Roughly an hour later Ranger clicked the door shut as he arrived back home. Stephanie met him in the foyer and stood eye to eye with him.
"Ranger, we need to talk."
Starting Over
Chapter 6
Ranger eyed Steph wearily as her nervous body swayed back and forth in front of him waiting for an answer. He stretched his arm out towards the living room and said, "Lead the way."
She turned quickly and they both walked into the dimly lit living room. Stephanie took a seat on the big, puffy chair while Ranger plopped onto the sofa after placing his gun belt on the nearby table. Stephanie said a silent prayer thanking God that it when it appeared Ranger wasn't going to shoot her. She took it as a good sign.
Ranger didn't budge, blink, or squirm and Stephanie knew he could sit it that silent pose for days waiting on her, so after drawing a deep breath she spoke softly.
"Ranger, I'm not going to make any excuses for my actions. However I do have a few things I need to say to you, and if willing I hope you'll give me the chance to do so." She paused waiting for a reaction from Ranger. It never came.
"I'm going through a lot of shit right now. I can handle the shit with Morelli. I can handle the shit about being the laughing stock of the Burg. I can even handle the shit my mother is going to give me for not calling her, and for letting Joe knock me up then dumping me. But what I absolutely cannot deal with is shit between you and I. You have always been my rock. You've always kept me steady, and someone just showed me how much I had taken that for granted. For that I am truly sorry."
Once again Ranger remained stone-faced as he listened to Stephanie speak.
"I've always been a little nervous around you. I suppose I always kept thinking that if I screwed up bad enough around you, that you would eventually realize how unworthy I am of being your friend. But that kind of thinking is over. I'm starting over Ranger. Right here, and right now. I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone before, not even Mary Lou. So, if you know anything about women and their best friend's, you'll know that me not telling her is big, huge even."
Ranger's eyes squinted slightly but his lips still showed no emotion.
Stephanie paused to take another deep breath. "Ranger, there hasn't been one single day that has gone by since…. um… since that night we spent together that I haven't thought about you. I'm not exaggerating. Not one single day has gone by that I haven't wondered what you were doing or wondered where you were. I would often find myself daydreaming about conversations we use to have or laugh about some of the moments we had spent together. To this day I can still give you a complete play by play of every touch and kiss you gave me that night. It's completely burned into my brain, and every time I close my eyes that's what I see. When I was first married I felt a lot of guilt over that. It took me awhile to realize that no matter what, I would have never have cheated on Joe. I loved him and no matter what I felt for you, I wouldn't have betrayed that."
Stephanie rose from the chair and began pacing back and forth in front of the couch.
"But now I find myself all on my own once again. I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt like hell that Joe did this to me, because it does. But I've done a lot of thinking in the last four days and I realize I would rather live through this period of intense pain, then have to deal with a lifetime of less intense unhappiness. At least now I have a chance of being truly happy."
"I won't apologize for my actions earlier because I refuse to live one more day with regret. I will admit that it was a bad choice, but I won't linger on it and I hope you won't either. But I do want you to understand that I didn't ask you for sex to hurt you, or to rebound off of you, or to use you as a pity fuck. My one and only motive was to feel better. I remember how amazing sex was with you, and for a few minutes I wanted to feel that way again. I'm truly sorry if that hurt you, but like I said it wasn't my intention."
Ranger's eyes darkened slowly as his head followed every step the pacing woman made.
"You said earlier that we would revisit this conversation after I had dealt with the Joe crap. Well, I don't want to revisit it later. I want us to do this know."
Finally for the first time in the conversation, Ranger spoke. "Sure about that Steph? You could be playing with fire you know?"
Stephanie stopped the instant he spoke, but when she glanced into his eyes she began pacing once again. "I'm positive Ranger. I don't want to spend the next 8 months worrying whether or not you are angry with me, or hate me, or resent me, or want to throw me out of your window. I want us to lay everything on the table. Let's empty our decks and see what kind of hands we come up with."
Ranger stood quickly and took two giant steps toward Stephanie. In a matter of seconds he was standing nearly nose to nose with her. "Sure about this babe?"
Gulp. "Sure as I'll ever be."
"Fine. First I'm going to take a shower. You call Ella and order some food, we'll have this out over dinner."
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Ranger finally rejoined Steph 20 minutes later. He found her sitting on the balcony in the evening breeze while eating what looked like a salad.
"Don't tell me you're eating a salad?"
Steph smirked at him then replied coldly, "So this is what they call a salad huh? And yes, I'm going to try and start eating better. As much as I may want to deny it, I am having a baby. I need to start taking better care of myself."
"If it's any consolation, after my ex had Sara her taste in food completely changed. She had been a health nut all during the pregnancy, but the minute after she gave birth she wanted nothing but junk food. She's still that way today."
"Well, I guess that's food for thought anyway. Your salad is in the fridge. Do you want me to come back inside, or do you mind eating out here?"
"Out here is fine, let me grab my food and I'll be right back."
Stephanie was still contemplating Rangers words 'have it out over dinner' when she was rejoined on the balcony by the man himself. She allowed herself one quick glance and noticed he was wearing silky black running pants and a gray t-shirt with "ARMY" printed across the chest. He settled into the chair next to Step's then once again waited for her to speak.
"Are you ready to do this Ranger?"
"Ready, willing, and able."
Steph was beginning to get rattle by Ranger's calm mood. He had seemed so angry earlier, and now he seemed to be back to his normal smooth self. She was beginning to fear what he had done when he left the apartment after their fight.
"Do you mind if I ask you were you went earlier?"
"Gun range. Did some practicing."
"Oh." She swallowed extra hard on the lettuce. "You weren't picturing me on the targets were you?"
"Maybe just a few times."
She could see the corners of his mouth turn slightly. Feeling mature, she grabbed a crouton and flung it in his direction.
"Anyway Ranger, can we please get down to business. I want to know what it is that you wanted to wait to tell me."
"Fine, business it is. I didn't want to overwhelm you with this because I do understand you have a lot of stuff to deal with right now, but I have made up my mind about you."
"What were you deciding on, whether to throw me out the window or shoot me?"
"Nah. I just decided that this time I'm not going to let you deny your feelings for me like you did in the past."
Steph choked briefly on a cucumber. "Excuse me? Care to explain that?"
"Sure. You wanted me for a long time. I never doubted that, but for some reason I scared you. I figured it always had something to do with Joe so I backed off for your sake. But now that he's going to be permanently out of the picture I'm not going to be so understanding."
Stephanie froze with his words. She had prepared for the worse, but now she couldn't tell whether she had just received the worst, or the best.
"See babe, this is how it is. I backed off from you completely when you got married. I respected that. But now you aren't going to be married for much longer. So I figure I give you time to have the baby, and by the time you are healed from that you should be ready to have me back in your bed."
"Wait, wait, wait. Stop right there Ranger. Do you really think that I'm just going to have a baby then usher you back into my bed? What kind of woman do you think I am? I've done the sex-for-fun thing, but that's not me anymore. I'm going to be a mother for Chris sakes. Mother's don't do that kind of thing."
"Mother or not, it is your kind of thing." Ranger chuckled.
Becoming enraged, Stephanie slammed her bowl down on a nearby table and scrambled out of the chair. "Now you listen here Manaso. I won't be your pity fuck either. I refuse to open my bed up to you only to have you push me off on someone else the next morning. That's not going to happen. That really hurt the first time you did it to me, and I won't let you do that to me again."
Ranger continued to leisurely eat his salad as he spoke. "Is that what I said Stephanie?" He said calmly. "I said I would be back in your bed, I never said anything about leaving it. I told you earlier, I matured a lot the last couple of years. My playing days are over. I'm tired of one night stands and cheap sex. I'm ready for something more. I know what I want, and for once I'm not going to make any excuses and I'm going to go for it."
Standing at the foot of his chair with her arms crossed tightly for effect she demanded, "Well what is it you want Ranger?"
"That's easy babe. You. And this time, I'm going to get exactly what I want."
Stephanie was too stunned to speak. This conversation had gone nothing like she had planned. In an effort to display her displeasure she stomped her foot on the ground before picking up her salad and returning to the nearby ottoman.
They sat in silence for what seemed to be an eternity. When he finally spoke first she felt the rush of victory speed through her body.
"Going to say anything babe?"
"Ha! You spoke first! I beat you!"
"Didn't realize it was a race?"
"Not exactly, but close. And yes I am going to speak, just trying to think of what words to use."
"Ah. Well, I'm just going to take a nap, wake me when you decide what to say."
"Don't you dare go to sleep!"
Ranger flopped his head onto the back of the lounge and tried unsuccessfully to suppress a smile.
"Are you laughing at me?"
"Never Steph."
"Well can you at least get serious for a moment. I need to respond to you."
"Then respond. I'm waiting."
"This isn't easy for me Ranger. You just rocked my world a little off balance and I'm not real sure how to react to it."
"Well first off Steph, don't think about how you should react. Just do it. Just tell me whatever it is you're thinking."
"Ok, I'm thinking that you are making a big mistake. I mean, I'm still married and you're saying you want to be with me?"
"Yes I want to be with you, and you are getting a divorce."
"I'm pregnant with another man's baby." She countered.
"I already have a daughter, and he merely beat me to the punch. I get dibs next time around."
"I don't have a permanent place to live so I'm practically homeless."
"You aren't homeless. You live here, which reminds me I had you some keys made and I got you an extra security switch."
"Thanks. I don't have any money."
The smirk on Ranger's face remained in place. "I have lots of money, you don't need any."
"I'm going to get really fat."
"You're pregnant that's expected, and besides I'm really going to enjoy watching your boobs grow."
"I'm going to go through terrible mood swings."
"You already go through mood swings."
"These will be worse."
"It won't matter."
"Fine Ranger, be stubborn. What is it going to take for me to convince you that this is a bad idea?"
This finally got Ranger's real attention. He swung his legs around to the side of the lounge chair and placed his hands on Stephanie's knees. "Steph, I don't care how bad of an idea this is. I don't care what Joe, or your family, or the Burg thinks of this. You make me happy. I think I make you happy as well. We've never really given each other a decent chance and I think it's about time we did. I've cared about you for going on 5 years now. My feelings for you haven't gone away yet, and I assume they never will. I know the situation is shitty now, but that will change eventually."
Stephanie placed the salad back on the table and raised her hands to Ranger's cheeks.
"Ranger I do care about you, but I saw how much I hurt you a while ago. I don't want to do that again. I'm not ready to give myself to you completely yet. I've barely been separated from my husband for a week. I don't want to rush into things with you and screw them up before we even have a chance to get started."
Ranger grabbed her waist and slide her and the ottoman between his knees. "I'm not going to pressure you Steph. All I want is for you to be honest with me. If there is no chance for us to have a future tell me now. If there is, then I'll be here whenever you are ready."
"Are you sure you can live with that because I can see a future with you, but I just can't tell you when that will be."
"I'm sure I can live with that. I can't promise you how long I can wait until I start pushing you some, baiting you here and there. But you are a grown woman, if it becomes too much for you too soon, just tell me and we will re-evaluate. Right now, all I'm asking for is a chance."
Steph leaned in until their foreheads met. She smiled slowly then said, "I think I'm ready to take a chance too."
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When it was finally dark, Stephanie retired to the bedroom to get some rest. Ranger had work to do so he volunteered to sleep in the living room. After sleeping almost an hour Stephanie jerked awake to the sound of her cell phone.
"'Hello."
"Steph it's Mary Lou. You are not going to believe this."
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Ranger was busy typing away on the laptop when he noticed Stephanie in the bedroom doorway. When her face came into focus, he realized something was wrong. She was as pale as a ghost. He quickly got up from the couch and walked to her.
"What's wrong babe?"
"Ranger, what did you mean when you said Joe was going to be permanently out of the picture?"
To be continued in Chapter 7…