Diary of Ginny Weasley
How can things be this way? How can he change his mind so quickly? He loved him, I know he did. I saw it in his eyes and felt it through our connection everyday this past year. I know he loved him so how can he love me now? Why are we so connected to begin with? The first time we were together it was nothing like it was the other night, so what changed? Am I just too afraid that his love is real to be able to accept it? Should I just accept what he says and what he feels now and forget about the things he felt for Draco? Can I do that? I know it sounds crazy since for the longest time I doubted very much the feelings that Harry and Draco shared, but there was no denying the true emotions that Harry had for him, it was only the truth in side Draco's actions and words that I questioned. How has it all changed so much in such a short period of time, how can someone's heart be so fickle? Was it because it really was just some sort of spell that the Death Eathers had placed on Harry and now that the spell has ended he is able to love freely once more? I feel so lost and I don't have anyone to help me try and answer these questions. I would talk to Harry about them but he is away at a raid right now, not to mention the fact that I don't want to bring him any more heartbreak by letting him know just how much I doubt him and his love for me, he has been through so much this year. The last thing I would want to do would be to cause him anymore stress….and I do love him. There is no question in my heart about loving him and he needs all the love and caring he can get right now.
I just wish that there was some way I could get even one or two of the answers to all my questions, but who can I turn to?
Harry came back from his raid last night while we were all sleeping and when I woke in the morning Mom wouldn't let me go see him, which I was not happy about. I was actually just glad that he was back and that he was still alive from the raid, Ron seemed to know more about what had happened than any of us but he wouldn't say anything in front of Mom and hinted that he would inform Hermione and I later. But he never got that chance because some how mom had put together a whole list of chores for all of us to do in very separate rooms or parts of our property, and I was stuck with my angry curiosity for the majority of the day. Later tonight at dinner , just as we were all finishing up we all started to hear the stairs creaking under some ones feet and electric excitement filled me as I looked up at Harry who stood there whole and sturdy in the kitchen doorway.
"Well come in, come in dear….don't just stand there staring at us all!" Mom said and flicked her wand so that a rather large slice of meat pie flew from the pan beside the stove and landed on a plate then the plate flew to sit in on the placemat in front of the chair next to mine. Mom smiled at me a bit then went back to her own meal and the conversation she was having with Hermione about the food for the D.A meeting the next day.
"Feeling better , Mate?" Ron asked just before shoving a large fork full of beans into his mouth and Harry sat down beside me.
I felt my cheeks go a bit warm at the familiar buzzing in the back of my skull that was his presence in my mind and sent him a mental hug before taking a long sip of pumkin juice. With that touch of our minds I knew that something was wrong, something had happened at the raid. Something to make his old sorrow return, like something had reopened a cut in his soul, a cut I had thought was mended a month ago. He turned his eyes to mine and I fought to keep from gasping at their color, the hollowness, black and amber had returned.
'I'm alright, love…'he thought to me and surprisingly gave me a warm smile. 'Just worn out is all—'
'Don't lie to me…something happened….you…you saw him didn't you?' I asked and he looked away from me and toyed with his pie with his fork.
'Yes…but he has nothing to do with it…I almost had him Gin, we were right there and he got away…he was in that house we went to just before we got there and he escaped…it could have all been over, and we let him get away!' he thought to me with a hard shake of his head.
"Are you alright, Harry Dear?" Mom asked giving him a worried expression and he nodded.
"Yes…thanks…just still tired is all. I think you must have given me a whole bottle of sleeping potion." He said with a small smile to her as he took a small bite of his pie.
"Well you did need your rest, dear." Mom said. I looked up to see that Hermione was looking at us both with very curious expressions as though she was trying for the life of her to figure something out and just couldn't.
'Later.' I thought to him before standing and clearing off my plate as Ron pulled Harry into a conversation about the meeting as well.
I didn't know it but Hermione quickly followed me into the living room and startled me as she said my name.
"Look I need to ask you about something." She said pulling me into the corner furthest from the kitchen. Her brown eyes were very fierce and alert as if it was extremely important whatever she was about to say to me.
"What is it?" I asked, trying my best not to sound annoyed.
"What is going on between you and Harry?" She asked in a soft whisper.
"Oh, not you too!" I said rolling my eyes at her and taking a step away, "I love him, alright? And there is noting you---"
"I'm not talking about your relationship." She said cutting me off.
"Oh…" I said stopping mid sentence, "Then what are you talking about?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
"You two seem to be really…really close…and it seems so sudden, like there is some sort of...connection between you two."
I tried not to show my surprise, "I don't know what you are talking---"
"Oh come on, Ginny!" she said tossing her arms up a bit, "There is something linking you two together, I am probably not the only one who wondered how he knew you were in trouble the day he came flying down stairs half naked to keep you from falling the day I arrived here!" she said and my eyes went wide. "And whenever you two are together it is like you are having a private conversation without even talking to one another!" I knew she was smart but no one could be that observant!
"I don't know what you are talking about!" I exclaimed a bit loudly and she grabbed my arm and hushed me.
"Look I am only asking out of concern for you, psychic connections are very rare and a very raw form of magic….if that is what is going on between you two then you need to talk to someone in the ministry about it! Or at least bring it up to your dad!" she said breathlessly.
I took a deep calming breath before Harry felt that something was wrong with me. "I know you are trying to help but there is nothing going on." I said and turned to walk away from her.
"Alright…but at least think about what I said." She said in a firm voice and then walked past me and back into the kitchen. Though I would have loved to tell her about this connection between Harry and I don't know if he would want anyone else to know about it. I sank into one of the large chairs in the room and rested my head in my hands.
I felt him walk into the room before he even said anything.
"Ginny? What's the matter?" He asked in a soft sweet voice kneeling beside the chair and placing a soft warm hand on my thigh. I took a deep shuddering breath and moved my head to look at him.
"What is this between us?" I asked, my voice shaking with the emotions I was feeling. Somewhere Inside my head I knew that Hermione was right, that this connection was something that could prove to be very dangerous and damaging to either he or I.
"What do you mean?" he asked , tilting his head to one side obviously confused by what I mean. "I love you."
"No…I mean…how can we talk to one another by just thinking it? How can you feel everything I feel and I you? There is nothing that I would not give to keep this connection but …but what if it's something…bad?" I asked wishing I could find a better way to depict my fears about our mental link.
"I don't know what it is…but why does it scare you now? It hasn't hurt us in the past few months---are you afraid that Voldemort will use it to his advantage?"
"No!" I said alarmed but then shook my head and rested it in my palms again, "I don't know…maybe…I just know that it is getting stronger everyday and soon I fear that my thoughts wont be my own but yours….I love you Harry but this is something that we need help with." I finished and looked down at him with pleading eyes.
"I know…you're right, love…I have been meaning to look into it, and I was thinking of asking Vaynel about it and just never got around to it. If you want to then we can ask him about it together tomorrow, alright?" he asked rubbing my back as he stood and I looked up at him before nodding slightly.
"Don't worry so much love, it will be alright…" he said softly and I felt a chill slip down my spine as he took my hands and pulled me to my feet and into his arms. I felt safe there in that moment, safe and warm against his chest, close to his heart.
"So are you going to tell me what happened last night?" I asked against his shoulder and he chuckled a bit before releasing me and then we sat down on the couch nearest the fireplace.
"Hold on, you can't tell her with out tell me!" Ron exclaimed as he , Hermione , and Mom came into the room. Mom was carrying her knitting and looked a bit angry , probably because she did not approve of him going to the raid or having him tell what was most likely going to be a horrible story to the rest of us.
Despite my mothers firm expression Harry went on to tell us in minor detail the events of his first raid with the Aurors. He told us how they took a port-key to the house , broke into two groups and then how he discovered it was the very same house that he had been brought to in his 4th year. At this point Hermione seemed to grow just as attentive as Ron and even sat up and leaned closer to hear the details about the house. Then as Harry told us about Malfoy attacking him I was more than a little surprised to feel the total hatred and anger riveting from him as he spoke. His hands clinched into tight fists and I could feel an animalistic rage through our connection, I touched his hand and his anger lessened and he looked at me with a grateful smile before he told of his ex-lover using the unforgiveable curse on him and Ron shouted his outrage.
"And to think you had actually once tried to save his sorry arse!" Ron said in anger as he put a protective arm around Hermione who was still looking at Harry with wide eyes.
"Anyway, Lestrange, Malfoy and the other Death Eaters escaped after that." He said in closing and I felt his anger ebbing away.
"Don't worry though, Harry I am sure you will get them next time." Ron said with a large yawn and received a snort from both his girl friend and Mom.
"So what time is everyone coming tomorrow?" I asked trying to change the subject, to which Hermione's color returned to her face and she smiled. "Dumbledore said that they should be here no later than lunch time, I am still not sure how he is getting all of our members here, but he said to let him take care of it so I am guessing he has some sort of plan."
"Well that is Dumbledore for you…he always has some sort of plan." Harry said and I noticed the bitter note inside his tone but everyone else chose to ignore it.
"I think we will start off with the lunch outside, weather willing , then we will move into the meeting. The best thing I think would be to just get everyone to sit down on blankets outside so then we can be sure that everyone will be able to hear and see us." Hermione said then continued going over the plans for the next day but only Ron seemed to be paying any attention for I was too busy watching Harry and Harry was too busy thinking hard about something that I could not read.
I still felt very uneasy about what Hermione had said about the psychic connections being raw and dangerous magic, but I felt better knowing that Harry had the same concerns she and I did. I felt bad for not being able to tell her the truth since I know she would be more than willing to help me figure it all out, but there are some things that I guess should just remain private between lovers.
Mom woke us up late, to which Hermione was livid about though she didn't say anything to her about it I could tell by the way her hair seemed to stand on end with electricity and how she was bossing Ron about like he was her personal slave but he didn't seem to mind and just did as she asked as she rushed to prepare for the large groups of students that were to arrive in a few hours. Mom didn't seem fazed by it at all and simply moved around her as though there was nothing wrong at all. Harry and Dad both seemed rather amused by the whole thing and only did what Mom or Hermione told them too and did so without asking any questions. By the time the students were suppose to arrive I thought Hermione was going to end up pulling her hair out!
First all of the chaperons arrived, most of which were aurors including Tonks, Lupin and Moony, who we keep seeing a lot of during this summer. The entire Weasley family was actually together for the first time in months, Fred and George had left their store in the hands of one of their managers, Percy had come along with Tonks and Moony , Bill had actually managed to get away from Fleur and work for a moment and sneak away to the burrow. Mom and Hermione were busy loading a large wooden table with different kinds of trays of sandwiches, cakes, pies, juices, and other things that they had made for the meeting. Dad and Harry were now talking with Lupin and Moony as they followed their orders to lay out large blankets across the yard. I sat back watching everyone together and couldn't help but think that this might be one of the last time we would all be together like this. I didn't have much time to think about this strange moment in my life where my friends and family were all together for once because suddenly everyone seemed very interested in the sky above the large field to the left of our house. All of us gasped at the same time as it seemed as though the entire sky was filling with very large kites! But as they got closer and closer it because very obvious that they were not infact kites at all!
"I thought those were illegal?" Ron said as he looked up at the large squares in the sky that were getting closer and closer.
"He must have gotten permission for this one time."
"How did he find so many?" Hermione asked , her eyes wide as she stood beside my bother, her own head turned up to look at the sky and the flying objects.
"Foolishness if you ask me! Easily spottable in mid day!" Moody said in a dark grumbling voice.
"I think it's brilliant!" Hermione said with wide eyes as the first of the Magic carpets landed in the large field and students began climbing off of them. It was then that I saw that each student seemed physically blend in with the scenery behind them.
"Disillusionment charms!" Hermione said in her still thrilled voice at the large amount of magic that had been used to get all of the students to the Burrow.
As more and more of the large carpets landed it seemed as though almost the entire school had decided to join in on this meeting, and there was not a face among them who did not seem happy to be there. On one of the final carpets Dumbledore himself appeared out of the magic material, his own body blending into everything around him. "Ah…here we are, everyone!" he said in a jovial voice and then with a wave of his arms the students became totally visible again and a cheer of praise at being normal again came up through the crowd of students.
The old headmaster made his way over to where Hermione and Ron were standing awe struck, "It's all yours , Mrs. Granger, Mr. Weasley." He said with a beaming expression as he walked over to the members of the Order of the Phenoix and struck up what appeared to be a light hearted conversation with Tonks. Hermione seemed to lose a bit of color but then held her head higher and told the students to help themselves to lunch then take a seat where ever they could find one.
Seamus, Neville, Luna and the other original members of the order moved over to Hermione and Ron and they began discussing what was to take place in the meeting that day. Harry stood beside them just watching and nodding when I guess he found it necessary but I could tell his real thoughts were on Dumbledore, there was something just on the tip of his mind that I could sense, something that angered him. Something he needed to talk to him about…I didn't want to push any further and go beyond my boundaries so I left it alone.
The meeting , I think, went rather well. I was actually very surprised by how well Hermione and Ron had organized it all. After eating and sitting as asked the students sat and waited quietly for Hermione and Ron to start talking. As it turns out Ron had spent all of his time during the summer organizing a defense for the school, he handed out diagrams of what everyone's instructions and responsibilities were should the school be attacked. It was actually a brilliant plan and they had obviously spent a lot of time working on it. Basically the middle class students, 3rd and 4th years who did not have the skills in Defense Against the Dark Arts necessary to be guards would take the 2nd and 3rd year students to a safe place, each place was different for each house and each had a secret escape route that Dumbledore had helped them find. The 5th year students would go and stand guard over the routes to the safety locations and the 6th and 7th years would either stand guard over the entrances to the castle, or make their stand against the attackers.
After that was done with Hermione, Ron, Seamus, Neville, Luna, Harry, Tonks, Lupin , Moody, and even Mom and Dad and I took a group of students to work with on defense spells. Then the groups switched and the Members of the Order took groups of the 7th years and started on some more advanced spells , this included Ron, Hermione, and even Harry and I. The 6th years then took the younger years and it went on in rotation until the sun started to set and it was time for everyone to leave.
The majority of the students seemed excited about the new spells they had learned and no one even groaned or complained when Hermione gave them all homework! For the first time it seemed as if Hogwarts was truly being united…except for the fact that there was not a single Slytherin there. For the way home though the many students did not go back by way of magic carpet , instead Dumbledore had arranged for a large amount of flew powder and sent them all back one by one through our very small kitchen and fireplace.
I was standing there watching as one by one the Hogwarts Army said good bye and thanks to everyone around them and then vanished into the fireplace when I saw Harry, out of the corner of my eye, stop the Headmaster and move outside with the old wizard in tow.
I closed my eyes and I could feel my loves anger, and his anticipation of what was going to come out of this conversation. I would have been happy to follow them and hear what was going on but I knew that if Harry wanted me to know what was going on he would have told me, that and Hermione was watching me like a hawlk the moment they left the house.
It didn't take long however…for mere minutes later Harry came storming back into the house and slammed the door behind him. There was something very frightening about the way he looked right then, his hair wild and his eyes nearly glowing a strange shade of jade as he looked around. The talking in the room died, only 5 or 6 students were left to be sent home not counting ourselves and for a moment Harry looked quite abashed at being caught in such a foul temper then he turned on his heal and stormed back out of the house.
"What was that about?" Bill asked from my right and I shrugged.
"I don't know…but whatever it is Dumbledore is lucky Harry knows when to walk away." I said with a shake of my head as I watched the headmaster come back into the house and walk over to Dad not seeming to be at all phased by whatever Harry said to him. Feeling my loves anger I moved away from Bill and towards the door that Harry had turned around and walked out of but just as I was about to leave someone grabbed me by my arm.
"What?" I said, turning to see Hermione there holding my arm, I tried to fight back the annoyance raising in my mind but the sad brown of her eyes held my tongue from saying anything I would have later regretted.
"Don't…he probably just needs to let out some steam." She said wisely before releasing me and I sighed deeply. Though I longed to find out what had happened between Dumbledore and Harry I knew that if he truly needed me he would have said so, or let me know some other way.
It's late now and everyone is asleep as I am writing this, I don't know when Harry came back to the house but I felt him as he did so not so long ago. He did not speak to me but I did sense that his anger had lessened quite a bit, but there was something new now inside his mind that troubled me, a curiosity. A question that I couldn't trace or pin-point. I guess I will ask him about it tomorrow.