Yeah, I really had to do this chapter. Everyone must've guessed by now that my favorite ship is Sirius/Remus. I just figured it would do nicely in the story. And besides, you know you all wanna read it - especially the cowboy hat part. You'll see what I mean. This could possibly be the longest chapter I've ever written. Yay me! And loads and lots of thanks to my great sis and wonderful newly-acquired-beta. You're supercool awesome! I could never do it without you. Thanks so much.
Warnings: Mention of homosexual relationships (i.e. - backstory )
Chapter 8 - Trip Down Memory Lane
Harry woke early that Sunday morning after tossing and turning all night long. Ron had been the subject of his dreams when Harry had slept enough to dream. They had been hot, searing dreams that still burned in his mind and had left him in a sticky mess. He sorted through his dressers for clean clothes. His phone lay on the desk where he had left it and had not called Ron during the night. He checked for missed calls. He wanted to see Ron's name on the screen. But Ron had not called him at all. Harry put the phone back down and, clothes in hand, walked down the hallway awkwardly in his soiled clothes towards the washroom.
Chloe, who slept until the late afternoon if left alone on the weekends, was snoring in her room, so Harry had the time to shower at his leisure. He peeled his clothes off and tossed them into the hamper to launder later, then turned on the tap. He placed his glasses on the sink, staring at himself in the mirror. He had never thought himself a movie star-handsome boy, but he was not entirely bad to look at. Did Ron just want something else? Sighing, he climbed into the shower.
The warm water washed over his body, drawing little mewls of pleasure from Harry. He just stood there, hands against the wall, letting the water run over his face and down his body his soothing rivulets. For Harry, warm showers were always almost orgasmic. Reluctantly, he moved from under the stream to soap his body. He wet then lathered his hair. All his worries rinsed away for the time being with the soap and shampoo.
Cold water started to become more and more prominent as it hit Harry. He turned the tap off, grabbed the towel he left on the wrack, and dried off quickly. He dressed, attempted to bring some order to his hair, then went back to his room for his phone. Downstairs, his parents were already awake. They were making breakfast, Jason in his highchair at the kitchen table, when Harry came into the kitchen.
"Going out with Ron and Hermione," James asked, pulling a waffle off the waffle iron.
"No," Harry answered. "I was actually heading over to see Sirius. I need to ask him about something."
"You and Ron haven't been spending much time together this past week," his mother observed. "Did you two have a tift?"
"No," Harry said again. "Can you please pass a waffle, Dad? One of the chocolate chip ones?"
James slid him a plate with two fluffy, golden waffles on it and sent the syrup soon after. Harry kissed his baby brother's forehead before sitting down with his breakfast. Syrup was drenched over the waffles after a square of butter. His mouth started watering even before he took his first bite. James's waffles were practically famous. There was usually a big crowd of people whenever James decided to cook waffles.
Lily sat down with her plate and orange juice. She peered at Harry over her laptop, on which she was working on her latest book, one discussing allegory figures and their significance in society in the present age. Harry raised his eyes to meet her matching emerald-green ones. She was trying to probe something from him.
"Nothing's wrong, Mom," he said, rather unconvincingly. She raised an eyebrow. "I'm serious! I can handle it."
"All right, dear. But if you need to talk, you know your father and I will be as open-minded and supportive as possible about the situation."
'Great,' he thought. 'They think I'm on drugs or something.'
Harry finished his breakfast in silence, then took his plate up to the sink and headed for the door. He pulled his shoes on. Outside, the day was beginning to grow hot and the sun was shinning merrily. It was a pleasant day for walking. He wished he had enough money for his car. He desperately needed advice from Sirius and Remus. Hopefully, they would know what was wrong with him where Ron was concerned. They were the only adults he would be comfortable talking to about his situation, and if they had no advice for him, he did not know what he would do.
He strolled along, trying to enjoy the day instead of worrying over Ron. He would have appreciated it if he were able to think of something other than the redhead for a few minutes. It did not even have to be long. Just long enough so he could have a moment's peace to think how lovely a flower was or something... Probably something less ponce-sounding than that.
He passed Sirius's motorbike on his way up the driveway, and the car was parked in front of the garage, so both of the men were home. He knocked on the door, waited, knocked again, waited, then rang the doorbell. He could only guess what they were doing.
When Remus answered the door, he wished he had called before coming. His godfather's lover was wearing a button down shirt, a tie, one black sock, and a smile. His hair was sticking up in every direction. Harry blushed and made sure to look only at Remus's face.
"Morning, Harry," Remus greeted him, his tone friendly.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Harry said.
"Oh, no, of course not. We were just getting up. Come on in." He ushered Harry inside. "Did you need something?"
"Um..." Well, there was no sense in backing out now. "I wanted to talk to you and Sirius about something. Is that all right?"
"Of course," Remus smiled down at him again. He sat Harry down in a squishy armchair, and went to retrive tea, crumpets and some pants. Harry twiddled his thumbs as he waited for Remus to return.
Harry looked around the living room. Remus and Sirius's house was not large by any means. No, neither of them made enough of an income for that. Sirius came from a rich family, who had disowned him when had confessed the true nature of his relationship with Remus. Remus's parents had died in a car accident when Remus was in high school. He had lived with an aunt until he could make his own way. He had always found it hard to get a job and keep it. People were prone to firing homosexuals. Now he was his own boss, and had a fairly nice income. The house may not have been large, but it had a homey quality about it that had always been welcoming to Harry. Little knicknacks and tasteful pictures decorated the living room.
Remus returned with the tea tray and wearing pants. Harry thanked him. He picked up a crumpted, smiled at Remus who sat on the sofa across the small coffee table from him, and was in the process of buttering it when Sirius decended the stairs and came into the living room. Harry nearly dropped everything in his hands.
Sirius was wearing nothing, save for a cowboy hat on his head. He smiled at Harry and picked up a crumpet for himself, seeming perfectly comfortable being in the buff in front of his godson. He sat down beside Remus on the couch. Harry looked up at the ceiling. He really wished he could have called before he came over. Remus gave Sirius a stern look.
"Sirius," he said. "Could you please pull on some trousers? I don't think Harry wants to see your... your... Go get dressed."
"Oh, Remy, he doesn't mind," Sirius protested, smiling over at Harry. Clearly, Sirius did not have any objections with being stark naked, nor did he see need to remedy that situation. "Do you, Harry?"
"I, erm... Uh..."
Harry tried desperately not to look at his godfather. For a man nearing his forties, Sirius could have shown up any twenty-something with his body. He was not overly muscular, nor overly defined; no, he was rather lithe with muscle enough to send any woman - or man, for that fact - into a drool. His skin was tanned to a delectable olive-tone. His torso was virtually free of hair, except for the thin line of black trailing down from his bellybutton that Harry was trying to ignore. He stared at the tattoo on Sirius's chest instead - a black pawprint - and a piercing, just below that, in Sirius's left nipple.
"Please get dressed so Harry can stop blushing."
"Fine..."
Sirius flounced off to the laundry room. Remus glared after him, though Harry saw the smolerding little spark of desire lurking in the depths of his amber eyes. Harry, mortified as he was, chuckled a little. Remus and Sirius were quite a pair. He was sure they had had an enjoyable night.
His godfather soon returned in a pair of jeans that were not much better than him being nude and resumed his seat beside Remus, the hat still pulled down on his head rakishly. The latter smiled at his lover, who smiled back. Harry smiled at the pair of them. They were wonderful together.
"Thank you, rascal."
"No problem. So, Harry, what's brought you over?"
"I... um... Well, I wanted to know how you guys... you know... got together."
"Something on your mind," Remus asked.
"Yeah, I need some advice... But, can you tell me how you two realized you fancied each other?"
Remus examined his face a few moments longer. Harry held his breath. Those piercing amber eyes, which could flash so many different emotions, looked as if they could pull the information from Harry. Sirius was thickly buttering a crumpet.
"Well, as you know," Remus started, "your father and Sirius have been friends since grade school. Inseperable, those two were."
"James provided much more pleasant company than my family," Sirius said. "They were always picking at some thing I was doing wrong to 'shame the Black name' or some rot like that. Trust me, it was black far before I came along."
"Quite," said Remus, whom Harry knew had very much disliked Sirius's family. "I didn't come along until junior high. My father was a police officer, and got a promotion, which required a transfer from Liverpool. James and Sirius befriended be the year after I moved here."
"Partly because we found out he wasn't the complete snore we thought he was," interjected Sirius.
"And partly because I became friends with Lily," added Remus. "James fancied her since grade school. She didn't care very much for him in those days. He was the star of the rugby team, and quite on the arrogant side. He and Sirius fancied themselves the cleverest in the school."
"With good reason."
Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius, who smiled and kissed the former's cheek. Remus went on. "Well, I knew I was gay at age nine, and I had the time to cope with it. Sirius, though, is one of those people who can be with either sex and be just as happy, so it wasn't evident to him for some time."
"But, Remy, I'm only happy with you..." He leaned over to nibble at Remus's earlobe. Remus pushed him back over to his side of the couch.
"Down, boy. Not in front of impressionable youth. Yes, as I was saying, Sirius was quite the ladies man in school, the little hussie. Well, the first time something more than friendly happened between us was our second year in high school. I had spent the better part of two years talking to Lily on James's behalf. Finally, she gave in and agreed to go on a date with him. Your grandparents were out of town that weekend, and James didn't have a date with Lily until Sunday, so he invited us over that Saturday to celebrate." Sirius chuckled at the memory.
"Celebrating, in your father's book," said Sirius with a wide grin, "meant getting smashed. He broke into his father's liqour cabinet and took his second-best bottle of whiskey. Spent the night polishing the whole thing off. James passed out on the kitchen table, Peter spent the night puking everywhere -- "
"Peter," Harry asked, confused. Remus looked at Sirius as if he would have very much liked to stomp his foot. Sirius threw his lover a panicked look Harry did not miss.
"Peter was," Remus said smoothly in a voice that made it clear to Harry this Peter bloke was something he did not like talking about, "a little lad that used to tag along after your father and Sirius... He, um... Well, he met quite a tragic end our senior year in high school." Sirius snorted. That time, Remus did stomp his foot. "Best to forget about him, Harry, and don't bring him up in front of your parents. Sirius and I promised never to mention him again... Right... Go on, then, Sirius."
"Right..." Sirius was rubbing his foot. "Remus had so much to drink, he lay slumped in an armchair most of the night, staring around at everything and giggling. I managed to drag him up after James passed out, and convinced him to try to dance. He kept protesting that he was a horrible dancer, but I'd have none of it. Turns out, he is a horrible dancer."
"I'm not that bad," grumbled Remus.
"Rem... You're awful. You fell all over me."
"Well, I was drunk, you know."
"Yes, and I'm sure your mum wanted to name you Grace, too, didn't she? Like I said, he fell all over me."
"... Sirius, you were already all over me. I don't think my tripping made much difference."
"Okay, fine. We were dancing to some old record James had found, and then Remus just kind of tripped and fell all over me. And I literally caught him with my lips. Well, one thing led to another, and soon I was trying to shove my tongue down his throat. Quite the pleasant experience, actually.
"I eventually realized what I was doing and uncermionously pushed Remus back into the armchair. After that, I ran to the liqour cabinet, grabbed some booze and got so pissed I passed out. Didn't speak to Remus for a week or so after that. Convinced myself he'd try to jump me again or something."
Harry's stomach sank a bit. Had that been what Ron had thought? Was that the reason he had been avoiding Harry after they had kissed? Harry groaned inwardly. It sounded very much like something Ron would do. Nevermind that Ron had been the one to kiss him first. He put his thoughts aside for a moment and went back to listening to Sirius speak.
"...finally realized what a dolt I was being. James and I had known that Remus was gay since he admitted to dating... that one fellow... Ugh... I can't even say it, it's so gross... You know who I'm talking about, Remus."
"No, I don't know who you're talking about," said Remus, glaring slightly at him. "I think you may mean Severus, but he doesn't really seem to fit the disgusted look on your face at all."
The biscuit Harry had been buttering fell to the floor as he stared incrediously at Remus. "You... and Snape...?"
"Well, that was a long time ago," Remus said. "Sirius has just never gotten over it."
"Remus... you were dating him while you kissed me."
"Yes, well... You and James just never liked him to begin with."
"So? He was a evil little bugger!"
"Sirius, he was not evil. You and James were always picking on him. Of course he would be mad!"
"You and my dad picked on Snape," Harry asked. The puzzle pieces were finally coming together. Snape was holding a schoolyard grudge, and hated Sirius for taking his boyfriend from him.
"More like they embarrassed him in front of the whole school on mulitple occasions."
"He deserved it," Sirius sulked.
"Oh, go on with the story, will you?"
Sirius mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "Snape lover" under his breath, then went on. "Well, Remus finally got tired of me avoiding him and cornered me in the hall between classes one day. We rowed a little bit, then I stopped and realized how bloody hot he looked when he was angry, and snogged him again."
"And then we just knew."
"We shagged in a janitor's cabinet," Sirius said. He was not as concerned about being tactful as Remus was. "And it was great. So we did it again. And the rest is history. He broke things off with Snivellus, we started dating, and we've been together ever since." He smiled over at Remus, who leaned closer to place a cherishing kiss on his lips. They looked at one another adoringly.
For a moment, he saw himself and Ron instead of his godfather and Remus. He smiled at the picture his mind created. He was beginning to realize that it would not be so bad to spend the rest of his life in Ron's arms. In fact, he thought it would most likely be quite enjoyable. Then he remembered why he had come to see Remus and Sirius.
"I need some advice," Harry said. The two looked at him, paitently waiting for him to confess his problem so they could offer their opinions. Harry swallowed, gathering his courage. "I... um... Well, Ron was over the other day... and we kind of... well, we were wrestling around, and then... He just kind of... kissed me..." He looked up at them. Their looks urged him on. "He didn't speak to me for awhile. Until last night, actually. When we went to the concert. Then... it happened again. And I... I think I want to... you know... With Ron." Harry watched their faces intently.
A smile was creeping onto Sirius's face. It got bigger and bigger, spread until it touched his eyes. He was looking as if he had won the lottery. He turned his face towards Remus, still smiling. Remus would not look at him.
"What," demanded Harry."
"Remus..."
"It's nothing, Harry," said Remus, still not looking at Sirius.
"Oh, Remy, dear..."
"What's he on about?"
"Sirius, love. You're treading on that little nerve of mine."
"But, Remus..." He was still smiling. Remus sighed, turning an exhausted expression on Harry.
"He said something like this would happen two weeks ago. Said you two were getting a little more cozy lately. Now, I owe him a pair of black leather chaps..."
Sirius whooped, and jumped up. He started doing a kind of war dance, accompined by a few more whoops. Remus was rubbing at his temple. Harry could see the small smile on his face, though. He had to smile in spite of himself at Sirius's antics.
"Well, Harry," Remus said over Sirius's happy noises, "Ron is a nice boy."
"I know. But... I'm just so confused. I have... well, I mean, I had a girlfriend, you see." A twinge of anger tugged at his stomach when thought about Cho, but he pushed it aside. It was insignificant right now. "And, well, she and I... You know what it's like being a teenager. Then this... I just don't know about anything anymore. Ron's the only guy I've ever felt like this for. Am I gay? Or... I just don't know."
"Harry," Sirius said, perching on the arm of Harry's chair, his dance of glee momentarily forgotten. "You don't have to be gay to fancy guys, or want to futter them. Trust me. And there's nothing wrong with it. You're a teenager. You're supposed to have a little confusion about these things. Give them a bit of thought, and let Ron think too, before you two go and bugger each other. It could just be a fleeting crush. Or it could be something more. If you two have genuine feelings for one another, I say have at it. I can even give you a few tips on the subject."
"Sirius," Remus said, his voice slightly stern. "I don't think James would appreciate that very much."
"What are you talking about, Remus? James joined us once or twice." Harry's mouth fell open at this.
"What!"
Remus glared at Sirius again, who merely shrugged. "We were teenagers. We were always doing something just to see how we liked it. He decided it was a good bit of fun, but it just wasn't for him. He liked boobs too much, I suppose. It didn't change anything, though, as you can see. He was happy we found each other. Your father was quite good in the sack. Not as switched on as Remus, but not bad."
"Sirius, I really didn't need to know that... "
"Right, sorry. I tend to overshare. But here." Sirius went to the bookshelf and pulled out a little book with a black leather binding. "In case you decide you want to persue this thing with Ron, no sense in the pair of you stumbling down that path blindly. If not, then at least you have something interesting to read." He pressed the book into Harry's hands.
"Thanks, guys," Harry said, still holding the book as he stood. He hugged them both and left.
He was not entirely sure if he wanted to know what the book was, considering it had been Sirius who gave it to him and the conversation they had been having prior to reciving the book. He opened the front cover of the book as he walked down the driveway. The sight of two men quite nude and entangled in an intimate fashion greeted Harry's eyes. He snapped the book closed again, blushing scarlet and looking around as if there were someone who would know what he had just seen. Sighing, he slipped the book into his back pocket. The last thing he needed was to be walking down the road with a homosexual sex guide in his hands and have someone stop him.
Harry sighed again as he checked the mailbox. He had work in a few hours. He went to his room and changed into his work shirt, leaving the three buttons undone. His apron was downstairs in the wash. As he reached for his doorknob, he froze in place. A chilling feeling ran through him. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. It felt like someone was watching him from outside his open window. He turned and walked slowly towards it.
That familiar cloaked figure was standing across the street, staring up at him. He could just make out the malicious smile on Lord Voldemort's face. Harry started backing away from the window as the wizard began raising his wand. Panic and fear began welling in him. He tried to back away further.
His rubbish bin was knocked aside in his haste. He was in too much of a state to remember where everything was to keep from stumbling over it. He fell as his trainers were caught in a pair of jeans he'd left lying around. Harry hurried to his feet again, his eyes still locked with Voldemort's. He broke the stare and turned, starting to flee from the room.
The leg to his desk chair stopped his flight. His face turned to meet the rest of his body just in time for his head to crack itself on the desk. Searing pain, made worse by the pain always accompined by the sight of Voldemort, shot through his head. He blacked out.