...DISCLAIMER... i dont own naruto, i wish i did, kakashixiruka is the best, yadda yadda im a big frog... righty! im sorry its taken me so long, folks, i got writers block this time around. ive been trying desperately to think of a good way for this "incident" to happen but couldnt....but hallelujiah saints be praised i did eventually and here it is!!! nn w00t! and i KNOW i said something about confessions and confusion at the end of the first chapter but HEY i had writers block so when it came back i had to write what was there! SO SUE ME! i had to wax a bit lyrical (haha hark at me! i laugh at my own jokes), but it fits in with the story so, just so you know, italics dont denote thought. ill work out what does and doesnt at some point. until then, READ! READ DAMN YOU!!

...chapter 2: goodbye

I'm everything you know...

Kakashis blood began to boil as he thought of the hokages words to him, and was ashamed that he'd actually been weak enough to do as the elder shinobi had told him, rather than just following his head and his heart. "Distractions can prove fatal, Kakashi," the Hokage had warned him. "Please do not accept this mission if you think that any....ties to the village would prevent you carrying it out to the best of your abilities." Kakashi had merely stared at him, not sure what he meant, until the Hogake turned to him with a knowing look in his eye. He paled, horrified that the Hokage knew of his relationship with Iruka. They had always tried to keep things quiet. It wasnt that they were ashamed or embarrased of one another, they just felt it may interfere with how their missions were given out to them, or how irukas students acted towards him, as if some might think that they were less capable shinobis than others just because they both batted for the same team. At the time Kakashi had never thought that Iruka would hinder his performance in a battle, but when he thought about it, he imagined his lovers pale, boyish face lined with tears upon hearing the news of Kakashis death in the course of duty and felt such an intense rage that he wanted to punch the 3rd as hard as he possbily could to punish him for putting him in such an impossible position. Kakashi had always tried to believe that he had no heart to break, and had remained cold and emotionless to the best of his abilities but, after he met Iruka....well, he'd tried not to change, but faced with a personality so loving and gentle....he'd found his icy shell melting despite his best efforts and had let Iruka into his heart and his head, although perhaps a little more than he should have. Still, he remained as detached as he could, never staying the night unless it was his idea, being impassive should they ever meet on the street and only giving Iruka the most perfunctory of compliments just to keep him happy. He had never thought he could give himself completely to the younger ninja so didnt even try, but.... He couldnt pretend that the horrible, nauseating feeling sitting in his stomach and cramping his chest could possibly be anything other than the heart he had thought incapable of loving anything or anyone, was breaking....

You wonder friend or foe...

All his life, Kakashi had shyed away from anything that might require him to make an emotional commitment....perhaps that was why he excelled as a shinobi and anbu, always cold and alone with nothing to hold them to any one place or prevent them from carrying out their duty...

Such is the life of the lonely scarecrow....

(flash back) Rain poured down as he made his way home, soaking through his uniform and plastering his silvery hair to his head and neck, but Kakashi wouldnt have noticed if lighting had struck him. His head was awash with possible ways to break it to Iruka that this was it, he was going on a mission he may never reutrn from and his life would have to begin again, Kakashi-free. He opened his mouth a few times to practice but the words wouldnt come. He shook his head, hair flapping wildly, and gritted his teeth. Why do i care? he though to himself. "I dont care about him....i can do this, its like telling naruto hes useless, its hardly a big deal, all in a days work,". Lifting his head, he carried on towards Irukas house, and an uncertain future....

And still you're faking every word out of your mouth...

Suddenly he was charged by an unkown foe, and had lashed out with a kunai, catching his assailant in the stomach with the blade and driving it in hard, before he turned around to see Iruka standing before him, white in the face and covered in blood., gripping his abdomen with both hands, face etched with disbelief.

"Ka...Kaka..shi...", he stuttered, holding out his blood-stained hands. Kakashi stared, numb, at the rain dripping in the pools of blood on Irukas hands, then looking on as the chunnin slumped to the ground. He knelt down and looked at his former lover with cold indifference in his face.

"Iruka..", he whispered, "I'm sorry.....but it's for the best"

"Wh...what's for the best? What a....re you talk...ing about?", Iruka managed to gasp, clutching his stomach with both hands as hard as his failing strength would let him.

I don't wanna stay, i'm running away...

"You'll understand, in time." Kakashi muttered as he turned away and began walking. He couldnt quite believe what he had done. He had sensed Irukas presence, coming behind him with no malicious intent, but spurred on by the task at hand, he had convinced himself that it was the easiest way....no tears, no shouting, over and done with in a second and then he had struck his friend, trying desperately to control his natural killing instinct and not drive the blade as far into the boys stomach as he could, pulling his arm back with all his strenth and begging himself to believe that the salty tears running down his face were just the rain and that he didnt care that the warm liquid flowing over his hands was pouring out of the only person he had ever cared for. He looked down at his blood soaked hands as he walked, not daring to look back at the fallen Iruka lying on the ground, blood mingling with the puddles surrounding him. Kakashi didnt want Iruka to die, but he couldnt risk taking him to the hospital and being asked awkward questions. I dont care! he told himself again. People die all the time, its part of life!

But the person dying isnt often your best friend, is it?

He shook his head to dislodge the thought. He was a means to an end, he thought bitterly. Just a bit of fun. I dont care about him....I...I never did.....

Dont you hear me when i say...

Goodbye....

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ooooo....whatever will that crazy kakashi do next??? im sorry if its a little disjointed, if you notice anything that doesnt make sense, let me know! im also looking for beta readers if anyones interested! as usual C&C welcome, please dont flame, reviews much appreciated!