Chapter Nine

In Which We Finally Return to Some Semblance of Normalcy

Hermione woke up with a :pop: of her long, curvy eyelashes. What kind of a dream was that? She didn't have a sister, and even if she did, she would never dye her hair auburn. Gross!

She yawned and flopped out of bed in a white Victoria Secret lingerie piece and shook her blonde, smooth, sleek head. It was the second day of school…aaaah…school… how did she love it? So much. So very much, in fact, that she decided to take a shower in honour of the occasion.

Here it should be noted that Hermione: Blonde Bimbo Extraordinaire, was still very much unnerved by her dream, and that Incident and Explanation (neither of whom were dead) had not yet had the opportunity to explain to her the ramblings of her dream, and its Freudian causes. So it should come as no surprise that, despite the steam pouring out from under the door, and the fragrance of soap, hair gel, and cologne seeping into the air, and the bass singing coming from inside the large, tiled bathroom, Hermione somehow "accidentally" came to walk in on Draco Malfoy in the shower while simultaneously applying hair gel and singing to the whingey lyrics of Good Charlotte who he had somehow acquired knowledge of through osmosis.

"AAAH!" Screamed Draco in Soprano five-year-old-girl Voce, "AAAH! I'm nekked!"

Hermione simply batted her long, mascara-ed lashes. "Oh Drakey-poo!" She cooed breathlessly, "I had no idea you were so…gifted."

"Get out!"

Hermione pouted. "Fine." And she left the bathroom. All of a sudden, she was overcome with embarrassment! Although she had just been ogling Malfoy's Fruit-of-the-Looms, she was suddenly blushing! But she liked it! Teenage angst and confusion ensued—did she find Draco's manliness attractive!

Only one way to find out…

"oh damien…" Harry moaned in anguish, "why wont you wear the purple leather pants and the rainbow belt? are you ashamed of me?"

"What? Oh…no…Harry…of course not…"

"because if you are its not that surprising. nobody likes me."

"Umh…yes they do…I-I like you…"

Harry frowned—he could not have his lover liking him! Where would be the poetry in that? His lover was threatening to take a very vital part of his angst from him!

"then why wont you wear the purple leather pants and the rainbow belt?"

"Because, then I would look like an idiot. Can we go, please? We're going to miss breakfast!...Oh no, don't cry!"

"im not crying my brain is leaking and making my eyeliner run."

Harry was very proud of his new eyeliner. It was not at all waterproof, so it ran at 10 humidity. His life was so woeful!

"Har—Honey? Can we please go to breakfast? I don't want people to think I am anorexic!" Damien huffed effeminately, flipping his cropped hair and drooping his right hand.

"yeah okay fine. no one likes me anyway it doesnt matter what my lover wears." Anorexia…Harry mused…yes! That would make him different!

"Oh Ron…"

"Oh Lavender…"

"Whatever brought us together?"

"The author feels a need to pair everyone up, and since Hermione, Malfoy, and Harry are all taken, and there are obviously no other girls in the school who are pretty and not in some way tied to Harry, here we are."

"Ohhhh….you put it so romantically!"

"Thank you, m'dear, now if you'll give it two tics, I've got a plan."

One…Two…

"Oh Ron! Yes, baby! Just like that! That's how I like it! Oh God that's so hot!"

"Told you I make the best damn tea in the country!"

Ginny burst into tears, "When will Harry ever make me tea!"

A/N:

This tactic is known as the "Cop Out": the author gets so bored with story line, or has no idea where it's going, and so they make it into a "dream" sequence without warning. Fun, innit? And slightly confusing.

At least now we can get on with the story.