Disclaimer: No!
Chapter forty-five! Yay! Beast Boy is being a klorbag, isn't he? Please don't lose hope, no matter what happens!
For a nice song to go well with this story, listen to Three Days Grace's 'Wake Up'.
I love you all so much for reviewing!
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"So, what's the deal?" Cyborg asked, looking up from the sauce he was still diligently working on as Robin and Raven entered the kitchen.
"Looks like we got ourselves a new team member," Robin said with a wink at the half-robot, moving slightly to expose Raven, who had been attempting to hide behind him. Cyborg whooped and came around the counter to clap Raven on the back. She seemed a bit taken aback, and shrank away from the other two.
"Welcome back, Rae!" Cyborg said happily. Raven looked nervously up at both of them with a questioning gaze.
"You're…not angry with me?" she asked in a small, timid voice, the large heliotrope eyes quivering slightly in pure disbelief.
"Naw," Cyborg said with a slight shrug. "You do what you have to do, right? No sense in being mad about the past. It's not something we can change. Besides, I know what it's like to run off on the team for all the wrong reasons. I've been there too, Rae. And you guys took me back. So why should this be any different?"
"It is different. You have the right to be angry," Raven said, turning her gaze out the window. "After all the trouble I caused, all the pain I caused-"
"Friends don't hold grudges against friends," Cyborg said with a wink and a grin.
Raven allowed herself a light smile. "I…thank you. Thank you both for…understanding," she told them softly, feeling as though she were unable to express her gratitude through mere words. Perhaps a parade would be more sufficient. She paused, darkness passing over her face once more. "Is Beast Boy…OK?"
Robin nodded. "I think so," he answered. "He's in his room." Raven's eyes widened slightly, and Cyborg placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Don't worry about it, Rae. None of us have any concerns about him trying to kill himself again. I think he's past that," he assured her.
"I can't help it," she whispered. "What if he-"
"That's the price you pay to love someone, isn't it? Worrying about them every waking moment," Cyborg said with a small smile, moving back over to his pot of sauce for another stirring session.
Raven nodded, though she knew he couldn't see. "It is," she said quietly.
There was the soft sound of the sliding door closing behind them. Robin and Raven turned at the same moment to look at whoever had come into the room. It was Starfire, drifting several feet off of the floor, carrying a small bag of a container of garlic salt. She spoke not a word as she entered, only flew straight past the two and set the bag down on the counter. Finally, after seeming to take her time with the task, she turned. Her eyes fell on Raven, and Raven was completely unprepared for the look in them.
Raven had never imagined that Starfire experienced resentment. But there it was, plain as day in those pale lime eyes. Cold bitterness stared straight into Raven's gaze of pure penitence, breaking her newfound bravery for a moment. Raven flinched and stared at the ground. Normally she would rise to the challenge, a steely gaze shooting straight back, but now she only backed down. Raven was far too guilty, far too sorry, to do anything that might offend Starfire even further. She just stared at the soft navy tops of her shoes as though she found them desperately interesting.
"Hello, Raven," came Starfire's voice. It sounded downright wrong, that normally cheerful, caring voice so rancorous. It set Raven so far off balance that she could have forgotten who this girl was and remembering wouldn't have made any difference.
"Hello, Starfire," Raven said in as much of a friendly, cheerful voice as she could through her curtain of misery, attempting to show Starfire that she was happy to see her. She raised her violet eyes slowly and fixed them on the Tamaranian's face, giving the best, most sincere smile she could at the moment. "It's nice to see you."
"And I wish I could say the same to you," Starfire said, looking away from Raven. Raven looked back at the floor, the smile dissolving on her face. She could feel her throat tighten and she suppressed the urge to cry at Starfire's coldness. This was all Raven's fault. Painful guilty tears threatened release, and she choked them back down as best she could.
"Starfire I'm…I'm so sorry," the Azarathian repented softly, willing herself to look up into her friend's eyes. "I know what I did hurt you. It hurt all of you. But…I never meant to hurt anyone."
Starfire did not respond. Her icy demeanor had shattered a bit, and she was starting to tremble.
"You knew it was going to hurt us when you did it," she protested coldly. "How can you say you did not mean to hurt us?"
Raven gave a soft, almost inaudible whimper. "Yes I…knew it was going to hurt you all. But I didn't want any of you to get hurt. I didn't leave to hurt you. I left because I was afraid. I was being a coward. I was afraid of the fact that someone could get hurt because of my devotion to Beast Boy. I didn't want to deal with the feelings it brought. I didn't think. I didn't care. I was being horrible and selfish. I told myself I was leaving to protect you four, but it was a lie. Yes, I wanted to keep you safe, but there are other ways. I didn't need to leave. I was just too weak to stand and face the things I was feeling. And for that, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I was so inconsiderate that I would put anything before my friends. I'm just sorry for everything I've caused and all the pain that I brought. I never meant for that to happen. I never wanted to hurt any of you. I'm not expecting your total forgiveness. I just want you to know that I'm sorry."
Starfire was shaking now, and Raven slowly looked up at her, tears threatening to fall as she placed herself in such a vulnerable position willingly. She was begging internally for some sort of sign that her mistakes had not ruined yet another friendship.
There was a long, pregnant silence, in which Starfire seemed to fight an internal battle between two choices, and then she walked forward and wrapped her arms around Raven in a tight, Starfire-style hug.
"How can I stay angry at you?" she asked. At this, Raven was flooded with relief, and completely broke down, bursting into tears that she could not stop. "It is OK," Starfire said softly, stroking her friend's hair.
Starfire herself was surprised at how quickly she had let go of her anger. She had just not been able to keep up her resentment in the face of such a sincere apology. She had never known Raven to just be straight out and admit when she had completely and totally fucked things up. This was a side she had not seen before, and it made her see that perhaps Raven knew just how very wrong her actions had been, and perhaps she did indeed deserve another chance.
Raven stepped back, going through a short struggle and finally controlling her tears, wiping her cheeks dry with the back of her hand. She was more than a little embarrassed that she had cried in front of all three of them, but she was so thankful to be forgiven that such things mattered little at the moment.
"Th-thank you," she said quietly. "I'm so happy that you don't hate me."
"I could never hate you, Friend Raven!" Starfire exclaimed. Raven smiled slightly, glad to see that at least someone seemed back to normal.
"You guys are just…amazing," Raven said in wonder, eyes traveling over the three superheroes who stood before her. "After everything I've done…all the hurt I've caused you…and you just forgive me, just like that. How can you-"
"Like I said, friends forgive each other," Cyborg said. Robin and Starfire nodded in agreement.
"Thanks," Raven said. "You three understand, but…I don't think Beast Boy is ever going to forgive me."
"It'll happen in time. Don't worry. It might not be as hard as you think. Love doesn't go away that easily," Robin reassured her with a grin.
"Yeah. And until then, you've still got us. It's good to have you back, Rae," Cyborg said.
Raven smiled faintly. "And it's good to be back," she said.
And somewhere, deep inside her mind, a faint heartbeat started to sound in the darkness. Softly at first, but then louder and stronger. A slow rebirth of a dead Emotion began to take place as Hope began to breathe once more. Soft, faint breaths, but breaths of life all the same.
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More soon.