Chapter 11

Edwina looked up at Remus' face when she heard this very forceful response. "I cannot imagine turning my back on my friends. It is so hard to believe that we could possibly have fought so bitterly. They really did tease me about how much I liked you, but I didn't think they really meant it. I wish I knew what they said or what I said."

Remus frowned and pulled her with him to sit in the large well-worn green leather chair. As he settled her in his lap he felt a thrill of satisfaction that she seemed comfortable with such intimacy. "I believe that they would be very happy to speak with you again, Winnie."

"But what happened? I know you know, please tell me."

"Your friends tried very hard to convince you not to marry me. It was more the poverty than my lycanthropy. You had never lived without certain things and I think that they felt you would be unhappy."

"But that's my decision! I can't imagine them saying anything horrid enough that I wouldn't speak to them."

"Well Winnie, sometimes friends say things that they don't mean and let their emotions get out of control. I think that perhaps you were all guilty of that somewhat."

"But if they were really my friends they would still love me even if I married Professor Snape, let alone someone nice like you."

Remus heard himself described as "nice" and felt a prickling of disappointment, but then thought momentarily of Patience Snape and said softly, "Severus Snape does a lot of good for our organisation, Edwina. There is a lot more to him than just being a professor."

Edwina made a face and said derisively, "I don't think anyone who has ever had Professor Snape as a teacher could ever think of him kindly and you know it."

Remus privately agreed, but said gently, "Let us hope that isn't the case, Winnie. I am sure he is very different with his wife than his students."

Edwina wrinkled up her nose and laughed, "Well I think the only person who would marry him would be someone nasty like him anyway."

Remus placed his hands on Edwina's waist so that she stood up and he reached into his pocket for a battered tobacco tin with a faded portrait of a woman's face painted on the lid, before walking to the mantelpiece where a long white clay pipe lay. "Edwina, that is not kind."

Edwina flushed and after a moment said penitently, "You're right. Is he really married? I never heard of him having a wife and one never saw her at Hogwarts, did one?"

Remus had lit the pipe and leaned against the wall next to the fireplace. He absently fingered the design on the front of the tin before replacing it in a pocket. Light blue smoke began to float out of the small bowl as he stared at a point on the wall behind Edwina. Finally he spoke in the gentle and deliberate voice Edwina had heard him use in his lectures, "Yes, he is married. It is not precisely a secret, but it isn't something that either Severus or those of us who know him are discussing publicly, either."

"Why not?"

"Severus is married to a young witch a year younger than yourself."

"Ohhh, oh I can't believe it! Do I know her?"

"Yes, I should imagine so. She was a Hufflepuff. Patience Kent?"

"You can't be serious, no! Kent is so lovely and beautiful and sweet and Professor Snape is just awful, ugly, and old! How could she ever marry him?"

Remus Lupin turned to face the fire and as Edwina impatiently waited for his answer she saw from his hunched shoulders and stiff posture how very tense he was. He took a long pull off the pipe and blew out the smoke slowly before responding. "It isn't our place to judge her choice, Edwina. Hopefully their marriage is happy. Most people would look at our marriage with disapproval, too. Severus may have an unpleasant reputation, but I am a werewolf. Severus is the same age that I am, Winnie, and you are only a year older than she." When he heard Edwina gasp out a sob, Remus turned in time to see her racing from the room with her hands over her mouth. He could hear her running down the hall towards the bedroom. Pausing only long enough to set the clay pipe back on the mantelpiece, Remus stalked from the room to follow her.

He stood beside the bed and looked down at the sobbing girl draped across the faded green coverlet. He spoke with some asperity, "Winnie, what is wrong?"

"I don't want to talk, please. Can't I be alone?"

Remus cleared his throat and said gruffly, "Winnie, look at me." Edwina turned and tried to read the mixture of emotions written on his face. She continued to sniffle as she waited for him to speak. "I don't know anything about the Snapes and their marriage. Most of us have assumed that the marriage was a formal, arranged one. I do not know if this is true or false. But if you do meet Professor Snape or his wife then you absolutely must be careful what you say."

"Careful about what?"

"Severus is an extremely private person, Winnie. He is very protective about his relationship with his wife. Also, he and I were at school together and we did not get on well then. Although we work together professionally, we do not have much personal contact."

"You don't like each other, that is what you mean."

Remus sighed. "Essentially, yes. But I still have immense respect for him, Winnie."

"I'm sure he's very clever and powerful, Remus, but he's awful, he's an awful person. You know how he treats us in class." Winnie was sitting on the edge of the bed by this time, looking up into Remus' face, obviously hoping to make him understand.

"Yes, I do know. But we cannot make the mistake of ignoring his good parts nor of underestimating his power. He has abilities that very, very few people know about, Winnie. In fact he does not know that I am aware of this and would be furious if he did know."

"What do you mean?"

"Professor Snape has a skill that he keeps secret. There are a number of reasons why, but if I am correct and Voldemort and his supporters do not know, then we must help keep his secret for him."

"What is it? What can he do? Is he a parselmouth?"

"No. He is a promethian."

"What is that?"

"Essentially it means that he can control fire. It is a very complex power with many uses in dark magic, Edwina."

"Does he use it to help your organisation?"

"No. No one else in our organisation knows, Edwina. I only know because I actually knew another promethian once. I recognised a habit of Valentin's in Severus."

"I'm scared of him already, Remus, what do you want me to say?"

"I am not trying to make you afraid of him."

"You want me to let you contact him about the mind reading?"

Remus shook his head and finally asked the question he needed to know, "Why did you run in here, Winnie?"

Edwina wiped her face clean again and bit her lip as she hesitated. "I don't know I just thought of Kent, who is so pretty, trapped with someone horrible like Professor Snape and then I thought about how I just woke up married and pregnant and it all just seemed rather unbelievable. Sort of like a dream and I'm scared. I still like you, but I don't know if I want this or if it's even all real."

Remus leaned against the chair beside the bed and said softly, "I'm scared, too, Winnie."

"Really? Why?"

Remus laughed bitterly and said with some force, "Because, angel, I love you." He looked at Edwina to read her reaction and continued, "You still say and do the same things, you think the same way. You are still my Edwina with whom I fell madly in love and yet you don't remember any of it. How did you expect I would feel?" Remus was now standing directly in front of her as he said in a cracking voice, "With you I had more than I'd ever dreamed of having, you know." He pulled both her hands together and held them in his own. "I never expected that any woman would ever love me, Edwina. Werewolves don't...I have never been...Winnie, can't you imagine what you mean to me? Sod the consequences, I wanted you and somehow I got you. It is only more terrifying to know I might no longer have you when I know exactly what I would be losing."

Edwina breathed out a sigh, "It is hard to believe you feel that way. It doesn't seem real."

"What would make it seem real, my love? I can't give you back our past. All we can do is make the present."

"I know, but why would you love me? You are lettered aren't you? Whatever did we talk about? Didn't I bore you?"

"No, why would you? Do you find yourself boring?"

Edwina laughed a little, "No, of course not."

"I don't think that all persons who earn their letters or become masters are impossible to talk to, Winnie. I hope not because I can't exactly hand all my degrees back."

Edwina laughed again, "What was your subject?"

"I read for European and Asian Dark Creatures, as well as Unrestrained Natural Magic (Readers: please see below)."

"Oh! Wow. Did you get the master in all of them?"

"No, I only took a master in European Dark Creatures and a specialist in Eastern European Magical Subcultures."

Edwina stared at the man standing in front of her and exclaimed softly, "Cor!"

Remus fidgeted uncomfortably. University level education was not common in the wizarding world, but to have multiple degrees was very rare. He never used his letters for Unrestrained Magic or the specialist in Subcultures, since they were strange enough to warrant comment from even scholars. He had been the only English student in 59 years to study Magical Subcultures. He also knew that Edwina was intimidated by her opinion of his intelligence, since she was so self-conscious about her own abilities. She had been before, as well.

"Those are all dark arts, aren't they?"

"They are all involved with dark arts, yes. But I do not practise dark magic, Edwina."

"And all I do is herbology."

Remus impatiently waved his hand and said briskly, "As we discussed earlier, Winnie, you do herbology brilliantly. The world doesn't need too many wizards or witches to study Unrestrained Magic. It is esoteric and useful to a bare few."

"But whatever did we talk about together?"

"Frankly it was never a problem. I cannot imagine being bored with you, Winnie."

"Well we'd only been together a few months anyway."

Remus Lupin pulled his wife up to him so that her chin pressed into his chest. He then drew his hand along her back and said, "I think that is enough, Winnie." Edwina surprised herself and Remus by burrowing her face in his robes and bursting into tears. After several minutes of holding his gustily crying wife, Remus moved to pick her up and tenderly lifted her into the bed. It had been an extremely long day. Since he had brought her home early that morning until now, when it was getting quite late, they had covered miles of extremely rough emotional ground. "It is long past time to sleep. I'll hand you your nightdress and then leave you to change. I think we have both been through too much today to continue."

Edwina had stopped crying in surprise when he had placed her on the soft feather mattress, but was still feeling the riot of confused emotions that had caused her to react so tearfully. "You'll come back, won't you? Please."

"I think it might be best if I stay in the sitting room tonight, don't you?"

"Oh. Do you want to stay there? There are only chairs in there."

Remus spoke in a joking tone with a light smile on his lips, "I think that I am sufficiently experienced to transfigure a chair to last through one night. Even if it reverts, I could sleep on a chair."

"You could stay here if you want."

"I want you to feel comfortable and I don't know how comfortable you will feel sleeping next to me tonight."

Edwina reached her arms up so that Remus leaned in to her. She looped her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, "Kiss me again?"

As he pulled away from the kiss Remus took a very deep breath to calm himself. She had no idea how she affected him. Although there was no possible way for him to refuse her request, it was more painful than helpful to be allowed to be so close to her. Being tantalised by his greatest desire was proving harder than anything he had ever experienced.

"You can stay here. I won't mind."

Remus said slowly, "I have an owl to send actually. I will let you get to sleep whilst I finish up a few things and then I will come in to sleep. Perhaps that will keep the awkwardness to a minimum." Edwina nodded and picked up the nightdress that he had laid next to her. She began to slowly unbutton the front of her robes and sighed with some relief when the door closed behind her and she was alone.

Author's Note (An explanation of wizarding university degrees):

Similar to older style English universities, one reads in college towards a degree (equivalent to a bachelor's degree), which is called a licentia, plural licentiae. The degree equivalent to a muggle Master's degree is a magister, which is referred to in common conversation as "a master", not to be confused with a wizard or witch belonging to a professional guild who has obtained the rank of Master. A person with this degree is called a Magister/Magistra (m/f)). The specialist degree is a practical degree. Students generally study exclusively with one Schoolman/Schoolwyf (head professor under which the student is apprenticed) and engage in large amounts of fieldwork. Completion of programme is elected by the college after the student's presentation of research.

Any sort of degree can also be referred to as "having letters". However, this term is also used for a person who has finished any Ministry-registered training programme and been elected to the official professional society or guild. Wizards or witches who belong to a professional guild may legally use the letters of their society (such as RSAC for the Royal Society of Astrometric Cartographers) after their name in all official correspondence. Wizards and witches with university degrees may use the letters for their degrees in all correspondence (for example M.Ach. for a magister achaemensis, the master in organic potions)without fear of social misstep.

Author's Note (This note is for Bri007, but I am posting it here in case anyone else was confused):

Mens Rasura is explained in part 1 and 2 of Chapter 10, but I shall write more here to help clarify. Mens Rasura would bring out vague memories of things having happened, but one wouldn't actually remember details. This could drive a person mad depending on which memories were brought out, for example if you remembered being at a party but not when/with whom/what happened then this would be traumatic to be suddenly inundated with hundreds of memory fragments you could not explain. In combination with legilmency, it might be possible for someone to figuratively walk through the various fragments of memories that Mens Rasura would bring back and to form some sort of pattern to explain who did this to Edwina or perhaps if Edwina herself did something to betray the Order. However it is possible that the only memories that would be retrieved from that particular day might be when she was looking out a window and of brushing her teeth, so there is absolutely no guarantee that anything useful would be found. This is the ultimate long shot, in other words, and very, very dangerous dark magic.

In response to your question as to what Lupin believes is going on, he believes that Edwina has been unfaithful to him. Arthur Weasley was spot on when he was thinking that Lupin believes that the baby Edwina is carrying is not his. Therefore this is what is meant when Lupin thinks to himself that the unknown man who Lupin believes must have fathered this child did not need to be a wizard to curse Lupin, just "basic masculine anatomy". To someone like Remus Lupin, there is no spell curse that could be worse than losing his wife. It is important to note that even though he believes that she is not carrying his child, Lupin still wants her and does not intend to tell her his suspicions. You will see more about this in the next chapter.

Remember that everything you see is entirely subjective. You either see something completely from Lupin's point of view (such as his belief that any wizard who sees Edwina would want her - she is pretty but not the stunner he believes her to be) or Edwina's point of view (such as 1 - you have only seen Hatishall Cottage through her eyes, but there is certainly much more to it and 2 - Lupin is always referred to as "Lupin" when Edwina is still unsure of where there relationship is heading and "Remus" after she makes the decision to move forward with him at the end of Ch. 8). Very occasionally you will see things from Sirius Black's or another character's viewpoint, too, but it is also always highly subjective. So the entire story progresses mainly from two very subjective viewpoints that are intertwined. This means that sometimes you will only get bits and pieces of what is going on, but this is quite on purpose. Everything will come together as the story builds. Since neither Edwina nor Lupin have any idea what the other is thinking or what is really going on, neither will you until the proper time.

Hopefully this helps to clarify things. Thank you for your feedback, I'm so pleased you have enjoyed reading my story.