Disclaimer: Chicken fingers taste good with ranch dressing!

Chapter thirty-eight! More! I'm getting so much done without the stress of school and it just ended today!

I'm so happy today! I just…I love you all so much! (gives you all big hugs) I hope none of you ever change! If you're reading this right now, always remember how special you are, and how special you make me feel by reading my writing!

Sorry this chapter is so short!

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"Hey guys," came a voice from the entry of the living room. Three heads bobbed up simultaneously and looked at Beast Boy as he entered the room.

"Where were you?" Robin demanded, sounding both irritated and relieved at once, hiding his earlier panic behind a sheath of frustration.

"Oh, you know, cooling down," Beast Boy said with a nonchalant shrug.

"That's all you have to say? After you scared us all half to death? 'Cooling down'?" Robin asked.

"Dude, somebody's a little bit spastic today," Beast Boy said, looking at Robin with one eyebrow raised.

"I'm not 'spastic'. I'm just worried about my friend who has prior suicide attempts, that's all!" Robin said.

"Since when are you my mom? I can take care of myself," Beast Boy muttered.

"Obviously not," Robin muttered under his breath.

"What are you saying?" Beast Boy asked dangerously, his green eyes narrowing into slits.

"I'm saying that I don't think you can take care of yourself when you had to resort to ending your life to deal with pain," Robin explained coolly, and immediately feeling guilty for the playing the suicide card.

"It was in the fucking past! Now you're judging me by the past?" Beast Boy asked, gaping incredulously at his friend.

"It wasn't that long ago, Beast Boy," Robin reminded him unnecessarily.

"You think I don't know that? Thanks for the reminder, buddy!" Beast Boy's voice was ringing with sarcasm now.

"Hey, can both of you just shut up? It's tense enough around here without you two at each other's throats," Cyborg snapped, all hints of patience gone from his voice. "I'm getting sick of this. You're friends, dammit! Start acting like it. Both of you are part of the greatest support system to each other that the world has to offer. You need to stop fighting. We all do. "

"I am agreeing with Cyborg. We do not need to make it worse," Starfire chimed in from the sofa. "Things are bad enough with dealing with the terrible happenings. Fighting will only make us all feel worse."

Robin sighed. "I'm sorry Beast Boy. I didn't mean to freak out at you," he offered, glad he had an excuse to end the fight before things got out of hand.

"It's fine. I'm sorry. I was the one being an asshole," Beast Boy answered him. "I didn't mean to snap at you." his eyes lowered slowly to the carpet with guilt.

"It's fine. No hard feelings. So, we're still OK, then," Robin said uncertainly. Beast Boy looked up, seeming a bit less guilt-ridden.

"Yep. Let's just forget about it," Beast Boy said with a slight sigh. "I need to think for a while, OK? I'm going to my room. Don't worry. I'm not gonna go all crazy suicidal again," he assured his friends before turning to leave the room. "Sorry I made you worry by running off, and sorry I freaked out at that reporter chick."

"That's OK. You didn't mean to worry us. And I think we all thought your little freakout was justified," Cyborg said. The other two Titans nodded. Beast Boy grinned slightly and turned, walking out of the room.

When the bedroom door shut behind him, Beast Boy released himself from behind his emotional barrier and his supported outer wall collapsed. He crumbled emotionally and flopped down on the floor, just glad to be alone, to not have to pretend anymore.

He had always felt like this. He was always like this. From the day the Titans had started, from the times before he could remember, he had hidden who he really was behind a façade of smiles and laughter and jokes and an easygoing face. That was never who he really was. It had never been something he could honestly say was any more than just a lifestyle and persona built entirely out of lies to keep other people from getting in. He never let himself show through. Raven was the only person who he had ever allowed to see him cry, to see him be himself, to see him stop pretending. She was the only one who had ever made him want to take down that wall. She had made him want to take it down since the first time he'd met her. He hadn't been sure why. He had never been able to figure it out. There had just always been something about her that made him want to trust her, to be around her, and eventually, to love her.

He gave a sigh. He didn't want to think of Raven. He didn't want to think of that easy, natural attraction he had always felt for her whether he had realized it or not. Thinking of how fearless he had been with his emotions made him feel even worse. He attempted to push the beautiful face out of his mind.

'Think of something else. Anything else. Starfire's Pudding of Sadness. That was so gross! I don't blame Raven for not wanting to taste it. Oh. Damn. Um…something else! Cyborg's patented spider monkey face, yeah! That is so funny! It even made Raven smile once. Uh-oh. Um…something else. The last video game I played. Hmm. That was one about monkeys. Raven kept telling me to turn the sound off. Oh, Dammit!' he thought. "I never going to be able to stop thinking about her, so what's the point in even trying?" he asked aloud, rolling over. Her violet eyes watched him from every corner of his troubled mind.

"I can't stop thinking about her. I might as well take care of what's left to take care of while she's on my mind," he muttered to himself. There were things he didn't want to keep running from, hiding from. Things he was going to have to face whether he liked it or not. Those amethyst eyes looked deep into his soul no matter how hard he tried to forget them.

The dark gap between his bed and the floor loomed just inches from his hand. His fingers twitched. "No, I won't…" he muttered. His hand inched forward anyway. He reached a hand under the bed and felt around until he touched something that crinkled beneath his grasping fingers. Closing his hand around it, he pulled it out of the dark space and brought it up to his chest. Smelling the small bundle hard enough, he could smell herbal tea and lavender. The scent washed over him like a breeze.

Slowly, Beast Boy held the thing out in front of him and stuck his thumb into its covering, ripping a small slit in the tissue paper. Pulling his thumb slowly along the tissue paper, he ripped a long gash. Unable to stand the suspense anymore, he took a deep breath and ripped the paper away altogether, and the object that it had concealed fell gently into his hands.

For a moment, Beast Boy could not breathe. He could only sit in silence and stare down at the object. It was dark and smooth, light in weight and so familiar. Raven's stare in his mind bored into him even more distinctly.

It was Raven's mirror.

Beast Boy stared down at the sinister, ornamental mirror for a moment, memories hitting him like a thousand bullets.

'"The mirror you found is for meditation. It's a portal into my mind. Not a toy!" the words came rushing back to him as though it had only been yesterday instead of nearly a year-and-a-half ago. Raven had been so secretive, so territorial about this thing. She had been angry at him for touching it, because it was so personal. It allowed him to look into her mind. To know what she was thinking or feeling no matter what she said on the outside or how she acted. It was a way to see the true Raven no one else ever saw. This was so…private. So why was she giving it him?

Beast Boy's confusion ran rampant through his mind and he shoved the mirror under his bed and stood up, head spinning. He needed to think. He needed fresh air. Making the quick decision to go and sit on the roof and sort these things out, Beast Boy made his way toward the bedroom door, slowly, dazedly. It slid open for him and he kept moving until he ran into something very solid in the doorway.

"What the-" he asked aloud, looking up.

Large, terrified violet eyes looked straight back into his own green ones. But this time, they weren't watching him from his mind.

They were real.

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More very soon! Wow, I'm sorry about the cliffy.