Hello everyone. I know it's been a while. My ability to get into consistently writing goes hand in hand with my mental health, and I had ignored that 'check engine' light for too long. Which unfortunately means my readers go a very long time without seeing anything 'new'. I use 'new' loosely, as all I've been doing for the last 8 years is write and re-write the same chapters. This story has a special place in my heart, and when I originally wrote the first couple chapters, I was going through a similar situation to Lucy in this fanfiction. My state of mind was skewed, my perception of relationships limited, and my understanding of how individuals functioned very black and white. Every time I had a period of growth, I found myself wanting to come back, and adjust the story, because I couldn't leave the characters without the same growth. I didn't want them to still have such a narrow and naïve view of themselves and the people they interacted with. Thus began the cycle of delete, alter, then post, and repeat. And here we are 8 years later. To my surprise, while searching my laptop I found 16 more chapters that I had written years ago. Readers that have been with me for years, may recall some of those old chapters I've since removed. Not to say I don't still have an element of the same character, but I was incredibly immature, petty, emotionally unbalanced, and oh so naïve.
Two nights ago I re-read through my story, when my muse whispered a belated 'hello old friend, you've got work to do' – it was time to fix my story. I got to work, thinking I would rewrite everything; change dialogue, choices, and personalities to reflect a healthier and more mature world-view. But I realized it'd be better to leave the first 4 chapters as is – it'd be a good basis of reflection, and model of comparison for when character growth inevitably happens. And as I read through my old chapters, I realized I needed to take the story way off the beaten path from what I originally had planned for plot. You guys deserve better, and the characters of this beloved anime deserve better. They deserve to be portrayed realistically, with true depth, and sincere growth. I'm sorry the story dropped off, I apologize I left people hanging without any resolution or closure – I understand from personal experience how frustrating it is to invest your time and emotions into a story that ends abruptly without explanation. But I will do everything I can to continue this story, and give it the energy and dedication you and the characters deserve. I know this is just a fanfiction, I'm not a professional, nor am I an expert on the anime. However I will do what I can to provide an entertaining story at the very least. Sometimes the characters may seem off – but we all have our moments where we behave out of line, or off character – it's a part of being human. That said, here's the continuation. I hope you all enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it.
….
Mira padded away from where she left Lucy and approached a perturbed dragonslayer sitting by his partner; Lily was off with the crowd, enmeshed in a series of arm wrestling challenges. Gajeel and Levy sat with their backs to the great hall's wall, separate from the boisterous crowd that made up the patrons and members of Fairy Tail. Gajeel's head rose when Mira drew close, his brows still knit in irritation, and he nodded at her approach. They shared a knowing look and Mira cleared her throat. Levy glanced up from her book, briefly puzzled, then smiled at Mira. She began to cheerily greet the woman when the words died on her lips - Mira's face was troubled. Instead Gajeel was the first to speak.
"I see Bunny girl left. You'll not be needin' me to go up anymore – I mean, I still could but-" he started before he heard his girlfriend snort in mirth. He glared at her playfully, before giving her a slight nudge.
"You love hearin' me sing, don't lie." The man's rebuttal was dismissed with an eyeroll. Mira confirmed that no, she didn't need his assistance any longer and the dragonslayer released a deep sigh of relief, his fist hitting the table.
"Agh - thank the fuckin Gods." Levy gasped at his blasphemous outburst.
"What? You don't have my hearing – you didn't have to listen to them fu-"
"Okay okay we get it." Levy cut him off, disgust plain on her face. Gajeel just grinned mischeviously at her blushing discomfort. To this day he still loved riling the small woman up.
"Buncha dumbasses…You give her an earful?" Gajeel addressed Mira, a lingering smirk on his face. He personally couldn't care less what occurs behind closed doors. It's not like Lucy and Laxus were the only couple to test boundaries within the guild's walls. It was just last month Levy and I –
"Yes, and no – I feel partially at fault. I've had a part to play in this." Mira groaned then sat down across from the pair. This would be another uncomfortable conversation.
"I meddled, I always meddle" she muttered "you know that. But that's not why I'm here" her finger poked the tabletop "I admitted to Lucy that I knew about Natsu and Lisanna. And, and well she took it far better than I expected her to. I could say that's just her nature, but there's a chance she's in shock. I think she's taking on more than she should right now – not that it's my place to judge – but Levy she may need you more than she's let on."
"You told her? How'd you segway into that conversation? Why'd you say anything, here of all places?" The normally mellow bluenette had to keep from hissing her response, and she spoke with her hands instead.
"It's Lucy – you know that she's more aware of things than she lets on." Mira leaned in conspiratorially.
"Yes I know." Levy huffed. "But how did that even come up?"
"I don't know, maybe my face gave me away when I cautioned her about this whole Laxus situation. I don't know - but whatever she saw, she saw, and she asked." Levy looked incredulous.
"What should I have done - lied? Haven't we kept enough secrets around here?" The trio was silent for a moment, each measuring the truth of her words.
"Well. What a fuckin mess." Gajeel stated, before taking a large swig of his ale. It wasn't his business to be involved in. However he knew enough, now that he'd helped Mira cover, and has been a regular sound board for Levy. This made him in some way or another a co-conspirator. It was beyond irritating and it taxed his social limits. Gajeel was never a people-person, and this was certainly no exception.
"I have something else to confess." Mira looked conflicted, and she gripped the table's edge.
"She asked who knew… and I told her. She knows you know, she knows Cana knows." Mira's humorless eyes roamed Levy's face, gauging her response.
"Oh gods."
"You mean oh shit." Gajeel corrected. Levy frowned, annoyed, but nodded. They were silent again, and the guild carried on around them. The world always does. Most of the guild's occupants completely overlooked the brooding atmosphere clouding the trio's table, engaged as they were in making a ruckus. Most, but not all.
"I really do need to talk to her then." Levy worried her book's bound cover, her furrowed brow a twin to Gajeel's. She wouldn't even know how to begin, to tell Lucy, or to explain her side. She couldn't think of a decent defense; didn't even have a desire to defend herself. Lucy would have every right to be mad. Levy would sit there, come what may, and let her friend have a go. She sighed. What friend doesn't tell their close friend they suspect infidelity? A cowardly one, maybe. Someone afraid of confrontation, afraid of a blow-up, only to be wrong in the first place. Levy never saw indisputable proof, but she knew Lisanna, and she knew Natsu well enough. She understood body language, she understood subliminal conversation, and could pick out flirty undertones with the best of them. She was an intermediate linguist and studied the art of the written and spoken word. They were good at keeping up appearances, but Natsu and Lisanna were too textbook with their habits, and Levy would be surprised if the whole guild didn't suspect the pair. Lucy never came to her, never vented or unburdened herself of the emotional torrent Levy could only guess was hidden just beneath the surface. Should that have stopped her from outright asking? How are you doing Lu-chan? How are you feeling lately? It would have been easy.
She'd been so wrapped up in Gajeel, enjoying the 'honeymoon' bliss that comes with a new coupling, and the freedom resulting from coming out about their relationship. No longer having to hide and tip-toe around. Levy had convinced herself that Lucy was okay, and whatever was going on between she and Natsu, would be resolved soon. They were Natsu and Lucy for gods' sake. They've been through so much together; what could shake them now? The glaring answer was obvious, and it made Levy feel sick with guilt. It was a cop-out. She knew it, and Lucy would know it. Her gut felt heavy, and shame stole across her features. Gajeel noticed the near imperceptible shift of his partner's body, and he wrapped a comforting arm around her.
"We've been so dumb about this, haven't we?" Levy muttered, rubbing her temples as a headache formed.
"Nah ah, leave me out of this. That's between you guys and bunny girl. Not my business." Gajeel grunted, before Mira scoffed in response.
"As if you didn't know well before I or Levy said anything. You're a dragonslayer, I'm sure you were suspicious before I even had an inkling." And Mira pointed at his studded nose. The obvious implications made him narrow his eyes in displeasure, but he didn't argue. It's still not my business… Unexpectedly he felt Levy rearrange his arm. She closed her book and stood, putting it in her pack, and kissed her boyfriend's forehead.
"Where do you think you're goin shrimp?" He grumbled, red eyes following her as she moved.
"To talk to Lucy." She made to walk away, when Gajeel gently pulled her back to the table. The small woman audibly complained, and she wiggled to be free from her captor. She had to right this – had to be rid of this burning shame.
"No you aren't." Levy's mouth flew open, but Gajeel interrupted her retort.
"How about you – if things were reversed – would you want her to lay it on you after all you just found out?" Levy sputtered, her brows knit in frustration, mouth ready with a reprimand.
"You feel bad right now – and you know if you talk to her, it'll probably hurt, it'll be fuckin difficult to even get out. But you'll feel better after, right? Well what about her? You think she might be a little overwhelmed?" Both Levy and Mira were dumbfounded. This may have been the most words Mira had ever heard the man string together coherently. It even made sense. Lily's wisdom must have rubbed off more than Gajeel let on.
"Right now, you want to be free of that shame you've got brewing in there" he pointed at Levy's chest "but the timing is wrong. Bunny needs to hear what you gotta say - when the timing is right. Talk to her tomorrow, or the next day. Not now." He studied her face, watching the emotions flit in and out, before she exhaled deeply. Levy flattened her hands on the table. She begrudgingly admitted to herself that he was right – it didn't happen all the time, but she'd let him have this one. She watched him sip his ale in passive silence.
"Yes, you're right." She hesitantly admitted, and Gajeel almost choked on his mouthful of ale. It made Levy smile a little. If he could rewind and record the instant those words left her mouth, Gajeel would - more than once.
"I probably won't hear that again for a while huh?" He chuckled to himself but squeezed Levy's knee in reassurance under the table. Her eyes flashed in mirth, before she looked at the woman directly across the table. Mira was idly gnawing on a nail, lost in her own thoughts. Levy imagined her mind was on the same train-of-thought as hers. But Mira stood suddenly, eager to get away from the table and uneasy conversation.
"I'm sorry I threw you guys under the bus, it wasn't intentional." She gave an apologetic smile, and crossed the guildhall room. It wasn't long before she was busy with the regulars that had begun to pile up at the bar, and she welcomed the familiar distraction of work. At the same time, Levy and Gajeel settled back into the comfort of their own company, the heavy silence between them an appreciated mask for Levy's warring thoughts. It may not be today, but Gajeel knew Levy would be knocking on Lucy's apartment door in no time. Everything will work out. It always does.
Still sipping on his beer, the steel studded man let himself zone out for a moment, drawing well-acquainted energy from his mate by his side. He was so pleased with her gentle touch, like a docile cat in the sun, that he almost missed something of interest. Sneaky motion at the foot of the stairs that led to the upper-level of the guild. A large man trying very hard to not be noticed. Laxus was hesitating at the stair landing, and Gajeel watched him look up at the office, look quickly down at his watch, then shuffle from one foot to the other. The blonde looked torn, or nervous; Gajeel couldn't tell which. And in his distracted state, Laxus turned in a rush to climb the stairs. Just before plowing into another guild member, sending both the guy and his drink flying. Laxus immediately offered a hand to the sprawled man on the ground, who was cursing something fierce. He scrambled to his feet, ranting about fucking the bastard up, only to clamp his mouth shut when he saw 'the bastard' towering above him.
He blanched and immediately apologized, looking for all the world like a deflated balloon, while Laxus waited to pass, atypically embarrassed. The disturbance drew the attention of members nearby, but to their surprise Laxus muttered a quick apology, handed the guy his now empty tankard, and slunk off up the stairs. Gajeel narrowed his eyes again, watching the suspicious behavior of his guild mate. He knew full well something was up. He couldn't begin to guess at what, and shook his head with a derisive chuckle. Not his business. It's never his business.
…
"Come in." A gruff voice sounded from behind the closed wooden study door. Laxus entered, full of apprehension, knowing this conversation could go south quickly. His grandfather had kicked him out once before, and Laxus knew he wasn't above doing it again. The elder was seated on a large green drake hide sitting chair in front of a smoldering fire, a glass of deep ochre alcohol in his hand. Throughout all the destruction, all the years of insanity in this guild, the one constant in his grandfather's study was that chair. It had somehow managed to survive the guild's ruin many times over. Makarov studied his grandson entering; squared shoulders, jaw clenched, and tussled hair. Makarov presumed it'd be another late night. Spent once more in this very chair, weathering whatever storm this young man brought with him this late afternoon.
"Either you have good news, or bad news. Which am I getting tonight boy?" Makarov casually swirled his scotch, his brow-hooded eyes fixed on the blonde man. He expected a smart-ass retort from his grandson, possibly a deflection, or even a nasty attitude. Instead, the man grabbed a padded chair, and planted it near the fire before sitting and facing the elder. Makarov's brows rose and knew then for certain he was in for it.
"I've changed a lot these last 5 years, haven't I gramps? I'm making better decisions now, and you trust me, right?" Laxus asked, his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward in earnest. Makarov said nothing, but quietly scrutinized him with calculating eyes.
"I've fucked up a lot, I know that. But I've been doing my best to set it right, and be the man you raised me to be." Laxus swallowed, and Makarov handed the younger man a glass, before filling it with amber alcohol. The gesture was appreciated, and in one swift move, half the glass' content was emptied. It made Makarov cringe – it was expensive sipping scotch after all.
"I might have fucked up again."
Makarov sighed, and the coals in the fireplace cracked, splitting the heavy silence. He couldn't imagine what it would be this time, but his grandson looked entirely out of his league, and very, very tired.
"Who do I have to pay?" Makarov questioned, feeling the vestiges of any energy left in his bones dissipate. He all but slunk back into his chair, somehow looking smaller than he already was, and Laxus could almost see the money burn behind the old man's eyes. He chuckled gloomily at the familiar sight.
"It's not like that – if I could throw money at this and fix it, I would. This is a little more complicated than cashing a check gramps." Wondering why the boy was being so cryptic, Makarov grumbled and refilled his glass.
"Can I ask that this stays between us? At least until I figure out how to handle my shit? Some of what I have to tell isn't really my news to share, but-"
"Get on with it Laxus."
"Natsu's been cheating on Lucy with Lisanna, and now Lucy and I are a thing." The air was heavy with the allegations, and neither one of them said a word. Staring at the coals was all Laxus could do as he waited for the news to sink in. He was answered with oppressive silence. Makarov stiffly shifted in his chair, and Laxus was concerned his grandfather hadn't heard him. That was, until he glanced up at his grandfather's face, and saw the pale countenance of a very bewildered, old man.
"How – what – in GODS NAME" the old man finally sputtered, his face reddening in growing ire, "You and Lucy? Natsu and – GODS – you kids! Can't we just have one fuckin gods damned year without.." He trailed off, sitting up in his chair, growing heated, and appearing like he'd expand through the roof in an instant. Casual sex rarely occurred within the guild, and a new relationship always altered the faction's dynamics. It was impossible for it not to.
"Wait – Gramps there's more to the story-"
"Of course there is!" Makarov bellowed.
"There always is!" The elder puffed, slamming his drink on the table next to him. He couldn't fathom all the ways this complicated situation might pan out; all the destruction, emotional mayhem, and ways it could divide his tight-knit family. Lucy and Lisanna, he believed, would try and handle things with more care. Natsu and his grandson on the other hand, were the wild cards, with vibrant histories of getting into deep trouble when emotion and ego were concerned. What could he do? Damage control! I just gotta find a way to head off the impending disaster… Makarov's heart sank when he realized there was little he could do. This may be completely out of his hands. He would have no control; all he could do is react accordingly. Natsu and Laxus could either make or break the delicate peace existing within the guild. And that truth was as exhausting as it was terrifying. Makarov heaved a heavy sigh and sank back down into his chair. He was done in, and said nothing more. Laxus saw this as an opportunity to continue.
"I know it's a mess, but I think if Lucy and I handle this right, we might save the guild a lot of trouble." Save me the trouble Makarov groused internally.
"I want to do the right thing – I know she does too. I was a little ambitious, and we both jumped the gun, but she's going to talk to Natsu today. She's ending it." Makarov looked like he was going to be sick, and Laxus knew his grandfather was imagining the worst-case scenario. And probably seeing bills the whole while.
"I'm sure that'll go well." Makarov growled into his freshly acquired drink, before tilting it back in one go.
"How serious is this thing between Natsu and Lisanna?" Makarov doubted it'd be a shallow relationship. The pair went back years. They couldn't do shallow if they tried. Laxus just shrugged, his body stiff and a frown marring his features.
"Okay, and how do you and Lucy fit into this? If you're sitting here, telling me, I assume it's more than just a bit of fun." Makarov was solemn. Laxus had never been one to divulge relationship details to him. This was far more serious than his grandson was letting on.
"I walked her home recently, one thing led to another and…" Laxus shrugged again, before finishing his drink. The elder read between the lines easily enough.
"She's been done with her relationship for a while I think." He stared at his empty glass.
"There was always a possibility, but… I don't know - I honestly didn't imagine one night would become this… I like her gramps. A lot. I'm pretty sure I have since I first met her." Eyebrows raised, Makarov sat up. This was a conversation he didn't think he'd be having with his grandson any time soon, certainly not under these extenuating circumstances. In short, boy was thinking with his dick, and now he's smitten.
"Boy, if this goes sideways, you know what it will do to our family." It was a statement, laden with warning. Makarov knew Laxus was personally acquainted with the consequences of a guild broken by one of its own.
"And you know Lucy isn't like the women you've taken home before. She has a family here in Fairy Tail, surrounded by people who love and care for her. I love her, and care for her. Entering any type of relationship with her, needs to be given your utmost sincerity and attention. Do you understand?" Do not do this lightly. The old man's gaze bore through Laxus, clearly communicating words unspoken. But gramps needn't bothered. The exact moment Lucy begged for his touch that night, Laxus had considered all possibilities, all consequences, of giving in to their combined lust. He accepted responsibility, and damnation, should it be his future. He had made up his mind. It was unwavering, resolute in the decision to choose Lucy, come what may. And he'd do it again. He'd always choose her. And sitting there, talking to his grandfather, the enormity of his feelings pleased as well as alarmed him. What was she doing to him? How had she captivated him so quickly, and done what no one else could? Laxus wasn't prepared for 'feelings'. But here he was, stuck in them. Gods, I'm fucked.
"I understand, I don't know who knows, about any of this, but we'll do this as tactfully as possible. I didn't – don't - want to cause unnecessary drama." Laxus insisted.
"Wait until the girl is single next time then." Makarov growled. Laxus has had difficulty making smart choices, and sometimes his priorities were skewed. Again he's hit close to home – and Makarov would have no choice but to let this play out. Taking the 'shortcut' and kicking the whole lot of them out would be quick and easy, but would still have repercussions. There was no easy route.
"I don't think I need to tell you what will happen if any extreme violence or destruction occurs as a result of your poor decisions?" Laxus bit back a snide remark, and shook his head, his face a mask of determination.
"Can I give you a bit of advice Laxus?" Makarov paused, waiting for Laxus' acknowledgement. "Stay away from Natsu for a while. Take your time with Lucy. Don't be stubborn and admit when you're wrong. And work on your timing." Laxus once again opted for silence and mulled over his grandfather's words. They sat in the uneasy quiet, both watching the dying fire, each with their own anxieties to consider. The guild outside the door was livening with the passing time, and it was a moment before Makarov spoke again.
"I don't suppose you'll wait awhile before making your relationship public? If that's what it is you're gunning for."
"Of course gramps." Laxus exhaled crossly. That's what he wanted right? That's what they agreed to – a relationship?
"Well I mean, with you…" The old man trailed off, a mocking grin splitting his face, as he gestured towards Laxus. The opposite man was stoic, hands firmly planted on his thighs. The humor was lost on him.
"Man you really are all or nothing aren't you boy. Always have been a lil punk, doing what you want, damned be what anyone else thought." Makarov sighed in resignation, "you both really put the cart before the horse." Laxus just grunted in response, a faint smile finally playing at his lips, and he took his grandfather's reprimand in stride. He wasn't wrong. They fell back into comfortable small talk, opting for less sensitive topics, whilst they caught up with one another. The hour passed by easily, and it wasn't long before the scotch bottle was empty, and both men were pleasantly buzzed. It had been a while since Laxus shared a drink with his grandfather. He would need to do it more often. The conversation took a nostalgic turn, as most conversation in good company is wont to do. The fire had since been rekindled, and the popping wood punctuated familiar punchlines. Each traded tales they'd told many times before, and when those topics were spent, they again found themselves sitting at ease in the quiet of the study.
Laxus procured himself and his elder an unlabeled bottle of ale from the man's private cabinet, before sitting down with a pleased sigh. He stretched his free hand out and warmed it by the fire. It was a nice contrast to the cool beer hitting the back of his throat, the notes unlike any he'd tasted before. A honeysuckle floral sip spread over his palate, and the drink took him back to summer in the country. It was during his sabbatical, at which time he endured some of the most vigorous training, while simultaneously creating what was now some of his most valuable memories. A sunset spent alone at a cabin amongst nectar-filled wildflowers being one of them. And this summery liquid was an unexpected wistful trip. Ahh I could go for a good cigar right now.
"Where'd you get this beer from Gramps?" He smacked his lips in enjoyment, and in reply Makarov grinned devilishly.
"I liberated it from a self-proclaimed dragonslayer." The guild-head drawled with pride. Laxus frowned. 'Dragonslayer' made his consciousness twinge, and Laxus had the uncomfortable notion that he was forgetting something. He stared hard into the fire, not focusing on anything in particular, while he dug around the recesses of his mind. God what the hell am I forgetting? I needed to talk to old man about something else… He was absentmindedly wringing a knot out of his large hands, and winced when his thumb massaged bruised muscle. Where the hell did this bruise come f- ah the bruise!
"Hey" he piped up "you remember when we had the talk, and you told me to be wary of who I bite? You joked I'd give the damn girl a disease or something," Laxus paused when he saw his grandfather's demeanor change, "but that's not what you meant, is it?"
"No… Wait, I didn't ever come back to that conversation?" Makarov looked one part confused, and one part concerned.
"It's not a conversation we'd want to revisit." Laxus attempted to joke, but his grandfather didn't laugh.
"Ah, well I wasn't sure we'd need to get into the details. At the time we didn't know what - if any - organic dragonslayer properties you possessed." Laxus' faux grin faded as his grandfather continued.
"You and I still don't know the full extent, but somehow you are as any other dragonslayer. And there's a… nuance… of dragonkind's existence that I should have explained to you years ago." Makarov was being careful with his words, however Laxus' gut twisted in unease. Warning bells were ringing loudly in his head.
"Many animals mate for life, and so too do dragons. But the bond a dragon has with its partner takes hold on a deeper level – all the way to the aether. As cliché as it is, Dragonslayers usually possess this same characteristic," Laxus immediately regretted bringing up the subject, "but they can go their whole lives without finding their mate. They could have a strictly sexual relationship with anyone, and it will not be of the same magnitude as a lifetime mate. Especially, if that person isn't compatible in every magical sense. The connection a dragonslayer shares with their mate, is powerful in both a biological manner, and magical. The odd thing - it's their blood that determines who is the most compatible partner."
"And this has… what, to do with who I bite during sex?" If Laxus hadn't heard it from his grandfather's mouth, he'd have thought this all outrageous. He'd call bullshit, if the old man's face wasn't convincing him otherwise. His heart rate was increasing by the second, and his mouth felt dry. The bottle was at his lips in an instant.
"Hold on, I'm getting there," the old man grumbled, "Dragonslayers are trained to be a line of defense for the world against evil. A race created by dragons against dragons and whatnot. Every age and era has them, of all generational types. If the door to other planes - other worlds - exists, we'll have dragonslayers. And when the world grows, so does the foulness of men. Every other year it seems we're threatened with some life ending catastrophe. Mages and dragonslayers alike have to keep up with it. So a mate with the utmost compatibility, actually strengthens and boosts their dragonslayer counterpart, and vis a vis. A strong mate equals a strong dragonslayer. And that equals a strong bloodline. Nature is crafty, and creative when it comes to maintaining balance, and the potency of species' reproduction. Strong dragonslayers and mages help that balance. Genetics do their part. The blood knows. And as much as we try to pick apart magic and dragonslayers, there's just some things we'll never understand." Laxus' head was reeling, his mind spinning to keep up. What in the mother fuck…
"This "mate" concept, is a result of biological and magical factors combining. The title is loosely used, but the overall tradition of it is ageless, and natural. It's the earth's flawless and efficient method to ensure the furtherance of man's best super soldier. It doesn't always make sense, but it doesn't need to. It just needs to work." Most of this was new information for Laxus. He had a very vague idea of his purpose as a dragonslayer. But this mateship concept was difficult for him to wrap his mind around. It just seemed so outlandish. And it wasn't logical. Comprehending abstract ideas was one of few areas where Laxus was not exceptionally gifted. He rested his chin on his hands, suddenly very nauseous. Makarov was hesitant to continue, his grandson looked pale, but Laxus waved him on.
"Now I obviously don't know this by practice, but in theory a dragonslayer claims their mate by some sort of bite, in a more intimate moment during *cough* sex. This effectively bonds them as a lifemate. If that partner is recognized by the blood to be the most compatible reproductive companion. It's like the dominant wolf partnering with the strongest female in the pack, or the peacock naturally choosing the best peahen, nature will…." Laxus was unable to listen to his grandfather's words. His face fell, and his stomach tumbled. His grandfather could hear his heart, right? He must. It was hammering in its cage. It'd break through his chest wall any moment now.
The room was spinning and growing smaller by the second, and Laxus found himself tilted forward, his head in his hands. The red flags and alarm bells had returned in full force. No, it can't be true, can it? It's gotta be something bards and writers made up. Gramps is fucking with me. He tried to keep a level head, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. He couldn't breathe. The room was too small, his head too heavy, his chest too tight. He couldn't breathe in here. He needed air. Laxus hurriedly rose from his chair, announced that he needed to be somewhere, and promptly left his grandfather's study. He didn't pause for a response, and even if he had he wouldn't have heard it.
"Laxus!" His grandfather called after him, but the man was already out the door, stomping in haste down the stairs. He had to escape this place – he couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. It was too loud – the noise of the guild competed with the sound of blood pounding in his ears. The Raijinshu may have even called out to him, but he couldn't be certain. His eyes honed in on open guild doors, and Laxus made a beeline for the afternoon light. I just need fresh air – it'll be fine – once I get outside. He burst through the large doorway, into warm summer air, and it wasn't enough. I have to get away from the guild, just for a minute, just to breathe. I need to think. In a flash of lightning, the man was hurtling through the surrounding trees and buildings, bounding here and there, searching for any place devoid of people. Fucking hell! His head swiveled, searching with growing anxiety. There! He clumsily stopped within a small thicket clearing, and in his rush was flung to his back. Panting, gulping air, Laxus lay there, trying to focus on the clouds above him, ignoring the pebbly ground digging into his back. His thoughts were scattered, snippets of his grandfather's dialogue overlapping in a cacophony of jumbled concepts, and he found himself nauseous and sweating. For life... It can't be. It's not real. It's not real. The image of Levy and Gajeel sprang to the forefront of his mind. It made him outwardly cringe. It can't be real – they're just really close. Really close. Gods, fuck. There's no way it's my problem – I wasn't even raised by a dragon – yeah, it probably passed over me. That's gotta be it. But hey, it's not real. It's not – Lucy grabbed her neck, rubbed the bruised mark, over and over in his mind's eye. The vision played on repeat, and he saw himself bite her roughly every time. Possessive animalistic pleasure swirled in his gut, at odds with the fear and anxiety, and it forced the man up onto his knees. He steadied himself, clutching his thighs, as he tried not to heave. It was one time, one fucking bite – that can't be all it takes. Of course though, of course with Lucy it felt different. It was primal, overbearing and demanding. He knew, and his body knew it was different this time. She was different.
Oh fuck, oh gods – what have I done? What- how – no, no no no it didn't, it can't be me. There's no way it's my problem. It's not possible – I was made this way, not raised this way. He looked down at his hands and they were shaking. He grit his teeth, his sharp canines digging dangerously into his bottom lip, and tried not to wretch. It wasn't the thought of Lucy that disgusted him – he wanted her, lusted for her, craved her. It was the thought of eternity, and the possibility that happen-stance took away the decision to deny it; one that they should've made together. It was the odds that a mistake had robbed the pair of consent, that made him sick. He was robbed of consent. It's one thing to desire someone for life, it's another to be forced to commit to it. How would I even tell her – fuck. I don't know – I just – no, no it's not real. We don't know if it's real. He denied it, over and over. How could he confirm the reality of it, was there a test out there? Some means of verifying the validity of the 'bond'? How would he even begin to know.
His world continued to spin, as he bit back wave after wave of nausea. He balled his trembling hands into fists, and was rewarded with stabbing pain. Stretching his fingers out from bleeding palms, he blankly noted his elongated nails. That's new. Fuck me. Snarling, he punched the ground in a moment of bewildered frustration. This can't be real. It can't be happening, not to him. Laxus was diligent, and truly tried to err on the side of caution. He made careful calculated decisions when permanence was involved. In no way however, could he have foreseen this. It made his mind reel.
He was gasping, trying to draw air into his lungs, and his efforts were in vain. The reality of his situation hit him harder with every mental reminder from this morning. I'm such a fucking asshat. Gods – I need to get my shit together… I need – I need… Laxus unsteadily stood to his feet, his hands wringing the back of his neck as he tried to compose himself. I need to talk to her. Get your shit together Laxus. His breath surged in short bursts, and it felt impossible to calm his heart. She's goin to hate me. I'm going to lose her. Fuck! Fuck. Fuck. I'm going to lose her. He just had to get himself to move; just start walking. With a shuddering sigh, he knead his neck muscles, and mustered up his dwindling courage. His hands wouldn't stop shaking, no matter how hard he tried to force them to still. The nails were beastial, and his canines as well he noted with a prod of his tongue. How was he supposed to tell her and keep her from panicking too, when he looked like an animal? How would he say it? How do you tell someone news of that magnitude? He envisioned the conversation and was short on air once more. The very idea of losing her, suckered the breath from his lungs, and reduced him to a shaking cowardly mess. An angry cowardly mess. It came as a surprise, the strength of his need for her. If the situation was as major as it seemed to be, if it was real - how much of his desire was him, and how much of it was nature? He roared out his resentful rage, static electricity dancing in the air, to the witnessing thicket. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He had plans for them – he wanted to get closer to Lucy over time, and intimately learn every part of her. And now? After he told her, he'd be lucky if she stayed in the same room as him.
He gave a sardonic laugh, and growled his bitterness. With each passing second, his resolve crumbled. It'd be so easy to lie. He could do it – it'd be simpler. But it was wrong, and she deserved to know. Laxus wanted to at the very least provide her with the option to leave or stay, understanding fully the position they were in. If they were going to be something, it was going to be something built on honesty. They each had work to do. She had her part to play in correcting any misunderstandings with Natsu, and this was Laxus'. He just had to tell her… Gods, what a fucking mess – why the fuck didn't I know. Taking a deep breath, he tried and failed to steel his nerves. I have to do this. Be a fucking man Laxus. He felt weak; Laxus Dreyer felt weak. The weakest he'd felt his whole life. It was unnerving, and violating. It made him furious and disgusted all at once. And above it all, it made him feel helpless. Because if it's real, he didn't get a choice, not really, and neither did Lucy. Resentment towards the fates, hate for serendipity thrusting this responsibility upon them, clawed at his insides. His mind and body felt foreign, and out of place in his world. Come on, move, be a fucking man and move. He took a short step, then another, and soon he found the will to amble towards Lucy's home. All he wanted to do was run. There was still a chance this was all a mistake – that the force of this mateship shit passed him over. And that thought gave him a little comfort. Laxus clung to that hope.
…..
Across town, Lucy was in seemingly better spirits than her new lover. She stalked Natsu with a fierce determination, and there was a small bit of peace in knowing she was doing the right thing. This was best for everyone. The scenery passed by in a blur – she wasn't paying much attention to her surroundings. And it wasn't long before she drew close to his woodland home. The cottage where she had made many memories. Memories that were now tinged with bitter resentment towards the flame dragonslayer. The path was familiar and worn, and she'd walked it countless times before. Usually carried, whether by choice or not it didn't make a difference to him, or hand-in-hand with Natsu. Her pace slowed and a deep sorrow crept in, settling between her ribs around her heart. She faltered momentarily, staring at the simple ring in her hand, and the significance behind the band wasn't lost on her. Ironic. For better or worse, right Natsu?
She reached her destination. The grove was quiet, and Lucy hesitated in front of the wooden door. The structure was in much better condition than she originally found it, and she smiled sadly at the reminder of her time spent here, fixing it up. They had argued over who would move where – would they settle in Lucy's apartment, renovate Natsu's home, or start over entirely. They never really came to an agreement, as Natsu wasn't in a hurry to make any changes. She should have seen that as a sign, as clear as the one now hanging above the door she faced. There were many little things that came up these past 6 months – cheating aside. She had plenty of warning, but she was either willfully ignorant, or didn't want to see it. Standing here now, she was guessing the latter. Her hand wavered over the weathered wood, and she considered walking away, and trying again later. However her choice was made for her. With a crash and a creak, the door opened swiftly, and she found herself face to face with a sullen dragonslayer, Happy not far behind him. Ah yes, dragon hearing, right. How convenient.
"Oh ah – Natsu." Lucy was stunned. He looked horrible, and smelled just as bad. Happy hovered behind his friend, read the energy between the two, and flew away. Not before glancing between them in concern. He'd have to save his greetings for later.
"Lucy, w-what are you doin here?" Natsu hastily tucked his tunic into the sash round dirty pants and kicked something out of sight behind him. Lucy heard bottles clatter, and she tried to peer around his head. The sight was disheartening. The place was a mess cluttered with empty bottles. Happy just sat on the counter space twirling a half rotten apple, his feet dangling freely as he tried to look inconspicuous.
"Are you- have you been drinking Natsu?" Lucy was perplexed. He gave her an embarrassed smile, and tried to smooth his hair back. Has Lisanna not been by at all? Lucy functioned off the assumption that the woman hung around regularly, and she thought Lisanna would have put some effort in to keep Natsu in one piece these past couple days. But here he was, looking like a kicked dog.
"I tried ha, I guess I still can't get drunk…" he trailed off, looking anywhere but Lucy's eyes. "What are you doing here Lu? I was gonna find you later to talk, after I had a moment to clean up." He gestured behind him and his amber eyes briefly caught hers, uncertainty clouding the usually clear orbs. Just being within close proximity to the man made Lucy's concentration waver. This person, who she had given so many of her firsts, invested so much of her heart and mind to, was still so magnetic. The familiarity was a small comfort, and even in her anger and loss, Natsu still felt like home. A broken home, but home nonetheless. His radiating aura robbed her of her willpower, and she raked her mind for anything to stoke the anger she felt days before. She had her principles and pride, and she knew she should be furious with Natsu, but now she just felt a tired sadness. It was a resignation that comes with the knowledge that what once brought her fulfillment, would cease to be, and could not be restored.
"You wanna come in? I know you've seen the place in better –"
"That's okay, I just came to return this." Lucy held out her hand, and the engagement ring sat partially embedded in her palm. She was unaware she had been clutching it that hard. Natsu's face fell, and tears welled in the corner of his eyes. Not too long ago Lucy would have been overjoyed to see the man cry, it was a moment of vindication; but instead it made her heart ache, and her breath catch. He shook his head and held his hands out placatingly.
"Hold on Luce we can work this out, I can try – just give me –"
"Please. Please take it Natsu." Lucy's hand shook, and her voice trembled. She was doing everything in her power to not cry. She didn't want to cry in front of him – he already took her fury. Let her keep her dignity. She'd done enough crying.
"Wait – you're serious? You were being serious that morning? I thought… Gods, I can fix this Lucy. I want to fix this – I'm sorry, so fucking sorry Lucy. Just give me another chance, please." Natsu pleaded. He ignored the ring in her hand. He still had hope that Lucy, ever the forgiving partner and friend, could be swayed to give him one last chance. She gave him a weary sigh, annoyance knitting her brows, and thrust her hand forward.
"Ugh Natsu, you don't want to fix this – not really."
"What? Yes I do! How can you say that so-" He was indignant.
"No, what you want, is to save yourself the trouble of a failed relationship. You want to avoid all the embarrassment – because we both know everyone in the guild is going to ask why. You want to avoid what happens after, when we no longer work together with Gray and Erza. You don't want anyone to find out about you cheating. I get it. But you don't want this or me. Not anymore." Lucy reasoned, her voice growing in volume and ire. There's that anger. Aggravated, Natsu just shook his head.
"Lucy I don't care about all that, you're you – I want you still. Even if that means…"
"Dropping Lisanna?" Lucy watched his face twist with mixed emotions. "That won't happen. You know that, and I'm not stupid or naïve enough to think you won't go back to her." She dropped her tired arm to her side in a huff, that ridiculous ring still clenched in a balled fist.
"I never called you – and no I won't!" Natsu all but shouted. "You know me Luce – I keep my promises," Lucy snorted in derision, "and I want to try! Because I think this is worth it. What – you want to end years of us, just like that?"
"Yes! Natsu – it's too late now. You made your choice a long time ago. Just, please, take this damn ring. Or I'll drop it, I don't care." She could tell she was angry crying now, and hated the idea of being emotional in front of Natsu. He in turn, was trying to figure out what to do with his clenched hands, and Lucy knew he was straining to not punch the wall in frustration.
"Fuck! Lucy come on – I was stupid. You know I'm stupid – I'm a dumbass. I know that. But Gods! We belong together! I won't mess this up again. All I'm asking for, is one, last chance. Please. You're my best friend." He was desperate and he reached for her hand, before common sense made him stop short. He didn't know how to make her see. She sighed sadly, and fought the habit of wanting to reach for him in return.
"You don't get to use that as an excuse anymore Natsu," she spoke softly, "I'm tired. I'm tired of this, and I'm tired of holding on to a dead relationship. Especially after… I wish things were different… But they're not." Lucy decidedly dropped the ring, and it made a loud clink on the stone steps. The noise was unmistakable, and final, but Natsu ignored it. He wasn't ready to call it quits. He had a hard time letting go, and never quit in life. Why should this be any different? But here she was, quitting their relationship and their friendship. It was a sucker punch to Natsu's gut, and he found himself struggling to swallow. His hand clutched the wooden door frame for support, and right now he wished more than anything to be drunk. Or anywhere else but here, in front of the woman he loved, who was turning and walking away from him.
"Luce, please, please don't." He grit his teeth against the tears, and the turmoil of his emotions threatened to make him vomit. It's like he was motion-sick standing still.
"You'll be okay Natsu, you've got Lisanna- "
"-I'm sorry, I am, just please," she turned and gazed at him over her shoulder, "give me more time Lucy. I promise I'll make it up to you – I'll make this better." Natsu begged, taking a step towards her, his hand reaching, when he paused. Her wet eyes were red and surrounded by circles. She looked exhausted, and her light, the light everyone saw in those brown eyes, was so dim that for a moment Natsu barely recognized the girl he was looking at. Her shoulders were slumped, her wrists and waist thin, and her skin was pale. She had lost weight. When had that happened? Had she morphed over night? Or had he been so busy, that the gradual changes went unnoticed. Did he do this to her? 'I'm tired. I'm tired of this, and I'm tired of holding on to a dead relationship.' She looked beyond tired, and it was probably his fault. Natsu's hand hovered in the air a moment, still reaching for her, his body screaming to pull her in his arms and make everything better, but he faltered. She stared at him with conflicted eyes, and the disappointment was unmistakably directed at him. He had caused this change in her, and he didn't know how to fix it. He didn't have a right to go to her now. Or to beg her to stay. She was done. The revelation almost made him double over in revulsion; and it was mostly his fault. How blind had he also been to Lisanna's true feelings? What else was he unaware of?
The space between them, suddenly seemed too big, and Natsu's skin felt suffocating. It really was over. He was letting her go, against all instinct, because he had killed their relationship. He had pushed her to end this – this relationship that is finished. It's over. He couldn't bring himself to say anything more to her. He couldn't think of promises that would convince her to stay. And he couldn't move to stop her. Would it matter anyway? It wouldn't change how she felt. She gave him a small cheerless smile, turned once more, and left. He could've swore she moved in slow-motion, and this heart-rending moment dragged impossibly on. His mind screamed at him 'GO ON DO SOMETHING, SHE'S LEAVING' – but his body wouldn't obey. It's like his feet were cemented to the ground, and his legs were made of rubber. Couldn't go to her, and couldn't run away. He was stock-still, as he watched her walk away from him, and their fragmented relationship.