The Mysterious 'Lioness' Makes Tabloid Headlines
Everyone in Gryffindor--indeed, everyone who reads the Oracle--is familiar with the mysterious "Lioness". Rumors of the Lioness's true identity have been flying since she was introduced to the Oracle. But who is she?
After the dissolution of the lackluster newspaper staff last year, Alice Remerta, current Editor and Gossip Columnist, had to hire staff for every position in the paper. When asked about how she hired the Lioness, Alice admits she has no idea who the mysterious person is, either.
"She sends in her column by owl every week," Remerta admits. "I've never actually seen her. No one knows who she is."
And recently, the "Lioness" drama has been stirred up when the inferior Hufflepuff house newspaper published an article headlined with: LIONESS EXPOSED! and a long article inexpertly detailing, with a veritable pleathora of contradicting and third-hand information, that Gryffindor's Lily Evans was the Lioness!
"Honestly, of course I'm not," Lily said irritably, when inquired on the truth of this matter. "I hate poetry. Most of it's absolute crap, anyway! If I wrote a column, it'd be much more practical."
But despite her constant (and annoyed) denials of this, the fire cannot be put out. Debates rage on more heated than ever. "Personally, I'm still betting on Pettigrew," Frank Longbottom said. When asked why, he just shrugged. "That's one bloke with a hidden side. I woudn't be surprised if he were the poetry-writing type."
Who is the Lioness? It's for her to know and us to...not know. For the last time, this has been Sirius Orion Black, with absolutely no idea who it is so quit asking me, you twits.
Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...
Ask Moony
Dear Moony,
My best friend Aira Fletcher went to one of Sirius' counciling
sessions, and came back convinced that she was a llama. This is
becoming a serious issue...she keeps trying to eat my plant. What
should I do? Do you think it's possible to sue Sirius?
Friend of a seriously mentally impaired llama impersonater
Dear F.O.A.S.M.I.L.I,
I think you should hit her over the head with a large textbook. When
she comes around, if she still thinks she's a llama, take her to the
Hospital Wing. And it might be possible. Possibly. I wouldn't try it,
though. Very old family with lots of money.
Moony
Dear Moony,
My best friend is in love with you , and is starting to scare me. She's
been following you everywhere, and stealing you're things to put in a
Remus-related shrine. How can I stop the maddness! Oh and your
Girlfriend is in danger. Scary Danger. Be at the south side of the lake
at ten tomorrow so my friend can't drown her.
-Trying To Be Helpful
Dear Trying,
Thanks for trying to be helpful. Your talents would have been put to
more use informing the authorities about your friend's obsessive
tendencies so she can get the counseling she deserves. But I have a
date with my girlfriend all day tomorrow, so there's very little chance
of someone drowning her.
Moony
Dear Moony,
Why are you such an inconsiderate arsehole? I thought you were the
nice, bookworm. Get a life instead of making fun of the patehtic ones
existing around you.
-Inquisitive
Dear Inquisitive,
I'm glad you take such pleasure in insulting me. I have a life. I
actually was hired to this job, remember? I get to sit around and make
fun of people asking for help! Why would I stop now? Just because
you're jealous is no reason to get upset. I'm having way too much fun
to quit now.
Moony
Dear Moony,
My best friend has finally decided to go out with a boy you might know,
who sort-of used to drive her insane (no Sirius has not fed her
anything) only to find that he's givving up on her! I need them to get
together! I have 5 Galleons riding on them getting together! Help!
-Oh no my money!
Dear Losing Money By The Hour,
Sorry, I'm not a matchmaker. Talk to Sirius or Alice for that.
Moony
Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!
Ever been plauged by what to wear to Hogsmeade? Ever wondered what colors are in? Well, now you can get fasion advice from the queen of fasion herself...
Lion's Skin
Summer is just around the corner and skirts are getting hot hot HOT! Long skirts have made a surprising comeback this year, especially back in fashion the classic crumpled pencil skirts that have that lovely little flair when you turn too fast. Skirts that are knee-length and flowing are back in, while the tight, constricting heavy fabrics are out with the winter cold.
Try adjusting your wardrobe for a more comfortable, natural look instead of manufactured glitter and slogan shirts. Plain coilored ribbed shirts or tanks over a skirt add a classic look, and if you get cold at night you can throw on a denim jacket or your boyfriend's cape for a fabulous addition. Stay away from heavy, clunky shoes.
Originality is back in style this semester as well. Layering bead necklaces, tall striped socks, big earrings, and crazy hats are all the rage as summer comes ever-closer towards us. The heat is coming back, so cool down in style!
This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Skin, the Gryffindor fashion column. Need fasion advice? Need to know what to wear? Just ask Alice Remerta, dorm room 10, girl's side.
Lioness Poem of the Day
I am heaven sent,
don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted,
what the other boys all promised.
sorry I told. I just needed you to know.
House Points Currently:
Gryffindor: 399.99 repeating Hufflepuff: 314 Slytherin: 457 Ravenclaw: 238
All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 564, 30th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra & Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters.
Notices: Jeez. It's been waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too long, guys. If I ever go this long without updating again, everyone go over to my livejournal and start bugging the hell out of me. You, my loyal fans, deserve better authors than me. Poem is from the everlovely everadored Brand New's Okay, I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't and Moony questions are from various reviews stored in my inbox. You know who you are.
THE COUNTDOWN Continues... with
only two editions left! Checkout out WOO (Writing Of the Oracle) for
anything you didn't know; there's a link to it in my bio, and it will
be posted as chapter 34. Or something like that. It's been a long time.
Chapter 33 (34, now) will be huge. There will be a section for reader
comments, lots of poetry, memories, looking back on the year, what you
think of the Oracle's first year being published in Gryffindor, etc. Feel free to submit any and all of these.