She kissed him hot and hard. Ranger stiffened then pushed his body from hers.

"We can't do this Stephanie."

"Please Ranger, just give me this. I need to feel something other than pain."

Starting Over

Chapter 5

"This isn't a good idea for either of us Steph."

"I know Ranger, but I am so full of hurt right now I don't know what to do with it all. I need to feel something other than heartache."

Tears streamed down Stephanie's face as she spoke softly to Ranger. He contemplated his options before finally giving into the woman in his arms.

He gripped her body tight with his left hand while his right moved lower to shift his pants off his hips. As soon as he was free, he did the same to her. In an instant, he was inside of her. There was no kissing, no soft caresses, no words spoken out of passion. He simply took her. He wrapped both arms around her body causing her to arch into his chest. He pumped hard and fast, then slowed into shorter less intense strokes.

Stephanie's hands grabbed and scratched at Ranger's back. She searched for his face, but was unable to find it. He had his chin resting on her shoulder and buried his face in the pillow not allowing her to see what was in his eyes. When her breath began to catch he thrust his hips further and deeper than before.

She moaned softly at first, then signaled her orgasm with a spirited scream that filled the entire apartment. When her body final calmed, Ranger rolled off of her and stood beside the bed. He slid his pants up then covered her body with the comforter. He had stayed only long enough to give her release, but he didn't want it for himself, not that way at least. She was already asleep by the time he left the bedroom.

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Steph woke an hour later. Memories of the earlier events with Ranger flashed across her mind. He gave her what she asked for, but she didn't feel better. If anything, she felt worse.

She lifted her body from the bed and headed for the shower. She stood under the streaming hot water with her eyes fixated on the opposite wall. She stood there for a long time thinking of the events of the past week. She had made so many mistakes. She was just hoping the most recent mistake wouldn't cost her Ranger's friendship.

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Ranger stood on the terrace looking over the streets of Trenton. He knew he made the wrong choice, but how could he have told her no? She was crying, and he needed to comfort her. He needed to reach out to her and take the pain away. It was what she asked for, and at the time it was the only thing he had to give her.

His body stiffened as he heard the French doors open and close. He knew it was her. Her footsteps came closer to him, and when she placed a hand on his back he jerked away from her touch.

"No Steph". His voice was filled with anger.

"Ranger I need…"

"Stephanie, I don't want to hear what you need right now. You have to listen to me." Ranger turned around to face her, his eyes dark with pain. "I won't be your pity fuck again. I won't be your rebound toy, and I refuse to be the guy you always come to for comfort when some other man hurts you. I can't do it anymore. It's not fair to me."

"I know Ranger."

"No you don't Stephanie. If you did, you wouldn't have asked that of me. I put up with that before but I'm a different person now. I did some growing up as well in the last couple of years."

"What does that mean Ranger? Do you want me to leave now?"

"No Steph, I don't want you to leave. I am still your friend, but as of right now that's all it can be. I will help you and protect you but that's where it ends. When this whole fiasco is settled we'll revisit this conversation. I won't dump all of it on you right now because that wouldn't be fair to you, but if you do decide to stay we need to come to an understanding. You can't ask me to give you something that hurts me to give. It's not fair."

Stephanie didn't know how to answer so she shook her head in agreement.

"I need to go out for awhile, I'll be back later." Ranger paused to read her reaction then stalked through the French doors and out of the apartment.

Stephanie fought the urge to return to her hiding place in the safety of the bed and went for the telephone instead. She dialed Mary Lou's number and waited. When her best friend finally answered, she told her what had happened with Joe and then Ranger. Mary Lou listened patiently and paused before she spoke to Stephanie.

"Steph, listen to what I have to say. But understand that everything I say is out of your best interest. Not out of Ranger's or Joe's, but out of yours. You are my priority, not them."

"Ok." Steph said hesitantly.

Mary Lou drew a deep breath before she began. "Stephanie, what you did to Ranger was possibly one of the stupidest, most idiotic things you have ever done in your entire life! I can't believe you did that to him! Can you not see how much he cares for you? Can you not see why he would be offended by you choosing him to rebound on? You used him to make yourself feel better be damned how it made him feel."

Stephanie's voice spoke with anger. "Hold on right here Lou. I know it was a mistake, but how was I suppose to know that Ranger would get so upset over a little sex? He was the one that always said what we give each other was free. He was the one that made sure I knew the first time that it was sex and only sex and nothing more."

"Stop it Stephanie. Your using what he said in the past as an excuse for you to act foolish. Do you not realize how much the man cares for you? Every single time you've asked for his help he's jumped to your aid. Now after more than two years and a marriage later he has welcomed you into his home with open arms. Do you think he did that just because he wanted a roommate? Of course not you knit-wit. He did that because he loves you. He's loved you for a long time now, but you've been too damn stubborn or scared to see that. And don't even bring up what happened to you two the first time around. He told you to go back to Joe because he thought that's what YOU wanted. And what did you do? You did exactly what he thought you would do, so I'm sure Ranger felt as if you once again picked Joe over him. He's a big strong man, but even big strong men have feelings and for some reason you seem to forget that about Ranger. You hurt him, and frankly I don't blame him for being pissed at you right now."

Stephanie let the words sink in. She knew Mary Lou was right, she had been stupid. She had been cruel to Ranger. "Oh God Lou what have I done? Do you think he's going to hate me forever?"

"He doesn't hate you Steph, he's just mad. And finally he set some boundaries for you and I think that's a good thing. It's about time you appreciated that man for the friend he has been to you all these years."

"So how do I fix this?"

"I don't know Steph. You need to think long and hard about what you want. I'm not saying you have to decide right now if you want Ranger, it's too early for that anyway. You need to deal with this Joe shit first, but you also need to ask yourself if after that's done if you want to have a chance with Ranger. If you do, then you need to start respecting him the way he respects you."

"You're right Lou. I know you are, but I don't know how to do that."

"Sure you do Steph. You aren't an evil person, you didn't hurt him on purpose. Talk to him and for once show him the unguarded side of you."

Stephanie thought deeply about what Mary Lou was saying. She knew it wasn't going to be easy, but she also knew that Ranger's friendship was worth fighting for. She wasn't sure she would be able to make it through this divorce without him.

After she hung up the phone she padded around the apartment killing time until Ranger returned. She knew what she needed to do, she only hoped she had the nerve to do it.

Roughly an hour later Ranger clicked the door shut as he arrived back home. Stephanie met him in the foyer and stood eye to eye with him.

"Ranger, we need to talk."

Continued in Chapter 6

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I know the "we need to talk" is sometimes an overused ending… but it just seemed to fit this time. Please keep all tomatoes and other veggies to yourself until I finish the entire story. Once it's finished you are all invited to toss them at your free will. J