Disclaimer: Noooooo!
Chapter forty-eight! Woo! Thanks to The Gnostic for the advice:hugs:
I spent a while the other night naming every single one of these chapters, so each chapter seems like an episode of a tv show or something. I figured it would be fun for me to think of it that way, at least.
Note to we gots good gramer: Sorry I haven't been reviewing "From Flames to Ashes" lately. I'll do that as soon as I can, OK? (:
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos," Raven's own voice was the only sound she heard for a moment, echoing gently through the once-turbulent depths of her mind.
"Ampetrion, Rigomorte," the whisper was distant from her own and Raven did not allow it to distract her for once. She slid deeper into concentration, feeling even more of the blissful release from reality. She sank deeper into the delight of escaping everything, letting the peace wash over her mind and body. She levitated a foot from the impossibly hovering rock beneath her, a rock that seemed to float in the vacant space. The dark, starry sky supported her from above, and all four sides. Thin wisps of red cloud drifted lazily by and an unthreatening, lulling sound soothed her as deeply as her mantra did. It was a sound that she had memorized long ago and her mind played it repeatedly like a record.
Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.
The gentle sound of Beast Boy's heartbeat was ecstasy to her mind. Her soul fed on it and slowly used the subtle joy it brought to drown Raven's inner turmoil, leaving only serenity. Raven gave a deep, contented sigh. A soft scent met her nose…the scent of the night air in summer. So familiar. So soothing.
His heartbeat became louder…and then suddenly it was real. Beast Boy was there, before her, smiling like he had so long ago. Raven's mouth opened in surprise. His hand gently went to her chin and pushed her mouth closed. His hands crept gently to her shoulders then, his deep green eyes staring into hers. She could not speak. She was so afraid that he would disappear. Beast Boy continued to smile at her, wrapping his arms tenderly around her and pulling her close. Raven's heart could have burst with her joy, but she only sat still, concentrating on the warmth of him holding her close again. She could not move. If she moved, she feared this vision would fall away…and she would be alone again.
"I love you," his voice was gentle, loving, speaking softly into the material of her leotard that covered her chest. Raven's eyes brimmed slightly with tears.
"I love you too," she whispered. Against all odds, rebelling against all her fear, she reached out and returned his embrace. He stayed where he was instead of dissipating. He pulled back slightly, staring deeply into her eyes once more, hand rubbing small, gentle circles across her back. He moved forward slightly, face nearing hers. When their noses were touching, he stopped, smiling into her eyes with his.
"I'll always love you," he whispered, pressing his warm lips onto her own.
'I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you,' Raven screamed in her mind, tears streaming down her cheeks at the desperate, gentle kiss she had missed for all that time. It was so wonderful. It had to be real, it just had to be. 'Please God don't let this be fake. Please…don't take him away from me again. Please. Don't let it be another vision. I'll do anything…'
"Raven…" came a soft voice, echoing through the chambers of her mind. Raven squeezed her eyes shut, willing it to go away.
'…please…'
"Raven?" the voice came again, this time a bit louder. Not a voice from the outside world, but a voice intruding in upon her mind. "It's time to come out now, honey. Time's up. Session's over."
'….no…'
"I know you can hear me, Rae. Don't make me come in there," the voice came again with just the faintest hint of a giggle.
'It's not fake. It's not fake. Please…go away…let him stay with me!'
"Raven, I know you can hear me. You need to come out now. We've been meditating for hours. It's time to come back to reality. You can't stay in a fantasy forever."
Tears poured down Raven's cheeks. She felt a presence on her shoulder, a comforting hand, but it was different than Beast Boy's touch. Less floating, more solid. And then Beast Boy slowly melted away in her arms, leaving nothing but thin air.
"…no…" she whispered.
"Come on, Rae," the gentle voice coaxed her. "It's OK. It's just time to come out now. Back to the real world. Here, on the count of three, I want you back here with me, OK? One…two…three."
Raven ignored the voice for a moment, staring around at the empty void around her. 'He was never really here…'
Raven sighed. She lowered herself to sit on the rock and began to chant once more. She visualized a white light coming out of the ground. It shot into the top of her head and down, down, down her spine, finally piercing into the rock beneath her. She put special effort into concentrating on the surface below her, real, concrete, not fantasy. And then suddenly the rock was the floor of the training room in Titans Tower, the empty black sky was the walls, and instead of being alone, Dextra stared at her from her place a few feet in front of her. Raven looked into Dextra's crimson eyes for a any hidden thoughts on her meditation, waiting for her evaluation to be given out loud.
"Raven…wow," Dextra said, shaking her head. "I've never seen you in that deep. That was amazing. Wonderful. You had some amazing concentration going on there. Talk about crazy spiritual energy flying off of you. I'm really impressed."
Raven gave a slight smile, trying to forget the mental tears as she looked gratefully upon her trainer. "Thanks," she said. "So…it was better?"
"About 50 times better!" Dextra exclaimed, patting her young student on the shoulder. "Did you concentrate on imagining scents and sounds like I told you?"
Raven nodded. Dextra beamed with pride.
"You're really improving, Rave. It won't be long before we can start doing more hands-on training with your powers! I've never had a student who moved this fast! You've really got something special there! Three months is the fastest I've ever seen anyone get to this level of focus!" the twenty-something demon was clearly excited, standing up and waving her hands in wild, spastic gestures as she spoke like a thrilled teenager. "I'm damn proud of you, Raven."
Raven smiled, unable to deny a small glimmer of pride at her accomplishments. "Thanks," she said again.
"Don't be so modest. You're amazing, Roth! This calls for a celebration. I do believe you've earned yourself some herbal tea," Dextra said.
Raven smiled. "I guess so. You want some, Dex?"
"No, thanks. I need to head home. It's Dan's birthday, you know. Mom and Dad get all mental on me if I'm late for cake." she pushed back several strands of the milk-white hair that hung into her face with slight annoyance.
Raven chuckled softly. "OK," she said standing up. "Tell him happy birthday for me."
"I will," Dextra looked to the illuminated wall clock that hung off to the left. "Shit! I'm already late! Well, keep working on that meditation. I'll see you tomorrow at three!" and with that she phased into a red dragon of psychic energy and ghosted quickly through the roof, leaving Raven alone in the sunny room. She stood there silently for a moment and then exited the room, walking slowly down the hall.
Back in the room, a small green fly on the wall buzzed to the floor as Raven departed and morphed into Beast Boy. He watched the Azarathian's retreating back sadly. He had been watching her training sessions for a month or so now, just wanting to get a glimpse at her without having to deal with the fighting that he feared so much. Every day he would come here and stare at her for hours, and every day, it made him miss her more and more.
"Just look at her. She keeps trying, and you gave up long ago," he muttered to himself, running a hand over his spiked emerald hair. He stood there for five minutes or so, allowing her to unknowingly put distance between herself and him. He sighed, deciding she was probably far enough now and heading for the door.
The journey down the hall was a pensive one. The changeling hummed softly to himself in attempt to calm his raging confusion. It had been over three months since Raven's return, and he was still stuck in the same rut that had trapped him back then.
"I need tofu," he said aloud to himself, turning around and steering himself in the direction of the kitchen.
The warmth and fragrance of the brightly lit kitchen was welcome to Beast Boy. He walked in the direction of the refrigerator before suddenly being struck with a strong feeling of being watched. He froze and turned his head toward the stove. Raven was standing there holding a teapot. The two of them just watched each other in silence for a moment. Raven gave a nervous smile.
"…hello," she said quietly. Beast Boy realized that this was the first time she had spoken to him since the night of her return. He stared at her, taking her in. She was still the same. Looked the same, sounded the same, gave off the same feeling to him. Her tapered violet hair had barely crept past her chin in those three months. Her skin was still pale, almost white. Her cloak was back to its normal deep blue, taking away from the threatening feeling even further. He had overheard the explanation of The Black Cloak. Raven had been depressed, guilty, and hopeless. And so her cloak had faded to black from these emotions, the same way as it had become white when she had been happy and optimistic in the days they had been together.
"…hi," he said back softly, pausing for a moment and then giving her a small disarming smile back.
"So…how have you been?" she asked him timidly, a bit afraid to look him in the eye.
"Fine…you?" he asked, aware that they were making conversation.
"Alright," Raven said shyly, eyes boring into her teapot.
"Um…cool," Beast Boy muttered. He stood there silently for a moment, and then darted for the fridge, grabbing one of the tofu wraps that he had made earlier and turning around. "Well…see you later, then!" he said in a hurried voice, walking out of the room.
Raven watched him go wistfully. When he was gone, she slumped against the counter and gave a sigh.
"God, Beast Boy. Do you know how much I need you right now?" she whispered, turning her attention reluctantly back to making her tea.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
More soon. Woo!