Chapter 14

Remus awoke with the sensation that his arm was being attacked by hundreds of very sharp needles. After slowly opening his eyes, he focused on the source of his pain: Edwina's dark head was resting on his forearm. Remus quickly forced himself to look away. As he stared up at the inside of the dark, wooden canopy of the bed, glaring at the burnished surface with its infuriatingly inappropriate carvings, Remus tried to ignore the agony of the cramping in his arm. She needed to rest, so he mustn't even wiggle his fingers to relieve his muscles.

Finally, when he could not resist the temptation any longer, Remus turned his head so that he could look at his sleeping wife. Mother of God, he didn't know how much more of this he could stand. She was touching him, she was so close, but he had to keep his distance.

Whatever he had done wrong last time, whatever had pushed her into another man's arms, he would not let happen again this time. He hoped that her lover had heard what had happened to her and did not dare to show himself or try to talk to her. But if he did turn up...Remus considered the containment and the barrier breach spells that he had added the night before to the already formidable protections on his home and decided that he should renew them that morning. He might have been too inebriated to effectively perform the spells properly. Rumpole's was notoriously potent.

Remus was not sure whether he actually wanted to know who her lover was. It wasn't that he wouldn't relish the opportunity to exact revenge once he knew who to track down. He could use the unregistered wand, but there was bound to be something that would lead the aurors to him eventually. More importantly Remus knew that he would regret the murder afterwards. Besides that, it would be easier to keep up the calm façade when he was with Edwina, as long as he didn't have actual proof. He had to keep telling himself that this was a second chance to make things right. He had to do things better so this time she would not turn to someone else.

There wasn't much going in his favour and he knew it. All that he had in his corner was whatever remained of her crush and the possible residual emotions from before, her kindness and optimism, and the fact that they were having a baby together. The person he had believed Edwina to be would be destroyed by the knowledge that her child was not his, so he could not tell her. Nothing good would come of it. In the meantime the baby was at least one thing tying her to him, but this wouldn't be enough to keep her for long. If it had been his lycanthropy, his poverty, or his age that had lost him his wife before, then nothing he could do would fix their relationship. Also, he could not make himself more attractive or fix the very broken relationship she had with her friends and family due to the marriage. In fact, almost every one of the potential and very likely causes for Edwina having given up on their marriage were things that he could not change. Yet last night Sirius had said that Edwina had always been insecure about whether Remus had truly loved her. This was one thing that Remus could correct. He had to hope that this was where he had bodged it before.

Edwina moved her head forward as she slept, so that she was now resting near his shoulder. Remus closed his eyes and tried to focus on his tingling arm and not the smell of her hair so very close to his face. He tentatively moved his wrist and then opened and closed his fist several times to restart the circulation in his arm.

"Are you awake?"

Damn, he had woken her. "Yes, did you want some tea?" He knew she would, but he wondered, as always, how she could drink tea so early in the morning.

"Mmm, yes, and I'm dead starving."

Remus tried to keep his voice steady, but since she was still lying too close to him his words came out very roughly, "Well then, let me see about organising some breakfast." Damn Daedalus if there wasn't a box waiting for him. If he had to tell her that there was no food...

"Okay."

Remus got himself up and pulled a disreputable, heavily wrinkled robe overtop the clothes in which he had slept. As he slid his feet into very well-worn shoes, Edwina spoke softly, "What are we doing today? I mean, what happens now?"

"We will take you to St. Mungo's, as we discussed yesterday."

"Oh." Remus stood by his side of the bed looking in at her, since the other curtains were still drawn shut. He could see her thinking and waited for the inevitable question. "Do I have to go back?"

"I rather think so, yes. We need to be sure that you are healthy and that there is nothing else that can be done. They need to be made aware of your memories at the very least."

"I see. Should I get up now? Do we need to go soon?"

"No, you can lie in if you like. There is no hurry. I shall make some tea and see what food can be found."

Remus gestured with his wand to shut the curtains and then turned to raise the fire in the grate. They would need more coal soon. He couldn't help but wish that she didn't get cold so easily, since the coal consumption since his marriage was more than seven times greater than when Sirius had stayed with him. But since letting her get cold was not an option, he would need to place another order with West Country Wizarding Solid Fuel, which would mean another trip into Redruth, since they would no longer accept his credit. He wished that they could afford wood, especially with a baby coming. But he, as well as poor Rom for those 18 months, had been raised in a coal-burning home and the health affects had been minimal, if any.

Remus trudged towards the kitchen with a mind-blowing hangover that made his own footsteps seem louder than usual. He must have had more Bloodwhisky than he had thought, because the side effects from alcohol only overpowered the neutralising affect of rhineflower after consumption of at least two bindles of Bloodwhisky (Readers: please see note below). When he got into the kitchen Remus saw a young woman engaged in collecting a potato from beneath a chair and a giant grey mastiff hungrily sniffing one of four large boxes on the stone floor.

"Good morning, Tonks. Thank you for taking Blackie."

"Hello Remus. I was going to help get these put away, but I've dropped all your potatoes."

Remus stepped forward. "Here, let me get that, Tonks. Was Blackie any trouble?" Remus made a dragging motion with his wand and the potatoes, which had been twitching on the floor as Tonks had tried to sweep them up with her wand, all pulled together and shot into the air in a neat pyramid. They landed softly in the middle of the long wooden counter by the sink basin, where Remus had gestured.

"Oh no, he slept almost the entire time. Looks like you're having people coming with all these boxes. Could I help you put them away?"

"No, thank you, I'll just do it." Remus stared momentarily down at the large boxes overflowing with jars and tins. He muttered, "Sirius."

"What?"

"Nothing. So, how is everything?"

"Busy, but that's normal, isn't it? Beefed up your home security a bit, haven't you?"

Remus cleared his throat in embarrassment and said only, "Have any trouble with it?"

Tonks laughed, "Not much, just a slight burn on entry. Nice undercurrent on the containment spell though, I must say. Where did you pick up that one?"

"From an old friend of mine, who used to place it on his bed every night."

"Paranoid sort of friend you had."

"He had good reason." Remus lifted the largest box over to the pantry door.

"Here, let me help." Tonks bounded forward to assist, managing to avoid the giant dog, who was still sniffing Remus' legs in greeting.

"Thank you, Tonks. All of these can go up on the top two shelves. Doesn't matter what order."

"Right." Tonks happily began shoving tins of beef next to jars of jam and Remus stooped to scratch behind the dog's ear. "How is Edwina?"

Remus stood up and looked seriously at Tonks, who was smiling pleasantly over her shoulder. "She is sleeping right now, but she is as well as can be expected, I suppose."

"She looked utterly blank when I visited. I only realised after that she probably didn't know who I am. I haven't been involved with the family since I was very young."

"Neither has she, although apparently she met Bellatrix when she was quite small and I believe that Carina Leighton was somewhat friendly with Cygnus' family and with Narcissa."

"What a treat. Actually, I believe Mum has said that Great-Aunt Sagitta was a horror, so I'm not surprised her daughter would fall in with that lot. Although Great-Uncle Cygnus' family was particularly awful."

Remus sighed, "Yes, Sirius has told me. But we've all got them, Tonks. Ian Webber McCrudy was my second cousin."

"Didn't he make a pair of boots from the skin of four..."

Remus interrupted sharply, "Yes."

Remus heard Tonks make an expression of disgust as he turned back to the cold cupboard to put away the large box of eggs in his hands. After almost fifteen minutes all of the supplies had been put away and Remus had begun to cook a breakfast for himself and Edwina. Tonks was nattering animatedly about a mutual acquaintance, blissfully unaware that Remus could cheerfully wish her anywhere but there. As Remus broke several eggs into a bowl he asked politely, but with every hope of a refusal, "Did you wish to stay to breakfast?"

"No thanks. I have to be in soon, anyway. Nice for you lot without a boss to answer to, isn't it?" Tonks looked over at Remus with a smile in time to catch a fleeting glimpse of the pain in Remus' eyes as he heard her teasing statement. Tonks suddenly realised the tactlessness of her statement and started to voice an apology when she saw Remus stand straighter and look at something behind her. From the desperate look on Remus' face, much like a starving man smelling someone else's dinner, Tonks knew that Edwina Lupin must be standing behind her.

In the few seconds that it took Remus Lupin to cross the room and walk past Tonks as if she were an article of furniture, Tonks had a glimpse of the misery and deprivation that Remus Lupin experienced every day of his life. Although she had always felt sorry for him, she greatly respected his intelligence, and like everyone who knew him she thought he was very nice, Tonks had never seriously considered how unhappy he might truly be. She thought suddenly how desolate his life must seem now that his wife, whom he worshipped with a fervour that was occasionally embarrassing to watch, no longer cared for him. As Tonks watched Remus speak softly to his wife and guide her to the breakfast table, she considered the tiny, pale girl, who was being seated by her husband in an old white chair.

Edwina Lupin was not beautiful, although she was pretty in a delicate, old-fashioned way. Bill Weasley had once pointed out that usually only the older generations would find such classically Breochaidie features to be really attractive and had then wondered aloud how such a brilliant wizard could be satisfied with a witch who was more sweet than clever. Tonks had been more surprised that Carina and Wolfred Leighton had managed to produce a daughter so obviously free of guile.

Tonks broke free of her reverie and turned to pick up her cloak from where she had laid it on a nearby chair. "I'm glad to see you are feeling better, Edwina."

Both Remus and Edwina looked over at Tonks as if surprised to see that she was there. Edwina stammered, "Thank you for visiting me in hospital, it was very kind."

"Well of course I would come. Anyway, I need to go in before someone gets shirty. I'm sure I will see you again soon, Edwina. Remus."

Edwina stood and said softly, "Good bye."

Remus nodded to Tonks, walked back over to the bowl of eggs he had been beating, and picked up the fork.

Author's Note (wizarding measurements):

Although British wizards most commonly use Imperial standard measurements such as pounds and miles (the metric scale has been universally rejected by the wizarding world with the major exceptions of China, North Korea, France, and Canada), the old wizarding units are still used in potion making and most commerce.

For liquids (used in both Britain and Ireland):

42 rills - 1 drivulet

320 drivulets - 1 bindle (as a conversion aid for muggle readers, a pint glass can hold approximately 278 drivulets)

For dry weight in England and Scotland (Ireland and Wales use separate measurements):

42 flecks - 1 pedicle

28 pedicle - 1 tade

All of these words have passed into muggle usage in some form. Both rill and drivulet, which is called a rivulet in muggle English, are terms for small streams of water. A bindle means a small bundle, which probably comes from the leather sacks tied onto broomsticks by wizards to carry water or other liquid refreshment. A fleck is a small bit or flake of something. For muggles a pedicle has several meanings, including a very small stalk of a flowering plant. In wizarding terminology, pedicle is used to mean the stem of a magical flowering plant if this stem has specific magical properties separate from the flower, as well as the weight. A tad, which is the Modern English corruption of the Middle English word tade meaning a toad, means a small amount of something. In wizarding English, tade (pronounced "tod") means both a horned toad and the weight measure, which is not coincidentally approximately equivalent to a preserved toad's weight.