A/N to the reader, Hi! How's your cat doing?: So, this is a short chapter to tide you over while FanFiction does it's thang...HAHAHAH! This is a chapter just as long as my others, because I am bored. You'll notice it's a tad more...risque than my others...and anyone who finds the Monty Python reference gets a prize!

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine except Damien and the 'plot' (hahahahaha). I'm sure J.K. Rowling is thanking her lucky stars for this. Alfonso Cuaron's Lawyer: Bite Me.

Well, Something is Hard

Harry sullenly nanced off the train.

this isn't so good, he happily complained, and soon everyone will be talking about how different i am from them. but how will i let them know im gay?

He thought a long time on this, and the author took a moment to think it through...

::pink!::

Suddenly, a tall, buff, decidedly sex-ay boy appeared next Harry with a quick scribble by the author's pen. Harry ignored Neville Longbottom and Colin Creevey—all of whom were known homosexuals—in favour of this boy he had never met before.

"hello. i am harry potter, and i am a morose gay boy with suicidal tendencies. i listen to emo-'punk' bands like good charlotte, simple plan, and slipknot. who are you sexy?" he intoned wretchedly.

"I am...my name is...uuuuuhhh...."

"Damien!" the author hissed.

"Damien. Yes. That is my name. That has been my name for a very long time. I am called by it. Yes."

"what's your surname?"

"Uh..."

"SHIT!"

"Damien Shit."

"NOOOOO!" the author cried, having only been cursing due to her f'ed up computer.

"terrible to meet you damien shit. i hope we become great enemies." Harry said dejectedly, fingering the material of Damien's leather pants.

Damien gulped, "But I'm not..."

"Yes you are!"

"Oh...Hey Harry," he giggled flirtatiously, "the pleasure is all mine..." he winked. Harry frowned—plans were moving on wonderfully.

"Oh Hermione!" Draco sighed, placing his hands fully on her breasts and squeezing a little, "It will be so hard, all of our friends will be intensely displeased..."

"Well, something is hard, but our friends will eventually get over it..." Hermione winked.

There was a pause, during which Hermione and Malfoy snuggled, kissed each other, Eskimo kissed each other, and grabbed each other's asses.

"Come to think of it, Crabbe and Goyle should be along any moment now."

There was nothing.

Draco cleared his throat.

"ANY MOMENT NOW."

"Oh, terribly sorry!" Crabbe said while he and Goyle quickly smoothed down the fronts of their robes, "we got a bit distracted."

"Yeah...umh...oh! Draco!" he gasped, "What are you doing with that...mudblood?!"

"You guys, I am in love with Hermione. I want to grow up and have itty bitty children and dogs with her."

"EUW!"

Their was a long, "AWWWWWWWW!" It was the sound of a thousand teenage girls cooing.

There was a short, "Hyurk!" It was the sound of an ignored Crookshanks coughing up a hairball.

A/N to the Reader 2: Did you find the Monty Python reference? No? Good, I didn't put any in! Hahahahahaha....