Howdie, my great, awaiting reviewers (and all the people who read and don't review glares)!
Welcome to Chapter three, The Sun in the Hands of the Moon. (Beware, here be Nice Snape!) Right.Thank you all for reading so far, and also hoping you'll continue to read and review, tell me what you like/dislike/absolutely hate (though no nasty comments about how Snape could ever be nice!) I know I haven't posted anything for a while, but our holiday had to be cut short because my grandmother died, and with the funeral and everything, well, I hope you understand. Some things cannot be helped. Remember, as always, reviews help my muse, and my self-esteem blablabla. My warning applies, also as always, though, more reviews faster posting. Thank you for listening/reading, and onto the chapter...
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PPS: Reviews will be replied to via my account, on that funny little button that says respond, if anyone was thinking I am an evil little brat that demands reviews and doesn't reply. Look there. Thank you to all of my reviewers, and a good few of you guys, yes you, could take a leaf out of their books, and review for me!
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Chapter 3. The Sun in the Hands of the Moon.
Remus woke from a fitful and uneasy sleep to a small cry from the bed next to him. Immediately, he sat up, blinking in the darkness, and muttered 'lumos'. Suddenly, the strong beam of light erupted from his wand, and he saw Harry, awake and fearful, perched on his bed like a bird, his face a picture of pain and sorrow. He swiftly realised what had happened when he saw Harry withdraw his arm. Harry had tried to get out of the bed to go to him, but had been stopped by the spells Dumbldore had cast. Moving quickly and calmly so as not to disturb him further, he reached over and pulled Harry into another hug. He soothed the distraught boy, cradling him like a child.
'Something no one has ever done to him before.' He thought, rubbing smooth round circles on Harry's back. Then releasing him slightly, he looked into Harry's 'fight or flight' expression, and brushed away a few stray strands of hair as he spoke quietly.
"It's ok, you're alright. Dumbledore just placed some wards around your bed last night so you couldn't leave. I'll get him to change it when he gets back." Harry nodded mutely, pressing himself into the comforting warmth of the werewolf. He felt more tired, physically and emotionally than he had ever felt in his life – even in the long seconds that had passed after he had lost Sirius. After he had killed Sirius. This time there were no tears suddenly springing to his eyes. He had cried too many tears. This worried him, and as he lay cradled in that comforting grip, his heart went cold. No tears meant no pain, and that meant he didn't miss Sirius.
Just then, as if called by the power of Harry's guilty emotions, Dumbledore opened the door slowly, and, seeing they were awake, hid the emotions on his face. Normally Harry would've been embarrassed at being held near the headmaster, but he didn't give a damn anymore. He felt the pain too much, the pain that wouldn't go away, wouldn't fade.
Albus walked across to the bed, and sat down on one of the comfy chairs surrounding the bed. He crossed his legs and pressed his fingertips together, as if contemplating the image.
"Harry." He said quietly after a little while. Remus didn't release Harry, but moved so that Harry could see the headmaster. Albus sighed inwardly to see the frightened and vulnerable look on Harry's face – it was so unlike him. Yet, if it hadn't been for Harry's pride, they would've known and stopped it – no wait, it was his fault, his fault for not noticing and sending him back to his family.
"Harry, the wards I placed over your bed will be extended to the end of the hospital wing. I'm sorry, but I can't let you out of the wing yet. People, except Death Eaters and other enemies of yours will be able to enter though, so you will not be alone. I have told Mr Weasley and Miss Granger that you are here, but not why. I have also asked if they do not visit until I say so. I have allowed them to send letters though, and I'm sure that any minute now, half a dozen owls will arrive in here." He gave a small smile, and continued. "You may, of course, reply, but I will have to ask that you do not put in anything that could be harmful if intercepted. If I am correct, Miss Granger is currently staying at the Burrow with the Weasleys." He took the pause to give Harry a long, piercing but gentle inspection.
Harry heard the words with a heavier than usual heart. Now they were taking away his friends, but then, his friends were better off without him. Voldemort would kill anyone who was close to him. He wasn't safe anywhere, and neither were anyone he knew. Despite this, he nodded mutely. Then he spoke.
"Professor? I'm sorry for yesterday. I yelled at you all, and I'm really sorry. And for yelling at you last year. I'm really sorry – for everything." His voice sounded small and quiet, even to Harry. Watching his headmasters' face, almost apprehensively, as if expecting retribution. Dumbledore smiled, ignoring the feeling of deep pity within him. Harry needed encouragement and positivity, if he was to recover.
"Harry, you have no reason to apologise. It was all my fault. You had every reason and every right to yell at me the way you did. In fact, I'm surprised that this is all I've received. You shouldn't blame yourself for any of it." He spoke quietly, but Harry was paying attention to every syllable as if he had screamed it at the top of his voice. It was almost unnerving. Albus allowed a twinkle to shine in his eyes - although it felt treacherous.
"Sir? Please could I borrow some parchment and a quill? I left mine back home, before-" Harry cut himself off. He didn't want to go into that now. Albus smiled at him again; waved his wand with a little flick, and a sheaf of parchment, a marvellous quill and a inkbottle appeared on the bedside table next to the jug of water, with the recently replaced glass tumbler. Harry saw these, and smiled, weakly and tentatively at the headmaster in thanks. The smile, weak as it was, felt wrong and uncomfortable on his face, so it quickly dropped. However, Albus noted it, and repaid it with a larger smile.
Harry watched as the headmaster left, and then pulled slightly out of Remus' arms. Remus obediently moved away slightly, giving Harry enough room, but being close enough to touch. He gave Harry a warm smile, berating the boy in his mind for apologising for something of which he was not responsible. He continued to watch as Harry laboriously gathered the parchment, quill and inkbottle and started to write messily, wincing at the pain from his heavily bandaged wrists. Remus read over his shoulder, not feeling guilty, as Harry would've surely told him if there was a problem.
Dear Ron and Hermione.
I'm sorry this took so long to write, but I'm at Hogwarts, and I'm fine. I hope you two are ok as well, and enjoying your holiday. See you soon,
Harry.
The short letter took a full, painful 20 minutes to write, and as soon as it was done and Harry had laid back, exhausted by this small activity, Remus turned to the cluttered bedside table, replaced the unused parchment, inkbottle and quill, then handed the boy a small bottle of Pain Relief Potion. Harry took his gratefully; cupping it in both hands, and sipped it, relaxing as it started to work. Then he laid back fully on the bed, and, eyelids drooping, he fell asleep, unaware of the traces of Dreamless Sleep laced subtly in the potion.
Remus watched Harry carefully, tucking him in gently as sleep overtook him. Standing uncertainly, as if unsure whether to leave or not, he picked up the letter. Finally making his decision, he hurried quickly out of the hospital wing, through the castle and to the owlery. Choosing a suitably small and quick owl, he sent it on it's way with instructions to send a reply to the hospital wing. Without bothering to see it on its way as it jumped and soared off into the empty sky, he turned and hurried back to the hospital wing.
He paused at the door, and, seeing Harry fast asleep, he smiled slightly. Then, sitting on one of the other beds beside the frail boy, he lay back, adjusting for comfort. At last, he could sleep in a real bed, at least for a few hours. And he didn't even have to leave Harry alone. Smiling, he allowed sleep to lay her peaceful black blanket over him, and retreated to the land of his dreams and memories.
Remus awoke the next morning with a gentle shake, and was vaguely surprised to see Harry's worried expression above him. He blinked a few times to rub the sleep out of his eyes, feeling refreshed by the longer sleep. He gave the worried boy a smile, which seemed to alleviate his worries a little. Sitting up, Remus noticed that the boy was checking him anxiously, as if to make sure he was ok.
"Morning, Harry." He said cheerfully, but quietly so as not to surprise him.
"Professor? I had a dream that you were hurt, and then I woke up and you were all still and quiet and I was scared. I'm sorry if I annoyed you." Throughout speaking, Harry looked close to tears. Remus pulled him into one of the countless hugs he had given him over the past few days, and spoke reassuringly.
"It's alright Harry, I was only asleep. Nothing can hurt us in here, it was only a dream." He ruffled Harrys' hair gently, then pulled away. Harry tried a smile, and pointed at his own bed.
"Look, professor. Owls from Ron and Hermione." Remus watched as the boy unconsciously scratched the bandages on his wrists.
"Call me Remus, Harry. I'm not your professor anymore." He gave a smile, showing it was not a threat, then continued. "You wanted me open them for you?" Harry nodded, and watched as Remus stood up, walked over to the bed and carefully removed the first letter from the owl Remus had used in sending the short letter. Taking it, he allowed the owl to fly off to the owlery by the window, then passed the letter to Harry. Harry sat down on the edge of Remus' bed and painstakingly slowly opened the letter to read.
Dear Harry.
Glad to here from you mate, I was a little worried for a moment there, when Dumbledore came and told us you were going off to Hogwarts early, and not coming to the Burrow. Hermione and Ginny were nearly bawling their eyes out – it was pathetic. Even Mum and Dad were tense.
My holdiay's been pretty good so far; Hermione arrived here the day before Dumbledore came to see us. She's been 'helping me with my homework' – i.e. telling me it's all wrong! Honestly, mate, without you here it's like living with a walking, talking library!
Well, mate, I've run out of things to tell you for now, so you'll have to reply quick and tell me what's going on your end, and when we can have you over at the Burrow or come to see you at Hogwarts. Also I've got Mum yelling at me, telling me I need to degnome the garden AGAIN!
See you later mate,
Ron.
"See?" said Remus, after reading it over Harrys' shoulder. "They don't hate you, and definitely don't blame you for anything." Harry seemed to tense at the mention of blame, his mind clearly throwing him back to the events of last summer. Harry watched in his minds eye as Sirius fell again through the whispering veil, surprise and shock mingling on his face with the not yet gone laughter. He felt nothing but pain, before he was brought back to reality. He was once again in one of Remus' comforting hugs; tears streaming down his face. Jerking back, he mentally berated himself for being weak, and allowing his emotions to control him again. Shaking himself slightly, to put images of death and torture and his guilt out of his mind, he turned away from Remus, and wiped away the shameful tears.
Remus was confused. A second ago, Harry had been pouring his young heart out on his shoulder, and now he seemed cool, indifferent, unemotional. Sighing deeply at the stubborn pride inherited by all Potters', he took the next letter off of the last owl. This owl looked familiar, a beautiful snowy, and with a spark of recognition, Remus realised it was Hedwig. How he and Harry hadn't noticed was odd, but he just took the envelope calmly, then gestured for the owl to go to her master. Really, she was a remarkably intelligent bird. She had obviously sensed her masters' sorrow, and then the wall of pride.
Harry looked up as he felt a light breeze, and a gentle weight on his arm. Seeing Hedwig, his expression changed from unemotional, to confusion, to happiness. Gently stroking the soft downy front of his beloved pet, he let the unconditional love of an animal for their owner wash over him.
After a few seconds, he turned back to Remus.
"I'm sorry Pro-Remus. It's just so hard. I want to be normal, to be me, but I'm scared, and it hurts." He spoke simply, finding it difficult to battle with his pride. He half-expected Remus to wrap him back in another hug, but in a way, Harry was glad he didn't, and just smiled, passing the letter to him. Sitting back more comfortably, he read Hermione's letter.
Harry.
I'm so glad to hear you're all right. I really hope we can come and see you soon, and you shouldn't blame yourself for anything that happened last year, or before. I know you, I know you will try to blame yourself, and it wasn't your fault. Now I've got Ron telling me off for mentioning this, but I felt I had to. I hope your ok, and that we can see you soon. (Now I'm repeating myself!) Anyway, I've got to go, Ron's telling me I have to help him with his potions homework.
See you soon,
Hermione.
Harry was slightly shocked. Hermione had been the first person to mention last year, apart from Remus. Trying vainly to hold back the ever-present tears, he turned back to Remus. He handed him the letter, and watched as he read it.
"But it is my fault! If I hadn't rushed off to 'play the hero' Sirius would be alive! I let my emotions control my actions, and lost him in the process." He couldn't stop talking now; he felt all the pain, the guilt rush out of him, tumbling over his words.
"I killed him. And Cedric. If I hadn't told him to take the Cup with me, he'd be alive. And my parents are dead because of me too! I killed them all; it's all my fault. I deserved the beatings, I deserved it all. All the people I love die. If I stay friends with Ron and Hermione they'll die too, and I couldn't take that. They're the only friends I ever had. The only people who accepted me." Barely feeling Remus' grip around him, he looked up into pain-filled, worried and serious amber eyes.
"Harry, it's not your fault. Cedric died because Voldemort killed him. You couldn't have saved him, and you showed great bravery and nobility bringing back his body. Your parents died at the hands of Voldemort, and your mother loved you so much; she died protecting you. Sirius loved you as well, and he died saving you. It's all Voldemort's fault, and in a way, it's mine. Ron and Hermione have the best protection from Voldemort – you. You love them, and they love you. They are willing to lay down their lives for you as much as you are for them. And I love you, and I will never let anyone hurt you again."
Silent tears fell from expressive amber eyes as they locked with emerald green ones. Harry saw the truth in them, saw the understanding, the personal grief and the love. He felt the pain and despair fade away, as he realised. It was all Voldemorts' fault – he was the one who ruined lives. Feeling happier than he had, even since Voldemorts' return, he gave a small nod, eyes still locked with those of the werewolf before him, a nod that spoke volumes. Then they hugged tightly, not noticing the pleased figure at the slightly ajar door, blue eyes twinkling as he removed the protective wards on the hospital wing. It may be a while before he finally gets over Sirius' death, if ever, but he had made the first step – acceptance.
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Please, please review wonderful people! Thank you very much for reading. Cya next chapter!
Oh, and this has just been updated, because I didn't realise I hadn't replied to the last chapters reviews! shock horror
Review Responses.
grantsbeetle – thank you for reviewing, and hope you like all the other stuff I've got for you!
darkangel012 – as you can see, I've posted a lot since, but thank you all the same!
BlindJedi – The only reason I indicated POV was really because someone had reviewed to tell me they couldn't understand it or similar. Now, I couldn't see this, but then I am writing it, so I did what they said, to try it, but I am going to do as I see fit, and if you can't understand it, then I'm afraid you need to go read something else. I can understand that people want to tell me what I'm doing wrong, but I've read quite a few, that I think, are worse and more confusing than mine. I am not trying to argue, or boast, or anything here, so I apologise if I cause offence. Thank you for reviewing, BlindJedi, and hope you still like it later on.
justin – thank you, and I will definitely try to keep to the standard you guys are expecting!
MaetS – right. Now, I think I may have mentioned this before, or later on, but I have no experience in matters of abuse. He has been practising wandless magic, true. However, he at least in part feels responsible for the deaths of his godfather, his parents, Cedric etc, and is thinking very lowly of himself. He by now, almost puts up with the beatings, and as he feels responsible, he feels that he deserves the pain they give him. I hope this answers your question. Thank you for reviewing.