Disclaimer: Woot!

Chapter thirty-seven! Yay! And more thanks to the Gnostic, who also helped with a concept in this chapter. I'd just be screwed without you, wouldn't I?

No, I really don't know what the place Slade's lair used to be looks like, so I'm sorry about the inaccuracies. And forgive the boringness of this chapter.

Yay! School's out! (happy dance) I'll have more time for writing now!

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"Oh Beeeeeeast Booooooy," Starfire said happily, sticking an arm into Beast Boy's room. In her hand was a plate piled high with tofu burgers. She jostled the platter a bit to waft the smell of the soy meat into the room. "We have elected to have a non-meat hamburger-eating contest! I trust you are wishing to participate? You are most certainly in need of food after the events of the Julia Thompson and Johnny Rancid."

When she didn't get an answer, the Tamaranian stuck her head into the room. "Beast Boy?" she asked, staring around at the empty, messy chamber. "Where have you gone?" she wondered aloud.

Back in the living room, Robin and Cyborg looked up at the girl when she entered.

"He said no? I would have thought he'd jump at the chance to watch us choke down tofu," Cyborg said, scratching his temple.

"I…did not find him," Starfire said timidly.

"What?" Robin asked, looking alarmed.

"He was…not in his room," Starfire informed him.

Robin stood up. "Oh God, this is not good. What if he…what if he went after Raven? What if he decided to go off on his own too? What if he tried to kill himself again?" his eyes widened. "Shit, what if he's off somewhere with his wrists bleeding all over the place, or what if he's slowly dying from aspirin overdose or he's hanging by his throat from a bridge somewhere or he's asphyxiating himself in the T Car or-"

"Robin, calm down. This isn't like you. Just chill for a minute and-" Cyborg began.

"Calm down? You want me to calm down when our friend might be dying?" Robin snapped. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"What's yours?" Cyborg asked, raising an eyebrow. "I was just saying you didn't need to get all worked up over it. I know BB. He's not going to try and kill himself over something like this. Things have to build up for him to get to that point. He's probably just cooling down somewhere and he'll be back soon. The best thing we can do is stop worrying about him and let him do his thing."

"How can you say that when he tried before? How can you know anything for sure after everything that's been happening lately?" Robin spun around and put his hands on his head. "How can any of us be sure about one single damn thing?"

Cyborg placed a hand on the Boy Wonder's shoulder. "Easy, Robin. He'll be fine. He is a Titan, after all," the teenager said with a slight smile. "I think he'll be OK."

Robin sighed and sat down on the couch. "I know, I know. I just can't help but worry," he muttered.

"That's because he's our friend. It's OK to worry. It's natural. Just don't let the worry govern everything else you do," Cyborg said.

Robin nodded. "I'll give that a shot," he said with little conviction.

XXX

The small green eagle flew over the buildings and streets of Jump City, following its course straight and steady. Flying straight past the highly inhabited places, out toward where fewer people frequented. To Jump City's outskirts. This was a place where unimaginable things had happened right under the noses of the city's finest. This was a place where unthinkable sins had become an everyday reality, where everything was darkness, and there was no escape. The land seemed relatively normal, though a little quiet. A place holding its breath, nervous for the continuation of the things it had seen carried out in its own depths.

There were places here, well hidden, in that old warehouse, under that ground, all around this spot, where things had happened that could never be forgotten by the few that knew of them. People had died. People had burned to death here by molten rock pushed up from beneath the surface by one girl's beautiful and terrible powers. Thousands of robotic warriors had been kept hidden here, waiting for the day when a battle needed to be won by their creator. People had been abused here, beaten here, wounded here, the old screams nothing but a faint memory dulled by the softness of the breeze and the tranquility of the warm spring sun falling through the stubble of grass. People had turned to stone by their own gifts. People had given their lives. And taken the lives of others. All for the sake of the city. But the city didn't know that. It stood, proud and pompous in all its glory, unaware of the deep sacrifice that had been made to protect the things that its buildings shielded.

The eagle landed on the packed dirt and in a matter of seconds became Beast Boy. He stood there for a moment, allowing the memories to wash over him. He stared at the old building before him. It was relatively plain save for the orange stained-glass windows that were now in some places cracked with neglect and weather. It had been a while.

And then he started forward, entering the building through a broken window, morphing for a moment into a cat to fit through the small opening. He looked around the bowels of the place. It no longer resembled a normal building on the inside. It was formed mostly of hardened lava, twisted mounds and spirals of rock that seemed almost mangled by some great force. There were cracks, deep chasms, and tall pedestals made of the imperfect stone. One such pedestal was taller than the rest. Beast Boy trudged up to it.

At the foot of the pedestal sat a plaque:

Terra

A Teen Titan

A true friend

Beast Boy knelt and picked up the bouquet of withered, dry roses that sat at the front, and then sat down on the stump of rock, heaving a heavy sigh.

"I don't know where else to go. I need to think, so I came here. So hi, Terra. I know you came back after you 'died' here, and I know you died again and you were buried somewhere else, but I don't think I could ever actually go to the place where you're really buried. It would be too hard." he sighed again. "I'm so scared and…confused. And I just need someone to listen. Not to talk to me, but to listen. And so, here I am. You're my friend, so maybe you'll listen. Maybe you can hear me. I just…I love Raven so much. I can't stop. I don't…I don't want to stop. But I need to. I just want to feel whole again. I don't think I'll ever be able to love anyone else now, but I just want to feel like I can go on without thinking of her every second of my life. I get so angry without knowing why. I just…maybe I don't want to deal with the pain, and how much missing her hurts me. I don't want to mourn this loss. She chose to leave me. That doesn't sound like someone who deserves to be missed, does it?" he paused, looking up into the bare rafters of the old building's roof.

"I guess I just get so angry to mask my pain. That's what she always did, isn't it? She hid her pain with anger and hurtful words, didn't she?" he looked absentmindedly down at his gloved hands, colored faintly orange by the light seeping through the dusty stained-glass windows. "God, I….I'm so much like her, aren't I? I hide who I am with false emotions because I'm too afraid to look the truth in the face." pause. "I was wrong. I was so wrong to love her. I was so wrong to think that she could ever love me back. Really love me, anyway. Maybe that's why she left. Because I loved her too much. Maybe my feelings scared her. Maybe she didn't want to be loved. I can't stop loving her, Terra, no matter how hard a I try. Just make it stop, please," he whimpered, slumping over to lie on the smooth stone surface.

A bird rustled in its nest in the rafters above, sending a curtain of shimmering dust down through the slanting beams of morning sunlight. Beast Boy was quaking with unreleased sobs now. But he refused to cry. Not this time.

"Why did I have to start loving her in the first place? Why? Why can't I just love you instead? It was so much simpler. I never loved you as much as I love Raven, but it was so easy to…to love you. Why can't I ever just take the easy way out? Why did I have to become infatuated with that goddamn demon?" his voice crept louder and louder with anger. "Look what she did to me! I could never even love you now, because I'm so afraid. I'm stuck. I can't go back to when I didn't love her, I can't go forward to ever loving anyone else. I'm just stuck here being madly in love with someone who doesn't give a fuck about me!" he yelled, slamming his fist down on the rock. A jet of pain shot through his hand and he winced, waiting for it to subside. When it did, he allowed his thoughts to sink down, down into oblivion, willing them away. He allowed his mind to empty, and he allowed himself to be surrounded by the blissful silence, comforting him inside and out.

And then he allowed himself to miss Raven completely with all of his soul.

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More soon. Yay! I'm writing really fast lately.