A.N: a-heh..yeah, well, so it's not June. And it's not July. I'm a very
bad person. *pulls on her 'evil bitch' t-shirt* Worst part is I don't
even have a good excuse. There was some stress with a new job, but that
was about it. The biggest problem was I didn't have the inspiration. And
I tried to force it and it failed miserably. I know at least bunnyangel
had the misfortune of reading it (really really really sorry). This time
around is much better. I promise. Review responses at the end.
This chapter picks up timeline-wise at the beginning of ch. 5. The events of ch.5 are going to take place through this chapter and the next. At the end of ch.7 she'll wake up. Hope that's not too confusing for ya'll. Logan's POV. On to what you've been waiting for!
Disclaimer: I don't own them. But we just passed my birthday. Can anyone say presents?
The Girl, the Animal, and the Thief Ch. 6
Skin connected with vinyl and muscles burned with overuse. The perfect rhythm of the punches and the slight squeak of the chain were the only sounds in the gym. Every piece of his being was focused into each punch. His knuckles stayed a bluish bruise as he swung faster than his healing ability. This was how he was meant to be. A constant stream of adrenaline coursing through him, pushing him forward. Here he did not have to think or to feel. There was no one to care for. No one to love. Here he could truly be an animal.
An excitement built inside him, one he knew all too well. The thrill of battle, the joy of the kill. Images flashed through his mind, some he recognized and others he did not. It only fueled his bloodlust and the rhythm of the punches increased. Soon the punching bag faded and was replaced by images of Sabertooth, Magneto, and memories of uniformed men that he was unsure of. His rage culminated at the brief flash of a heavyset man with graying hair and beard, a constant smirk set into his features. Logan was barely aware of metal piercing the skin between his knuckles, only that his target disappeared. He stood confused a moment, breathing heavily as the bruises faded.
The sand pooled around his feet sounding like light spring rain. It covered his toes cooling and calming him. He gradually returned to himself, becoming aware of his surroundings. A frustrated and anguished cry escaped his lips. He hadn't gone anywhere, despite how he felt. He was still in the school, surrounded by his surrogate family. Still as guilty as before.
A sound teased his senses and he stilled to listen. Soft footsteps in a rhythm he recognized. She slowly opened the door and stopped at the sight. He caught the slight gasp that escaped her, followed by a soft sigh. A growl built up inside him but he pushed it down. The last thing he wanted from Jean was her pity.
"Any news on Rogue?" He bit out before she could say anything.
She made her way over to him, laying a hand on his shoulder. Logan tensed under her cool touch, his blood still running hot through him. His body was quickly metabolizing the adrenaline, but his heart still pounded in his chest.
"I was surprised when I didn't find you in the med lab. I thought you wouldn't have left her side." Her voice was soft and warm with a kindness he didn't deserve.
He couldn't tell her that guilt had driven him away. He couldn't tell her that the sight of Rogue laying there struggling to simply keep her memories was making him crazy. That he couldn't stand the pained look on her face. He'd barely resisted the urge to flee the mansion. Helplessness was driving him insane.
"Any change?" His voice was a bit gruffer than he'd intended.
She gently placed a towel over his shoulders as he kicked the sand from his feet. "Neither of the girls are awake."
He nodded absently. As focused as his mind had been on Rogue, he'd forgotten about the blonde woman. He scratched his chin idly, motioning toward the shredded punching bag. "Sorry 'bout that."
A sad smile tugged her lips. "They're replaceable. I'm more concerned about you."
He sighed heavily and sat down against the wall, legs crossed in front of him. Jean sat next to him, quietly waiting for him to be ready to talk. Confusion and guilt wracked him, tearing his heart in directions he was unaccustomed to.
"I shoulda just left her. Back in Alaska. I shoulda left her standing there on that road. Since she met me there's been nothin' but a world of trouble for her. I told her I'd take care of her. Now I can't even save her from herself." He growled angrily and reflexively let his claws in and out. "It's all my fault."
Jean's brows knitted slightly and she placed a hand on his shoulder. "She needed you, Logan. Just as you needed her. She knew what she was getting into when she started attending this school. She made a choice in battle. She's strong enough to pull through this. You'll just have to trust in her, Logan."
Logan turned his gaze away, jaw jutting forward. Trust wasn't his strong suit. Nor was sitting around waiting on someone else. He trusted only himself to be strong, that's what had kept him alive for the past fifteen years. Damn that kid. If she ever woke up he'd teach her a thing or two about jumping into battles she couldn't handle.
Jean turned away, placing a hand lightly to her temple. She nodded then turned back to the curious Logan. "The Professor wants to have a meeting. He's waiting for us in his office."
"You mean he's not with Rogue?"
"Even the Professor gets tired, Logan." A wry grin spread over her lips. "After all, he's only human."
Logan allowed the dry smile as he rose from the floor. "Let me just clean up a bit. I'll meet you down there."
Jean stood as well, worry and concern creasing her features. Logan scowled. He hated making her worry about him. He hated this whole damn thing. Jean nodded and leaned forward, placing a swift kiss on his cheek.
"See you in a bit then." Her voice was soft and sad, stabbing through Logan's heart. His eyes stayed on her as she left, following her form and graceful walk. An ache swelled inside him that he was all too familiar with. He pushed it aside, deciding a cold shower would do him some good. Any students that had been there left long ago. He quickly stripped and stepped under the freezing water. A sigh of relief escaped him. Damn that redhead.
He let the cold droplets run down his body, standing with eyes closed. Focus. That's what he'd lost through all of this. The discs and paperwork he'd collected in Alkilai still sat in an untouched pile on his desk. He'd been so wrapped up with Rogue and the Cajun that he hadn't given a thought to the questions of his own past. And that was all that had to matter to him. If he could just bring it back to number one, he'd be fine.
An image of Rogue's pale, unconscious face came to mind as he shut off the water. He sighed, knowing that he could never forget about Rogue. She'd burned a path into his heart and he'd promised to take care of her. And she'd nearly died because he didn't keep that promise.
He hastily tugged a sweatshirt over his head. "I'll find some way to help you, kid. I'll make this right somehow."
* * *
He stalked down the hallways with the strength and grace of one who'd made their place in the battlefield. Any students he passed made a point of taking a different route. He'd had a few violent outbursts since their return from the mission. A few too many that had been witnessed by students. Fortunately Xavier had been too preoccupied helping Rogue to chastise him. As this point he'd endure an eternity of the cruelest punishment if she'd only wake up.
To say the mood was tense as he walked into the office would have been an understatement. Xavier sat behind his desk looking more tired than Logan had ever seen him. The swamp rat sat in a chair off to the side of the room. Logan's anger toward the boy abated momentarily at the look on the kid's face. LeBeau looked as if he'd been kicked in the stomach, hit by a truck and then left by his lover only to find out his dog ran away. Logan couldn't help being satisfied that he wasn't the only one feeling like shit. Storm, Summers, and Jean were seated as well. He fought back the normal surge of jealousy that arose whenever he saw Summers and took a place leaning against a table, apart from the group.
"Thank you for joining us Logan." Xavier sighed wearily and looked up at the group. "As I'm sure you've realized, part of the reason for calling this meeting is to give you an update on Rogue's condition.
"Hers is one of the most difficult minds I've had to work with. It's as though anytime I establish a stable connection with her, the personality will shift and I am forced to start from the beginning. Or other times, such as now, she blocks me out completely."
"De chere gonn' be ok?" Though his voice was steady, Logan could hear the pain behind it. More of the anger faded and looking back he felt slightly foolish for acting the way he did. He hadn't expected to come home and find Rogue's affection doting on another man. At least he'd been right about the boy. The Cajun had brought her nothing but trouble. It did little to comfort him.
"The progress is very slow, and there's no guarantee that when she wakes up she'll be the same as before." Xavier paused a moment before continuing. "But I have faith that she'll make some sort of recovery. Her mind is strong and is fighting for control. Whether or not she realizes it is I, she knows there's something trying to help her. It is a start."
"You said Rogue is one of the things you wanted to discuss Professor." Summers spoke up, voice as heroic and anal as ever. "What was the other?"
Xavier closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. "My sources have informed me of a mutant in Arizona who has been causing some problems within the community. Normally this wouldn't raise much alarm with me, but I've been watching this particular mutant for some time. He's lived very peacefully and gone out of his way to remain unnoticed. His sudden and increasingly violent behavior leads me to believe that he is not acting under his own influence. I think it merits further investigation."
"So you want us to fly all the way to Arizona 'cause some kid is stirring up trouble?" Logan wasn't quite sure he saw the "merit" of this investigation.
"The nature of this particular mutant's gift is what concerns me Logan." If he hadn't known better Logan would've sworn Xavier had shot him a do-no- question-me look. Then again, what did he know?
"What is the nature of his abilities, Professor?" A smile tugged at Logan's lips. Storm's voice could calm even the roughest of moods.
"That will be part of the de-briefing, Ororo. Scott and Logan will accompany you on the mission. You'll leave tomorrow at-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up a sec, Professor." Logan interrupted taking a few steps forward and frowning at the older man. "You want me to go on a mission? Now? With him?"
Xavier met his gaze, looking unsurprised at Logan's outburst. "I thought you would welcome the distraction, Logan. Things will be moving slowly with Rogue. Besides, there is nothing that you can do to help her at the moment. You must have faith in her strength."
Logan sighed angrily, more because Xavier was right than anything else. He couldn't do anything to help Rogue, and the waiting was driving him and the residents of the school crazy. Though he had a feeling being in the jet with Summers for the duration of the flight to Arizona would be just as trying. At least Storm would be there to keep the peace. He suspected Xavier had planned it that way.
"As I was saying, you'll leave tomorrow at 8 am. I'll brief you with further details at 7:30. If there is nothing else, you're all dismissed." The others stood and began leaving. "Logan, if you could stay a moment, I have something I'd like to discuss with you."
Logan nodded. It wasn't until he sat down that he realized the Cajun was still there, looking quite lost. "Sorry t'disturb you, Professor, but I wasn' sure if you wanted Gambit t'stay at de mansion or not."
A sad, fatherly smile crossed Xavier's face. "You are more than welcome to stay, Remy. In fact, I rather suggest you do. I can't imagine it would be very safe for you at this time. Especially since Victoria remains in our custody. I'm sure it will look like we've killed her or are holding her prisoner. And I doubt her associates will let such a trespass slide."
The young man nodded slowly, seeming to consider the information. He stood with a sigh that sounded too old for him. The room was silent as he made his way out, pausing only a moment in front of Logan. He looked as though he wanted to say something to the older man, but left without a word. Logan watched him go with a mixture of anger and pity. Part of him still blamed the kid for this whole mess. But he might as well have blamed Rogue for her current coma. A heavy sigh escaped him. How did his life as a drifter get so complicated?
"There is something about this mission that I wanted to discuss with you alone." Xavier's voice brought him back to the present. "With all that has happened we haven't had much chance to talk about what you found at the Alkilai base."
A muscle ticked in his jaw. He'd been painfully aware recently that not much time had been spent thinking about his past. The nightmares had become more insistent and desperate. He'd barely slept the last few nights in an attempt to escape them. And in the waking hours he'd been too busy dealing with drama issues to give much thought to his own life.
"It'd be a short conversation." He said gruffly, covering the sudden surge of annoyance. "I didn't find much."
Just an excuse. Xavier seemed to know it. The old man nodded, staring at him with a neutral expression. Xavier reached down into his desk and pulled out a fairly thick file. As he opened it Logan caught a few glimpses of maps, medical charts and photographs. He frowned, wondering what Xavier was up to. He pulled out the photo he'd been looking for and Logan recognized it as an aerial picture of the Alkilai base.
"I had this photograph taken not long after you left." He pulled another picture out of the pile. It was a close up of a logo on the building. "This is the marking of the organization that owned the Alkilai base. I've been doing extensive research on the symbol, but I have not been able to find much information other than a few governmental connections."
Logan laughed dryly. Figured the government would be involved. "Well that's great. What's it got to do with anything?"
Xavier looked at him for a moment and Logan suspected the old man didn't appreciate the slight attitude. He pulled out another photo of what looked like an office building, though this one was clear and in color. It looked as though it could have been on the cover of a pamphlet. Logan raised his eyebrows expectantly toward Xavier.
"The Jones Institute for Mental and Physical Rehabilitation." He pulled out a pamphlet and opened it, pointing toward a logo at the bottom. Logan's eyes widened. It was the same as the Alkilai symbol. "Founded by Gen Corp."
"Gen Corp.?" Logan's voice growled from his throat. His heart raced as his eyes darted over the photos again. For the first time in a while he felt close to some real answers.
"A false company name. I've been searching for any information connecting them to Alkilai, but other than the symbol I've been unable to find anything. They've covered their tracks quite well." Xavier put the file back in the desk, leaving the photos out.
"What does this have to do with the mission tomorrow?" Logan leaned back, swinging his foot up to rest on his knee.
"The boy I referred to, Michael Jameson, he recently began sessions at the Jones Institute. The reasons were classified, but he had not been causing any problems within the community until he began therapy there. It would seem as though whatever he's undergoing has changed his behavior."
Logan's jaw clenched. "You think they're experimenting on him?"
Xavier sighed, resting his chin on folded hands. "It's a possibility we need to consider. Especially if there's any connection to the base you awoke from. He may be undergoing procedures similar to yours. Be wary, and gather what information you can."
He was silent for a moment, his eyes fixed on the photos in front of him though his mind was miles away. Questions ran through his head faster than he could give them voice. He looked up as Xavier wheeled away from his desk and toward the door.
"I'll see you here at 7:30 sharp tomorrow, Logan. I suspect you have a lot to think about. I've some things I need to get done before I continue the sessions with Rogue. We'll talk more on this then. Goodnight."
Logan was alone again; the office seemed to grow with quiet. The key to his past sat on the desk not three feet from him. He had the location to the rehabilitation center, to Gen. Corp. A frown crossed his features and he stood, grasping the pamphlet tightly. The setting sun cast an eerie orange glow through the office and drew shadows into long, jagged spires.
The road called to him, called to his blood. This was his battle. The memories belonged only to him. Not to the X-Men or Gen. Corp. This was his own quest. He shoved the pamphlet into his jacket and raced to the door, pausing to make sure no one was in the hallway beyond. He ran to his room as quickly and silently as possible. He grabbed his old duffel bag and threw a few clothes into it, packing only the necessities. If he left tonight he could get there in a few days. He'd figure things out on his own.
He tread carefully through the halls of the school, taking every caution not to alert the others he was leaving. No doubt they would try and stop him and he wanted nothing getting in his way. He entered the darkened garage and easily found his bike. After securely fastening down the duffel bag he swung his leg over, positioning himself on the bike. He fit easily into the seat and a smile curled his lips. He longed for the open road, to feel the wind rushing through his hair, to revel in the joy of solitude. He leaned the bike up, kicking back the stand. The dog tags jingled against his chest as he did and he froze. Rogue. If she woke up while he was gone, she'd assume he was running. He held the bike still staring into the dark. But that's what he was doing, wasn't it?
"No." His voice rumbled deep in his chest, surprising himself that he was speaking aloud. "This is different. I ain't just trying to get away."
"But are you planning on coming back?" He whirled at the sound of the weather goddess' voice. She slowly glided toward him from the far side of the garage, her smile as graceful as her step. Logan watched her carefully, the flight or fight instinct itching under his skin. She stood close to him, the smell of lightning and freedom rolling off her. Unconsciously he inhaled, taking in her scent. She did not look angry or upset as he would've suspected, but merely looked at him with the calm wisdom that always filled her eyes. She smiled, resting her hand on his duffel bag.
"I see you are planning on leaving without us, Logan." She tucked a rebellious strand of hair behind her ear. It would only fall loose again by the constant wind that surrounded her.
"How did ya know I was here?" His voice scratched across his throat as an unpleasant feeling of shame settled in the pit of his stomach. He felt like a child who'd been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. It was an experience he was unaccustomed to and one he didn't enjoy.
She leaned against the bike next to him; Gambit's bike. "The Professor felt you would react this way. He has asked me to speak with you before you leave."
Logan turned away from her, fixing his glare on the handle bars. "This is my fight, Ororo. It's not a place for the X-Men. Xavier should've known that when he told me about Gen. Corp."
"He did. He knew how you would feel and that you deserved to know, Logan."
"Why? Does he want me off the team? Did I screw things up with Rogue and now he wants me as far away from his students as possible?"
"He felt you deserved a choice, Logan." Her voice was stern and she met his eyes with a cold, steely gaze. "He knew that you have many personal ties with the mission and that you should be given the chance to face it on your own, or to work along side the X-Men."
They paused a moment as Logan absorbed the information. Xavier was a good man and despite his infrequent annoyance at him, Logan respected him. Now he had to decide if that respect was worth honoring.
"I ain't used to this set up, Storm." He rubbed a hand over his unshaven chin. "Fighting with a team just isn't my style. I work better alone."
"You're feeding me a bunch of lines, Logan. You're running, pure and simple, and you know it. If you want to do this on your own, fine. Do it on your own. But don't do it because you're afraid to work with the team."
She paused and took a step forward, resting a hand on his shoulder. "We care about you Logan and we want to help you. Not because we think you need it, but because that's what family does."
She turned to go, calling over her shoulder with a smirk. "Besides, the jet would get you there faster. You could at least take advantage of that."
He chuckled quietly, releasing his grip on the handlebars. But she was right. The X-Men did care about him and they were a tight knit family. But were they right for him? He frowned in concentration. Something deep inside his head told him it was right to be part of the team. Like a memory long ago forgotten. It had a similar feeling as the nightmares, though less vivid.
Maybe he already was part of the family and just hadn't noticed. He had strong ties to Rogue and Jean. And a slight desire to protect the students from a world that hated and feared them. If worse came down to it he could justify it because of the jet. But it wouldn't be much of a family if he had to.
He slid off the motorcycle with a slight sigh of regret. The option would always be open to him, he supposed. But he found that he'd miss his new family. It had been nice to have the same comfortable bed to come home to every night. Maybe he wasn't losing as much as he thought.
He slung the duffel bag over his shoulder and reached inside his jacket for a cigar. He would still be leaving in the morning and he owed the kid some sort of explanation. If not for her sake then at least his own.
The walk to the med lab was quiet and empty. Students didn't often come down to this wing of the mansion and most of them were currently at dinner. He paused, dropping the duffel next to the door and extinguished the cigar into his palm. He grimaced at the door, feeling slightly foolish coming to talk to a girl in a coma. But things wouldn't sit right with him if he didn't. With all he'd put her through at the very least he owed her an explanation.
His senses were aware of it before his mind had registered the med lab's settings. Breathing irregular to Rogue's, a huskier scent, a slight rustle of fabric. There was someone else in the room. He released his claws and stepped his right foot back, turning toward Rogue's bed.
His furious glare met with that of a terrified student's. "Who the hell are you?" He growled, relaxing slightly.
"B-bobby. Uh, Robert Drake. I'm a friend of Rogue's." The boy nervously gestured toward her. Logan withdrew his claws, ignoring the sigh of relief. "The Professor said it was ok that I visit her. I just wanted to see how she was doing."
"And?" He raised an eyebrow expectantly. Her face was still pale and as thin as parchment. A knot in his stomach twisted as her features contorted in pain.
"Not much of a change." He turned his saddened gaze toward her. "It seems like she's moving more, but I don't know if that's good or bad."
Logan approached her bed, unable to do anything but watch. He felt tightness in his chest and a sting in his throat. The kid's presence started to annoy him. "It's getting late, kid." His voice was low and held a hint of warning. "I bet you've got homework or something to do, don't ya?"
The boy swallowed slightly and nodded, getting the message. With one last glance to Rogue he left. Logan sighed and pulled a chair next to her bed. He mounted the chair from behind and sat, watching Rogue's shallow breathing.
"I got a chance, kid." He unclasped the dog tags and let them pool in the palm of his hand. "Out in Arizona. I may be able to find something out. About my past and the guys that did this to me. I know you'd want me to take the chance. I hope anyway..."
He trailed off, wrapping the chain around her thin wrist. "I hate to leave you like this. I can't imagine what's goin' on inside that head of yours. But there ain't nothin' I can do for ya. And I know you're strong. I'll be here when you wake up, Rogue. I'll keep you safe."
He clasped the chain around her wrist and stood. A limp curl had fallen across her forehead and he gently reached over to brush it away, trying to smooth her furrowed brow. The dog tags meant he'd be back. She would understand that, at least. He just hoped she'd be able to forgive him for failing her.
Logan heard the footsteps as they paused outside the door. He turned toward the sound as Gambit walked into the room. The Cajun stopped short, looking almost surprised to see Logan. They stood a moment, watching each other warily.
"How de chere?" Gambit slowly made his way over to stand opposite him. It was subtle but he was reminding Logan of the truce between them. For her sake.
"She's strong." Pride edged his voice as he hoped against what he knew was logical. "She'll be fine."
"I don' think any of us will ever be 'fine', M'sseur Logan." He turned slightly looking at Victoria. If possible the older woman looked worse than Rogue.
Logan sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Maybe not, kid. Look..." He trailed off, fighting the uncomfortable knot in his stomach. "I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance. That's what the X-Men are about. Everyone gets a chance. Even a swamp rat like you."
He kept his gaze on Rogue, even as the Cajun replied. "But you were right, old timer. I've only caused her trouble."
They stood in silence, flanking the girl that had touched them both but could touch no one at all. "I wasn't much better for her, kid. Besides, she made a choice on the battlefield. A choice we gotta respect."
Guilt stung his gut as he tried to convince himself that was the truth. He watched her face as various muscles ticked from an unknown stimulus. Every fiber of his being wished to replace her, to ease any of her pain. He clutched her small hand, raising it to his lips and kissing his fingers over her own.
"Come back to me, kid." He murmured softly, watching the barest trace of a smile flash across her face. He stood heading toward the door. "She better be ok when I get back, swamp rat, or I'll take it out of your hide."
He didn't wait for a reply as he left. Xavier was in the hall outside the med lab. Logan met his gaze for a while, slightly irked at the pleased smile the old man wore. Grabbing his duffel bag Logan continued down the hall, headed toward his room, stopping only at the sound of Xavier's voice.
"I'm glad to see you've decided to stay, Logan. It will be good to have you as part of the family."
Logan scoffed slightly, ignoring the weariness in the man's voice. "I ain't promisin' nothin' Xavier. Just make sure Rogue gets out of this ok." He paused and turned, looking slightly uncomfortable. "And thanks. For the help."
Maybe the war was brewing. And maybe the smart thing to do would escape it all, or join the side that had a better chance of winning. But neither of those options sat well with Logan. Xavier and his team were doing a hell of a lot of good for the world and for mutants. And it felt right to be a part of that. It felt right to have chosen a side.
* * * * * * * *
Closing note: There ya go. A nice long chapter. Hopefully that'll make up for how long it took to get it posted. It went a few different ways than I had planned, but that's Logan for you. Never doing what he's told. And the Bobby appearance was a cameo. He's not going to become one of the main characters. Next chapter will be Gambit's POV and we'll find out a little bit more about the mysterious Cajun's past. Please let me know if you liked this chapter, or what you'd like to see in the future. This chapter lacked action and I hope it didn't come across as boring. So please review and let me know!
Review Responses:
Tupper: Thanks for taking the time to review each chapter. It's really appreciated and helps me get a sense of what you liked about each bit. Glad you enjoyed it!
Rogue15: ha! You made me laugh. Your poor keyboard.
Bunny angel: Again sooooo sorry you had to read the faux ch. 6. This one's the real deal. No more bad. Only good. Well, hopefully.
Cherryblossomjen: I'm not really a L/R fan either. But ch. 5 was from Rogue's POV. And quite frankly I'd jump Hugh Jackman's bones if I had the chance. I'll try to make the chapters until you find out bearable. ;)
Ishandahalf: You've got to be the best X-Men reviewer ever. I've seen your name all over the place in reviews. Go you!
DukeStorm: I'm glad you liked. And thanks for your help with Logan. I hope I've written him adequately here. It was a little difficult, but I think I pulled something passable off. More Gambit next chapter. Just hang in there. ;)
NeuroticTemptress: You caught the green eyes! Go you! That made me so happy. I was afraid no one would catch it. And she writes great stories, people. Go read them!
To everyone else, a great big thank you for taking the time to review. I love you all to the moon and back!
This chapter picks up timeline-wise at the beginning of ch. 5. The events of ch.5 are going to take place through this chapter and the next. At the end of ch.7 she'll wake up. Hope that's not too confusing for ya'll. Logan's POV. On to what you've been waiting for!
Disclaimer: I don't own them. But we just passed my birthday. Can anyone say presents?
The Girl, the Animal, and the Thief Ch. 6
Skin connected with vinyl and muscles burned with overuse. The perfect rhythm of the punches and the slight squeak of the chain were the only sounds in the gym. Every piece of his being was focused into each punch. His knuckles stayed a bluish bruise as he swung faster than his healing ability. This was how he was meant to be. A constant stream of adrenaline coursing through him, pushing him forward. Here he did not have to think or to feel. There was no one to care for. No one to love. Here he could truly be an animal.
An excitement built inside him, one he knew all too well. The thrill of battle, the joy of the kill. Images flashed through his mind, some he recognized and others he did not. It only fueled his bloodlust and the rhythm of the punches increased. Soon the punching bag faded and was replaced by images of Sabertooth, Magneto, and memories of uniformed men that he was unsure of. His rage culminated at the brief flash of a heavyset man with graying hair and beard, a constant smirk set into his features. Logan was barely aware of metal piercing the skin between his knuckles, only that his target disappeared. He stood confused a moment, breathing heavily as the bruises faded.
The sand pooled around his feet sounding like light spring rain. It covered his toes cooling and calming him. He gradually returned to himself, becoming aware of his surroundings. A frustrated and anguished cry escaped his lips. He hadn't gone anywhere, despite how he felt. He was still in the school, surrounded by his surrogate family. Still as guilty as before.
A sound teased his senses and he stilled to listen. Soft footsteps in a rhythm he recognized. She slowly opened the door and stopped at the sight. He caught the slight gasp that escaped her, followed by a soft sigh. A growl built up inside him but he pushed it down. The last thing he wanted from Jean was her pity.
"Any news on Rogue?" He bit out before she could say anything.
She made her way over to him, laying a hand on his shoulder. Logan tensed under her cool touch, his blood still running hot through him. His body was quickly metabolizing the adrenaline, but his heart still pounded in his chest.
"I was surprised when I didn't find you in the med lab. I thought you wouldn't have left her side." Her voice was soft and warm with a kindness he didn't deserve.
He couldn't tell her that guilt had driven him away. He couldn't tell her that the sight of Rogue laying there struggling to simply keep her memories was making him crazy. That he couldn't stand the pained look on her face. He'd barely resisted the urge to flee the mansion. Helplessness was driving him insane.
"Any change?" His voice was a bit gruffer than he'd intended.
She gently placed a towel over his shoulders as he kicked the sand from his feet. "Neither of the girls are awake."
He nodded absently. As focused as his mind had been on Rogue, he'd forgotten about the blonde woman. He scratched his chin idly, motioning toward the shredded punching bag. "Sorry 'bout that."
A sad smile tugged her lips. "They're replaceable. I'm more concerned about you."
He sighed heavily and sat down against the wall, legs crossed in front of him. Jean sat next to him, quietly waiting for him to be ready to talk. Confusion and guilt wracked him, tearing his heart in directions he was unaccustomed to.
"I shoulda just left her. Back in Alaska. I shoulda left her standing there on that road. Since she met me there's been nothin' but a world of trouble for her. I told her I'd take care of her. Now I can't even save her from herself." He growled angrily and reflexively let his claws in and out. "It's all my fault."
Jean's brows knitted slightly and she placed a hand on his shoulder. "She needed you, Logan. Just as you needed her. She knew what she was getting into when she started attending this school. She made a choice in battle. She's strong enough to pull through this. You'll just have to trust in her, Logan."
Logan turned his gaze away, jaw jutting forward. Trust wasn't his strong suit. Nor was sitting around waiting on someone else. He trusted only himself to be strong, that's what had kept him alive for the past fifteen years. Damn that kid. If she ever woke up he'd teach her a thing or two about jumping into battles she couldn't handle.
Jean turned away, placing a hand lightly to her temple. She nodded then turned back to the curious Logan. "The Professor wants to have a meeting. He's waiting for us in his office."
"You mean he's not with Rogue?"
"Even the Professor gets tired, Logan." A wry grin spread over her lips. "After all, he's only human."
Logan allowed the dry smile as he rose from the floor. "Let me just clean up a bit. I'll meet you down there."
Jean stood as well, worry and concern creasing her features. Logan scowled. He hated making her worry about him. He hated this whole damn thing. Jean nodded and leaned forward, placing a swift kiss on his cheek.
"See you in a bit then." Her voice was soft and sad, stabbing through Logan's heart. His eyes stayed on her as she left, following her form and graceful walk. An ache swelled inside him that he was all too familiar with. He pushed it aside, deciding a cold shower would do him some good. Any students that had been there left long ago. He quickly stripped and stepped under the freezing water. A sigh of relief escaped him. Damn that redhead.
He let the cold droplets run down his body, standing with eyes closed. Focus. That's what he'd lost through all of this. The discs and paperwork he'd collected in Alkilai still sat in an untouched pile on his desk. He'd been so wrapped up with Rogue and the Cajun that he hadn't given a thought to the questions of his own past. And that was all that had to matter to him. If he could just bring it back to number one, he'd be fine.
An image of Rogue's pale, unconscious face came to mind as he shut off the water. He sighed, knowing that he could never forget about Rogue. She'd burned a path into his heart and he'd promised to take care of her. And she'd nearly died because he didn't keep that promise.
He hastily tugged a sweatshirt over his head. "I'll find some way to help you, kid. I'll make this right somehow."
* * *
He stalked down the hallways with the strength and grace of one who'd made their place in the battlefield. Any students he passed made a point of taking a different route. He'd had a few violent outbursts since their return from the mission. A few too many that had been witnessed by students. Fortunately Xavier had been too preoccupied helping Rogue to chastise him. As this point he'd endure an eternity of the cruelest punishment if she'd only wake up.
To say the mood was tense as he walked into the office would have been an understatement. Xavier sat behind his desk looking more tired than Logan had ever seen him. The swamp rat sat in a chair off to the side of the room. Logan's anger toward the boy abated momentarily at the look on the kid's face. LeBeau looked as if he'd been kicked in the stomach, hit by a truck and then left by his lover only to find out his dog ran away. Logan couldn't help being satisfied that he wasn't the only one feeling like shit. Storm, Summers, and Jean were seated as well. He fought back the normal surge of jealousy that arose whenever he saw Summers and took a place leaning against a table, apart from the group.
"Thank you for joining us Logan." Xavier sighed wearily and looked up at the group. "As I'm sure you've realized, part of the reason for calling this meeting is to give you an update on Rogue's condition.
"Hers is one of the most difficult minds I've had to work with. It's as though anytime I establish a stable connection with her, the personality will shift and I am forced to start from the beginning. Or other times, such as now, she blocks me out completely."
"De chere gonn' be ok?" Though his voice was steady, Logan could hear the pain behind it. More of the anger faded and looking back he felt slightly foolish for acting the way he did. He hadn't expected to come home and find Rogue's affection doting on another man. At least he'd been right about the boy. The Cajun had brought her nothing but trouble. It did little to comfort him.
"The progress is very slow, and there's no guarantee that when she wakes up she'll be the same as before." Xavier paused a moment before continuing. "But I have faith that she'll make some sort of recovery. Her mind is strong and is fighting for control. Whether or not she realizes it is I, she knows there's something trying to help her. It is a start."
"You said Rogue is one of the things you wanted to discuss Professor." Summers spoke up, voice as heroic and anal as ever. "What was the other?"
Xavier closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. "My sources have informed me of a mutant in Arizona who has been causing some problems within the community. Normally this wouldn't raise much alarm with me, but I've been watching this particular mutant for some time. He's lived very peacefully and gone out of his way to remain unnoticed. His sudden and increasingly violent behavior leads me to believe that he is not acting under his own influence. I think it merits further investigation."
"So you want us to fly all the way to Arizona 'cause some kid is stirring up trouble?" Logan wasn't quite sure he saw the "merit" of this investigation.
"The nature of this particular mutant's gift is what concerns me Logan." If he hadn't known better Logan would've sworn Xavier had shot him a do-no- question-me look. Then again, what did he know?
"What is the nature of his abilities, Professor?" A smile tugged at Logan's lips. Storm's voice could calm even the roughest of moods.
"That will be part of the de-briefing, Ororo. Scott and Logan will accompany you on the mission. You'll leave tomorrow at-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up a sec, Professor." Logan interrupted taking a few steps forward and frowning at the older man. "You want me to go on a mission? Now? With him?"
Xavier met his gaze, looking unsurprised at Logan's outburst. "I thought you would welcome the distraction, Logan. Things will be moving slowly with Rogue. Besides, there is nothing that you can do to help her at the moment. You must have faith in her strength."
Logan sighed angrily, more because Xavier was right than anything else. He couldn't do anything to help Rogue, and the waiting was driving him and the residents of the school crazy. Though he had a feeling being in the jet with Summers for the duration of the flight to Arizona would be just as trying. At least Storm would be there to keep the peace. He suspected Xavier had planned it that way.
"As I was saying, you'll leave tomorrow at 8 am. I'll brief you with further details at 7:30. If there is nothing else, you're all dismissed." The others stood and began leaving. "Logan, if you could stay a moment, I have something I'd like to discuss with you."
Logan nodded. It wasn't until he sat down that he realized the Cajun was still there, looking quite lost. "Sorry t'disturb you, Professor, but I wasn' sure if you wanted Gambit t'stay at de mansion or not."
A sad, fatherly smile crossed Xavier's face. "You are more than welcome to stay, Remy. In fact, I rather suggest you do. I can't imagine it would be very safe for you at this time. Especially since Victoria remains in our custody. I'm sure it will look like we've killed her or are holding her prisoner. And I doubt her associates will let such a trespass slide."
The young man nodded slowly, seeming to consider the information. He stood with a sigh that sounded too old for him. The room was silent as he made his way out, pausing only a moment in front of Logan. He looked as though he wanted to say something to the older man, but left without a word. Logan watched him go with a mixture of anger and pity. Part of him still blamed the kid for this whole mess. But he might as well have blamed Rogue for her current coma. A heavy sigh escaped him. How did his life as a drifter get so complicated?
"There is something about this mission that I wanted to discuss with you alone." Xavier's voice brought him back to the present. "With all that has happened we haven't had much chance to talk about what you found at the Alkilai base."
A muscle ticked in his jaw. He'd been painfully aware recently that not much time had been spent thinking about his past. The nightmares had become more insistent and desperate. He'd barely slept the last few nights in an attempt to escape them. And in the waking hours he'd been too busy dealing with drama issues to give much thought to his own life.
"It'd be a short conversation." He said gruffly, covering the sudden surge of annoyance. "I didn't find much."
Just an excuse. Xavier seemed to know it. The old man nodded, staring at him with a neutral expression. Xavier reached down into his desk and pulled out a fairly thick file. As he opened it Logan caught a few glimpses of maps, medical charts and photographs. He frowned, wondering what Xavier was up to. He pulled out the photo he'd been looking for and Logan recognized it as an aerial picture of the Alkilai base.
"I had this photograph taken not long after you left." He pulled another picture out of the pile. It was a close up of a logo on the building. "This is the marking of the organization that owned the Alkilai base. I've been doing extensive research on the symbol, but I have not been able to find much information other than a few governmental connections."
Logan laughed dryly. Figured the government would be involved. "Well that's great. What's it got to do with anything?"
Xavier looked at him for a moment and Logan suspected the old man didn't appreciate the slight attitude. He pulled out another photo of what looked like an office building, though this one was clear and in color. It looked as though it could have been on the cover of a pamphlet. Logan raised his eyebrows expectantly toward Xavier.
"The Jones Institute for Mental and Physical Rehabilitation." He pulled out a pamphlet and opened it, pointing toward a logo at the bottom. Logan's eyes widened. It was the same as the Alkilai symbol. "Founded by Gen Corp."
"Gen Corp.?" Logan's voice growled from his throat. His heart raced as his eyes darted over the photos again. For the first time in a while he felt close to some real answers.
"A false company name. I've been searching for any information connecting them to Alkilai, but other than the symbol I've been unable to find anything. They've covered their tracks quite well." Xavier put the file back in the desk, leaving the photos out.
"What does this have to do with the mission tomorrow?" Logan leaned back, swinging his foot up to rest on his knee.
"The boy I referred to, Michael Jameson, he recently began sessions at the Jones Institute. The reasons were classified, but he had not been causing any problems within the community until he began therapy there. It would seem as though whatever he's undergoing has changed his behavior."
Logan's jaw clenched. "You think they're experimenting on him?"
Xavier sighed, resting his chin on folded hands. "It's a possibility we need to consider. Especially if there's any connection to the base you awoke from. He may be undergoing procedures similar to yours. Be wary, and gather what information you can."
He was silent for a moment, his eyes fixed on the photos in front of him though his mind was miles away. Questions ran through his head faster than he could give them voice. He looked up as Xavier wheeled away from his desk and toward the door.
"I'll see you here at 7:30 sharp tomorrow, Logan. I suspect you have a lot to think about. I've some things I need to get done before I continue the sessions with Rogue. We'll talk more on this then. Goodnight."
Logan was alone again; the office seemed to grow with quiet. The key to his past sat on the desk not three feet from him. He had the location to the rehabilitation center, to Gen. Corp. A frown crossed his features and he stood, grasping the pamphlet tightly. The setting sun cast an eerie orange glow through the office and drew shadows into long, jagged spires.
The road called to him, called to his blood. This was his battle. The memories belonged only to him. Not to the X-Men or Gen. Corp. This was his own quest. He shoved the pamphlet into his jacket and raced to the door, pausing to make sure no one was in the hallway beyond. He ran to his room as quickly and silently as possible. He grabbed his old duffel bag and threw a few clothes into it, packing only the necessities. If he left tonight he could get there in a few days. He'd figure things out on his own.
He tread carefully through the halls of the school, taking every caution not to alert the others he was leaving. No doubt they would try and stop him and he wanted nothing getting in his way. He entered the darkened garage and easily found his bike. After securely fastening down the duffel bag he swung his leg over, positioning himself on the bike. He fit easily into the seat and a smile curled his lips. He longed for the open road, to feel the wind rushing through his hair, to revel in the joy of solitude. He leaned the bike up, kicking back the stand. The dog tags jingled against his chest as he did and he froze. Rogue. If she woke up while he was gone, she'd assume he was running. He held the bike still staring into the dark. But that's what he was doing, wasn't it?
"No." His voice rumbled deep in his chest, surprising himself that he was speaking aloud. "This is different. I ain't just trying to get away."
"But are you planning on coming back?" He whirled at the sound of the weather goddess' voice. She slowly glided toward him from the far side of the garage, her smile as graceful as her step. Logan watched her carefully, the flight or fight instinct itching under his skin. She stood close to him, the smell of lightning and freedom rolling off her. Unconsciously he inhaled, taking in her scent. She did not look angry or upset as he would've suspected, but merely looked at him with the calm wisdom that always filled her eyes. She smiled, resting her hand on his duffel bag.
"I see you are planning on leaving without us, Logan." She tucked a rebellious strand of hair behind her ear. It would only fall loose again by the constant wind that surrounded her.
"How did ya know I was here?" His voice scratched across his throat as an unpleasant feeling of shame settled in the pit of his stomach. He felt like a child who'd been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. It was an experience he was unaccustomed to and one he didn't enjoy.
She leaned against the bike next to him; Gambit's bike. "The Professor felt you would react this way. He has asked me to speak with you before you leave."
Logan turned away from her, fixing his glare on the handle bars. "This is my fight, Ororo. It's not a place for the X-Men. Xavier should've known that when he told me about Gen. Corp."
"He did. He knew how you would feel and that you deserved to know, Logan."
"Why? Does he want me off the team? Did I screw things up with Rogue and now he wants me as far away from his students as possible?"
"He felt you deserved a choice, Logan." Her voice was stern and she met his eyes with a cold, steely gaze. "He knew that you have many personal ties with the mission and that you should be given the chance to face it on your own, or to work along side the X-Men."
They paused a moment as Logan absorbed the information. Xavier was a good man and despite his infrequent annoyance at him, Logan respected him. Now he had to decide if that respect was worth honoring.
"I ain't used to this set up, Storm." He rubbed a hand over his unshaven chin. "Fighting with a team just isn't my style. I work better alone."
"You're feeding me a bunch of lines, Logan. You're running, pure and simple, and you know it. If you want to do this on your own, fine. Do it on your own. But don't do it because you're afraid to work with the team."
She paused and took a step forward, resting a hand on his shoulder. "We care about you Logan and we want to help you. Not because we think you need it, but because that's what family does."
She turned to go, calling over her shoulder with a smirk. "Besides, the jet would get you there faster. You could at least take advantage of that."
He chuckled quietly, releasing his grip on the handlebars. But she was right. The X-Men did care about him and they were a tight knit family. But were they right for him? He frowned in concentration. Something deep inside his head told him it was right to be part of the team. Like a memory long ago forgotten. It had a similar feeling as the nightmares, though less vivid.
Maybe he already was part of the family and just hadn't noticed. He had strong ties to Rogue and Jean. And a slight desire to protect the students from a world that hated and feared them. If worse came down to it he could justify it because of the jet. But it wouldn't be much of a family if he had to.
He slid off the motorcycle with a slight sigh of regret. The option would always be open to him, he supposed. But he found that he'd miss his new family. It had been nice to have the same comfortable bed to come home to every night. Maybe he wasn't losing as much as he thought.
He slung the duffel bag over his shoulder and reached inside his jacket for a cigar. He would still be leaving in the morning and he owed the kid some sort of explanation. If not for her sake then at least his own.
The walk to the med lab was quiet and empty. Students didn't often come down to this wing of the mansion and most of them were currently at dinner. He paused, dropping the duffel next to the door and extinguished the cigar into his palm. He grimaced at the door, feeling slightly foolish coming to talk to a girl in a coma. But things wouldn't sit right with him if he didn't. With all he'd put her through at the very least he owed her an explanation.
His senses were aware of it before his mind had registered the med lab's settings. Breathing irregular to Rogue's, a huskier scent, a slight rustle of fabric. There was someone else in the room. He released his claws and stepped his right foot back, turning toward Rogue's bed.
His furious glare met with that of a terrified student's. "Who the hell are you?" He growled, relaxing slightly.
"B-bobby. Uh, Robert Drake. I'm a friend of Rogue's." The boy nervously gestured toward her. Logan withdrew his claws, ignoring the sigh of relief. "The Professor said it was ok that I visit her. I just wanted to see how she was doing."
"And?" He raised an eyebrow expectantly. Her face was still pale and as thin as parchment. A knot in his stomach twisted as her features contorted in pain.
"Not much of a change." He turned his saddened gaze toward her. "It seems like she's moving more, but I don't know if that's good or bad."
Logan approached her bed, unable to do anything but watch. He felt tightness in his chest and a sting in his throat. The kid's presence started to annoy him. "It's getting late, kid." His voice was low and held a hint of warning. "I bet you've got homework or something to do, don't ya?"
The boy swallowed slightly and nodded, getting the message. With one last glance to Rogue he left. Logan sighed and pulled a chair next to her bed. He mounted the chair from behind and sat, watching Rogue's shallow breathing.
"I got a chance, kid." He unclasped the dog tags and let them pool in the palm of his hand. "Out in Arizona. I may be able to find something out. About my past and the guys that did this to me. I know you'd want me to take the chance. I hope anyway..."
He trailed off, wrapping the chain around her thin wrist. "I hate to leave you like this. I can't imagine what's goin' on inside that head of yours. But there ain't nothin' I can do for ya. And I know you're strong. I'll be here when you wake up, Rogue. I'll keep you safe."
He clasped the chain around her wrist and stood. A limp curl had fallen across her forehead and he gently reached over to brush it away, trying to smooth her furrowed brow. The dog tags meant he'd be back. She would understand that, at least. He just hoped she'd be able to forgive him for failing her.
Logan heard the footsteps as they paused outside the door. He turned toward the sound as Gambit walked into the room. The Cajun stopped short, looking almost surprised to see Logan. They stood a moment, watching each other warily.
"How de chere?" Gambit slowly made his way over to stand opposite him. It was subtle but he was reminding Logan of the truce between them. For her sake.
"She's strong." Pride edged his voice as he hoped against what he knew was logical. "She'll be fine."
"I don' think any of us will ever be 'fine', M'sseur Logan." He turned slightly looking at Victoria. If possible the older woman looked worse than Rogue.
Logan sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Maybe not, kid. Look..." He trailed off, fighting the uncomfortable knot in his stomach. "I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance. That's what the X-Men are about. Everyone gets a chance. Even a swamp rat like you."
He kept his gaze on Rogue, even as the Cajun replied. "But you were right, old timer. I've only caused her trouble."
They stood in silence, flanking the girl that had touched them both but could touch no one at all. "I wasn't much better for her, kid. Besides, she made a choice on the battlefield. A choice we gotta respect."
Guilt stung his gut as he tried to convince himself that was the truth. He watched her face as various muscles ticked from an unknown stimulus. Every fiber of his being wished to replace her, to ease any of her pain. He clutched her small hand, raising it to his lips and kissing his fingers over her own.
"Come back to me, kid." He murmured softly, watching the barest trace of a smile flash across her face. He stood heading toward the door. "She better be ok when I get back, swamp rat, or I'll take it out of your hide."
He didn't wait for a reply as he left. Xavier was in the hall outside the med lab. Logan met his gaze for a while, slightly irked at the pleased smile the old man wore. Grabbing his duffel bag Logan continued down the hall, headed toward his room, stopping only at the sound of Xavier's voice.
"I'm glad to see you've decided to stay, Logan. It will be good to have you as part of the family."
Logan scoffed slightly, ignoring the weariness in the man's voice. "I ain't promisin' nothin' Xavier. Just make sure Rogue gets out of this ok." He paused and turned, looking slightly uncomfortable. "And thanks. For the help."
Maybe the war was brewing. And maybe the smart thing to do would escape it all, or join the side that had a better chance of winning. But neither of those options sat well with Logan. Xavier and his team were doing a hell of a lot of good for the world and for mutants. And it felt right to be a part of that. It felt right to have chosen a side.
* * * * * * * *
Closing note: There ya go. A nice long chapter. Hopefully that'll make up for how long it took to get it posted. It went a few different ways than I had planned, but that's Logan for you. Never doing what he's told. And the Bobby appearance was a cameo. He's not going to become one of the main characters. Next chapter will be Gambit's POV and we'll find out a little bit more about the mysterious Cajun's past. Please let me know if you liked this chapter, or what you'd like to see in the future. This chapter lacked action and I hope it didn't come across as boring. So please review and let me know!
Review Responses:
Tupper: Thanks for taking the time to review each chapter. It's really appreciated and helps me get a sense of what you liked about each bit. Glad you enjoyed it!
Rogue15: ha! You made me laugh. Your poor keyboard.
Bunny angel: Again sooooo sorry you had to read the faux ch. 6. This one's the real deal. No more bad. Only good. Well, hopefully.
Cherryblossomjen: I'm not really a L/R fan either. But ch. 5 was from Rogue's POV. And quite frankly I'd jump Hugh Jackman's bones if I had the chance. I'll try to make the chapters until you find out bearable. ;)
Ishandahalf: You've got to be the best X-Men reviewer ever. I've seen your name all over the place in reviews. Go you!
DukeStorm: I'm glad you liked. And thanks for your help with Logan. I hope I've written him adequately here. It was a little difficult, but I think I pulled something passable off. More Gambit next chapter. Just hang in there. ;)
NeuroticTemptress: You caught the green eyes! Go you! That made me so happy. I was afraid no one would catch it. And she writes great stories, people. Go read them!
To everyone else, a great big thank you for taking the time to review. I love you all to the moon and back!