Disclaimer: BLARGY!
Chapter thirty-one! This chapter was written quickly and fueled by Capri Sun lemonade. The drink of champions! Hehe.
Note to BeastWithin: I checked out 'Visits From Daemon'. It's very cool, though the reviews probably say it all. Hope you update soon:big hug:
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Something, something strange and stinging, cut through Beast Boy's deep sleep. Something like an instinct. Something urgent. His deep reverie was broken in a matter of seconds. Something wasn't right. Something was terribly wrong.
Beast Boy shot up into a sitting position with a gasp, the feeling of unrest coursing through his entire body, strong and overpowering. He looked around, and noticed that Raven was no longer beside him. The two of them had fallen asleep after a long conversation about the day's events, and Beast Boy had been feeling a lot more confident that she really was OK. So where was she?
He crawled blindly forward in the semidarkness, squinting at the illuminated red numbers on his bedside clock. 9 PM. As he moved forward, he heard a papery crunch, and realized that it was coming from whatever he had lain his hand on. He grabbed it. His sensitive eyes adjusted to the dark as he smoothed it out enough to be able to comprehend whatever was on it, and then he read it.
The note was short, written carefully, almost lovingly, with a black pen. The words were neat but inexplicable in their intent.
I'm sorry.
Below, there was a smooth, flowing signature: Raven.
Beast Boy could feel the panic set in slowly in degrees. He dropped the paper and it fluttered limply to the carpet. I'm sorry. What did she mean? Fearing she meant what he was expecting, he leaped to his feet with surprising catlike grace and sprinted for his door, fairly flying out into the hallway. The first door he stopped at was hers. He leaped inside with no regard for her personal space. "Raven?" he gasped breathlessly, scanning the dark room. It was empty. He turned and tore once more down the hall. He reached the bathroom, but the door was open, and there was no one inside. And so he headed as fast as he could in the next direction he could think of, running as quickly as he could as the terror fought its way to his legs and made them a bit wobbly.
When he burst out onto the roof a few minutes later, it was like bursting out of a prison cell. As soon as he felt the cool evening air on his face, he knew that everything was going to be OK. Raven stood about four yards away from him on the roof. She was standing near the edge, face upturned to the sky. Beast Boy rushed across the roof to her, a grin almost splitting his face in half that she was all in one piece. At the sound of his footsteps, she turned slowly on the spot in his direction.
"Raven! I'm so glad you're OK!" he said happily as he reached her, but then he stopped dead in his tracks at the look in her eyes. He had seen her get hurt countless times, he had seen her sad and broken for probably half the total time he had known her, but he had never seen that look before. Never before had her eyes held so much pain, so much regret, and so much heartbreak. "What…what's wrong?" he asked softly, stepping a bit closer to her.
"I'm so, so sorry," she said very quietly. Her voice shook more than he had ever imagined it could, and it was a wonder he could even make out the words. He was extremely confused. It didn't make any sense.
"For what?" he asked, watching her face carefully for something that might give a clue to what she was talking about. There was nothing.
"Please, Beast Boy, I need you to try to understand-"
"Sorry for what?" he demanded. Something was going on, and he needed to know what it was right now. Raven gulped, quavering slightly under his stare.
"Sorry for what I have to do," she told him softly.
"Well, what do you have to do? I'm tired of you being so mysterious all the time. Tell me exactly what it is you're talking about, right now," he said, looking her straight in the eyes, staring her down. He was kind but firm in his words, and Raven knew he meant it.
"I have to…" she sucked in a long breath. "I have to leave."
"What?" Beast Boy asked, genuinely shocked out of his mind. He nearly stumbled.
Raven breathed deeply once more. "I'm leaving," she told him.
"Leaving? Where are you going? For how long-" Beast Boy began.
"I'm never coming back."
Raven's words fell like stones, cold and unforgiving, and slammed themselves into Beast Boy's abdomen. He felt a sudden wave of nausea at them. Those words shattered every happy feeling from the surface right down to the depths of his soul, leaving only the shards of the pleasant emotions to dig in deep and cut him up.
"Wh-what?" he stammered, mouth dangling open like a fish, eyes wide and unblinking. "Never-…never coming back? What? Why?"
"Because of what I've done." her eyes were filled with a grim determination despite her sadness. "And what I could do if I stay here."
"Raven, you didn't….you wouldn't…how could…" all Beast Boy could do was mumble incoherent words, he was so shocked and stricken. He slowly gathered himself to the point where he could speak. "You won't do that again, really, you won't. I know it."
"No, Beast Boy, you don't know it. You just want to believe it." Raven's eyes slowly filled, but she blinked them dry. "I'm sorry, but this is…just the way it has to be."
"No!" Beast Boy yelled, suddenly furious. But not furious with Raven. He was filled with blind, unwavering rage that had no source. "It doesn't have to be this way! You could just-"
Raven cut him off quickly by putting a finger to his lips, and he halted sharply, trembling as his fury ebbed and turned into pure yearning. His eyes trembled and the corners grew wet, but he refused to cry in front of her again.
"I'm very sorry Beast Boy. Leaving all of you is going to be the most painful thing I've ever had to do, but it has to be done. My whole life has been spent dedicating my time and energy to keeping the ones I care about safe, and this time it is no exception." she took a deep breath as though she were resolving herself. "I need to go somewhere where no harm will be able to come to any of you, no matter what my powers might end up doing. Perhaps what happened this morning was just a fluke, maybe a one-time situation, but I don't know it for sure. Staying here would be too big a risk to the rest of you."
Beast Boy struggled his hardest not to cry. Why was she this way? Why was she so noble when all he was thinking of right now were his own emotions? He was ridiculous and petty and self-centered, and she was a gothic Mother Theresa. Slowly, he tried to do what Raven must have been forced to do for most of her life. He gradually let go of his emotions and let his reasonable side do the talking. "Where are you going to go?" he asked in as much of a calm, level voice as he could.
"I don't know yet. Somewhere quiet. But I want you to promise me one thing…that you won't follow me when I leave."
Beast Boy nodded very slowly with no conviction.
Raven slowly lifted her eyes to the sky, as though the answer to some mind-ravaging question would be waiting for her in the twinkling stars. "It's time for me to go now."
Beast Boy held on to his dignity as best he could, nodding as casually as he could bring himself to. "Yeah, I suppose it is," he rasped as tears came to his eyes.
Raven reached into the black bag that was slung over her shoulders, which Beast Boy hadn't noticed until now, and drew out two objects. One was familiar. A small, round disk with an antenna sticking out of the side. The disk was made of yellow plastic and imprinted with a large black letter T. She handed this object to him first. He took it slowly, like a small child who had only just learned how to use his hands.
"Give that to Robin, and explain to him. Tell all three of them I said goodbye, and that I'm sorry."
Beast Boy closed his hand around the communicator. "Don't you want to say goodbye to them yourself?" he suggested helpfully.
Raven shook her head. "I can't do that. It would be too hard," she explained. Her eyes were very wet now, but she seemed to be trying to deny it without words. She held out the other object it her hand. "And this is for you," she said softly. Beast Boy took it shakily. It was a small package wrapped in tissue paper.
"Thank you," he said softly, wondering what it could be.
A long silence grew between the two teenagers as they stood there in the cool night air. Beast Boy hoped silently that it could go on like this forever, just standing together under the stars. Just having her here beside him. But inevitably, it had to end sometime. It was Raven who broke the silence.
"Goodbye, Beast Boy," she said. He waited. He waited for anything. For an 'I'll miss you', or anything that might signify that all hope was not lost. No salvation came. She turned slowly away from him. He could tell how hard she was trying to be strong, how hard she was fighting a total breakdown. Probably as hard as he was. As she turned, he could feel the anger build once more.
"God damn it!" he snapped. "This is bullshit! You're leaving because of one accident! Aren't you at least willing to take one more chance? Am I really so unimportant, so disposable, that you can just turn away and never look back? I thought I meant more than this to you!" he knew he wasn't being fair, but he couldn't seem to stop. "What about you and me? I thought we meant more than this to you!"
Raven slowly turned to face him once more. Her eyes were deep, hollow pits of regret and despair. "I was hoping this was going to go without saying. It's not like that at all Beast Boy, but I can't risk putting your life in jeopardy. I'm so sorry, but this relationship…it's over."
Those last two words were the downfall of Beast Boy's entire world. He stood still and watched as it all crashed down around him. Raven was shaking violently, and it was getting increasingly obvious that she was starting to cry. "I'm really sorry Beast Boy," she said shakily. "Goodbye." and with that she lifted off of the roof, slowly rising into the air, regret all over her body. She flew away from Titans Tower before she could break down and change her mind. She flew resolutely in an unknown direction as tears fell rapidly from her eyes, staining her cheeks, and burning her soul.
Back on the roof, Beast Boy stood completely motionless. He was barely able to accept what had just happened. He could still slightly smell Raven, that faint scent of herbal tea and lavender. And then it faded away. As the last trace of the girl he loved disappeared, Beast Boy broke down completely. He collapsed onto the rooftop and his silence gave way to choking sobs. He melted onto the cold surface and lay there with cries shaking his body and his heart feeling like it was being ripped in two.
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Next chapter soon. Oh God. Poor BB. How much do you all hate me right now?