IX:
It was around two when she was rudely roused from a dead sleep. It took a moment to get her bearings, reaching for her phone out of instinct and her hand colliding with Rafael's body instead. "Shit," Liv muttered. "Sorry."
"No, s'kay," he mumbled, grabbing her phone off the nightstand and passing it over without opening his eyes.
She answered as quickly as she could to silence the ringtone. "Captain?"
"Olivia, sorry to wake you up –"
"It's okay," she dismissed.
"Bing and Taylor brought in a suspect for the serial rapist we've been looking for on the west side. I'm calling everyone in," Cragen said. "Sorry, kid. I know you needed the weekend to rest, but –"
"Duty calls," she agreed, sitting up with a heavy sigh as the blankets pooled around her waist. Rafael made a discontent noise and reached for her with a pout on his lips as one of his eyes opened a crack. "As long as I get out and get some rest, I'll be fine." She swatted at his arm and frowned. "I'll be there asap." She hung up and looked at her bedmate. "I have to go."
"You can tell him to fuck off."
"That won't go well," she said softly. "I'll call you as soon as I get free, okay?"
"Why don't I make sure you get there okay?" he asked.
"Rafael, I'm an adult. I can get to work on my own." She got up and tugged on her panties and went in search of her bra. "It's fine."
"They do know you'll be out for –"
"A good couple of months? Yes," she said softly. "It's difficult to separate myself from the job, but it will have to happen."
"You sure you don't want me to come with you?" he asked, propping himself up on one elbow. "I can take a nap in the squadroom and interfere when it takes too long."
She sighed. "You would just open yourself up to –"
"I'm okay with that."
Liv finished getting dressed and toed on her shoes. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," he said, getting out from under the covers and fumbling around for some clothes. He came up with a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved henley, and looked delightfully disheveled from sleep. "Give me a minute in the bathroom and I'll be ready."
"Yeah, I should probably use the bathroom and get some water," she sighed. She was feeling more lethargic than she normally did upon waking, and knew that she would have to take her medicine sooner rather than later.
"You finish up and I'll get you some water," he promised, leaning over to give her a kiss. "I was looking forward to making you breakfast –"
"I'll buy bagels if we get out in time," she promised before retreating to the bathroom. She did her business and frowned at the color and appearance of the urine before she flushed it away – she was trying to keep track of everything for the doctors before her surgery but the non-routine changes to her routines were throwing everything off and it wasn't as if she could keep a water bottle on her all the time. Rafael met her at the door with a glass of water. "Thanks," she murmured. "I'm sorry about –"
He smiled and kissed her forehead before he slipped into the bathroom. "I'll bet it won't be the first or last time we'll be interrupted," he said, flipping up the toilet lid. "Better get used to it sooner rather than later."
"I mean, you're not wrong," she agreed, sipping the water. "I'll go get my stuff." She went into the living room and got her pills, throwing them back and chugging the rest of the glass of water without thought before gathering up the rest of her things. By that point, he had finished and joined her. "Are you sure you don't want to go back to bed?" Liv asked.
He adjusted his glasses and smiled. "Nah, I'm good. Might as well make the point that you have a life outside of work."
"You know, it's never stopped anyone before," she pointed out.
He paused, staring at her for a long moment. "Have you never had anyone to care for you?" he asked quietly. "Even when she's driving me around the bend and making harsh judgments about my life choices, my mother will drop everything to hover when I'm sick. Or, god forbid, if I broke a bone or something –"
Liv snorted. "No, there's no one to take care of me. Unless you're volunteering."
"I thought I already had," he said, reaching out and gesturing for her to take his hand. "Olivia… you don't have to be strong for me."
She took his hand and squeezed it. "I just –" She shook her head, frowning. "I'm so used to…"
"I know," he agreed. "We'd better go."
The late night clubbers were really just starting to spill out into the streets as they made their way to the precinct and Liv was thankful for Rafael as a human shield. Normally, she would be fine on her own, but she was feeling a bit more fragile than her usual. "You okay?" he asked.
"Just tired," she hedged. "So are you cooking later or are we ordering in?"
"Depends on whether or not we get a nap," he replied, carefully resting his hand on the small of her back in a protective gesture. "Either way, you will be well-fed." Rafael pressed a kiss to her temple. "I do have to go to brunch with my mother tomorrow. And pick up my dry cleaning."
"I need to do laundry."
"My washer/dryer is yours to command," he reminded her.
She opened the door to the station and gestured for him to follow. "I might just take you up on that," Liv said.
"Hey, hold the door," Fin called behind them. "Hey, Liv." His eyes narrowed upon seeing Rafael. "Didn't know it was soon enough to bring in a lawyer –"
"I'm not here officially," Rafael interjected.
"Didn't know there was any other way," Fin grunted, jabbing the up elevator button.
"Rafael is my boyfriend," Liv said softly.
Fin eyed Rafael, his glare traveling up and down the lawyer's form as he sized him up. "Cragen know?"
"We've disclosed," Rafael said defensively.
"Enough," Liv interjected as the elevator opened.
Rollins immediately looked up from her paperwork and said, "I didn't think we needed to call in a DA yet."
"He's Kings County anyway, isn't he?" Amaro grunted, gesturing rudely.
"He's with Liv," Fin muttered.
"What do you mean, 'with Liv'?" Amanda asked.
"I mean, I dunno, thought she swore off dickheads after Cassidy, but… apparently –"
Olivia threw her purse onto her desk and snarled, "If it matters to anyone in the room, we're here to do a job, not talk about my love life. Yes, Rafael and I are seeing each other. Yes, we were at his apartment – sleeping, I might add – when I got the call to come in. No, I will not expand on that. Can we please get to work? Where's Captain Cragen?"
"In his office," Nick said.
"Rafael," she said, her voice softening, "why don't you go see if Don will let you rest on his couch while we work?" She gave him a gentle kiss on the lips and watched him disappear into the main office.
"How well do you know that guy?" Rollins asked.
"Better than I knew Brian," Liv snapped, rounding on the three of them. "I hope you can appreciate that I'm not entering into this lightly and without thought."
"Well, no, but… I mean, it's pretty clear he's a rebound from Cassidy and he's going to break your heart," Rollins said.
Fin, wisely, kept his mouth shut. Amaro did, too, because Liv knew that he and Rollins were in the middle of a torrid fling themselves and it was a big messy thing that was going to backfire in their faces sooner rather than later. Everyone knew it.
"We're here to work," Liv said, tapping on the files on her desk. "So let's do it."
The apartment was dark; Liv could hear Raphael talking on the phone – or she assumed he was talking on the phone. She got up and made her way out of the bedroom to watch him puttering around the kitchen, washing dishes, the phone pressed against his ear.
"Yeah, so, I'm not sure what I'm up to the next couple of weeks," he said. "I can try to clear a few hours next Saturday so we can go to Macy's with your mom for that winter formal dress?"
She came up and wrapped her arms around him; he stiffened, then relaxed into her touch, leaning back against her. "Hey," she whispered. "You know you don't have to stay with me all the time. I don't expect it or need it."
"It's Johanna, my goddaughter," he said. "Jo-jo."
"Like I said –"
"Rita's daughter."
"Sorry, Jo-jo," he redirected into the phone, "my girlfriend. Very funny, kid. Yes, she's pretty – no, she can't come shopping with us. Why not? Because you're nosy is why not. You and your ma make plans and get back with me on a time and I'll make sure to get it in, okay? Just remember not Sunday morning because mami and I have brunch. Yeah. Yeah. No, I won't tell my girlfriend to practice safe sex. Good night, Johanna." He hung up and rolled his eyes. "Kids," he muttered.
Liv smiled at him and said softly, "But you love her?"
"Something like that," he said. "From the moment Rita put her in my arms, wriggling like a little fish, she's been the bane of my existence. And yet, she's kind of not terrible now that she has independent thoughts."
Liv laughed. "That good?"
"Rita's marriage was contentious from the start and Jo-jo was a pawn in the divorce," he said. "A dollar sign and not much more, at least to her slimeball ex. So I'm pretty much the only stabilizing male influence in her life – god help the kid."
She squeezed him around the waist and tucked her chin into his shoulder. "Then she's doing pretty good," she whispered. "Anyone would be lucky to have you as an uncle or godfather."
He rolled his eyes. "I don't know about that. Rita's always yelling at me for being a bad influence."
"I didn't say you weren't a bad influence," she teased. "But when you care for someone, you care very much."
"Supper's almost ready," he said, changing the subject. "How was your nap?"
"Good," she replied. "Sorry to just bail on you there –"
"No, it's fine," he said. "I put your clothes in the dryer and hung them up when they were ready."
"I could fall in love with you so easily," she whispered.
He laughed. "Ah, but what would people think? Your friends already hate me."
Her smile faded. "They don't hate you. They just think I need to protect myself after everything that's happened. And if it was any man other than you, I would agree."
He sighed and said, "Maybe we are moving too fast."
"You want to slow down?" she asked.
"I want you to be happy."
"What about you?" she asked softly. "What you want?"
"What makes my partner happy makes me content," he said very quietly. "To know that they feel secure and loved makes me feel secure. What brings them pleasure brings me pleasure. That's why it destroys me when you won't tell me what's wrong."
"It isn't your burden," she whispered.
"It shouldn't be only yours to carry."
She hesitated for a long moment. "I loved my partner," she said very softly. "But he stayed with his wife and kids and there was never really a true moment for… us. Not in that way. Maybe in an emotional way, yes, but – I think that was the only time I ever truly loved someone. Until now. And it's definitely too much, too soon to think about loving you when we've barely even –"
He turned in her arms and kissed her. "Some things you shouldn't question," Rafael whispered against her lips. "Abuelita told me once that my heart would only beat for someone who understood the dark parts of me, too. I didn't know what she meant then, but I was just a boy. And now I do. God, Olivia… now I do."
She exhaled lowly and whispered, "I could love you."
"I do love you." The words tripped right off his tongue and seemingly left him stunned. "I –"
Liv smiled a little and patted his cheek. "I might need a little time to wrap my head around it," she murmured. "But it doesn't mean we aren't on the same page."
Dinner came out of the oven and they fed each other steaming bites of caramelized vegetables and tangy cheese with creamy polenta, talking shit about their exes and people who had let them down in their lives, vowing that they wouldn't repeat the same mistakes again. And when he fed her peach slices dipped in decadent whipped cream, she couldn't help but fall in love with the adoration on his face.
"Tired?" she asked when they were done eating.
"Are you?" he inquired.
"I'm always tired these days," she admitted softly. "Let me take my medicine and we can cuddle."
"I'd like that," he agreed. "Let me clean up the dishes first and get the dishwasher running."
She was drowsy by the time he joined her on the sofa, and merely moved into his embrace as he turned on the TV, glad for the warmth and his comforting scent as she dropped off to sleep. Her lazy dreams were peaceful.
TBC...