Disclaimer: No, I still don't own anything.

Chapter forty-seven! Here everybody:hands all readers plates of spaghetti smothered with Cy's patented three-meat sauce: Eat up! Thanks for being so awesome!

Note to Aeyame: Thanks for the suggestion! I'm always up for ideas.

I recommend you read Stardog3434's fic 'Locked Up'. If you haven't read it, you don't know what you're missing. Review it! It only has 3 reviews and my quest is to get it more!

Sorry for the lack of updates! I was camping.

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The familiar sights and scents of Raven's own bedroom rushed over her as she entered, but she was much too distressed to take much comfort in this. She collapsed onto the billowy comfort of her bed, burying her face deep in the royal blue folds of her pillow and heaving out several huge, almost painful breaths in attempt to calm herself. It was futile. The corners of her eyes burned. She squeezed them shut tighter and tighter until her face ached, and then she gave up her internal battle. She opened her eyes and stared into the darkness of the pillow beneath her face, and allowed the tears to come. Lightly at first, a few tears squeezing their way out, and then the streams became heavy, soaking small puddles into the material that pressed soothingly against her cheeks almost like a mother's hand. Her thin body rocked gently with the sobs which she tried so desperately to keep silent. No one could hear her cry. 'My misery is selfish. I brought this upon myself. I don't deserve to cry,' she thought, though this did nothing to help quell the tears that still flowed in endless streams down into the fabric

"Raven?" came a gentle voice from the hallway outside her door.

"What?" Raven asked, begging that she would be left alone. She hated people seeing her cry.

"You are OK?" Starfire's voice came again, a bit closer now, as though she had her ear pressed against the door.

"I'm fine," Raven called, lying shamelessly.

"You do not sound fine," Starfire insisted. Raven didn't answer. "Raven…may I come in?"

"Please go away, Starfire," Raven moaned softly, sitting up a bit. The tears still streamed down her cheeks, but she tried to conceal any sounds that might get out indicating the fact that she was crying.

"I am merely wishing to see if you are alright," Starfire said softly. "Is it alright if I enter?"

Raven sighed, lowering her head back onto the pillow to shield her face from Starfire's eyes. "I don't care," she muttered softly.

The door slid open with a slight whooshing noise and Raven sensed Starfire entering the room and coming nearer to her. She felt the bed sag slightly as Starfire sat down on, the extra weight threatening to roll Raven toward the edge. She held herself where she was, trying to stop her tears.

"Raven?" Starfire's voice came gently, trying not to be to invasive.

"What?" Raven rasped softly.

"Are you alright?"

"No," Raven muttered, finally deciding it was easier to just tell the truth rather than cover it up.

"Because of Beast Boy?" Starfire asked. Raven nodded, not sure if Starfire was watching her, but she didn't care. She felt Starfire's hand on her back, rubbing soothingly in small circles, smoothing the wrinkles out of the black cloak.

Raven nodded again, pressing her face harder into the pillow as though she could drown out her misery.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Starfire offered. Raven gave a small shrug.

"If you want to," she said, trying to keep her voice emotionless. But the sound of tears worked its way through, no matter what she tried to keep it away.

"Why are you thinking you are never going to be good enough for him?" Starfire asked. "Beast Boy loves you. If you were not good enough, he would not love you."

"He doesn't want to love me. He said so himself. I'm never going to be good enough for him because I'm…I'm just not Terra!" Raven sobbed quietly into the pillow.

Starfire was confused. "Raven…what does Terra have to do with this?"

"The only reason he ever loved me in the first place was because Terra was gone and I was here. I was a replacement for the girl he couldn't have! I'm starting to wonder if maybe I was always just second best to that fucking corpse! I give up! I'm not going to do this anymore! If he wants to keep acting like we hate each other, then fine! I'm just not going to keep trying without any reaction whatsoever except for him blowing up in my face! 'You don't love me!' 'You're not sorry!' I'm not going to be the one to start him off screaming that complete and utter bullshit anymore! If he wants to be dense enough to ignore how much I love him, it's none of my business. I just give up!" Raven felt like a small child bawling out her sadness to a listening mother. She was being so juvenile, and Starfire only listened patiently without interrupting.

Starfire's hand lifted off of Raven's back and began to stroke her violet hair gently, feather-light touches on the trembling head. "Raven, I am understanding your sadness, and I wish much to comfort you." she continued the soothing motion across Raven's hair. "But I must be honest…you are being just as foolish as Beast Boy. He loves you very much. He would never have loved you so completely if you were merely a 'replacement'. I do not believe his love for you has anything to do with Terra. The fact that she had died recently was simply a coincidence." she hoped that Raven wasn't going to get angry. She knew it was risky, but it seemed like Miss Roth was due for a reality check, and Starfire had been the only one here to give it.

"I know," Raven said softly. She sat up, slowly lifting her sob-weakened body up and trying to keep her tears at minimum. "But sometimes it's so hard to believe. So hard to want to believe. It just….it hurts so much to know that he wants to stop loving me so badly."

"He wants to keep loving you, Raven. He is merely in need of assistance in telling himself that it is OK to. You must not give up. You are a Titan. You must not simply give up when things become difficult. Beast Boy loves you. He needs you." Starfire paused. "And you need him as well."

Raven nodded with a soft whimper, biting her lip to avoid a fresh wave of tears. She slowly raised her obviously wet eyes to meet Starfire's face.

Starfire smiled. "You can do it, Raven. You can earn Beast Boy's forgiveness. I am truly beginning to doubt if there are any limits to the things you can accomplish." she halted briefly in her words. "So, are you still going to give up?"

Raven shook her head quickly, squeezing her eyes shut for a few seconds. "No," she said. "I'm not. I'm going to let him know that I really love him…no matter what it takes."

"That is the spirit!" Starfire said happily. "I know you can do it Raven. Never give up. There will always be hope, as long as you are willing to look for it."

Raven smiled slightly. Her tears had slowly stopped somewhere during the conversation. She slowly wiped her tearstained face dry with her sleeve. "Thank you," she whispered, leaning forward in a burst of impulse and giving Starfire a tight, grateful hug, which she returned. "For being my friend."

XXX

"Hey, Raven," the voice cut through into Raven's dream. She cringed and shot up into a sitting position, looking around wildly. She was tangled up in a mess of her blankets, sweating from all the extra covering. Robin was standing a few feet inside the door. Raven raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're in my room," she said brazenly as though it should be news to him.

Robin chuckled slightly. "I figured it would be the only way to wake you up. It's almost noon."

Raven's eyes widened. She kicked her leg furiously to free it from the tangle of rabid blanket and slid out of the giant ball of comfort, sitting down on the edge of the bed and smoothing out the damage a night of sleep had done to her hair. She stood up, walking over to her armoire and opening it, pulling out a fresh navy cloak. As she fastened it around her shoulders, it deepened quickly to an intense, merciless black. Robin raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"Is there some reason why you're still here?" Raven asked him as she put on her shoes.

"We need to have that talk, remember?" Robin asked. Raven paused, and then nodded, clearly dreading what was to come. She didn't seem quite as disturbingly hopeless as the night before, and he was grateful for that.

"Go ahead, talk away," she said.

"Well…I'm just going to ask you plain and simple. Raven, why didn't you talk to me about what was going on before you left? I mean…I always thought we were pretty close. So why the sudden disappearance? Was it too hard for you to deal with or something?"

Raven nodded. "To be honest…yes. Robin, you're my best friend. I just didn't want to have to see you hurt. I was being selfish. I wanted to run away from my own pain and everyone else's. And also I knew you were going to go all 'super-leader' and find some amazing solution to my problem. You always do…and I love that you can do that. But I didn't want that then. I didn't want to wait for things to get better, I just wanted out right then and there. I just wanted to escape. It hurt. It hurt so much, and no one knew. It was something no one ever saw. But it was never anyone else's fault. It was my own. If I would have let you four see, you would have helped me. But I didn't want help. I wanted release."

Robin's face told her that he understood. "Leaving didn't make it all go away, did it?" he added knowingly.

Raven shook her head. "I didn't really think it would. But I just wanted…I don't even know what I wanted. I was so scared…scared of what had happened, scared of what could happen. Scared of myself. I didn't know what I was doing. I couldn't think straight. I just wanted it all gone. And I figured that if I left, I wouldn't have to be afraid of what could happen. But I was wrong. I was still afraid. Until I went to Azarath for help, I was so afraid every moment. I was afraid to sleep, afraid to let my guard down for a moment."

"I know how it feels…to just want to run away from your problems. To just want them to go away instead of waiting for them to be solved. You tried to avoid hurting us by leaving, but the truth is, you hurt us anyway. And you hurt yourself, didn't you?" Robin asked, his stare profound.

Raven nodded. "My emotions hurt me the whole time I was gone. I guess I really…beat myself up over it." (literally ;) )

"They're still hurting you now, aren't they?" Robin asked. Raven nodded slightly, knowing he didn't know that she'd in fact been talking about a physical kind of hurt. "You don't need to feel guilty. You came back. You apologized. You saved our lives, for God's sake. We're not angry anymore. Like Cy said, friends forgive each other. We were friends before, and it's no different now. You should be proud of yourself. You had the courage to come back even though you knew you were going to have to deal with a hell of a lot of unpleasant things when you got here. I think you should forget the bad things and concentrate on the good. You're a damn brave girl, Rae," Robin said, patting the Azarathian on the shoulder.

And then he did something that surprised her. He leaned over and enveloped her in a tight, welcoming hug. "It's good to have you back."

Raven shook her head in astonishment a few times and then returned the gesture clumsily. "I thought you hated physical contact," she reminded him as he pulled back.

Robin shrugged. "Star's been coaching me, I guess you could say," he said. "It's a little hard to keep resisting hugs with her as your girlfriend."

Raven nodded. "Robin, thank you. For forgiving me and for…making me feel so much better."

Robin nodded. "Any time."

"I just hope Beast Boy's going to forgive me," Raven said with a nervous sigh. Robin smiled.

"He loves you, Raven. He'll come around. He's just being a little bit of a stubborn ass at the moment. One of the many things you two have in common," he said, one side of his mask climbing upward with an unmistakable eyebrow raise.

"Are you calling me an ass?" Raven asked in mock offense, peering at him through a lock of hair that was hanging in her face. She pushed it aside like she was flicking an bothersome fly. "Don't make me create another Cinderblock situation…only this time it'll be you I'm smashing."

"No, I'm not calling you an ass," Robin said with a grin. I'm saying that you two are both stubborn as hell."

"I'm not going to correct you on that," Raven said. Robin chuckled.

"In the mood of some of Cy's patented three-meat sauce? If we hurry we can get some of those leftovers from last night before Cy and Star eat all of them for breakfast."

Raven nodded. "Sure. You go ahead. I'll be there in a second."

"OK," Robin agreed, standing up and heading for the door. "Hurry. I'll save you some."

Raven nodded as he departed and then she knelt down, reaching under her bed and feeling around until her hand closed on a notepad. She grabbed a pen from her bedside table and scrawled a note on the top piece of paper on the pad, and then tore it off and studied it.

Beast Boy,

I know you aren't going to believe me just yet, but I want you know how completely and honestly I love you. I always have, and I always will. You don't believe me, and so I'll prove my love for you the only way I can: by waiting for you.

Love,

Raven

Nodding slightly to herself, she walked out of her room toward the kitchen. As she passed Beast Boy's door, she slipped the note underneath and then went on her way.

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More soon. Sorry that took so long.