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Chapter 29
"I'll let Nathan know," Buck said.
Chris nodded his thanks. He knew Buck was making light of how sick Chris had been, how much Nathan's treatments had pulled him through, but that didn't mean Chris didn't know. So Buck had instructions to pass along his thanks to the healing man.
"And you'll check in on Mary and Billy?" Chris asked. His stomach clenched at thoughts of what Buck had filled him in on the day before.
"You know I will," Buck said.
Chris nodded again. He knew.
Buck grinned. "It's killin' you to be tucked away here with no way of knowing what's goin' on in town, ain't it."
Chris wasn't used to being shoved aside. It wasn't a feeling he liked. But there was Lucy to protect. The thought of her shy smiles, the way she ducked her head when he looked her way, the dusting of freckles across her nose giving her a look of innocence, her gentleness with the kitten…the knot in his stomach eased some.
Buck swung up in his saddle. "We'll keep an eye on the town and send word if there's anything you need to know. You know that."
Chris knew. "Make sure JD's alright after all that shooting in the outlaw camp. Don't need the kid rattled before Eli Joe shows up."
Buck nodded. "You ain't worried about Ezra?"
Chris snorted. "Ezra would make sure we all knew it if he had a hangnail and it got him out of work." He sobered again. "But check on Vin. You know how he takes it on himself when something goes wrong. Seein' Billy and Mary taken, having to gun down those vermin to get them back…make sure he's got his head on straight."
"I will," Buck assured him.
Chris gave Buck's horse a solid pat on the neck then stepped back to let his friend turn the horse and set off toward town at an easy lope.
"What's wrong with Vin?"
Chris turned quickly. Lucy was standing in the doorway of the cabin. He hadn't heard her there.
Her eyes were wide with worry, her hand gripping the open door hard enough her fingers were white.
"Nothing," Chris said.
"He—he was in a gunfight?" Lucy pressed.
Chris could see what it cost her to keep pushing for answers, the fear that flared when she questioned, but the way she visibly squared her shoulders to brace herself for his answer—whether it be information or coming at her. He chose his words carefully, made his movements slow.
"There was a little scuffle. Some outlaws hit the bank and Vin led the posse after them."
Lucy gripped the door harder.
"He's fine. No one got hurt but the outlaws. Mary and her boy got banged up some, but they're going to be fine."
Lucy bit down on her lip. Then she nodded and slipped back into the house.
Chris headed out to the barn. He felt almost normal. Buck had stayed a day beyond Chris actually needing help and Chris had the sneaking suspicion it had more to do with Lucy's cooking than any concern over his healing.
Chris worked his way through the chores. He and Buck had actually managed to work ahead on a few projects that would need to be done before winter swept through in a few months. He took Lucy's horse from the stall, leading her out to the round pen behind the barn.
The mare was less skittish and Chris was starting to see glimpse of why Vin would have bought her for Lucy. She had a good temperament under the fear that had beat into her. Her muscles were well formed and she was a good size for Lucy, compact, but athletic.
Gal didn't dart away when Chris reached out to her anymore. She even stood when he walked up to her, head down, relaxed.
He looked toward the house and saw Lucy come outside. She went around the side of the house. He turned his attention back to the horse.
He managed to saddle her without spooking her. He was going to swing up into the saddle when he heard a steady thud.
He paused, listening. When he realized what it was, he let out a quiet curse.
He tied the horse quickly and strode toward the house. He passed by the porch, going around where he had seen Lucy go.
He rounded the corner of the house and grimaced.
Lucy had the axe in hand. She lifted the heavy axe and brought it down with another crack on the piece of wood on the chopping block in front of her.
Chris saw her raise the axe again and he strode across the side yard, habit forcing his eyes from her to check the trail into the ranch for anyone, and then back to Lucy.
He reached her just as she was lifting the axe yet again.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
Lucy jolted in surprise, nearly losing her hold on the axe before she tightened her grip. Tightening her grip made her wince in pain.
Chris looked down at her hand, remembering the stitches that had run across her palm. He grabbed the axe from her. "Let me see," he ordered.
Lucy lifted those huge blue eyes that made him feel like he was a monster. He steeled himself against the feeling. She probably wasn't too far off in that judgement.
Chris jerked his head at her hand.
Lucy lowered her eyes and cautiously extended her hand toward him.
Her palm was red, the scar puckered, but thankfully she hadn't ripped open her old wound.
"You shouldn't—" Chris started, but when she flinched, he heard how harsh his voice was. He took a long breath.
She lifted her eyes to him when he didn't speak and there was that look again. The one that had her studying him intently like she was looking for something. He met her eyes and she quickly dropped her gaze again.
"Your hand ain't all the way healed. That axe handle will rip it right open again."
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
Chris heaved a sigh. An apology was the last thing he wanted. She stood in front of him, shoulders bowed, like she was waiting for him to strike her.
"I don't—" he started, then stopped when he heard how gruff his voice was. He tried again. "I don't want you hurtin' yourself. Buck and I took care of the woodpile."
Lucy nodded quickly. "I saw that. I—I wasn't trying to—to offend you. I just…I needed…"
Chris frowned when she trailed off. He couldn't remember Lucy ever voicing so much as a wish, let alone telling him what she needed. He waited, until she finally spoke again, her voice barely a whisper.
"I was thinking about Vin. I just needed to…"
"Work off the worries?" Chris finished for her when she trailed off.
She met his eyes again and this time there was no question there. She looked like she was understanding him for the first time, then she ducked her head again.
"I'm sorry about the firewood," she whispered. "I'll go get supper ready."
"Wait," Chris said, stopping himself before he reached out and stopped her with a touch that would be likely to make her flinch.
Lucy stopped, but kept her eyes trained on her boots that peeked out from beneath her long skirt.
"Do you want to go see your brother?" Chris asked. "See for yourself he's alright?"
Lucy lifted eyes bright with hope to him. It was enough of an answer for Chris.
"I got your horse saddled already. We can leave as soon as you got your bag ready."
Lucy nodded quickly, then stopped. "Are you sure you're up to the ride? After being so sick?"
One corner of Chris' mouth lifted. "I had a good nurse."
Lucy's cheeks turned pink.
"Go get your things," Chris said. "I'll saddle the other horse."
Lucy nodded and scurried toward the house, looking like she was just barely holding herself back from an all out run.
Chris hoped this wasn't a mistake. But Nathan had been back out to check on Chris only a day ago, bringing Buck a telegram saying Eli Joe and his men were still locked up, though the judge was expected any day. Best to get Lucy to town to see Vin before they had to hole up at the ranch again.
He went to saddle his stallion, then up to the house to let Lucy know the horses were ready.
Lucy was in the kitchen, her carpetbag at her feet while she crouched down on the floor to scoop up her kitten.
Chris reached down and took her light bag, then held out a hand to help her to her feet.
Lucy hesitated, then took his hand and curled her fingers lightly around his while he helped her stand.
Her hand was small, delicate in spite of the callouses.
"Thank you," Lucy said. "For taking me to see Vin." The blue of her eyes struck him every time she met his eyes and he found himself wishing she'd lift her eyes to his more often.
Chris cleared his throat, then nodded.
Her fingers gave a barely perceptible squeeze of his hand before she released her hold and withdrew her hand. She held the kitten in her other hand. Chris took the animal's basket from the floor near the stove and handed it to her.
He brought Lucy's belongings to the horses and tied her carpetbag in place behind her saddle. Her mare still stood docile.
"You want to try riding her?" he asked.
Lucy didn't hesitate. She nodded eagerly.
Chris took the basket with the kitten. "Maybe this guy should ride with me. Just in case your horse gets tempermental."
Lucy nodded and all but pushed the kitten and basket into his arms.
Chris watched the mare for any signs of nervousness as Lucy untied her and gathered the reins. Then as she put one foot in the stirrup and lifted herself to the saddle. The mare shifted slightly, but Lucy balanced easily, calmly adjusting the reins to remind her horse who was in control. Chris was struck again by her skill as a rider.
Her face was relaxed even though her blue eyes were alert. Her grip easy on the reins, at complete odds with who she was when she faced Chris with trembling hands and darting gazes. Chris wasn't sure how to take it that she was more fearful of him than a wild horse, but he understood the cause.
He cradled the basket under one arm while he mounted. He had only got back in the saddle the day before, going out with Buck to check on the herd. He had barely had the energy to make it up the porch steps that evening, but had tried to hide his exhaustion.
Today he would be in the saddle for the ride to town and would need to be alert. He couldn't risk anything happening to Lucy because of his own weakness.
He kept an eye on her as he held onto the kitten's basket and nudged his stallion forward.
Lucy got her horse moving, and fell into an easy pace with Chris.
They rode in silence. Chris didn't let the late summer sun or the light breeze, or the way Lucy's long braid shone, or the blue of her eyes when she scanned their surroundings distract him. He reminded himself he was just looking after Vin's sister as a favor to his friend. He had no business… And she shouldn't have had to run herself ragged looking after him until Buck and Nathan turned up.
"I appreciate all you did," Chris said.
Lucy looked over at him, her brow knit like she didn't know what he could possibly be thanking her for.
"Taking care of me, keeping the ranch going. Buck told me all you did."
Lucy quickly looked away, her cheeks turning pink. Chris knew that told of her discomfort at his acknowledgment, but he found himself liking the glow in her cheeks.
"He—Buck—he told me…" Lucy's voice trailed off and Chris waited. He had learned in their short time together to give her space to gather her thoughts. She looked over at him, her eyes soft, not filled with the fear he so often saw in them. Her voice quieted. "Buck told me about…about your family. Your wife and son…"
Chris tensed and his horse sidestepped reflexively. He shut any thoughts off before they could turn into memories of Adam and Sarah and what he had lost.
"I'm sorry…for what you lost," she said. Her grief was sincere, and Chris knew how well she understood hurt and loss.
He managed a curt nod of acknowledgement of her words.
"I'm really sorry," Lucy whispered. "I didn't know. I should have—should have told Vin…I shouldn't have stayed."
Lucy's words hit him hard enough to knock aside any thoughts of his family. He looked at Lucy hard. The thought of her leaving, on her own, defenseless and dragged back by Eli Joe made his stomach churn.
"Been nice having you around," Chris said. He didn't know how to tell her he hadn't wanted much of anything to do with this plan to keep her safe beyond providing a gun near her at first. Hell, he didn't even know what he thought of it now. He just knew he didn't want to think how empty his house would be once the faced down Eli Joe and Lucy went back with Vin.
Lucy slid a glance toward him, her cheeks pinking up again at his words.
They didn't speak again on the lengthy ride to town. But Chris couldn't help looking over from under the brim of his hat at the woman riding alongside him as they went.
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Lucy shouldn't have this warmth in her chest. Just being told it was nice having her around wasn't high praise or a confession of anything more than Chris tolerating her presence. But it had been so long since someone had wanted Lucy with them—not wanted a cook, or a punching bag, but wanted her presence—that she couldn't turn away from the warm glow, like a campfire to draw near in the middle of a dark, lonely night.
She glanced over at Chris, sitting straight in the saddle, easy and confident. But then she saw the lines of fatigue around his eyes. She wanted to ask if he was ok, but then knew he wouldn't admit anything else even if he wasn't. And there wasn't much to be done if he wasn't alright.
She looked at the landmarks around them and stifled a sigh of relief that they weren't too much farther from town.
The sun was nearly setting as they came into the outskirts of the town. She realized Chris was heading toward the saloon, and the rooms they would have there. She looked at the worn out slope of his shoulders, he had been losing his posture slowly as their ride had progressed.
"We can…" she started, then caught herself.
Chris looked at her. It was the lack of anger or annoyance at her starting to offer a suggestion that gave her courage to keep speaking.
"We can go to the livery first. I can unsaddle Gal." She didn't say she was worried about him pushing himself too hard if he brought her to the saloon and tended to both horses on his own.
Chris nodded once and changed course.
Lucy tried not to watch Chris too closely as he dismounted. But she couldn't help herself, needing to make sure he hadn't overdone it. She silently berated herself for letting Chris see her worry about Vin, for not insisting they stay at the ranch. She should have thought about Chris, still recovering and regaining his strength, instead of being so selfish and—
"You ok?"
Lucy jerked her attention out of her own thoughts. She looked at Chris, closing the stall door on his stallion and watching her, a crease between his brows.
Lucy had been so absorbed in her thoughts, she hadn't even taken the saddle off Gal yet.
"I shouldn't have—I'm sorry—I was worried, but…you were so sick—we shouldn't be here—"
Chris didn't move, but his words stopped her jumbled apology. "We need to check on your brother. Put both our minds at ease."
Lucy studied him, seeing he wasn't just offering her a platitude. He really seemed to want to check in on things in town.
Chris came to her side then. When Lucy realized he was going to take Gal's saddle, she lifted it down herself and hurried to put it on a saddle rack before Chris did anything more.
He had Gal in a stall when she came back over and was holding her carpetbag in one hand, Soot's basket in the other, his saddlebags draped over his shoulder. And he looked like he was two steps from collapsing.
Lucy tentatively reached out to take Soot's basket, knowing Chris wouldn't agree to her carrying everything. Her mind flashed back to the times she had gone into town with Eli Joe for supplies and he had left her to load the wagon, heaving fifty pound bags of grain and flour, while he went to the saloon. She couldn't imagine Chris doing that.
She was aware of Chris' steps moving more slowly than normal, and by the time they were at the swinging doors of the saloon, his breathing was labored like he had run miles.
She ran her eyes over the crowd in the saloon, pressing in closer to Chris' side. She saw Buck at a table with JD the same time Buck spotted them.
Buck's grin was wide, welcoming, and he immediately pushed back his chair and crossed over to them. His smile dimmed slightly when he got close enough to see the light sheen of sweat over Chris' brow, notice his ragged breathing. He looked over to Lucy.
"We should get up to our rooms," she said quietly, aware that even as she was near Chris for the security he offered, he was leaning slightly against her.
Buck nodded. He took the basket from Lucy, then took Chris' saddlebags and Lucy's bag from him without asking.
"I ain't an invalid," Chris grumbled, but Buck didn't offer them back to him.
"I'll bring these on up. You think you can manage the stairs, Chris?"
Chris glared at him and Buck chuckled. "I'll take that as a yes."
He went ahead of them and Lucy made her way across the saloon to the stairs.
Chris made it up the staircase. In his room, he sat down heavily on the edge of the bed.
Buck jerked his head toward the room next door. "I put your critter and bag in your room."
Lucy murmured her thanks, then looked back at Chris.
His breathing was settling now that he was off his feet, the horseback ride behind him. He looked up at Lucy and Buck both watching him.
"I ain't goin' boots up any time soon. You can both quit lookin' at me like you're trying to figure where to dig my grave."
Lucy pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and dropped her eyes to the floor, but next to her Buck laughed.
"We all know you're too ornery for St. Peter to deal with any sooner than he has to. You and Lucy need something to eat?"
Lucy shook her head. She just wanted to see Vin. But Chris clearly wasn't up to seeking him out with her.
Chris watched her shake her head and turned to Buck. "Maybe you could round up Vin. Tell him Lucy's here to see him."
Lucy felt her shoulders drop with relief that she wouldn't have to venture out on the dark streets to see Vin. Or leave Chris behind.
"Sure thing," he said. He gave Lucy a nod of farewell and gave her plenty of space when he walked around her to leave the room.
Lucy slid the toes of her boots across the rough hewn floorboards. She hated leaving Chris like this, but had no excuse to stay near him. This wasn't like back on the ranch when he was ill, where she could leave his bedroom door open and stop in to check in on him. When he was so sick, he wasn't even aware of her.
Chris leaned back on the pillows, heaving a sigh of relief as he stretched out on his back.
Lucy took that as her cue to leave.
Chris slid a look toward her. "You goin'?"
Lucy twisted her fingers together to keep from reaching out to check his brow and make sure the fever hadn't returned. "I'll let you rest."
Chris' eyes didn't waver. He watched her. Lucy wasn't sure what he was seeing.
"Wouldn't mind you sittin' with me. Keepin' me company," he said.
The knot of worry in Lucy's stomach unwound, lightening with his words. She pulled the chair in the corner of his room closer to his bedside, the position feeling familiar after days of watching over his sickbed, though now he was just run down, not threatened by pneumonia.
She sat, smoothing her hands over her skirts, not sure what to say or if Chris wanted quiet.
"My boy, Adam," he said quietly, then paused.
Lucy looked over at him. He was looking up at the ceiling. She waited, not pushing, not sure if Chris was going to go on.
"He was full of energy. Full of life." Chris' eyes were distant as he watched some memory play through his mind. Then he looked over at Lucy. "He was small for his age. But he'd follow me around the homestead. Try to copy every move I made."
Lucy's throat ached with tears she wanted to shed for Chris. "He loved you," she said, heart squeezing as she thought again of all Chris had lost.
"He was my world," Chris said, voice rough, looking again to the ceiling, eyes lost somewhere in the past again. "Him and Sarah."
Lucy couldn't stop herself from sliding her hand across the edge of the mattress toward Chris'.
Her hand brushed against Chris' and he didn't pull away.
"I—I know how bad it can hurt," she whispered. "To lose someone. How lonely it is."
Chris looked at her again. "Yeah."
She thought of what it would be like to lose Chris. How certainly she was going to lose him, even if it was only by moving out of his house. He would go back to being Vin's friend and nothing more to her.
The silence grew heavy in the room as Lucy sat near Chris, her fingers barely touching his.
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