Chapter 2 - Away From Me
Hiya, this is a bit of a cop out but I can't think of anything else to do with this song then to re-tell the story but through Ember's eyes. It's in the form of a diary. I know, I know I could try something else but this song is so perfect, and I'm still trying to find time for chapter 2 of 'Through Her Eyes'. (Yes there is gonna be one, I've had too many people asking for it to ignore them, but I think I'm gonna see where this fic takes itself before resuming Through Her Eyes, too complicated and time consuming otherwise.)
Big thank you to all my reviewers:
cakreut12: Thank you
Hana Baniira-chan: Thank you very much.
Hikarisailorcat: I know, I even got myself crying at the end. Thank you.
The Angel of Anarchy: I'm honored that it's your new favorite and I think there should defiantly be more Ember fics out there. I can't find that many either. You're welcome for the song, I heard it and want to spread the word. The song ROCKS! I hope there aren't too many mistakes this time and I hope you like anything else of mine you read.
Thank you all for taking the time to review. It really makes my day when I open my mailbox to find a review waiting for me. On more than one occasion it has stopped me feeling really blue (in the middle of a class, when I should be working instead of checking my e-mails )
Be warned there is quite a lot of swearing so i should put the ratin up a notch, but what do you expect from a teenagers diary? Anyway, here goes
Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own nothing recognizable and this time the credit for the song goes to Evanescence and, by some funny coincidence, it's called "Away From Me" too.
Dear Diary.
You are NEVER going to believe what happened to me today. I went to that stupid bar where they were having that singing contest. I was so nervous 'cause no-one seemed interested in the people on the stage. I thought they were just going to ignore me and I nearly didn't do it, but Ash THREW me on the stage and I couldn't turn back then. I just stood there and they shone the light at me. I thought 'the hell with it, I'll enjoy myself even if they don't' so I stood there in the spotlight, played my guitar and sang. The most incredible thing happened. First one, then the whole table he was sat at, then people at other tables, then the entire bar, went quiet and listened to me. I had silenced that ENTIRE bar. They were all listening to me. It was GREAT. I felt so appreciated.
When I stopped you could have heard the noise they made in the next county. Some of them even got to their feet and applauded. I'm sure I blushed as I bowed and left as soon as I could. Ash, Serena, Kathryn, Paul and Jake said I sounded fantastic. I'm sure I blushed again so I ordered myself a coke and just stood there chatting for a while, waiting until midnight when they would announce the winner.
I couldn't have been standing there for more than 10 minutes before these two people came over. They looked so out of place it was almost funny, anyway that doesn't matter, what does matter is that they were from some music industry and they wanted to offer me a contract. ME. They offered me a CONTRACT. I thought about it for oh…about half a second, and immediately said yes.
I have been signed to a music company! I'm going to be famous! I will be able to reach so many people with my music, and I'm only 16.
Well, it's getting late, not that I'll be able to sleep with all of the excitement buzzing round my head, but I should at least try.
Night Night
Ember
P.S. I won the contest by the way. $100 prize and free drinks in that bar for a year - that's useful, I can't drink for another 5 years, but that doesn't matter. I got something much better tonight.
Dear Diary.
Happy Birthday to me. I can't believe it, I'm seventeen today, one more year of childhood then I have to grow up and "get a real job", not that my parents class singing as a real job. I got a great present from Amy today. I was kinda obvious from the way it was wrapped up what it was but I never thought it would be so beautiful. It's a BRIGHT pink guitar with turquoise flames all over it. I can't get over how nice it is. I LOVE it.
Anthony must have spent a bomb 'cause he got me a whole new outfit: black skin tight pants, a TINY black top that goes over one shoulder and leaves my arms bare, a long black glove that goes nearly up to my shoulder, a belt and the coolest pair of boots I have ever seen. They're grey with a skull on the front of them.
I'm not sure about the new look, it might take some getting used to. I'm glad he stuck with my Goth look though, I would DIE if they tried to make me into some kind of bubblegum pop princess dressed all in pink or something.
My friends sent me a black choker, two pairs of earrings, a bracelet some make-up and more black clothes. My parents sent me some perfume and a book I had been dying to get my hands on. They said that when I come home I could open the rest of my presents. I miss them so much. It's been a pretty good birthday. I wish I could have spent it with my family but unfortunately, I have to be in the studio recording. The album is nearly finished so they plan to unveil me to the public next week. Me and my new look. Wish me luck.
GTG it's very late and I'm worn out.
Talk to you later
Ember
Dear Diary
Wow, my life had really taken a 180. Six months ago I was a happy-go-lucky 16 year old, working her way through school, singing the odd song in a few karaoke competitions, head in the clouds, normal teenager. Now look at me. I walk down the street and people scream my name at me. They run up to me and ask for a photo and an autograph, I'm happy to of course but it's so overwhelming how often it happens to me.
I have been on SO many talk shows I've lost count and they always ask the same questions, but Amy told me that would happen so I should just grin and bear it until I have established myself, then the questions will change.
Anyway, enough with the complaints, there are plenty of celebrities who have gone through this and come put the other side, so will I.
Right, yet again it is stupid o'clock in the morning again so I had better get some sleep. Talk to you again tomorrow
Ember
I hold my breath
As this life starts to take its toll
I hide behind a smile
As this perfect plan unfolds
Dear Diary.
Hi, I went on yet another talk show today. They asked the same questions as the other interviewers did. I am starting to get sick of it, but what can I do. I love the music, I love being on stage with the fans, everything else is so monotonous and meaningless, but I can deal with the monotony for the buzz of being on stage.
Not a very long entry I know but I'm super tired tonight.
Talk to you tomorrow
Ember
Dear Diary
I've been at this for eight months now. Eight long months and it doesn't feel like it. I think I've been home twice in all that time. Twice, that's crap. I've never been away from home for so long before. I'm homesick. I miss my friends. I even miss school.
I will be 18 in 3 months and I'm not looking forward to it. I'll be an adult, all the child protection stuff will be taken away and I will be exposed. My family's home address could be given out, they can legally take what ever kind of pictures they want of me and legally print them in the paper. My entire life will be open for them to poke and prod and search through. Any shred of privacy I have left now will be gone. Not that I have much anyway. The only time I get alone is when I lock myself in my room with my music and pretend I can't hear them banging on the door for me.
Speaking of which, I think they want me for something, I can hear mutterings of ramming the door down and to hell with the bill. Better go and tell them to ram it 'cause I can't take any more people tonight.
Bye
Ember
Dear Diary
It's all starting to get too much for me. I don't know how long I can go on for, but I will. I'll keep going, keep hiding behind the mask I have made for myself. Keep pretending everything is a-okay. Keep laughing, I mean what else is there to do?
I think I feel another song coming on, gotta go before I forget it. I'll talk to you again tomorrow.
Bye
Ember
But oh, God, I feel I've been lied to
Lost all faith in the things I have achieved
Dear Diary
I have a feeling that Anthony and Amy are keeping something from me. Every time I ask about money or something they give me some bullshit story about having a team. Well I'm buggered if I've seen enough people of my 'team' for them to justify taking more than half of my earnings from me. Personally I think they're just screwing me over because they think I'm too young to do anything about it. Less than two months and I will be legally classed as an adult, like to see them try to screw me over then.
It's not just the money that's bothering me though. I'm not here for the money. I'm here to try and reach out to people who need a message of hope. But I don't think I'm getting there. My music and lyrics are so censored that by the time I get round to recording the actual song it is a shadow of it's former self. I don't think I even believe in myself anymore. My songs aren't my own and I don't think I have reached a single person. Sure I have loads of fans, but it's not my songs they're listening to, it's the industry's after they have finished fucking about with my original song.
And I
I've woken now to find myself
In the shadows of all I have created
I'm longing to be lost in you
(away from this place I have made)
Won't you take me away from me?
The only person I can really turn to is Ash. He's stood by me this entire time. And I think he may be starting to be more than just a friend. I wish he would just take me away from all of this crap.
Anyway, it's late and I've got another big appearance to make tomorrow (oh let me go find a container for my joy) and my look is weird enough without adding big black bags under my eyes.
Talk to you tomorrow
Ember
Crawling through this world
As disease flows through my veins
I look into myself
But my own heart has been changed
Dear Diary
Isn't the world strange through the eyes of the famous? Every where I look I see falsities. People smiling when I appear, taking my bags, shaking my hand, asking for my autograph. What is it about this industry that makes everyone so fake (apart for the plastic surgery?) I can get away with anything now that I'm famous, and I hate it. But do you know what's worse. 9 months ago if I had come up against all these fake people in my life I would have told them where to ram it and walked off. Now, I can feel myself falling into step with them. I'm changing. I'm changing to conform with them. I know, shock horror, Ember McLain - self-proclaimed individual rebel who refuses to go with the flow is conforming with the society she has found herself dumped into.
The phrase "like a lamb to the slaughter" springs to mind. I'm toying with the idea of running away, just disappear after a show one night. Poof, away into the night. That would really fuck them up. But I can't. they'd find me again before even the media found out. Oh well, it's nice to dream.
Well, I think that's deep enough for one day. Talk to you later
Ember
I can't go on like this
I loathe all I've become
Dear Diary
I had an epiphany this morning. Not only am I changing, but I hate it. No, not hate, hate's not strong enough. I loathe it. I hate myself, I hate my friends who just up and dumped me when I got famous. My family, who seem to have forgotten I exist. Anthony and Amy, don't even get me started on them. They are such assholes. I wish I could just break away and do my own thing, sign onto a different label and really go somewhere.
Unfortunately when those bastards approached me and offered me the contract in the first place they neglected to mention the fact that it was a two year, contract that I can't get out of.
That's probably why they're treating me so badly. They know I can't do anything about it for another year. Oh how I hate them.
I've woken now to find myself
In the shadows of all I have created
I'm longing to be lost in you
(away from this place I have made)
Won't you take me away from me?
Ash, where are you? Have you abandoned me as well? It's been two weeks. Why haven't you called me. Was I not good enough for you? Did you ever love me, or was that all fake as well? I think I already know.
Why? I told you about my pain. I told you I needed an anchor. You PROMISED you would stay with me, no matter what. Was the fame too much for you? Ha, you only had it for a week. I would ask how you think I feel, but I told you, and you still left.
As far as I'm concerned you're nothing more than a bad dream.
Okay, I think I've vented enough for one night. I'll sign off now and talk to you again later okay.
Bye
Ember
Lost in a dying world
I reach for something more
I have grown so weary of this lie I live
Dear Diary.
Another Birthday rolls around. Wow, where was I one year ago. WHO was I a year ago? A year ago I got the guitar I play on now. A year ago I was so happy, I was on the brink of becoming famous, I still had my family and my friends loved me. Where is she, that girl who wrote in this exact diary one year ago full of hope and joy, excitement about finally getting the world to hear her songs. I know what happened to her. She died. She was crushed by the weight of fame and loneliness. Her heart and soul died and she left the empty shell that I now inhabit behind her.
I think this may be the last time we talk. I have finally had enough. My life is a sham. The world I live in is a load of bollocks. I can't trust anyone, can't love anyone. My parents don't accept my calls anymore. My friends…HA…what friends. They abandoned me as soon as I hit it big time. I miss them. I wish I had never gone to that stupid fucking bar now. Why did I let them drag me there?
I give up. I'm going to give this one last concert. Then I will end it. I'm too tired to go on. I don't know how these celebrities do it but I'm not strong enough. No-one loves me anymore. People idolize Ember McLain rock star. No-one wants to know Ember McLain mixed up teenager in need of genuine love.
Why did you try to use me Ash? I thought you were the one. Why did you have to be like every other bastard out there, out for my fame and my money.
I've woken now to find myself
In the shadows of all I have created
I'm longing to be lost in you
Well, not even you can save me now. I asked you, I nearly begged you to take me away. And you used me. This is it then, this is what it feels like to be totally devoid of hope and love. This is how I will be remembered. Okay, then I'm going in style. One last concert where I will premiere my very last song, then that's it. No more. No more concerts, no more songs, no more fans. Nothing. That's what I will be remembered as.
Well, that's it, my last entry. I hope someone finds this and lets Anthony and Amy know just how miserable they made me. I guess I won't be talking to you later so this is goodbye.
All my love
Ember
I've woken now to find myself
In the shadows of all I have created
I'm longing to be lost in you
Away from me
A/N: Runs and hugs Ember don't worry, it's all over now, no more assholes.
I know, I could have done something else, maybe progressed the story, told what happened after she died, try and figure out why she came back if she was so miserable…can you guess what happened while I was writing this chapter? That's right, another damn plot bunny snuck up on me and bit me good and hard on the ankle. There is going to be a chapter three, and I promise I won't cop out with another diary. There will be a story in the next chapter.
May the angels bless you and keep you safe.