Later, Jim went to the airport to pick Naomi up. He dreaded seeing Naomi under these circumstances. But he knew he owed it to Blair to bring Naomi to him. Jim was early to the airport and waited at the gate for her to come off the plane. Jim spotted her immediately. She hugged Jim and held him close. Jim could detect some of the same smells from Naomi that he smelled on Blair.
"I'm glad you could come, Jim. Thank you."
"Let's get your bags and I'll take you by the hospital to see Blair."
"Is there any change in him?"
"No. He's the same. But I told him you were coming."
Jim carried Naomi's bags to his truck and put them in the back end. He put the tarp over the bed of the truck. He helped Naomi into the truck and drove towards the hospital. They rode up the elevator to Intensive Care. Jim let Naomi go inside the room by herself. He stood outside the room, consciously not listening in.
Naomi walked over to the bed and looked down at her son.
"Oh, Baby! I'm so sorry about all of this. Jim explained to me what happened. It wasn't his fault and it wasn't your fault. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I love you, Blair."
Naomi leaned over and gave Blair a kiss on the cheek. She was careful to avoid the respirator. Tomorrow, she would have a talk with the doctor. She knew that Blair didn't want to be kept alive by artificial means. But she didn't want to let Blair go, either. After all, he was her only son. After about a half an hour, Naomi came out and rejoined Jim.
"He looks so quiet and unnatural."
"Yeah, I wish he'd wake up and let us know he'd be okay." Jim was looking through the window into Blair's room.
"Can you take me by a hotel? I need somewhere to stay for the time I'll be here."
"You can stay at the loft, Naomi. Blair would want it that way. And I want it that way."
"I don't want to inconvenience you, Jim."
"It's no inconvenience, Naomi. And I insist. You're family."
"Thank you, Jim. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."
Jim drove them both home to the loft after he said goodnight to Blair. He carried Naomi's suitcases into Blair's room. They both went to bed early, both of them tired.
Jim went with Naomi the next morning when she returned to the hospital to talk to Blair's doctor. She asked him when Blair would be taken off the respirator.
"You have to understand, Ms. Sandburg. Your son is in very critical condition. Even if he came to right now, I'm not sure that he would be 100. With the skull fracture, it brings along with it the possibility of brain damage. We'd prefer to leave things the way they are at this time."
"Do you know about his wish not to be kept alive by artificial means?"
"Yes, Ms. Sandburg. I noticed that on his chart. But we want to give him a chance to make a recovery."
"I want his wishes taken into account. I'll take the responsibility."
"We'll do it tomorrow, Ms. Sandburg."
"Thank you, doctor."
Both Jim and Naomi walked into the room where Blair lay. Jim wanted to go against Blair's wishes and hold onto him until he could get better. But then he thought that Blair wouldn't want to hold on if he was less than he was before or if he was in a lot of pain. He knew that he couldn't go against Blair's wishes. Jim sat on one side of the bed and Naomi sat on the other side. This would be the final day they would have with Blair. Unexpectantly, Jim let his tears fall. He didn't even try to hide them from Naomi. He didn't care who saw him. When it was getting late, Naomi got up from her side of the bed and walked over to Jim.
"I'll let you say your goodbyes, Jim."
Jim only nodded and watched as Naomi left him alone in the room. He turned his attention back to Blair.
"I know this is what you want, Blair. It's just so hard to let go. I never told you this, Blair. I love you. You're like the younger brother I always wanted to have. Steven and I were never as close as you and I have become over the years we've been together. Who would have ever thought you and I would become so close? Certainly not me. Especially after my initial reaction to you. I was just amazed that you kept coming back for more. Nothing scared you away. And when you proposed to becoming a consultant with the Major Crime department, everyone jumped at the chance to keep you. Everyone, Blair, accepted you. I want you to know that. I know you can hear me. I believe in the thought that comatose patients are influenced by outside stimuli. I just wish that we had more time together. I'll make sure your Sentinel project is protected. I'm sorry, Blair."
Jim let his tears fall again and let his head drop to the bed. He kept his hand entwined in Blair's. He stayed that way for several minutes. Then he got up, looked down on Blair, and turned and walked away from the room. He went out to where Naomi was waiting for him. Naomi patted Jim on the arm and then walked into the room. She didn't really want to this either. She sat down in the chair that Jim had recently vacated. She took Blair's hand within hers.
"Hey, Baby. You know, I always thought that someday you would become a famous anthropologist. And that I would be able to introduce you as Dr. Blair Sandburg, my son. I know that if it had been possible, it would have happened. But I also know why you didn't want to push it. You and Jim are as close as brothers. I understand that now. I didn't get that before. I'm sorry I didn't. I wouldn't have interfered had I known what good friends you and Jim had become and what exactly Jim was to you. I know you said you forgave me, but I'm still sorry." Naomi paused a minute, wiping away a few tears that had made their way down her cheeks with her free hand. "I thought you followed Jim around because you liked the thrill of pretending to be a cop. I know when you leave this earth that you'll be in a better place. But I suspect it won't be too far away. I have a feeling that you'll be Jim Ellison's guardian angel. You'll watch over him. Just as you always have. No one ever expected it. Not even you, Blair. You have this innate ability to see the good in everyone. I always marveled when you were growing up how you would just walk up to strangers and talk to them like they were long lost friends. And you would take up their cause just because they were now your friends and you'd never back down on a friend. I raised a caring, compassionate young man. I'm proud of you, Blair. And know that I'll always love you."
Naomi got up and gave Blair a kiss on the cheek. She then raised her hand and caressed his cheek. She turned and walked from the room, wiping away more tears. She walked over to where Jim was standing, took his hand within hers and led them out of the hospital. Jim drove them home to the loft. There was silence between them. No words were necessary.
The next morning, Jim went into the station while Naomi went to the hospital. He had told Naomi to call him when it was over. Jim thought it was something that should only be between mother and son. And he had already said his goodbyes to Blair. It would be worse to hear Blair's last gasp and the last heartbeat. It would stay with him forever. And that was not the last image of Blair Sandburg Jim wanted to remember. He might even zone on it and he didn't want to take that chance, although going with Blair held a certain fascination. Naomi understood why Jim didn't want to go.
The call came two hours later. Naomi was crying into the phone. Jim told her he would be there as soon as possible. Jim went into Simon's office, and his tears started to fall. He told Simon that it was over and that had had to go to the hospital to be with Naomi. Simon insisted on driving Jim to the hospital and Jim agreed. Simon called Rhonda into his office and explained what had happened. He asked her to make the announcement to the others in the bullpen and that he would be back later. Rhonda took Jim into her arms and told him how sorry she was. Jim thanked her and brushed back some of her tears.
Simon drove Jim to the hospital. It still amazed him that Blair Sandburg could be dead. And not because of anything connected to the Cascade Police Department. Maybe Blair was just destined to die young. They found Naomi still in the room with Blair. Jim walked in and instinctively searched for the familiar heartbeat. Blair's heartbeat had always been just like he was – bouncy and carefree. But it was quiet in the room. Simon, who had followed Jim into the room, walked over to Naomi and took her into his arms to comfort her.
"I'm sorry about this, Ms. Sandburg. Blair was one of my best detectives. He cared about the victims of the crimes as well as solving the crimes. And he was always able to keep Jim in line. They had a special relationship."
"I realize that now, Captain Banks. Blair always liked Jim and defended him whenever I would try to blame any of his problems on Jim. I couldn't understand why my baby would want to hang around policemen. End up living with one. And then becoming one!"
Jim walked over to the bed and looked down at the still form lying there. He knew deep down in his heart, that what made Blair Blair was no longer there. He had passed on to another dimension. Jim threatened to zone on the body. Until he turned away and walked out. Simon and Naomi followed shortly afterward. Naomi walked over to Jim and got him to sit down beside her on the bench that was there.
"I don't know how much about Blair in regards to his final wishes you knew about?"
"We didn't discuss it a lot. I knew that he had a will."
"He wanted to be cremated. He believed, like I do, that once your body is dead, all that is left is a shell. The essence of a person has left when it dies. I was thinking we could have a memorial service for him."
"I think that Bla…" Jim dissolved into tears again. He rested his head on Naomi's shoulder.
"Sh-h-h-, Jim. It's okay. Blair is in a much better place. He has no more hurt and no more pain."
They stayed that way for several minutes until Jim straightened up, sniffled and wiped away the tears from his eyes. He got out his handkerchief and blew his nose.
"I'll make all the arrangements, Jim. I don't want you to worry about any of it."
"Thank you, Naomi. For being here. And for having Blair. He was special – my best friend."
They left the hospital a short time later. Jim and Naomi went back to the loft. Simon told Jim to take as much time off as he needed. As soon as Jim walked into the loft, he was assaulted by Blair's unique smells. He walked directly to the small bedroom under the stairs. The doors were closed. Jim opened the door and looked around the room. He had always complained to Blair about leaving a mess and being unorganized. But, surprisingly, the room was neat. And Jim suspected Naomi hadn't cleaned it up. It wasn't perfect, but it was neat. Jim's eyes were drawn to the bedside table where Blair kept his alarm clock, a lamp to read by and the latest book he was reading. Also on the table was a picture frame. Jim focused on the picture in the frame. It was Jim and Blair, shortly after Blair had graduated from the police academy. His hair was still short and Jim was ruffling it, making it even more unruly than it was normally. Jim smiled. He remembered after Blair had gotten his hair cut, he complained constantly that he could never do anything with it. Luckily, Simon allowed Blair to grown his hair back out. It was almost as long as it had been when Jim met Blair. Jim closed the door and turned back towards Naomi. She was in the kitchen, making sandwiches. Jim walked over to her.
"Naomi? I was wondering…?"
She looked up from the sandwiches. "Yes, Jim?" Practically the same gaze Blair would often fix Jim with.
"Do you think it would be possible for me to get a lock or two of Blair's hair? I know that it sounds weird, but…"
"No, Jim. It doesn't sound weird. I totally understand. I'll ask."
"Thank you, Naomi."
"Let's eat, Jim. I can't let you neglect yourself."
Jim obeyed the voice. Just like he had always obeyed Blair. Both had the same quality. Gentle authority.
The memorial was held three days later in Cascade Park, near the fountain. No one missed out on the significance of the fountain. But it was a peaceful place and a perfect day. There were friends of Blair's from his many varied interests. There was a short opening by a religion professor from Rainier. He remembered Blair as a sixteen-year-old kid who absorbed everything that was presented to him. Then it was opened up to anyone who wanted to say something about Blair. Jim waited until several others had done it before he got up enough courage to say anything.
"When I met Blair Sandburg, he was twenty-six years old. He intruded my quiet, peaceful world with his jungle music, bright colors and loud voice. Just the opposite of me." Jim paused and let a chuckle escape as his eyes started tearing up. "But, he wormed his way into my life, into my house and into my heart. He became my best friend, my partner and my brother. He saved my life. Looking back on it now, I wish I had known him sooner. He would have made my life more bearable. He started out as an observer, a civilian ride-along with the department. At the time, he was going for his doctorate in Anthropology. He was looking for what he called a "sentinel". Someone who had all five senses heightened. He found what he was looking for in me. Until now, the knowledge of his dissertation subject has been kept confidential. But, I want the world to acknowledge that Blair Sandburg was brilliant and a genius. He taught me how to deal with my gifts and stayed by my side to help me when needed. Through this, we became friends. I was rather dubious at first, but of course Blair won out. He always knew best. He knew what to do."
The memorial service lasted well into the night. Jim stayed through it all. He looked over at the pictures Naomi had blown up to show her son at various points in his young life. Jim especially liked the one that showed Blair dressed in grown up clothes as they hung off his small frame. Blair had to be about five years old at the time. And he had a Fedora hat on his head, pushed back so that his face showed through. There was the patented Blair Sandburg mischievousness showing through in the eyes. He would ask Naomi for copies of the pictures. There was no worry that Jim wouldn't remember Blair, but he wanted to be privy to this also. Both Jim and Naomi were tired when Jim got them back to the loft. Jim went upstairs and got ready for bed. He lay down and thought he would go right off to sleep. But he was wrong. He lay in the bed. He thought about Blair. And the fact that it was all over now. He whispered to the darkness.
"If it's true about all that you used to talk about, Blair, then I know that somewhere you are looking down on me. My guardian angel. I guess that makes up for the fact that I was always your Blessed Protector. If I can talk to you like this, I think I'll do just fine. And before you start to worry, I won't give up my Sentinel abilities. You taught me that I can't just turn them on and off at will. I would never go against my Guide. But, I'll never be able to do all the things I was capable of doing while you were by my side. We were quite the pair. I know, I know. A pair of what? You would have loved the memorial service. I was able to be totally honest without you by my side to push me into it." Jim sat up in his bed, pulling his legs up under him, the way Blair used to sit around the loft. Jim smiled a sad smile full of loss. "Maybe there was divine intervention. I've decided I want to celebrate your life, Blair. You never got the recognition deserved of you for discovering a full-blown honest to goodness Sentinel. I was happy that you were able to receive your doctorate. And the party we had afterwards… Let's just say that I've never had so much fun in my life. You brought fun into my life, Blair. You gave all that to me, Blair. When I didn't even deserve it. I'm going to make sure that the world knows who Blair Sandburg was – both the anthropologist and the policeman. I'm going to talk to Rainier and see about establishing a scholarship in your name. Maybe I'll ask my father and brother if they want to help contribute to it. They were at the memorial service, Blair. In fact, there were people at the memorial service that I've never seen before. From all over the country. You've touched many lives, Blair. But, you chose to spend the most time with me. I thought at first it was because of the sentinel thing. But then you told me it was about friendship and I understood."
Jim stretched out in his bed again and fell off to sleep a short time later.
He slept late the next morning. He woke up to the smell of fresh coffee brewing. He was momentarily confused. Then everything came crashing back to him. He got out of bed and pulled on his robe. He walked down the stairs to the kitchen area. Naomi was in the living room, looking out the balcony windows.
"Blair loved that view. I think that's why he never wanted to leave the loft."
"It is a magnificent view. I was thinking, Jim. Blair loved Cascade. I think I want to leave his ashes here. We can even get a burial plot. I think he'd want that."
"It's fine with me, Naomi. Whatever you want to do."
Naomi had set it all up. There was a small, private ceremony held. It was Naomi, Jim, Simon, Joel, Henri, Brian and Megan. Plus the rabbi Naomi had found to perform the service. It was over now. Jim still stood there, knowing that now he would have a place to come to and talk to Blair. Although Jim suspected he could talk to Blair almost anywhere. But this would give him privacy and it was a beautiful view. Naomi understood Jim wanted to be alone.
"This is the final act, Blair. I know that you're in a better place. And you're safe. But it doesn't make it hurt any less. The ones responsible for the bombing were caught. They're trial will be coming up and they will be charged with four other murders besides yours. There is no way they'll get off. I'm sorry, Blair. I know I've apologized for that day since it happened. And I'll continue to apologize for it. It was unforgivable for a Blessed Protector to do. And for a Sentinel to do such a thing to a Guide. I'll never forget you. You don't forget how to breathe or how to walk. And you were as common as those things and so ingrained into my mind and consciousness. I'm sure over the next several weeks, months, years, I'll be back her a lot. Or if I'm in the loft and you hear me talking, listen in. No doubt, I'm talking to you. I'm not going off the deep end. It was just always easier running things past you. Except for the really big things. Eventually though, we talked those out too. So I'll be talking to you, Blair. Thank you for my life."
THE END