Interviews with Random People
Black: This is Sirius Black, your reporter for the Gryffindor Oracle. Today, we have with us Caminna, who is here to help give us the front-line story from this week's big event. Caminna, will you tell us about it?
Caminna: Well, you were the one who started the fight...
Black: A-hem! Just talk about it, already!
Caminna: Well, you, James, Peter, and Remus started beating the snot out of Snape because he called Lily a Mud-Blood. Mostly James, but I think it was you who broke Snape's nose. Anywhoo, pretty soon it was joined by Rosier, Wilkes, and Avery. James beat Snape's brains in, you managed to rip Rosier's shirt off along with half his skin, and Remus actually bit Wilkes, so says the Slytherin common room gossip. Avery narrowly avoided getting his eyeballs gouged out by Peter, from what I've heard, though I only saw the first three.
Black: Just what is the Slytherin view on all this?
Caminna: They hate you.
Black: I meant something that's not usual.
Caminna: Well, there is a lot of nasty retrubition talks, so I'd watch my back if I were you. But, happily, I'm not.
Black: And one last question: why the heck are you a Slytherin?
Caminna: I want to take over the world.
Black: Who doesn't?
Caminna: Most Hufflepuffs I know.
Black: Point made. Well, anyway, this has been Sirius Black with a not-so-random interview with one of the Slytherins who witnessed today's HUGE fight scene! Will this continue? Will the Slytherins recover? Who cares? Will we ever get out of detention?! Probably not! So come back next week for more Interviews with Random People!
Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...
Ask Moony
Dear Moony,
I touched an old daily prophet that was in the common room, and now I am in a graveyard. Do you know where I am or how I can get out?
Stuck in a Graveyard
Dear Stuck in a Graveyard,
You're in a graveyard! Apparate or something, I don't know.
Moony
Dear Moony,
I have an A clarinet. I know how to use it. Leave me some good reeds outside of room 111, third floor coridoor before sundown, or else I will start squeaking in Sirius's ear. You have been warned.
Driven to Rash Measures in the Quest for the Perfect Reed
Dear D.T.R.M.IT.Q.F.T.P.R.,
I don't even know what a clarinet is. Ask Monica!
Moony
Dear Moony,
Do you have any really good recipes for Raspberry Cashew Ice Cream? I asked the house elves, and they need one before my craving can be satisfied!
Ice Cream Fanatic
Dear Ice Cream Fanatic,
Ask Sirius or McGonagall. I know it sounds weird, but McGonagall has recipies for anything. Seirously.
Moony
Dear Moony,
For some reason, whenever I try to calculate "What is six times seven?" on my abacus, I come up with 43... Why isn't it working right????? I would try someone else's, but when I go to ask someone, I get this unfathomable fear that the universe is going to end... What am I going to do??? My Arithmacy homework is due after Lunch!
Abacus Blues
Dear Abacus Blues,
I think it's a psychological problem, it will be okay. Go read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and you will understand.
Moony
Dear Moony,
If Peter Pettigrew picked a peck of pickled peppers, then how many Pickled Peppers did Peter Pettigrew pick?
Peter likes Pickled Peppers?
Dear P.l.P.P.,
First of all, peppers cannot be pickled and then picked. You pick them, pack them, pepper them, then pickle them.
Moony
Dear Moony,
I have a brimming desire to lick Flitwicks foot. During charms all I think about are those feet. I have started a fan club FFF ( Flitwicks Feet Fundaisia.) So far nobody has joined. Why?
Professer Flitwick's Feet Lover
Dear Feet Freak,
Maybe because you're a FREAK?! Go eat ice cream, get counseling, and subject yourself to large numbers of butterflies. You will be happier.
Moony
Dear Moony,
I went on a date with this pretty redhead from Gryffindor. I really like her and all, but I have a few... issues with the whole thing. You see, your nutcase friend James is stalking her, and I'm really starting to get paranoid. Just last week he got me with a bad Haemorrhoid Jinx, I couldn't sit down with three days. Sure Lily's hot in that miniskirt, but I can't deal with Potter. Can you please do something?
Guy from Ravenclaw.
Dear Guy from Ravenclaw,
You might want to talk to a Professor or something. James is way beyond my league of 'Able-to-Control-Things.'
Moony
Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicolemsn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!
Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...
Lion's Roar
Well, it's the last week of school, but things haven't cooled down! There was a HUGE fight this week between the Marauders and the Slytherins that's coming to be known as the great PSBRLAPW (Potter-Snape-Black-Rosier-Lupin-Avery-Petigrew-Wilkes) Brawl of '85. It all started in Double Potions, under the nose of Professor Grimay. Snape called Lily Evans, the famous Potter Crush of '85, a Mudblood right in front of James's face. Actually, I think he was talking to James. James, too quick for Remus to restrain, gave a strangely animal-sounding cry of rage and dove at Snape, knocking them both to the floor before he began to bash Snape's brains in mercilessly. This kid has anger management problems. But it didn't end there.
When Snape's Slytherin-associate Evan Rosier started coming towards James with his wands, Sirius tackled him, knocking the wand out of his hand and them both to the ground, wrestling furiously. Avery started in on both of them but Remus stopped him and soon THOSE two were rolling on the ground. Wilkes pulled out his wand to curse them all, but Peter counter-hexed him so that both of them have pink skin and noses the size of watermelons--or they did. All this with Professor Grimay screaming at them. Finally, he knocked them all out with a Stunning Charm. All eight have detention until the end of the year (not far) and Gryffindor's House Points have been severely docked for starting a fight, though naturally Slytherin didn't lose nary a one. Grimay wouldn't even have given them detention of McGonagall hadn't insisted. Old cow.
But there's also a report that as soon as Grimay Stunned them all and they explained, Lily Evans ran from the room, followed by her friends Tara, Mackenzie, and Alicia, all of whom probably just wanted to get out of the classroom. How will this play out?
This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar!
Lioness Useless Fact
House Points Currently:
Gryffindor: 218
Hufflepuff: 313
Slytherin: 338
Ravenclaw: 367
All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 480, 27th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters.
Notes:Caminna is one cool little Slytherin chick, for a Slytherin. Thank you all SO much for helping me hit 500! The 32nd Edition will be open-forum for you to send in comments. More depth in chapter 31. I missed the West Wing to upload this for you peeps! You rock!
THE COUNTDOWN Continues... with only four episodes left! I want this over before summer, so that gives me this week and next week to finish it. I have part one of sixth year written, but I also have several other things to do. Checkout out WOO (Writing Of the Oracle) for anything you didn't know, under my site.