Disclaimer: BARG!
Wow. Chapter sixteen. YAY! More and more seeps from my writey fingers! I can't stop writing this. It's an addiction. Snur. I wonder what's going to happen next?
This chapter includes another fucked up dream sequence. This one is Raven's. Don't even try and convince me that only crazy people dream in color. I dream in color. Yay!
An accomplishment! This is my longest fic so far and it still has a long way to go. Woot!
Wow. My two year anniversary was last week. I feel special. Why am I still talking? You should be reading the chapter. I'll be quiet now (shoves sock in mouth).
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"Leave me alone!" Raven shrieked, struggling against the tight bindings around her body. She was bound at the waist, ankles, and wrists to what she believed to be a large stone cross. By the look of the surroundings, she was in a graveyard. She had no idea why she was here, but she just knew she needed out, fast. The dark figure before her, whose face she could not see, only laughed coldly at her.
"I'm afraid that's not going to happen," he said. She could only see the eyes of the shadowy face. They were cold and cruel and a deep purple, the same color as her own. He stepped forward slightly and put a hand under her chin. "We have so much to do." there was something horribly sadistic and menacing about the way he said this.
Raven jerked her chin out of his grasp. "Get the hell away from me! Don't you fucking touch me!"
"There's no need for such language, my dear," he said civilly, sounding a bit amused at her anger. "You don't need to get so angry. You can't get so angry. It's not safe. You know it. You'll just be consumed," his voice grew more sinister with every word. "So just calm down." he placed a hand on her cheek..
Raven's powers didn't seem to be working. She tried desperately to free herself with them, but nothing happened. She tried to free herself with her own human strength, and that didn't seem to be working, either. She was tightly, hopelessly bound. This was what she hated most all combined; being out of control, being helpless, and being touched against her will.
"Don't…..touch…..me," she snarled, pure venom dripping from her every syllable. "Or I will destroy you."
The man's laugh was full of pure mirth this time. She could clearly see the dagger in his other hand. Raven was filled with a complete and total wave of molten rage. She could barely see through her fury. The fact that nothing was exploding or bursting into flames was probably due to the fact that her powers seemed to be gone completely. She was totally out of control.
"If you do anything to me, I swear I'll-" she began.
"You'll what? There's really nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do but just sit there and let me hurt you," the evil voice said. "You need to learn to let go. You need to let yourself be out of control."
"I won't," Raven hissed. "You can't make me do anything. I don't care if you did something to my powers. I'll still-"
The man was laughing hysterically as he raised the dagger over her. Raven was near to tears of rage. And suddenly the man stopped. He put his hands to his head, clutching his hair.
"No. You can't make me!" he said, his voice losing its malice. "Please, don't make me hurt her." his voice was changing structure, becoming less manly, and when he looked up the eyes were green.
"Shut up!" said the cruel voice, and the eyes turned violet once more and the dagger raised. It was evident now that the voice wasn't coming from his mouth. It seemed to be coming from an unseen source.
"No!" said the younger voice, the familiar voice. There was defiance in the tone, a desperate need to resist. "You…can't make me!" The green eyes returned and he collapsed to his knees. For some reason, Raven was reminded strongly of Terra, but she knew that this wasn't Terra. "Go….away!" he screamed, throwing the dagger into the dirt and digging his nails into his scalp. He sat there on his knees for a moment, panting heavily. He raised his head and looked at her, and as a shaft of moonlight fell over his face, Raven saw that it was Beast Boy. She was surprised that she hadn't realized this before.
"B-Beast Boy?" she stammered in surprise. He got quickly to his feet. He was trembling as he undid her bindings as quickly as he could. When Raven finally dropped to her feet, she was overcome with a tide of relief. She was back in control, now. She rubbed her wrists, which were raw from where the rope had rubbed. Beast Boy was shaking even harder now.
"Raven, I am so sorry," he said. "I almost…oh God. I almost…" he couldn't even say the words. He looked like he was going to throw up. "I almost…killed you. I killed Terra, too. It was my fault she died. If I would have been there in time-"
"Oh, Beast Boy," Raven said softly, staring into the wide green eyes. She could think of nothing to say for a moment. "No, Terra's death wasn't your fault. You did all you could. And you didn't kill me. That's all that matters. I know you would never hurt me."
Beast Boy smiled at her. "Yeah. I could never hurt you, Rae," he said. Raven smiled back for a moment, and then became serious again.
"Beast Boy, I need to tell you something," she said.
"Sure. What is it?" Beast Boy asked, looking slightly worried. Raven breathed deeply several times.
"Beast Boy I…I've been thinking a lot and I realized that I…." she swallowed a few times and struggled to keep speaking. "I love you," she said finally. "I don't know how or why, because I'm not even supposed to let myself feel anything. But I…I love you. I can't help it, I can't stop it, I can't control it. I just love you."
Beast Boy stared back in surprise for a moment, his eyes wide. "I…I love you too," he stammered, looking shocked at Raven's words. "I've loved you for a long time…but I never really thought you would ever feel the same way."
And as he said this, a wave of the most unbelievable feeling Raven had ever experienced ran through her entire body. It was warm and content, and completely and totally joyful. She felt like Starfire on ecstasy. She had never known such a feeling before, and she had no idea how to react.
And then suddenly Beast Boy was lunging for her and had wrapped his arms around her. Raven returned the embrace forcefully, and before she knew what was going on, his lips were pressed against hers and she was kissing him back. All she knew was that she loved him. She loved him so much. A million thoughts were running through her head. Warnings to herself to pull away sounded repeatedly and the more practical side of her was laughing at her actions. But all she could do was kiss Beast Boy like the world was crashing down around them….
Raven opened her eyes. She was in her room, on her bed. She realized that she had been dreaming , and felt stupid. She had been attempting to sort out her feelings for Beast Boy, and she must have fallen asleep in the process. She was still filled with that warm, jubilant feeling. It quickly dissipated when she realized how much meaning that dream had really had.
Dreams could mean nothing. It was possible that it was just her tired brain screwing with her.
But as she thought about it, Raven realized that her dream really did mean something. Love was never a definite thing. You couldn't usually differentiate between the two easily. As she thought of Beast Boy, though, she was pretty sure of it. She was in love. No one had ever made her feel this way before. No one had ever made her this happy just by being around. No one had ever made her want to be around them so much. When she had fallen asleep, she had been deeply smitten, but she had had many revelations and it was all coming together. It explained the strange, intense feeling she got whenever he looked into her eyes. It explained how she wanted to keep him safe from all harm. It explained everything strange that had been going on lately. Raven loved Beast Boy. It was suddenly very clear.
The ecstatic feeling was replaced by terror.
Raven loved Beast Boy.
This was not good. Not good at all.
The concept of love terrified Raven. It always had. It felt like giving away a very personal part of her soul. She had never had to think about it before. This was not a recent thing, she realized. She had loved Beast Boy for a while now if her intuition was correct. She was filled with a strong worry. Raven had no idea how to handle this. It produced a strong lump in her throat and she was surprised. She stood up, and caught sigh of herself in the mirror.
"I don't love him," she said aloud to the loathsome reflection, gritting her teeth as her mind told her how very wrong she was. She did love him. There was nowhere to hide. There was no way around it. She had been stripped of all her cover and was left in the open with no way to escape the truth. "I don't love him," she told her reflection, as though it had argued with her. "I can't love him. Things like that don't happen to people like me. I don't deserve to love." the reflection only mouthed her words as she said them and left her with nothing. "I can't love him!" she said loudly, slamming her fist into the mirror and feeling it shatter beneath her fist, sharp little flakes of glass cutting into her knuckles. Sharp pricks of pain followed this action and she pulled her hand back as though she were surprised, staring blankly at her wounded hand.
There was something satisfactory about the pain that released something inside. She knelt down and grabbed a shard of glass from the floor. "I can't love him," she repeated over and over again like a mantra. "I can't love him….I can't love him….I love him! Look at you, you stupid little girl!" she snapped at herself. "You are pathetic. You love him and you don't even know why!" she whipped the jagged piece of glass downward. " Wake up you stupid whore! You can't love!" she roared, slashing the glass against her arm. It cut through her leotard and sliced the flesh beneath. She did this several times, breathing getting heavier.
The blood was welling up on her fingers and her arm as she looked desperately for an escape. She climbed shakily to her feet, her breathing ragged. She walked toward her door. She started down the hall. She was walking in an unknown direction. And then hurrying. She was jogging. And then she was running.
She wasn't sure where she was running to. She wasn't even sure why she was running. The thing she was trying to escape was inside of her. There was no way to get away.
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Oh, the drama. I'll update soon.
