For disclaimers etc. please see Chapter 1

"So anyway, then Radek and I found this really cool device that can – you're not going to believe this but it's like…"

"Rodney", Carson interrupted the scientist's excited rumble. "I really don't think Dr. Weir is feeling strong enough for that yet. Plus she's on sick leave right now, so take your discoveries to Colonel Sheppard, please."

Elizabeth mouthed a silent 'thank you' at the doctor as Rodney pouted like a child. "But I was just…"

"Dr. McKay."

"All right, all right. But you know John is not going to listen to me any more than you two are."

Elizabeth smiled; they both really did have the tendency to tune out when Rodney started his technobabble.

"Tell him I sent you and that he has to listen."

"Really?" Rodney brightened up considerably. "Well, in that case."

Carson looked after Rodney as the scientist bounced out of the room. "That wasn't very nice – for John, I mean."

"I know." She shrugged. "That's the burden of being a leader."

She sighed, wave of nausea brushing over her. She had no recollection of the day before whatsoever, except for visiting the infirmary, then waking up late at night to find Carson and John by her bed, looking worried. She hadn't had the flu in such a long time she had forgotten what hell it could be.

"You really should try and eat something." Carson was busy writing down the results of her latest check-up on her chart.

Elizabeth shook her head; the mere thought of food made her want to throw up.

"I'm sorry. I'm usually a terrible patient. My parents used to tread the autumn when the new school year rolled around and I would be exposed to all kinds of bugs."

Carson laughed. "Well, I guess your good immune system is a blessing then. I have to go check on supplies now, are you all right here on your own for a bit?"

"Of course." She smiled warmly. "Thanks, Carson."

John stopped by a couple of hours later, a drained expression on his face.

"Why in the world did you have to send Rodney? He just would not shut up."

Elizabeth smiled sheepishly. "I'm really sorry. That was the only way I could get rid of him."

"I know. And I forgive you but only because you're sick." He perched himself at the edge of her bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Well, my head feels like it's about to be split in two and I'm constantly a second away from throwing up but apart from that, I feel peachy."

"Carson said your fever is still high."

"Yeah." Elizabeth coughed a little. "Which reminds me, you really shouldn't be here. One leader being sick is unfortunate, but both of us being sick would be a disaster."

"I guess. I have a meeting with Caldwell anyway. Something about security, again." He rolled his eyes and Elizabeth smiled.

"Well, that is rather important."

John got to his feet. "Agreed. I'll leave you to rest."

He turned back from the door as she leaned against the pillows. "Liz?"

"Yeah?"

"Try to get better soon, OK?"

"Afraid of the scientists, are you?" She smirked but he shook his head.

"Just missing you."

Her face got serious in an instant and he gave her a slight smile before disappearing out of the door.

Elizabeth sighed, sinking deeper into the pillows. Every time she managed to push the feelings John awoke in her to the background, he did something like this to change everything around again. Every time, like clockwork. Of course, the nights she had spent in his bed a while ago had been pretty much guaranteed to get him stuck into her head long enough for her to practically jump to the walls, but it could be smaller things; a special smile here and there, a touch on her arm when he really wanted to get her to agree with him. She couldn't even begin to think about how much she had hoped for a kiss, even for more than that, when she had woken up next to him in the pitch dark of his bedroom.

"Stop thinking like that", she muttered to herself.

"Sorry, lassie, did you say something?" Carson was back, looking at her worriedly.

"No, I…" Her face portrayed sudden alarm. "I think I'm going to be sick."

The following day her temperature had gone down, closer to normal, and Carson allowed her out of the infirmary.

"But if I catch you doing any work during the next week or so, you're back here", he warned. "You need this break, Elizabeth. Make the most of it."

"I'll try."

She was still feeling very weak and slept for most of the time, so at the moment it would be easy to obey the doctor's orders; she knew, however, that the minute she felt stronger, her somewhat restless nature would make it more difficult. She had always been like that: why waste time lying down when you could as well get some work done?

Carson equipped her with a big packet of tissues, some pain killers and throat lozenges.

"Here you go. Now, to your quarters, direct and no stopping at the control tower."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Yes, doctor."

It felt extremely good to be back in her own bed, not that the infirmary was in any way uncomfortable but it was…well, the infirmary and she had always hated hospitals. Now if only her head wasn't this terribly congested, she might actually be able to enjoy this break. Blowing her nose, she reached for a book on her nightstand, a book of which she had managed to read maybe twenty pages during this entire expedition.

Very soon, however, exhaustion took over and she fell asleep, the book sliding down to her chest.

John knocked on the door of Elizabeth's quarters, having just been to the infirmary to learn she had been released. There was no answer and he hesitated for a moment before keying in her code to open the door.

"Liz?"

A few steps into the room told him she was sleeping, in a half-sitting position, leaning against a big pile of pillows, and looking somewhat uncomfortable. The book about foreign trading in her hands brought a smile to his lips: sick or not, she was always thinking about work. He wondered for a brief moment if it was something he should report to Carson but decided against it; the doctor would most likely come and rid Elizabeth of all her books and John knew she would rather give her right arm.

Gently, he took the book and placed it back on the nightstand, scratching his head and debating what to do about her awful sleeping position. If he left her like this, she would wake up with very stiff neck and shoulders but he was reluctant to risk waking her up now, knowing how much rest she needed.

Making his mind up, he gently nudged one pillow from under her back, grimacing as her head lolled backwards, nearly hitting the wall behind her and she moaned something in her sleep. "Sorry, Liz. I promise you'll be a whole lot more comfortable in a minute."

He glanced at her face, marvelling at how angelic and innocent she looked when asleep, all worries she carried when awake erased. It had been very early in this expedition when he had come to the conclusion she was a very beautiful woman but it wasn't just her looks; a beautiful face was one thing but beauty combined with brain, strength and courage was so much more.

Sighing, he slid one arm under her shoulders and the other under her knees, planning to lift her up just a little bit so he could slide her down to a better position.

And, of course, Elizabeth woke up just as he placed her back down.

"John?"

He hazarded a glance at her face and found her staring at him behind half-closed lids, a frown on her face.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you but you looked…very uncomfortable and I…" He offered a small smile. "Sorry."

She blinked, trying to wrap her brain around what he had said, a task made a lot more difficult by the fact that John was still leaning over her, his arm supporting her neck. Instinctively, she leaned her head back.

"Oh, sorry." He took her movement as a clue she was uncomfortable. "I'll just…"

"Don't."

He stopped trying to pull his arm away and looked back at her face. "Liz?"

She lifted her hand to touch his face. "Stay."

"OK." His gaze drifted briefly to her lips which at the moment were slightly parted and very full and inviting. He quickly looked away.

Her fingers continued to move over his face, caressing the skin like she had never seen him before. John gently grasped her wrist.

"Liz?"

Her very, very beautiful lips curved into a slight smile. "John?"

Something inside him snapped.

Elizabeth had never been kissed like that before. Not that she could remember any of the people who had kissed her before right now. Probably she never would anymore. From the moment John's lips brushed hers, everything became a blur. It wasn't that the kiss was particularly passionate, in fact it was careful, considerate, like he was just testing the waters with her, not completely sure which direction to take. It was just the fact that she had waited for this to happen for so long that made it feel like she was completely new to this kind of touch. That much she could admit to herself now.

Her heart was hammering against her chest wildly as she lifted her hand – the one that wasn't already caressing his face – behind his head, inviting him to deepen the kiss. For one glorious moment he obeyed, tightening his hold of her wrist and blowing off all remaining thoughts from her head by slipping his tongue into her mouth.

Then, all too soon for her liking, he pulled back.

She opened her eyes after a while and found him watching her, looking somewhat shocked. With his hair even more messed than usual, lips parted and breathing heavily he looked so god damn kissable that Elizabeth couldn't suppress her deepest instincts to pull him down to her again.

"Liz", he mumbled against her lips. "I don't think we should do this."

His words were the equivalent of a cold shower to her and she pulled back, confused, slightly hurt. "What?"

"You're sick." He gently brushed a stray curl of dark hair from her forehead. "I don't want to take advantage of that."

"I may be sick but it doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing." She looked away, feeling uncomfortable now, suddenly wishing John would leave so she would be left alone with the realization he didn't want her the way she wanted him.

"Of course not", he agreed, pulling back from her and sitting up. "But maybe you wouldn't…do this when you're in full strength."

"What do you mean?" She sounded annoyed now.

He made a face, angry at himself. "I don't know. Forget it."

Elizabeth watched him for a moment. "Do you think the fever has messed with my head or something? That I allowed you to kiss me and kissed you back only because I don't know what I'm doing and I won't remember any of this later? Is that it?"

He had to admit it sounded quite ridiculous. "Something like that."

She smiled softly. "All right. Let's imagine I'm lying here, completely healthy and the situation is the same. Would you still have kissed me?"

"That's not the same…"

"Answer the question, John. Please."

He sighed. "Yes. Probably."

During those brief moments in her arms he had thought about things he had tried very hard not to think about for the past year or so, things he very much should not have been thinking about. He had never, ever imagined any of his Elizabeth-related fantasies could come true; after all, there was no chance he'd ever be enough for a woman like her. And the most painful realization that hit him now was that he had probably blown the last chance he may have had by doing what he did best when it came to real emotions, more serious feelings than just being attracted to a woman, just liking her. He had instantly tried to find an excuse for her actions, tried to hide behind his self-erected walls so that she could not get any closer. So that he wouldn't have to experience what was inevitable with a woman of her class: rejection.

Elizabeth watched him silently, wondering what exactly was going on in his head. She wasn't sure how she had expected him to behave but this wasn't it. Maybe she had expected him to either run away as fast as possible or throw her down to the bed and make love to her, no questions asked. She shook her head mentally; she should have known the nature of John Sheppard was much more complicated than what he allowed people to see.

"John?" She sat up and leaned forward so she could slip her hand in his. "What is it? Don't you want this?"

He didn't reply for a moment and she was getting worried her actions had destroyed any existing relationship they'd had.

She tried again. "John, if you don't want this…if you don't want me, us, then just tell me and I promise we'll never talk about this again."

He turned suddenly to face her. "What do you want, Liz?"

Just hearing him call her Liz made her sigh with relief. He couldn't have been that angry with her if he still called her Liz. The ball was in her court now.

She took a deep breath. "I think my previous actions probably told you what I want."

He squeezed her hand briefly and bit his lip. "I'm not sure I'd recommend it…getting involved with me."

Elizabeth moved again so she was sitting next to him at the edge of the bed. "John, we all have a past. It may not be perfect or spotless or you may not be that proud of it but I don't care. It's what's here now that matters to me. And that means I'm willing to accept you no matter what. And I hope you'll accept me too."

He caressed her palm with his thumb. "Elizabeth, I've done things…I've killed people, I've run away from any meaningful relationship I've had. Your past has nothing compared to mine."

"Do I have to spell it out for you? Your past does not matter to me. Besides", she leaned her head against his shoulder. "You don't know what I may have done in the past."

"Maybe you'll tell me one day." He glanced at her, wondering how she had guessed it was because of his past that he didn't consider they could ever be together. "What about the regulations? Our superiors? This is against the rules."

"And here I was thinking you were all up for a little adventure", she teased him but he didn't even smile. "John, it's not that big of a deal. I'm sure that once we've established we can still run the city no matter what our personal relationship is, everybody will be fine with this."

He nodded. "I hope so."

"And I don't want to keep this a secret." She gave him the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. "Even if it gets us both fired, I want everybody to know how much I care about you."

"Hey", he objected. "Speak for yourself. I need this job."

She wrinkled her nose. "Yeah, so do I. But even so, I still don't was us to hide."

John tucked her dark curls behind her ear. "You knew you could talk me into it, didn't you? Not that I was really against the thought of us in the first place but if I had been…you could have made me change my mind, right?"

Elizabeth lay back down on the bed, pulling him with her. "No. To tell you the truth…I was terrified."

He pressed a kiss on her nose. "Of what?"

"That you didn't feel the same. That I was setting myself up as the biggest fool ever, thinking that a man like you could be interested in me."

His eyebrows shot to the roof. "A man like me?"

"Yeah, you know, gorgeous, could have any woman in any galaxy, ready for any adventure. I didn't feel like I had a chance."

John could only laugh. If he had known she had been experiencing the same problem as he, this could have happened a lot earlier. "When did you…?"

"Start thinking of you that way?"

He nodded.

"When you saved me from Kolya. After the storm."

A fleeting glimpse of pain was evident in her eyes, tears welling up. "You saved my life, John. You barely knew me and yet you risked so much to save me."

"Well", he cleared his throat. "There was no way I would have let him take the woman I loved."

Tears overflowed from her eyes at that point and he kissed her, desperately, trying to make her forget that awful day. He had a nagging suspicion she hadn't really dealt with it yet, being kidnapped and so close to death.

"Do you remember the party we had with the Athosians after they'd first got here? After our first encounter with the Wraith?"

Elizabeth nodded, wiping a tear from her cheek.

"When you told me to start thinking about who I wanted on my team and you took the chance with me despite the black mark on my record and everything that had happened with Sumner…"

"You did what you thought was best", she interrupted. "You did what he wanted."

"Let me finish." He kissed her again, softly. "That was when I first thought of how amazing you were. You took the responsibility of being the leader of this expedition even though no one knew what we might find, where we could possibly end up. I don't know many people who would have done that, Liz. So don't tell me you're not ready for any adventure as well."

"Yeah, I guess you're right about that."

She yawned, causing John to sit up. "You're tired. I should go. I'm sure something awful has happened while McKay's been guarding the control room."

"I hope not." Horrible images of McKay blowing up the entire control tower flashed past her eyes before she managed to calm herself down. "Maybe we just need to trust in Rodney more. He's not that hopeless."

"He's too intelligent for his own good", John chuckled, pulling the covers over her.

"I agree." She pulled the covers up to her chin and gave him a sleepy smile. "Will you be back?"

"As soon as I can." He gave her one more kiss. "I may have to stop by the infirmary, though. I feel like I may be coming down with something."

Elizabeth covered her eyes and sighed. "This city is doomed."

That's it, folks! Hope you like. Please R&R. Thanks!