A/N: This Chapter is even weirder. But when I get home tonight, I had better see more review alerts in my inbox than I know what to do with, or else I am not writing anymore!
Hehe, I am so mean. Really, though, please, please please update. It's the only thing that makes my life worth living. :dramatic sigh:

Disclaimer: Sirius says, "This is a parody, you weird-os! Leave the author alone. She didn't write Harry Potter, but she can damn well twist the characters to make them do what she wants! And if they want to do me, well, rotting flesh doesn't taste all that b—"

-:-The Cross-Over Emerges-:-
"AH!" screamed a blonde girl inside the bathroom, "VAMPIRE!"

"AH!" screamed Draco, "VAMPIRE SLAYER!"

:thunk:

And now for something completely different: The Life of Ginny Weasley.

"Angst! Sorrow! When will Harry love me?!" :slash:

:bleed bleed bleed:

And Now Back to our Programme.

"Dracooo….Draaaaacoooo….wake up my little Ferret…"Hermione cooed sickeningly over Draco.

"Ugh…I feel like I was hit by a brick on wheels…"

"Actually, you passed out, my sweet honey-munchkins. But worry not! I will protect you! How do you know my sister, anyways?"

"She's your sister?!"

:thunk:

"Dammit, why does he keep doing that?"

"move over"

"No! This is my bed, get out!"

"we're lovers and im sad and dean and seamus aren't up yet so spoon me and then everyone can know because we don't want anyone to find out"

A short wrestling match ensued and all of a sudden…

"oomph you're suffocating me get off"

"Not until you promise to up!"

being gay isn't working out as badly as i refused to hope. "all right all right"

"Oh my God! HARRY!"

"You're gay?!"

"yes i didn't want anyone to know i guess you found out damien and i are lovers"

Where'd that hot blonde girl go?

"Your sister is a Vampire Slayer?"

"The Vampire Slayer, you idiot."

"Buffy…please…yes, Draco, my sister is the Vampire Slayer."

"Goddammit!"

The Laws of Space and Time snuck in with Incident and Explanation behind him.

"Draco, tell me the truth, are you a Vampire?"

"Yes!" Shouted Explanation, "He became one over the summer when he went out with a hmmphwenfna :gurgle:" and with that, Draco drowned Explanation.

"I have to kill him."

"What?!"

"I have to kill him."

"Why?"

"He's a Vampire."

"That's stupid! He's MY vampire!"

"Look, he's a vampire, and I have to kill vampires. So give me my vampire!"

Draco calmly snuck out as Buffy pulled Hermione's hair, wondering when she had become a brunette.

"He's gay!"

"What?"

"Yep, Harry Potter the boy who lived is about as straight as the Mississippi!"

"Where's the Mississippi?"

"What is the Mississippi?"

"A river in America."

"You're not American!"

"Never mind, he's GAY as a RAINBOW!"

"What?!" shrieked Ginny Weasley in agony, "He's GAY?! Now he'll never love me!"

There was a splash, it was the sound of Ginny Weasley drowning her sorrows in a bowl of soggy wheat-a-bix.

"Dammit, you let my Vampire escape!"

"He's the love of my Life!"

"Look, girls, I would never have written a cross-over if I knew you two were going to fight!" the Author barked.

"Well, we're sisters, what do you expect?"

"Do those boys still think my name is Jenny?"

"Yes, and you have a good point. Okay, from here on out, Buffy: you're actually a lesbian and you're trying to seduce Hermione. Sound good?"

"EUW!"

"Do it!"

"Ulk."

A/N: I'm sorry guys, I really really am. I know it's horrible, but I read a fiction where this happened. I hadn't actually planned on this—because I hadn't planned, Incident and Explanation pissed me off so I ignored their pleas. Let me know if the femme slash ends up going a bit too far.

For all you anti-Homosexuals out there who emailed me—well, two—bad news, guys. The terror alert has been raised to Rainbow: there are Gays everywhere.

Can't you just all learn to be tolerant?

And for the record, I have a boyfriend. Don't make accusations, or I'll sic Sirius on you.