up with surprise and said honestly, "You did. It wasn't that I didn't always find you extremely attractive Winnie. Believe me that I did. But I am very aware of what I am and also what little I have to offer to any woman, no matter what her age. I could not in conscience pursue a relationship with you, especially since I thought you might be too young to really understand what you would be starting."

"Is that what bothered you about my age?"

"That was not the only thing. It was hard to imagine that a 19 year old witch was going to be happy with a 35 year old academic, darling. It was a long time ago that I was your age and I have always had my head in a book."

"It sounds as if you thought I was rather silly. I wonder why you liked me then?"

Lupin laughed mirthlessly. "No. I think that my fears had very little to do with you and everything to do with me. I would have kept my distance, but you approached me for which I shall always be grateful. Your mother was furious."

"Oh dear yes, I'm sure."

"You haven't asked about your parents."

"They're both dead, why would I?"

Remus Lupin dropped the knife with which he had been spreading jam and asked sharply, "How did you know that?"

"Well, they were...well I don't know. I just know it. Mum, no, Father disappeared and Mother killed herself?"

"Yes, but that happened only two months ago, Edwina."

"Oh! And I remember!"

Lupin stood over her and looked intently into her eyes, "Look into my eyes. Look up." Edwina looked up uneasily into his light brown eyes. "Legilmens. Keep looking!"

Edwina pulled away, "Why? You're scaring me."

"Look into my eyes again. I'm not going to hurt you Winnie."

Edwina turned her eyes back to his and immediately began to feel dizzy and slightly queasy. She felt herself thinking of her last year in school then of the summer before fifth year then about waking up next to him that first morning then back to her last year at Hogwarts when she was sitting in Lupin's classroom..."Stop! What are you doing? Please stop!" Edwina closed her eyes tightly and choked back a sob of fear.

"Damn!" Edwina could feel that he had knelt next to her and allowed him to take her hands in his. "I am sorry Winnie. I should not have done that."

Edwina opened her eyes. "Why? What were you doing?"

"I feared that you were not being honest, so I was looking to see."

"I didn't like it. I couldn't control my thoughts. Were you doing that?" Lupin nodded and stood up. "How do you do that? Can you do lots of things like that?"

"Yes, I suppose you could say that. I can, but I don't. I am sorry Winnie, so sorry." Lupin turned away from her and carried his teacup to the counter. She could see that his shoulders drooped and watched as he leaned dejectedly against the counter by the cooker. "This is going to be hard for me Edwina. I know you are scared and confused, too, and I promise that I will try to remember that. But it is hard to know how to treat you now and what to think or feel. That isn't your fault, I just don't know what to do right now."

Winnie watched him as he stood facing out the kitchen window and tried to finish the shepherd's pie without thinking of the stale taste. She noticed that he absently plucked a leaf from the Wodensbane and dropped it in his tea. After a few moments she spoke tentatively, "Would you please come back?" Lupin immediately turned to look at her and crossed the floor to the kitchen table. "Was I like I am now? Do I seem like the same person?"

"You are the same person, but it isn't really the same, is it?"

"No." Edwina looked up at her former professor and searched his face trying to think back to the thrilling feelings she had in school. "But it could be, couldn't it?"

Lupin sighed and placed his hand overtop her own, "I would like to think so. It would probably help if I weren't acting like a pillock. I'm not exactly inviting you to trust me, am I?

"Maybe we shouldn't talk about "us" and we could just talk about something else."

Lupin smiled warmly and picked up a biscuit. He sipped his tea and then asked tentatively, "Is there anything else that you remember, but for which you don't have any solid explanation?"