She-who-must-not-be-named666's authors' note: This is the first installment of our new and hopefully long parody fic, enjoy and laugh your butts off! (Uh, I hope…), and sorry, pink light sabers are limited edition, there are only two made, one for Harry, and one for the co-author of this story, Erika (KeithUrbanFan). Please R & R!

X Chapter Two X

Harry Potter trudged down the dirt paved path of the Forbidden Forest, grumbling to himself. He tripped several times on roots, scraping his knees and putting a run in his tights, and noted with an uneasy feeling the amount of spider-webs was growing. He was getting close.

It began to drizzle, as Harry grew closer to what looked like a pond. Harry sighed and hitched up his tights to avoid soaking them in water.

"At least things couldn't get much worse, right?" he complained aloud. Suddenly Harry felt something hard bounce off the back of his head. "Ow! My freakishly large head!" he cried, stopping to glance around. "Who threw that!" he demanded.

"I did," croaked something sitting cross-legged on a lillypad in the middle of the lake. It appeared to be meditating. Harry squinted his eyes. It was a frog…of some sort. But it was very old….and short…and full of wrinkles….what that hair growing out from his ears?

"Kermit? Kermit the Frog?" he asked, in confusion. This was greeted by another rock to his cranium.

"Kermdoda the Frog am I," the creature replied with a scratchy voice. "But call me Kermdoda you may." The frog's eyes seemed to grow foggy as his voice gained a youthful dreaminess in it. "Ahhh Kermit the Frog….I haven't heard that name in a very very very very very very long-"

"Get to the point!" screamed Harry.

"Shut the hell up!" Kermdoda snapped "I was about to tell you that I was Kermit once!"

"But you just said-"

"Changed my name, did I, to escape Darth Voldie. Talk backwards sometimes I do, for senile am I."

"Wait so you only changed your first name to escape being detected?"

"It wasn't a very thorough search."

"Ah."

"Yeah..."

There was a moment of awkward silence. Harry looked down and scuffed his shoe in the dirt.

"Come to seek the help of Kermdoda you did. Why?"

"Well my friend Draco-I mean Malfoy. And he's not my friend. I hate him. He's evil and his feet stink." Harry said, a sweat drop running down his forehead.

"Mmm-Hmm." Kermdoda replied, rolling his eyes.

"Well you see he was dragged off by these giant spiders and I need to know where they've-"

There was a loud splash as Kermdoda bounded off the lillypad and over to Harry.

"Taken, your Draco was!" Kermdoda shouted excitedly.

"He's not my-" Harry tried to interject, but Kermdoda cut him off.

"Spiders, said you? Then it was Jabba the Hutt no doubt! Stop him we must!" Kermdoda said, jumping up and down doing karate moves. He stopped.

"Well don't just stand there looking pretty!" Kermdoda shouted and Harry blushed, "Do something!"

Kermdoda's eyes fell on the light saber in Harry's hand. "Ahhhhh," he said. "Come to train to be a Jedi, you have." He cooed.

"What? No!" Harry said.

"Come now, young Harry aren't you ready to fight for your Draco?"

"For the last time he IS NOT-" Harry shouted, turning red.

"Train you I shall. 'Tis in your blood to be a Jedi, Harry. Just like your father." Kermdoda cut in.

"MY DR-" Harry shouted, and then stopped abruptly.

"M-My father was a Jedi?" he asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes actually," said Kermdoda quite seriously, "You come from a long line of Jedi Knights young Harry. Just as the Malfoy family you speak of come from a long line of chocolatiers. They are both very interesting stories…maybe you'd like to hear-"

"Maybe later," Harry said, with a wave of his hand. "You're saying my father was a Jedi too? And how'd that work out?" he asked.

"Well…." Kermdoda said, looking at the floor. "He died," he coughed, covering his mouth.

Harry stared at him blankly. "Okay then. Nice meeting you!" he said, walking back the direction he came.

"Oh come on!" Kermdoda shouted, "You woke me up with your stupid angst! We're gonna do this thang!"

"I said-" Harry said angrily, turning around.

"Don't make me sing…" Kermdoda threatened. "A few songs from my younger days do I still know…" He cleared his throat. "Muppet Babies, we make our
dreams come true! Muppet Babies, we'll do the same for you!"

"Argghhhh!" Harry cried, sinking to his knees with his hands over his ears. Tears rolled out of his eyes. "The pain!"

"Alright, I'll do it." Harry finally shouted. "Just…don't do that again," he said with a shudder.

Kermdoda smiled a smug smile. "Come," he said. "To my home, to train, we must go!" He pointed at a small green igloo like house across the pond. They slowly made their way towards it.

"Sort of a dump," Harry observed.

"Eh," shrugged Kermdoda, "It's what you get with unemployment checks."

They, eventually, made it inside. Kermdoda hurried about the room, picking up boxers strewn about the room and kicking pizza boxes aside. "I haven't had company in quite some time,' he remarked.

"I see," said Harry eyeing him as he hastily stuffed a few copies of "Play Goat" magazine into the seat cushions of the sofa. "I uh borrowed that from Dumbledore…he has a subscription…" Kermdoda murmured, turning red.

"So I've heard…" Harry remarked dryly. "Hey, what's this?" He asked, picking up a gray helmet.

"That's what you'll be using to teach you to master the force." Kermdoda said. "Here let me show you…Hmmm I'll be needing a light saber for myself. I doubt if I'll be able to find my old one in time for-"

Kermdoda was interrupted as there was a loud crash and a shower of broken glass. A light saber landed at their feet, and Kermdoda both stared at the figure outside through the hole in the now broken window. It was wearing a safari suit and running away as fast as its pale, hairy legs would carry it.

"Was that…?" Kermdoda started to ask.

"It's probably better if you don't know…" Harry said, with a sigh.

Kermdoda picked up the light saber and pressed the button. It opened with a loud 'Neeerrr' noise. "Sweet," said Kermdoda, swishing his green saber.

"Watch me," Kermdoda said, putting on the helmet as an orb shot red lasers at him. Kermdoda warded them all off with his light saber with great ease. "Try now, you must," Kermdoda said, handing him the helmet. "Trust the force!"

Harry opened his pink light saber, feeling a bit stupid. Kermdoda thankfully did not comment on his choice of color, and Harry slipped the helmet onto his head.

He missed every one.

"It's alright," said Kermdoda patiently. "Again, you must try. I believe in you young Harry."

Three hours dragged by, and Harry had made little improvement. Okay he had made no improvement. No need to rub it in.

Kermdoda snatched the helmet off his head and threw it across the room. "You frigging jackass! Can you do nothing right? Younglings were doing this at five years old! Five! And you can't hit a single one!" he shouted, throwing his wrinkled hands in the air in frustration.

Harry's lower lip quivered. "I sorry…"

Kermdoda sighed. "Oh you're completely hopeless…you must be some kind of descendant of Luke…" he said, rubbing his temple.

"We're running out of time," Kermdoda said, pushing Harry out of his house, "We have to get to Jabba's palace and try to get back your Draco. Your light saber is pink so you'll have that going for you. That ought to give you the element of surprise."

"Wait, you're coming with me aren't you?" Harry asked, growing nervous, "Because I'm completely powerless on my own! I need constant praise, compliments, ego boosters and whatnot!"

Kermdoda stepped out of his house and eyed the beige clad figure crouching "conspicuously" behind a bush next to him. He shook his head sadly as the man quickly twisted the magnifying knob on his binoculars.

"Come with you I shall Harry," he replied, turning away from Snape. "You should probably know though that at soon as the fighting gets really serious I'll disappear and turn into a useless, yet safe, hologram. Losers say what. " Kermdoda said quickly.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Nothing…" Kermdoda said in a guiltless sing-song voice. "Let's get going."

It took them another hour just to get to the front walk, because of how slow Kermdoda had become over the years. In the end, Harry ended up carrying him piggyback.

"I'm getting too old for this…" Kermdoda muttered to himself.

"That's for sure," Harry huffed, as he continued down the path. Kermdoda bitch slapped his head, sending his glasses flying.

"How long until we get there?" Harry asked, after recovering his spectacles.

Harry glanced at a green metal sign along side the dirt road. It read:

---

Miles to Jabba On Foot - 2

Miles to Jabba With Frog On Back - 20

Haha Sucker.

----

Harry groaned. Kermdoda smiled. "Why do you look so happy?" Harry shouted.

"Happy, I am not," Kermdoda replied with the same expression on his face, "Constipated am I…"

Harry cringed, and looked down the long twisting road. It was going to be a long trip.