Chapter 20

He had never seen her dressed like a muggle. It was strange how different she looked in what was clearly Sophie Westerhall's clothing. The sleeves of the jumper were far too long and the skirt, which was probably supposed to be very short, almost reached her knees. A fleeting thought that she must be quite cold was quickly lost in the cloud of angry, fearful emotions that was swirling around in his head.

Her friend Sophie, who seemed taller each time he saw her, was towering over Edwina with a protective stance that Remus found quite annoying. It took self-control not to allow his face to show his irritation that she had brought her friend as protection.

"Good evening, Miss Westerhall. Hello Edwina." He warily greeted both women.

"Hello Professor. I'll just go then, Winnie. Okay? I'm supposed to meet Thom and his brother at 8."

"All right. Thank you for taking me, Sophie. We'll have to go back in the spring, too. Muggle plants…so fascinating." Edwina spoke with her eyes on Remus, as she embraced Sophie.

"Of course. I should have thought of taking you there years ago. Good to see you, Professor. Owl me, Winnie, okay?"

Edwina nodded at Sophie, but kept her eyes fixed on Remus. He noticed that she seemed more nervous than scared.

"Shall we go inside?"

Edwina raised her hand to rub the end of her nose lightly, "Yes, it's so cold outside."

Remus did not reply as he held open the door to the small restaurant. He hoped that £23.46 would be enough for dinner in what looked like a pseudo-posh curry house. He had only changed his pay packet into galleons the day before. If she'd let him know earlier then he could have held some out. Instead he'd had to rush to change the galleons he was carrying for settling his account with WCW Solid Fuel. Gringott's goblins always took a cut for changing, too, so he'd now paid twice for the same money.

"Did you have any trouble finding the restaurant?"

"No. I cast a locator."

He kept his eyes on her and saw that she was now quite clearly scared. The angriest portion of his mind thought with satisfaction, "Good." However his more logical side forced him to help her with her coat before she sat at the table and then say calmly, "Did you and Sophie go to Kew Gardens?"

"Yes. Did you mind coming here? I just thought since it was close to the Gardens that it would make sense to meet here."

"That was what I assumed when I found where the restaurant was. I am surprised that you never went before."

"You know Daddy didn't like me to mingle with muggles."

"Yes, I do."

There was an awkward pause as they both perused the menus. Remus realised that he would only be able order a plate of samosas for himself in order to have enough money to pay for the dinner. He so seldom got a chance to have a decent curry, too. Why couldn't she have given him at least one ruddy day's notice?

After both of them had placed their orders with an unhappy waiter, who made no attempt to hide his disdain for the oddly dressed couple who had barely ordered enough food for one person, there was another uncomfortable silence. Finally Remus cleared his throat and said, "Shall we talk, Edwina?"

Edwina, who had been staring intently at the reflection on the handle of her knife as she wondered what to say, looked up at Remus and blurted out, "I didn't mean to be so horrible. I don't know why I ran away or any of it. I'm sorry."

"I think you do know why you ran away. You were scared."

"Yes, but I shouldn't have been. You hadn't done anything to deserve that." Remus did not reply, so Edwina continued, "Everything he said just made sense. I almost died from the agriotita, so I was scared and I just lost my head."

"Are you still afraid of me?"

"I don't know. Maybe a little, but not of the werewolf."

"What, then?"

"You. You're awfully powerful, aren't you?"

Remus sighed and replied shortly, "Yes, but have I made you feel like you cannot trust me? Do you really feel that I would hurt you?"

He knew what her answer was before she spoke. "I don't know. I suppose not." She did think he would harm her.

"I don't know what to say to you, Winnie. I am not going to hurt you."

"Maybe not, I don't know. Why did you keep my wand?"

"I never kept your wand, Winnie."

"You did. You didn't let me have it when you got it back from the Ministry. You kept it."

"Is that what you thought?" Remus watched her nod and responded with some surprise, "I went to collect your wand from the Ministry for you, but when I got home you were in the glasshouse, so I put it on your dressing table."

"You had it in your pocket the next day when you gave it to me."

"I brought it to you. I saw you'd left it and since you were working on the potworms I knew you would need it."

"Oh."

Remus leaned forward and said, "Why would you think that I would keep your wand?"

"Father used to do that with Mother. He kept it when he thought she needed to learn a lesson or when they'd had an argument."

Remus let out a shocked gasp, "Good God, Winnie. I had no idea. I thought that sort of thing went out with pleated robes and fluted hats."

"I don't know. Aldebaran says that Uncle Cygnus is like that, too."

"I will never do that Winnie. That is despicable behaviour. I will never try to keep you from your wand or control you like that."

Edwina bit her lip and changed the subject, "You went to see Uncle Wilfred."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry. I should have told you where I was. I should have waited to talk to you at St. Mungo's, actually."

Remus nodded, but did not say more. Edwina looked over at the waiter wondering where the food was and continued, "He had no right to say what he did to you. I told him so."

Remus was surprised. Edwina had always stood in awe of her father's older brother. "Thank you."

"He is awfully angry that I am here today. But Great-Aunt says she will sort the family, as long as I do what I believe is right."

"And what is right Edwina? Where do we go from here?"

"Do you…do you still want to have a relationship?"

Remus thought angrily that she must know what his answer would be, why did she need to ask? Perhaps she wanted him to grovel. "You know I do, Winnie."

"Can you forgive me for running away like that?"

Remus wondered incredulously, "Does she really not understand?" However he replied in a steady voice, "Yes, if we are going to be honest with each other and not continue to hide what we are thinking or feeling."

"But you are hiding something, too. Don't keep saying you aren't, because I'm not that stupid."

"You are right. I have been." Remus leaned back to allow the waiter to place a small plate with two lamb samosas in front of him and watched as Edwina's face lit up at the sight of the dish in front of her. He had not known she liked curries.

However she looked up at him as soon as the waiter was gone and said, "Whatever it is, you must tell me. All that week you held me at arm's distance and we never got anywhere. We have to be honest with each other, right?"

"You are right. But perhaps now is not the time."

"Now is the only time. If we are going to go forward together then you cannot lie to me, Remus. I want to know."

Remus looked with distaste at the steaming pockets of spiced lamb and told himself that the strong flavourings would help him get them down. "Alright, Winnie. The only possible days that the healer gave me for the conception we were not together."

Remus heard rather than saw her fork clatter to the table. He felt the long suppressed anger rise in his throat and looked away from her. The chair almost fell over as Edwina stood up to run for the lavatory at the back of the restaurant.

When she returned almost 10 minutes later, Remus could see that she had been crying heavily. In the time she was gone he had finished his own food and had hers boxed up to take away. Without a word, Remus held up her coat and eased her into it before placing his hand on her lower back to direct her to the door.

Edwina spoke in a tiny, shaky voice, "But I'm still hungry."

"Don't worry, I have your food. Come on."

When they got to the end of the street outside Remus looked around them to see how many muggles were within sight distance. Since he could only see two men neither of whom was watching them, Remus cast a warming spell and a calming spell on Edwina and a warming spell on himself. "We will talk more and you can finish eating, but I think that this conversation does not need to happen in a public place."

"Where are we going?"

Since they were now almost at the entrance to the Kew Gardens station, Remus gestured to the sign, "We'll go to Holborn and then floo from Dawson's, like we did when you went home from St. Mungo's."

When Edwina stepped out of the fireplace grate into the sitting room of Hatishall Cottage, she barely had time to look around the room before she heard Remus exit the grate behind her. The room didn't look as cheerful as she remembered. In fact, it was not very clean. She turned around and saw that he was standing with one hand on the back of the chintz-covered chair looking at her.

For the entire journey home Remus had refused to talk to her about what had been said in the restaurant. She had felt the deep anger radiating off him, but was amazed at how calm he appeared. Everything he did was extraordinarily polite and careful, even offering her his cloak when it was clear the warming charm would not be sufficient.

But as they stood looking at each other in the sitting room of the Lupin home, Edwina could see the thinly veiled emotions playing across his face.

"Did you want to finish eating first or talk?"

"Are you saying that I had an affair?"

Remus took a deep breath before saying slowly, "I'm saying that the healer assured me that there was no chance that the baby was conceived outside of this particular 36 hour period during which I was in Norway. You did not come with me and I did not come back here to visit you."

"So you are saying I cheated on you."

Edwina saw the smouldering look in Remus' eyes as he replied, "I don't see any other explanation."

"I don't believe it."

"I didn't want to believe it either, Winnie. Do you think I want to think that you were lying to me?"

Edwina shouted, "I would never do that. I don't need to have those memories to know what sort of person I am. I can't have changed enough then to have become an adulteress, Remus."

"Then how do you explain it?"

"I don't know! Perhaps it was not voluntary."

Remus had already considered this as an excuse, but could not believe this either. "You were staying with your uncle that week, Edwina. Or so I was told. Don't you think that you would have told someone or they would have noticed if you had been attacked and raped? Instead all I heard when I got back was that your aunt had taken you shopping and that your cousin Aldebaran had come down to take you to dinner."

"I don't know but I can't have done that! You are wrong. You are so wrong. I don't believe you."

"What do you want me to think then? What should I tell myself, Edwina? Do you think that I could possibly forget coming back here to Cornwall and sleeping with you? Because I remember every time, Winnie. You must know that I've been gagging for it since that first kiss in front of Robinson's eight months ago. No matter what you remember you can't be blind enough not to have noticed that, Winnie. So, perhaps you want to go back to St. Mungo's and have the baby's age measured again?"

Edwina stared at the furious wizard who had changed from his normally placid, calm demeanour to one of blind rage. She could hear the humiliation in his voice as he admitted to the depth of his desire for her and felt her face flush deep red with embarrassment. "Yes, I do. I want to see them do it because I don't believe it. I won't believe it."

"Well why bother, Winnie? Why not just do a paternity spell and have done?"

"I don't know. Why not?"

Remus narrowed his eyes ever more and said in a dangerously low growl, "Do you want me to do it, Winnie? Because when we have the result there is no going back. No uncertainty. I have not made it my business to hunt the man down because I didn't have the proof. But when I know, I will."

"No, when we have the results you will beg my forgiveness because you are wrong. Do the bloody spell, Remus. Just do it. You can, can't you?"

"Yes, I can. But it is dangerous, painful, and very dark magic."

"I don't care. DO IT."

Remus turned on his heel and stalked from the room. Edwina sank into the large green wingchair and stared into the flames of the fireplace. How could this have happened? She refused to believe that there was any possibility that she had cheated. She couldn't. She wouldn't.

"Stand up."

Edwina head the peremptory command spoken as he entered the room with a small book in his hand. When he got closer she could see that the book was bound in a strange type of skin that she didn't recognise. The cover had words in yet another language that she didn't understand.

"Give me your hand."

Remus pulled her by the hand over to the mahogany desk. He set his wand down on the desk and pulled out another wand from his pocket. She noticed that this one was sharp enough to be a weapon by itself.

Remus hissed a command and the palm of her hand felt like it was splitting open. Edwina cried out in pain as a trickle of blood poured from her hand and onto a large silver disk that Remus had set on the desk using his handkerchief. He dropped her hand and then spoke the same words with the wand aimed at his own hand.

Edwina was holding her hand, trying to stop the bleeding. She knew that there was a spell for it, but she couldn't remember the words. As Remus stood over the silver disk and spoke words that Edwina couldn't and didn't even want to understand, the blood began to boil. Suddenly a crackling and hissing sound came from the disk and a dark black smoke rose from the desktop.

"Lift the jumper, Edwina."

Edwina, who was still holding her hand and whimpering from the pain, shook her head and stepped back.

"You wanted me to perform the spell and so I am. Lift your jumper so I can touch my wand to the skin or I will."

Edwina slowly lifted the front of the woollen jumper and said, "Can't you stop the bleeding?"

"Not yet. This is really going to hurt."

Edwina felt her knees weaken in fear as she saw him lift his wand and point it towards her. Suddenly the pain in her belly was so excruciating that she felt herself beginning to lose consciousness.

She heard a distant voice saying sharply, "Stay with me, Winnie. I can't do this with you unconscious." As he spoke to her there was a sensation like a very small point exactly in the middle of her stomach was being lifted and removed. The pain was beyond anything that she had expected or ever experienced.

Remus watched as his wife knelt on the floor panting from the pain as he touched his wand to her belly and spoke the final words. As the power behind the spell built, he held the wand as still as possible. He knew that the spell would hurt her, but he had not known that it would be this bad. His anger and jealousy were strong, but his love for her was much stronger, so he was already regretting his decision to put her through this.

"Breathe out, quite hard. Come on Winnie, breathe."

Edwina breathed out and then sank to the floor in a dead faint. Remus pulled his wand back and saw that there was a long, shimmering strand hanging from the end of it. Something in his head was shouting at him to forget everything else and make sure she was alright, but his mind was too focused on the chance to finally know the truth to stop.

With a flourish he dropped the silvery strand onto the silver disk, which now contained a hole where his blood had dropped before mixing with hers and a small amount of tarry black liquid. The resulting fumes were enough to make him choke, but he did not move away because the results were enough to take his breath away. The baby, this baby was his.