Notes: Argh, I'm not terribly pleased with this part, but I figured I'd go ahead and get it out there because I've already got a good bit of the next part written. That part should be out in the next day or two.

Road to Nowhere

Part 18

Thomas, Rick, and TC took turns staying with Jack and keeping Sam entertained. Sam spent three days basically being a tourist in Hawaii. The day after Jack disappeared into his nightmares, TC took her on a helicopter tour of islands, he even gave a little instruction on how to fly a helicopter. The next day, Rick took her to the King Kamehameha club where she lounged on the beach most of the day. The day after that Thomas took her on a tour of Honolulu, She was amused that she seemed to frighten him a little when he allowed her control of the Ferrari. She had no contact with Jack and no information of his condition other than being continually assured her that Jack was going to be okay. Sam's fear for him gradually turned to anger and by the fourth day she felt like strangling him for his stubborn nature and how easily he just seemed shut her out.

Jack's entire body was sore. It felt like he'd just gone ten rounds with Teal'c. Without padding. He knew he had took look like crap, because quite frankly he felt like crap. The visions, hallucinations, nightmares, or whatever had finally subsided enough that Doctor Cornwell thought he was no longer a danger to himself and others. So he was being allowed out back into the land of the living. He was still kinda groggy from the sedatives he'd received for the past couple of days and weak from inactivity. Higgins and the doctor helped him dress and led him out to the patio where lunch was set out. It felt good to be out in the sun, but his eyes seemed to be rather light sensitive. Thankfully Higgins had his sunglasses ready for him.

Mrs. Yashida and Miss Nanahara were already seated when he arrived. The two women had turned out to be his guardian angels through this whole episode and an unlikelier pair he couldn't imagine. Mrs. Yashida sat very primly in a subdued kimono and her steely grey hair pulled back tightly in a bun at her neck. Miss Nanahara was more relaxed leaning back in her chair dressed in a chic boldly colored suit, her shiny black hair pinned up in a French twist. Both women with Magnum and his friends as guards had sat with him during the whole ordeal. They acted as his nurses caring for him and during his few lucid moments talked to him, mainly about ceramics. Jack had some interest in ceramics and found by questioning them on Mr. Yashida's processes that he was able to keep the darkness at bay for a little while at a time. He took a seat across from them and they greeted him warmly, pleased to see him up and about.

He was disappointed that Sam wasn't there to greet him as well and it must have shown on his face. "Samantha and Magnum will join us when they're through with their tennis match," Higgins said drawing his attention to the court a short distance away.

"Oh." Sam had here back to him and it looked like she was giving Thomas a run for his money. She was whacking the ball with a particular ferocity that caused him to run all over the court chasing the ball. After she finally hit him squarely in the chest with the ball, he threw up is hands in surrender.

"I'm sorry, Thomas," Sam apologized. "I didn't mean to do that."

"Not to me maybe," he grumbled rubbing the sore spot on his chest..

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'll live," Thomas caught sight of Jack sitting on the patio and turned back to his tennis partner. "Hey, Sam, go easy on him. I know you're mad that he shut you out, but he's been through a lot."

She followed his gaze across the lawn. Jack was sitting at the table. Her heart gave a little leap to see him out, but it was quickly squashed down by the anger and hurt. "I wouldn't know," she replied coldly.

"Sam, please. He's going to need you."

"Apparently he doesn't," she said turning away from him to exit the court.

Thomas grabbed her arm to stop her and for a brief moment he thought she was going to deck him. "Sam, listen, I sorta know what he's just been through. It was only one night of nightmares for me, but Jack's been through four days of reliving the worst moments of his life. It wasn't pretty. Quite frankly, I don't really blame him for not wanting you to see him like that. Jack's been through things that took away his control and dignity was taken away and that's not an easy thing for a man like Jack. I know you're upset. I guess you have a right to be, but just let it go. Let him have his pride"

Sam's expression softened and she nodded her understanding. She knew Magnum was right and she tried to push her anger and resentment away. She hated the feeling of helplessness and hoping that she had gone through. She told herself just be happy he was okay and followed Thomas out to the patio. The closer she got the more she realized that Jack looked like he'd been through hell and back. His face was pale beneath his normal tan. His hand shook slightly as he lifted his glass to his mouth. His smile was genuine, but tight and strained as he saw her coming. He unsteadily set his glass back down and she saw his wrists were red and bruised. That stopped her. He'd been restrained. They'd been forced to restrain him. He hated to be tied up. She knew that. She wanted to take him in her arms and kiss him and cry for him and take his hurt away, but it warred with her own frustration, fear and anger that had simmered for the past couple of days, threatening to explode.

"Well, it looks like you've had a nice little vacation while I've been walking through the valley of the shadow of death."

She knew she should have been expecting him to say something like that, but it wasn't what she needed to hear. If he would have simply said 'I missed you' or even just 'Hi' she would have sat down and had lunch and her anger would have dissipated. But Jack being Jack couldn't makes things easy. She walked right past the table.

"Sam?" Jack questioned sounding perplexed.

"Yes, sir?" she stopped not turning around.

"Are you going to have lunch?"

"I'm not hungry, sir."

"Sir?"

"Excuse me, I need a shower," she said taking off a cross the lawn before the tears began to flow.

Jack stared after her fleeing form utterly confused.

"She's pissed," Thomas offered.

"Ya think?"

By the time Sam got to the guest house, she had her tears under control but her emotion were far from being controlled. She started to turn on the shower, but stopped. It was likely by the time she emerged from a shower Jack or Thomas would be waiting for her. She really didn't feel like facing either one. She quickly stripped of her clothes and pulled on the swim suit she had bought a couple days ago. She hurried out to the beach and the tidal pool and hoped she would be left in peace to sort through her thoughts.

Jack stood on the beach, his hands thrust deeply in his pockets. He watched Sam floating on her back in the clear water her eyes closed against the bright sun. He knew her well enough that the wheels were turning frantically in her mind. He could see her sigh heavily and then she opened her eyes perhaps realizing she was a little farther from shore than she thought. Her expression hardened when she saw him watching her. She swam slowly to the beach and when she rose from the surf she reminded him a little of the Botticelli painting except Sam's hair was cropped short and she was clad in a rather modest black bikini. He wished she wasn't angry with him. Things might have gotten interesting. Well, if he wasn't so exhausted in the first place.

Sam wrapped her towel around her and walked up to him, "Are you supposed to be out here, sir?"

"What's with the 'sir'?"

"Would you prefer 'Colonel'?"

"I prefer 'Jack'. Something happen that I don't know about?" he tried to keep his voice light and his temper in check.

"I'm sure there's quite a bit that I don't know about."

"Look, Sam, I'm not sorry that I kept you out of this, but I'm sorry if I hurt you."

Sam gave up on restraining all the conflicting emotions that had boiling within her for days , actually ever since this trip began she had been off balance and out of the loop. She hated that. "What happened to it being okay to need someone when nightmares overwhelmed you?" she demanded angrily. What happened to sticking together, because we're all we have? It's okay for the weak little woman, but not you! You always have to be the big fucking hero don't you, Jack? I am so sick of that way of the warrior crap from you . Can't you ever be weak?"

"Weak?" he laughed harshly. "Don't talk to me about that. Major Carter the perfect little officer. You don't have a bit of damn room to talk about me shutting you out! You are the queen of shutting people out! Me especially!" He could see her about to protest, "AH! You know it. Don't deny it! Everything from Jolinar to the Adrian Conrad crap. You closed me out. You'll let some strange alien in before me. So don't start."

"You know why that is," she said, her voice strained.

"I know I was your friend and I wanted help." He rubbed his hands over his face and scrubbed them through his hair in frustration. "Sam, I've just spent days staring my demons in the face and it wasn't fun. Things were dredged up that I had dealt with long ago and now I have to do it again. And, damn it, I wanted you there. I wanted you to make it go away, but there would have been nothing for you to do but watch me rave and relive things that should have happened to no human being in the first place. I wanted to die! I'm sure in my delusions I begged them to kill me." He held up his bruised wrists. "They had to tie me up to keep me from killing myself. Would you have honestly wanted to be witness to that? You can't fix everything, Carter. No matter how much you want to, you can't fix me. I'm not a goddamn Naquada reactor!"

"I know," she said softly and turned away from him moving back towards the house. Jack watched her go not knowing what to do. She stopped as she passed by the Ferrari and to his amazement climbed in and drove away. Jack trudged up to the house, feeling very old and very tired.

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TBC