Disclaimer: I guess I have to remind you that I do not own Shaman king Sorry. And you Faust fans, I know I'm not alone, and I do not hate Eliza. please do not flame, I haven't flamed any of you guys Enjoy. Oh…and there's some…stuff in this one towards the end that if you do not enjoy, please do not read- it does not get bad however. I have limits to what I will and will ont write.
--CHAPTER THREE—
It had been weeks since she had finally decided she had feelings for him. Akio had told him about it and had explained slightly deeper her emotions for Faust- and he had said a few things to her that had made her think a lot. He had convinced her to go to counseling with her husband Blaze Osias.
Sachi had died, many of her friends had started dying and akio new in her heart that she would never be allowed to join them- at over eighty years her life had no intention of slowing down at all. In a confused, and as she explained to Shii- desperate- attempt she had gone to Sachi and requested that her over soul kill her, and he did.
"What do I do…" She whispered, her hand pinned to the floor with a shiny scalpel. "What do I do Sachi."
"Ask the devil, that's what I did.." Her eerie voice, that of her nirvana said. It gestured to the devil that sat in the room and with a small, scared look Akio went to speak to him.
He sucked her soul out and got rid of the body in a matter of seconds, sending it far away.
Sachi made a few screaming noises and Akio looked at her, confused. "What does that mean, Sachi?"
"It means you're a nirvana like me."
Akio smiled, though she felt like it was a mistake at the moment, her smile slipped and she looked at sachi. "Now no one is going to go.."
She, Sachi, Blaze, Seto and Irian had planned to go to dinner but they had decided against it because they weren't sure how everyone would react. Now, with Sachi and Akio dead, no one was going to go with the other family, unless Shii decided to go.
Sachi brought Akio back to life and they stood in her kitchen for awhile- pretending none of that had happened before Akio went back, surged with a slightly uncontrollable energy.
After bounding into the lab she saw her cat and picked her up, stroking her quickly. "Hey Shii," she smiled at the cat.
The door opened and she saw Faust. "Oh, Hello Akio.."
She smiled, glad to see him. "Hey,"
"I brought our guest-"
Akio looked around, confused and feeling her energy peak. "Who, where, I can't see them."
Faust opened the door a little more to show Eliza. "This is my wife Eliza."
"Oh, hey," She smiled wide at Eliza, very glad to meet her. "How are you my name is akio and I live in this lab too and I have a cat and…" she rambled on for a moment in confusion- not sure how to get over her hyper spell.
"Maybe you should sit down…" Faust advised, nodding to Eliza and moving her over to a chair- Akio made another long string of comments on where Eliza was going and why and then looked at Faust. "Calm down…"
Eliza came back and Faust told Akio to keep still as she injected Akio with something. "What was that?"
"Morphine."
"Oh," She nodded furiously and looked at her arm, at the place where the morphine had gone in.
"You'll calm down a little sooner…" He looked at her and she looked around wildly, very close to feeling as though she was going to explode. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"
She looked at him. "No, I don't think so.."
"Maybe you should go running or something like that…or I could give you more morphine."
Akio thought which would be better then decided she would go running and stood up- darting outside to run.
Shii walked over to the door and thought about going out before giving up. Faust petted her head. "No one can keep up with her, it's ok." He picked the cat up and went to sit down, stroking her. The cat nuzzled his hand and he sighed. "Could you tell me about your master?"
The cat meowed, looking up at him.
"I'm afraid I'm just as lost as you, Shii…" he scratched under her jaw and Shii purred. "You're very easy to please."
For the first time, Shii spoke. "Nope." Shii had never spoken to anyone before and hadn't the intention of speaking.
Faust continued to pet her and looked at the door- Shii looked at him and then followed his gaze to the door. "Do you want your master to return?"
"She will, eventually- why?"
"You were looking at the door."
"So were you," Shii pointed out. "She'll come back- I'm not worried."
"Good…So…Are you sure you can't tell me anything?"
Being caught slightly off guard Shii paused, thinking. "What do you mean?"
"...Never mind..."
Shii didn't understand what he meant by all of that and gave up trying to pry it out of him until later that night when they went shopping for some chocolate.
"BOO!" Akio screamed playfully, grabbing Faust's shoulder. Shii jumped up in the air and hissed.
"What are you doing?"
Akio looked at Faust. "You're not easily scared, are you?"
"No…I'm not…" he stood up as Akio picked up Shii and hugged her, glad to be back with the group. "Well, it was nice seeing you again."
"Yeah…" Akio said, really confused and hurt that he was leaving after only a moment. She stroked Shii and Shii looked up at the sky.
"Goodbye." Faust said as he walked away.
"You're being a wimp Faust…" Shii said as Faust walked away.
She scrambled out of Akio's arms and followed after him, not wanting to be alone with Akio at the moment- sometimes she was scary by herself.
"Where are you going?"
"Somewhere…" He said, walking away with Shii.
Akio sat down on the bench after the two left, her energy was worn out and she leaned on her hands, looking at the ground. "I really don't know what I'm going to do," She told herself. "I'm not sure what to do…I mean…" she sighed sadly- that hurt. She wasn't sure what she was feeling but it was hurting her everytime she didn't say what was on her mind…whatever it was.
She decided, after a moment, to sit up and look at it from a professional position. Though, talking to herself seemed like a weird way to do it. "So…How do I feel?" she thought for a moment: Joy, loss, she felt kinda small, she felt a little alone and missed being with Shii and Faust, she felt tired from running, she was hungry and she felt a little stiff, like her stomach was pounding in her hips. "Uh… I feel…kinda normal…" She decided, closing her eyes and sticking her hands in her pockets.
"Now what…How else do I feel?" She frowned, her eyes still shut "I feel like someone kicked me- that's not fun…" her eyes opened and she looked at the sky. "So I feel like a mixed up mind that's been kicked…What does that mean…?" She sighed and stood up, going down the street and slowly kicking at the road- she'd figure it out someday.
"I guess I get to go shopping now…" she told herself, walking into a small store and looking around at some of the things- a bookstore. She picked up a book and gently stroked the spine, sitting down and opening to a page in the middle. She ran her fingers along the middle binding and smelled the strong smell of ink before smiling softly and reading- this would be a good place for awhile to stay…at least until she figured out how she felt inside.
She read about the characters in the book, she'd guessed it was a historical book of some sorts. Glancing at the fancy writing and elaborate phrases, she wished she could talk like that sometimes…wished that she could be like them, live their lives. Real life wasn't like that, real life never really worked out forever. Sometimes, things would work for a moment- like a bird soaring on the breeze and then it would change like the currents- the bird would still fly, just a different way than it planned.
Spontaneously she stood up and put the book down- done reading for the time being. Akio walked to the counter and picked up a small book on happiness and a sucker and paid for them- putting the sucker in her mouth and opening the book as she walked outside. "Love is the choice to open one's arms to life, enabling one to embrace imperfection. From it flow empathy, compassion, generosity, and acceptance. The opposite of love is fear. Because inner peace or harmony is never perfect, happiness is never achieved, and is always a question of more or less. The inner and outer worlds are mirrors. How one shapes one's inner world through will shapes one's perception of the outer world. Thus an unhappy person is likely to perceive a world of lust, greed, and lies, whereas a happy one is likely to perceive a world of people struggling in the grip of love.." she read aloud to herself as she walked down the streets- looking in the book and trying to figure out what happiness was. Because she had been taught happiness was difference, happiness was giving in to what she 'needed'- she didn't think she knew real emotion at all.
She put her finger in the book and shut it, holding onto her place and taking the sucker out of her mouth. "Maybe I am innocent…It feels like a new life for me, because I'm learning so much. I feel so small…" With a child-like look of sorrow she put the sucker back in her mouth and opened the book again. "Oh well…I'll just hope for that day when I understand everything…" with a bittersweet smile at nothing, she new that would never happened- but went on.
"You're back…" Shii said, looking up from where she was curled up on a chair- sleeping, Akio guessed.
"Yeah… I'm back…"
"HELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Faust called.
"Oh…Hello…You seem happy…"
"I am." He said, smiling.
"Well, that's good…"
"How are you, Akio?" He asked.
She smiled halfheartedly. "I feel pretty good.."
He paused for a moment. "Are you going to see Ms. Williams?"
Ms. Williams was a marriage counselor that Faust wanted Akio and Blaze to go see, though Akio was not sure if she could do it well or not- she had agreed to persuade Blaze to try and see him. "I think I am…Yes…"
"Good." Faust said. "Well, back to the project then…"
He went over to the cadaver and dug into it, taking out a rib and cleaning it off. Akio watched for awhile, overcome by that intense feeling of sadness and being kicked. A feeling she hadn't felt since she had met Ayio for the first time, many, many years ago. "So what are you doing?"
"I'm going to put the soul back in the bone…"
"Just stuff it back in," Was her simple answer, with a small smile.
He smiled back and put the bone in a vial and stuck it by the body. "The first experiment is something like that," He grabbed a book that he was translating and sat down- Akio sat down and watched him translate.
She wasn't sure if he would get nervous, and she didn't want that so she decided to look up at the ceiling. Something she hadn't seen in this house yet.
Faust looked up from where he was writing. "What are you looking at?"
"I've never seen the ceiling since I've been here." Akio said, still looking up.
He smiled at her.
"So I decided I'd look up and see it…" She broke off, not wanting to look at him. When she looked at him she got that sad feeling in her stomach and she wasn't sure she wanted that.
Faust made a noise and she looked, almost out of habit at him. "What's wrong?"
"You're so innocent…"
At that Akio wanted to cry, she felt her heart break at the thought of every reason she wasn't innocent. She laughed softly to keep herself from bursting into tears. She saw him look back at his books and looked at him gently before looking back at the ceiling.
"How can you act that way…"
"What way?"
"After all the pain…"
She looked at him. "I have to…" She thought of how pain was always here, how things were sometimes unavoidable and that she needed to learn how to deal with them as they came.
"Oh…"
"I'll be fine with it."
Akio looked at a needle in the drawer. She had never enjoyed Faust's addiction to the drug, though she was not sure why because it didn't do anything wrong to him. She shut the drawer and continued her search in the lab for the drug- insisting to herself that she wanted to burn it all away.
"What are you looking for, Akio?" Faust asked, looking in the lab.
"Uh," She turned around. "Nothing," She smiled.
"Hn?"
"Where is your morphine?" She cracked, and knew it. "I kinda want to take it away from you."
He paused. "I'm afraid I can't tell you where it is, you don't need it."
Akio sighed inside but smiled. "You don't either…and I'm not going to use it, I'm just going to take it away from you."
"I'm sorry but you can't do that." He looked at her. "It's mine to use how I want to."
She held herself from wanting to throddle his neck and stood there, smiling- then laughing. "It's just bad for you Faust! There are many things I could do that are bad that I don't do."
"I don't mind."
Don't mind what! Akio thought to herself. That I can do bad things or that I do things or that the morphine is bad? "What?"
"I don't mind that it's bad."
"Oh, I know you don't."
"Then you shouldn't try to fix it, because it really wont work."
But I want it to work…I don't want you to be addicted to it…Addiction only brings you chains…"I bet I could, fix it."
"No, I don't think you could."
"Why not!"
"Because it's hidden, and you're not a shaman so you couldn't get it anyway."
Akio looked at him with a slightly sarcastic look. "No fair."
He laughed. "Oh, it's fair."
"Well…I don't think It's fair- you should really give it up!"
"But I like it, you shouldn't take it away from me."
She looked at him sadly and gave up slightly.
"…Why are you sad…?"
"Because it's bad." She repeated softly.
"It's alright."
She sighed again and Faust looked at her, she bit her lip as she had started to do for a few months- to try and keep herself from showing emotions on her mind.
"What is it?" he asked.
"It's just concerning to me."
"That I use the morphine?"
She nodded.
"You shouldn't' worry about it."
"I can't help it, I'm always going to worry about it," She insisted.
"Then I'll try and stop using it…"
"Thank you," she said- relieved. "Thank you, Faust."
"Does that make you feel better?"
"Yes, much better."
"That's good." He said.
She looked at him, trying to hide how she felt. "You know this means a lot to me…You trying to stop…"
She had had problems before that people had tried to get her off, they had hated them and she had always enjoyed them- not really caring how people felt for a long time…not until it hurt them. Then she would try to stop, but only until she saw that. She didn't want to wait until Faust's morphine did that- she wanted him to stop as soon as he could.
He smiled at her. "Well good, because it's going to be hard."
She looked at him and smiled, her sad feelings melting away. "I'll be right here to cheer you on." She had never had a support group to get over her problems, they had forced her, and that had been even harder. If cheering Faust on would help him, she would cheer him on like that's all she was made to do. He laughed and she felt much better.
"Alright."
"Thank you," she softened. "Thank you so much for this Faust."
"You're welcome."
Faust was writing in a notebook, Akio sat down to watch him write- he wrote very fast. "I finished this one," He shut it and handed it to her. She smiled and took it, opening it and reading excitedly- she could read much faster in English than she could in German- though she had started trying to teach herself because she was in Germany at the moment.
She smiled at him, as she always did, because she was happy with him.
"Can you hand me another notebook?"
Akio nodded and got up, getting a blank notebook and handing it before sitting down. He took it and sat down, writing with it as Akio was watching him. She enjoyed watching Faust, doing just about anything. It made her feel good to watch him, because he never objected or said anything rude about it.
He looked up. "What is it?"
She blinked, taken unaware at how long she had been looking at him. "Oh… It's nothing, I'm just…watching you write."
"It's not really that interesting…"
Akio disagreed but smiled. "It gives me something to do."
"If you need something to do, you can go get me some chocolate- it's over there on the counter." He pointed over to a counter and Akio followed his arm to where it was pointing.
She stood up and went to go get it, handing it to him. "There you go."
"Thank you," He took it and Akio's mind went backwards in rapid succession.
"Faust, are you mad?" She sat down and looked at him gently.
He ate some chocolate and looked at his book before he took in what she had said, then he looked up. "What?"
Akio suddenly felt very stupid for asking the question. "I'm trying to figure something out."
"How do I seem angry?"
"I just…I just wanted to know if you use morphine as a catharsis…" she bit her lip. "No, you don't seem angry, I was just wondering."
"Sometimes," He said, going back to his writing.
"Oh…" Akio said quietly, looking at the floor for a second. At least using a catharsis was better than using it for no reason, but she felt bad about bringing it up again.
"Ich verwende es meistens, um meine Gefühle für Sie, Akio zu beschäftigen" He said, before scribbling quickly in the notebook.
Akio thought very hard, trying to pry every piece of German she was learning to put the puzzle of words together- it frustrated her she didn't think hard enough to come up with the answer. She watched him for body language that could help her before it clicked in her head- she blinked.
He scribbled in the notebook and Akio blushed.
"What is it?" He asked, seeing her blush.
"I …understood that." She smiled inside at it but didn't show- she was also pleased she understood what he had said.
"I'm sorry,"
"You really don't have anything to be sorry for." She felt like giggling like a schoolgirl, something she hadn't done in a long time. She hadn't had anyone talk about her for a long time, only lately people close to her had been talking about her, and it was all very bad. Does he really use it for that? She asked herself.
Faust paused. "…alright…"
She smiled softly at him, very happy. "Good…"
Faust got that look that he was embarrassed and went back to writing really fast. Akio's mind thought very hard- she was very happy.
"Hey, I really don't like distracting you from your writing, but, you're really don't a lot for me lately…"
"Oh, it's not a problem."
She smiled. "Can…I give you a quick hug as thanks?"
Faust smiled, still flustered. "Sure."
She got up and hugged him, smiling. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Akio."
He looked at her before he went back to writing the books. Akio went back to watching him, her interest diverted from that of just having something to do. He tried to write in the book and not get distracted and Akio tried really hard to not distract him.
He grabbed some chocolate and she locked her eyes on him, just watching him do everything. She looked at the bag of chocolate. "Hn, What is it?" he asked.
She smiled. "I'm just looking at things." After a moment she continued. "Is that a problem?"
"No,"
"That's good." She smiled, feeling slightly stupid.
"You're very confusing Akio."
"So are you…"
"Oh, I didn't think I was."
"To me you are."
He looked at her. "How's that?"
She smiled weakly. "Oh…you just are…"
After another moment of silence she quieted. "You are very lucky, you know?"
"How is that?" He asked.
She made a sad noise in her throat. "Mindestens Sie haben eine Weise, Ihre Gefühle zu beschäftigen..." She had no way of dealing with her feelings for him, if she did- she'd have a whole swarm of people after her for it- she didn't want to mess up them, she didn't want to mess up Faust or his life either.
"You don't?"
"No, I don't have a way."
"We'll find you a way then,"
She laughed softly, thinking that she might not ever get a way to show her feelings. "Really?"
"Yeah- what do you feel like doing."
Akio's stomach dropped. "Bad things."
"Bad things like what?"
"Bad things that to me feel very good."
"Are you going to tell me?" He asked.
"Do you remember when I kissed you?"
"Yes,"
"That kind of thing, which is bad."
"ich realy kümmerte mich nicht, Akio." He said, going back to writing in the notebook.
"R-really?" she asked.
He smiled and she smiled back before he grabbed some chocolate.
"Sie würden nicht sich kümmern, um wenn ich es wiederholte?" She felt really nervous about asking him, she wasn't sure what he'd say or do.
"I wouldn't mind."
Her heart beat quickly and she smiled. "O-ok." She got up and went to go sit by him.
"I haven't even finished one page,"
"I know…"
"You're very distracting."
"So are you," She said softly, looking at him.
"I am?"
"You are."
"But you're not the one who has to translate all of these books." He went back to writing quickly and Akio sat there, thinking very hard and working up enough of her courage to either kill all the bishouji bubbles or to just get up and go away. She decided she'd just kill the little bubbles- she could deal with them for a little bit.
She hesitated. "D-da Sie sich nicht kümmern.." She touched his face and turned it to look at her before she leaned forward and kissed him quickly.
He paused. "... gaben Sie mir eine Wahrscheinlichkeit nicht, Sie zurück zu küssen."
Akio's was very, very happy that she had done that to him. She was slightly annoyed at the fact that she had done it though, because she knew that she shouldn't have.
"Ich kümmere mich nicht." She said, smiling.
"You don't?" he asked.
"No, I don't." She looked at him softly, hoping that he would kiss her back.
"... kann ich küsse Sie?" he asked.
She nodded to him and he grabbed her shoulders, kissing her. She made a noise, fighting herself from doing it back to him. He pulled away. "I'm sorry…"
"I don't mind, I liked it." She said quietly.
"You…do?"
She nodded. "Yes."
He gave her a flustered smile and she blushed slightly-she never really blushed but couldn't help it. He went back to writing in his book- he wrote very fast.
"Thank you…for letting me show my feelings…"
"It's not a problem."
Slightly stunned by the fact that he didn't mind Akio faultered. "Ok…" she had never had people really tell her that it wasn't a problem.
"Would you … excuse me for a moment?" He looked at her.
"Yes,"
He stood up and left the room, Akio wasn't sure where he was going. He came back after a moment and sat down in his chair- gone for barely a minute. He sighed.
"Are you ok?"
"Yes, I am now."
"What did you do…?"
"Nothing."
Akio thought very hard. "Faust, did you do what I thought you did…?"
He grabbed a pen and went back to writing. "It really depends on what you thought I did."
"Did you use morphine?" she hid the disappointment in her voice.
Faust didn't answer and went back to writing in the notebook.
"Faust…." Akio tried again. He was silent and wrote quickly, translating from German to English. "You really need a better outlet…"
"But this one is working,"
"You know I am always here to help you?" she said quietly.
"Thank you..."
"I'll be fine." He said slowly.
If you insist, I wont try to discourage it again." She said, feeling as though she was giving up on the whole morphine problem entirely.
"To discourage the morphine?"
"Yes."
"You know, you really drive me crazy Akio."
"I'm sorry I do that to you…"
"It's fine," He admitted. "I'll deal with it."
She looked at him. "You know I'll help you if I can."
"I don't know if you can."
Akio- who was used to being able to help everyone, persisted. "I can."
"How?"
"How do you want me to help you."
"I'm not sure…" Faust though.
"I'll help you in any way I can."
He went silent for a moment. "Die einzigen Weisen, die Sie mir helfen konnten, sind völlig unapropriate."
"Oh…I'll help you- let me help you Faust."
"Nein," He said, visibly flustered.
Akio looked at him intently. "Please,"
"Don't do that."
She dropped her eyes to the floor and didn't look at him.
"I just don't want you to get hurt." He said.
"You wont hurt me!"
"I will." He looked at the book in his lap. "I have no peace anymore."
"I'm so sorry…" He looked at him, strangled, before hugging him. "I don't want to cause you pain…"
"Thank you, Akio…" he smiled at her. "Just…figure things out with Blaze, I know this is probably just because you are mad at him."
Akio bit her lip, he was wrong, but she never felt like telling that to him- she didn't want to cause him any pain. "I'll try…" She sighed.
"Just keep trying, things will work out."
She sighed. "Yeah…"
"You don't think so?"
"Sometimes, I don't." She said softly.
"You just need to have hope that it will."
Akio went silent, thinking to herself about hope and what hope was- she was sure she had read about hope in her little happiness book.
"What is it?" Faust asked when she had stopped talking.
"'Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings...'" she quoted softly. "…Hope…"
Faust looked at her in a pained way- a way Akio knew she should probably not ask about. "You need Blaze, to have hope…everything will be fine for you two."
"What about you?"
"I am fine."
"Ich verursache Ihnen die Schmerz.." She said sadly.
"You do not cause me pain."
"Good, because… I'm not trying."
"You don't have to try."
She was not sure whether that was a good thing- that she didn't need to try to cause him pain, or a bad thing and nodded gently. "You know…even if you don't care about yourself…I'm still going to care about you…"
"What?"
"Is that…ok…?"
"Bitte nicht."
"Why not?"
"Just don't."
"Then I'm not going to ask you," She looked at him. "I'm just going to do it."
"Please…no…"
"Everyone needs to be taken care of, Faust, everyone."
He didn't look at her. "I don't."
"I wasn't asking you if you did or not, I'm just telling you what I thought."
"Well I'm glad you spoke up."
She let him work for awhile more before looking down at the paper and laughing softly. "I really haven't allowed you to get much work done, have I?"
"No, but it's fine."
Akio stood up. "I'd really better let you get back to working, shouldn't I…"
He looked at her, strangled again. "Yes…"
She paused, noticing the look on his face. "I'll stay if you want."
"Nein."
Akio went upstairs after making sure that he would be ok and shut the door.
Faust took out his morphine and gave himself some and then paced around. After a moment he looked up at the ceiling. "It's really not that interesting…"
Akio came down the stairs. "It's too quiet down there."
"It's not quiet down here."
Akio listened to the outside for a moment before looking around the lab. "No, it's not- so what are you doing?"
"I'm working for the translation on the book—for putting the soul back in the bone."
"Oh yeah," Akio looked at the vial that was by the body- Faust looked too. After a moment Akio started to laugh.
Faust looked over at her. "What is it?"
"I'm not sure, I just felt good for a second." She felt the sensation leave her slightly.
"Why don't you feel good all the time?"
"I'm not really sure…"
"If I can help you, I'll try."
She smiled slightly. "You already have."
"Oh, how so?"
"You were very nice to me awhile ago."
He laughed softly. "I'm sorry I'm not nice all the time, it's kind of hard."
"It's alright." She looked at him and zoned out slightly.
He looked at her. "What is it?"
She looked down quickly. "N-nothing."
"Can you tell me?"
"I don't know if I can, I don't even understand."
He paused. "Oh…"
"I'm sorry…" She went silent, as did Faust. The two stood in silence for a long time, neither of them thinking, neither of them saying a word.
"I'm going shopping." Faust said, walking to the door.
"Fein."
"Are you mad at me?"
She looked at him softly. "I've never been mad at you." She paused. "Ever."
"I'll be back later."
"Have fun."
"I will." He opened the door. "Goodbye Akio."
"Bye.."
"Bitte seien Sie nicht an mir wütend."
"I'm not," Akio said.
Faust sighed, "It doesn't seem that way."
She looked at him gently again. "Well I'm not…"
He smiled uncomfortably and Akio made a small, strangled noise. "What is it?" Faust asked.
"Y-you'd just…better go shopping." She blushed and looked at the floor.
"Please Akio, tell me?"
"I'm just having feelings for you- go."
"You shouldn't have feelings for me."
Deep down, Akio knew that as well. "I know I shouldn't, I just can't help it."
"I'm sorry Akio." He walked out the door. "Goodbye."
Akio watched the door shut and after a moment she whispered. "Bye.."