Chapter 8

Lupin sat down in the chair beside her, but did not say anything for several minutes. Edwina snuggled into the feather mattress and turned on her side so she could see where he sat. She felt very safe and warm and quite sleepy. She could also see that he was watching her, so she smiled. "I saw you shortly after you finished school. It was in a bookstore. You were purchasing a book about home breeding of Bluewort plants, I believe. I was waiting to collect a parcel of books for a friend. You began talking to me and I believe that we talked for almost four hours."

"Just like that?"

"Yes. It was mostly about a trip to France that you hoped to take."

"Oh, I had forgotten. I'd been promised a holiday with my cousin Matilda if I got at least two NEWTs. Did I take it?"

"No."

"Father?"

"Yes."

"I did get two NEWTs, I hope."

"Of course you did. Three NEWTs, actually: Herbology, Charms, and Magical Creatures. Professor Sprout also awarded you the Simplex."

"Only three? But I sat for five!" Edwina burst into tears and rolled so she was facing away from Lupin. Lupin, who knew how sensitive she was before about having failed the Astronomy and Defence Against Dark Arts NEWT examinations, had no idea how to effectively comfort her. He had known that there was very little chance that Edwina could pass a Defence NEWT. As her professor he had despaired at how easily she was confused by the terminology of the class. It was a wonder to him that she had managed to take the Defence OWL. He knew that Sinistra had no good opinion of Edwina's abilities in Astronomy either. Lupin had never asked her NEWT scores, but he suspected that those for Astronomy and Defence Against Dark Arts had been embarrassingly low.

"Your score on the Herbology exam was the highest in four years, Edwina. You did very well in your best subjects."

"I couldn't even pass your own class. Why would you have wanted to marry me? I'm just stupid."

"Winnie, please look at me." Lupin placed a hand on her shoulder and waited for her to roll over. "You are not stupid. You know that you aren't. I'm sorry that you didn't get the results you wanted, but that doesn't make you stupid. You received a ridiculously high score in Herbology, which was the NEWT you most wanted. You are quite talented, Edwina. I couldn't keep a muggle plant alive, actually, but you have four Simplex Restricted level plants in our greenhouse right now. Additionally, Professor Flitwick has told me that you have a very creative ending stroke to your charms that he feels extends the magical retention. Clearly Filius thinks that you showed skill in his class."

Edwina wiped her face with the back of her hand and asked in a wavering voice, "Professor Flitwick said I have skill?"

"Yes. Most students simply repeat what they are taught, Edwina, but the better ones extrapolate. They add new steps to spells or modify charms slightly when needed. Some students even have their own distinctive wand strokes, which is what Professor Flitwick was saying about you."

Edwina was now sitting up in the bed as she spoke, "But I failed your class."

"You took an OWL in Defence, Edwina, so you are obviously proficient at it. It just doesn't happen to be your specialty. Some students do not have particularly high scores in any class and you did very well in two."

"I didn't expect to pass Magical Creatures, since I had to skip one section of the exam because I would have had to encounter a pecoin."

"I believe that an accommodation for your condition was made, Edwina."

Edwina sniffed and asked, "Was I hopeless at Defence?"

"Not at all. How could you be if you got your OWL? It merely isn't your strong suit, like Herbology and Charms are."

"Did I really get the Simplex license? I thought I would have to wait a year at least."

"The project you did for the NEWT class was outstanding, Edwina. Professor Sprout was so impressed that she talked to all of the professors about it at some point, I believe."

Edwina was pink with pleasure as she said softly, "She was so kind to me in school."

Lupin watched Edwina as she thought to herself. He couldn't tell her that her Charms work had been average. Flitwick had thought she showed creativity, but her power was a major limiting factor as was her mediocre ability to memorise. Edwina would always struggle with vocabulary and terminology, even in Herbology. Yet in Herbology she had been so talented and interested that she overcame this weakness. Edwina's greatest strengths were her intuition and her deep desire to care for things. Lupin knew that these two characteristics were what had probably drawn her to him, so he had worried from the beginning that she would eventually tire of him as a project. He had never been confident that she truly loved him, but he also had believed in her purity and goodness so greatly that he had never thought it possible that she would betray him.

Lupin watched the various expressions and thoughts pass over his wife's face and knew that her mind had returned to the question of their relationship. Therefore he was not surprised when she asked, "But did we not talk more after that one time?"

"Not for almost a year, no."

"Because I was too young or because you didn't feel anything for me then?"

"I did feel something for you after our conversation that day, but I was not ready to begin a relationship with anyone, Edwina. My condition had just been publicised and I had just found out some information that...it greatly changed things for me. It took me several months to sort myself out. You had only recently been my student and as delightful as you were for me to know in class; I don't think that I was ready to suddenly begin thinking of you as anything but a student."

"That makes sense. I think I like that better than thinking that you just thought I was too young."

"When I saw you almost a year later, things were very different. I would not have presumed to approach you and didn't expect you to say anything to me at all. But we spent almost an entire afternoon together culminating at Florian's where your mother eventually found you. Not surprisingly, your mother asked me to stay away from you. I would have done so, however you began writing to me."

"I did?"

"Yes, not romantic letters, of course. Just friendly letters."

"Oh, well, I probably didn't mean them as just friendly though. I liked you so much in school and I must have still done then."

"Yes, I suppose that is possible. I made several attempts to put you off, because I knew your family would never approve and I also knew I shouldn't encourage you to waste your time with me."

"I wish you wouldn't say that. It isn't wasting my time, not if we are happy together, is it?"

Lupin smiled genuinely, "No, my darling, it has been anything but a waste of time. For me it has been wonderful. But I know that you deserve far better than what I can offer you and I worried about that then, which is why I asked you to come to talk to me, so I could explain this to you."

"That sounds rather patronising."

Lupin laughed shortly, "Yes, it does, a bit."

"And then?"

"I said what I had come to say and when I saw how you reacted then I lost my head and that was that."

"What do you mean?"

Lupin grinned slowly at the memory and Edwina saw him look reflectively at her, "It means that I kissed you madly in the middle of Diagon Alley and we were engaged a few weeks later." Lupin saw Edwina's eyes light up and wondered what she found so pleasing.

"I'm glad. That sounds nice - rather like I had hoped it would happen." Edwina sat up slightly in the bed and looked earnestly at him. "I would have been so mortified if you'd known I had a crush on you, but I don't mind anymore. It is so weird now though, I don't know how I think of you."

Lupin smiled softly and said, "Well that is understandable, Winnie."

"You're sure that you still want..."

She was interrupted in the middle of this thought, "Yes. Completely sure. But I do understand that although we are married this doesn't mean anything to you. You don't have any memories of it, so we can't continue on as if nothing had happened."

Edwina bit her lip nervously, "I'm glad you understand, but I don't just want to give up. We can't just give up, can we?" She gasped slightly as he stood up and stood beside the bed.

"No Winnie, I am not giving up on anything. What I am most concerned about is starting from wherever you feel most comfortable and keeping things at your pace. I don't want you to feel that you have to do anything out of guilt. Or pity. It is important that you understand that."

"Oh." Edwina looked uncertainly up at the man, who was apparently her husband. She might not have admitted as much to him, but she still felt the warm, exciting feelings of her school crush. Although she was clever enough to know that this was not the same thing as love, she knew that once before this crush had turned into real love and that this man still did love her. She felt that he must, but she did wish he would say really so. How quickly before had she fallen in love with him? It had been almost a year in between their first meeting and when they had next talked again, hadn't it? Had she cared for him all that time? "I don't think that I want to hurry anything, R-remus." It didn't feel normal to call him by his Christian name. Edwina realised that in all her daydreams she had never done so.

Remus smiled at her encouragingly and thought wryly that at least she had not called him "sir" again. There was a long way to go, but he didn't want to have to wait. His need for this girl had been overpowering from the start. He had been disgusted with himself for having entertained romantic feelings for a recent student after that first meeting in the bookstore at Hogsmeade. But Remus had found himself unable to keep a handle on his emotions regarding Edwina at any time since, as well. Therefore he wondered how long he would be able to keep this facade of calmness when all he wanted to do was drop to his knees and beg God to make her remember him and love him again. "I'll leave you to sleep now. If you want anything just call out."

"Where will you be?"

Remus reached out a hand to lean lightly on the back of the chair. "Just down the hall."

"Oh."

"Is something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine."

Remus looked over to the fire and saw that it was still burning brightly. "Then I'll leave you alone."

"You could stay a little longer, couldn't you? Just a little while?"

Remus cleared his throat before answering, "If you wish, yes. Was there something else that you wanted to talk about?" Edwina shook her head, so Remus looked down at her curiously. "Should I just sit here until you fall asleep?"

"Would you?"

Remus sat down in the chair once more and said quietly, "Of course."

Author's Note:

Here is an attempt to answer several questions that I have been asked. Hope this helps:

Most of the decorations in Hatishall Cottage are based on the ancient Norse tradition, which had influence from Scandinavia to much of Northern Europe, including Britain. The runes most often used in Britain are Nordic in origin and the language that is used in decorations around the Lupin family home is a dialect of Old Saxon (Anglo-Saxon).

The Norse myths used to be part of a religion, but the religious tradition died out when wizards and muggles alike were converted to Christianity. Eventually these old myths became merely traditional fairy tales told to young children in wizarding families. Odin, Loki, and several other Norse 'gods' would have been discussed in History of Magic, since they were actually powerful wizards mistaken by muggles to be gods. Lupin, like the vast majority of wizards and witches in Britain, is C of E (Anglican). He does not follow any unusual theology or pagan religious traditions.

The Lupin family, with a humour characteristic of wizarding society, particularly enjoyed the Norse myths because of the prominence of wolves in many stories (since their name means "wolf"). They have kept a tradition of naming their children after mythical wolves from numerous European cultures. Latona Lupin Kempe, great-great-great aunt to Remus Lupin, and her husband Wilfred Kempe (both proponents of the practical usage of Old Saxon in magical spells) were responsible for the distinctive decorations at the Lupin home. The house was renamed by Lyckaon Lupin, Remus Lupin's father, when Remus was a small child.

Ragnarok was to be the battle at the end of the world. The gods would fight the Jotuns and other evil creatures, eventually all killing each other. Odin (also called Woden) would be killed by Fenris, the great wolf. Thor would fight Fenris' sibling, the Midgard Serpent (the Midgard Serpent is most often shown as a snake eating its own tail, which is a symbol for eternity used on necklaces, in paintings, and even the occasional doorknob). The dead would be freed from Helheim, the sun would be swallowed by the wolf Skoll, and the moon would be eaten by the wolf Hati (perhaps living out many a werewolf's fantasy).

Freya was the goddess of love and fertility. She was also a warrior goddess, who wore a pair of falcon's wings as she led the Valkyries in building Odin's army of warriors at Valhalla (these dead warriors would fight at Ragnarok with the gods). She often rode in a chariot pulled by two grey cats. She was also known for wearing a special necklace, the Brisingamen.