A/N: It's been a minute, but I haven't died. Sarah and Connor are figuring out the bumps in the road. Hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Twenty-Five

Sarah knew Connor was still upset with her when she woke up the next morning. His side of the bed was empty. He never woke up before her...

Her fingers slid over the cool sheets as her heart sank to her stomach. Were relationships supposed to be this hard? She didn't remember things being this difficult with her past boyfriends. Sarah stifled a sigh and dragged his pillow into her arms. His scent soothed her and made her want to cry all at once.

"Squeeze it any harder and you're going to pop the seam."

Connor's drawl startled her, and Sarah twisted to see a very sweaty him coming to sit on the corner of the bed. He had more interest than usual in his running shoes as he untied the laces.

"How long have you been up?"

Connor shrugged, "A couple of hours. Coffee should be ready."

Yeah, he was definitely still mad with her.

Timidly and perhaps stupidly, she asked, "You went for a run?"

Without her?

He loved torturing her with exercise. It was his favorite form of punishment. Sarah didn't know why it bothered her that he had chosen to let her sleep instead.

Connor merely grunted, pulling off his shirt as he headed for the bathroom.

She bit the inside of her cheek – feeling... she didn't know. Lost, peevish, worried? She suddenly didn't know where they stood with each other and he – he was ignoring her? This was a new side of Connor, one she wasn't familiar with, one she didn't like.

She listened to the clatter of the shower and the dull thuds of him moving about – washing. One room over and he could have been a hundred miles for how distant he now felt. She curled around his pillow again. It was a poor substitute, but it would bolster her nerves for now.

It wasn't too much longer before she heard the shower shut off and for Connor to reappear. He paused when he realized she hadn't moved from the bed – even with the promise of ready coffee in the kitchen. He rubbed his hair dry as he arched a brow at her, "You alright?"

"...No," Sarah murmured, a faint pout pulling at her lips.

Connor frowned, concern seeping into his gaze as he evaluated her for illness. She could practically see him going into doctor mode, "What's the matter?"

"I hurt my boyfriend and now he's being distant with me." She answered. Sarah would have smiled at the deadpanned stare she received from him if she weren't so worried.

"I let you sleep in and that means I'm being distant?" He asked pointedly, tossing his towel on the bed as he pulled on a pair of boxers.

Sarah wasn't swayed by his indifference, if anything it was proving her point for her, "And went for a run."

"You hate morning runs." Connor arched a brow at her, crossing his arms.

"That has never stopped you from dragging me out of bed." She pointed out and tried not to roll her eyes at the faint smirk that pulled at his lips. He really did enjoy torturing her too much sometimes.

He tugged his pillow from her grasp and flopped down to the bed. His hair dampened her shirt as he used her stomach as a pillow. Sarah didn't want to admit how much that physical contact calmed her. She had a feeling he was to blame for how tactile she was becoming. She was surprised it hadn't happened sooner, to be honest.

He twisted to gaze up at her as her fingers threaded through his locks, "I needed to clear my head. I'm allowed to be upset with you; besides, I seem to recall you wanting some space last night."

"And I'm allowed not to like it, even if I did want space," Sarah mumbled, not quite meeting his gaze.

Her sulky tone made him smile.

He wouldn't be mad for long. Connor knew that Sarah hadn't intended to upset him as much as she did, but his frustration with her was... brewing. They had too many unresolved issues between them and getting her to even acknowledge half of those issues was proving to be a herculean feat. He hadn't touched upon couples counseling since he first mentioned it, but maybe he needed to push a little harder, "This isn't the first fight we've had; you know?"

"No... but it is the first time I don't have a reason to be mad at you too," Sarah admitted haltingly, hearing how childish that sounded too late.

Connor tensed, his irritation flaring with muted amusement as he said, "Oh, so you're more upset that you're fully in the wrong."

"NO!" Sarah burst before relenting, nose scrunching as she crumbled, "A little, but mostly I just... are we going to be okay?"

"We're going to be okay." He assured her, "Look, I'm just going to be annoyed with you for a little bit. I can't just turn it off after a brief discussion and you need to let me be annoyed."

"I know." She sighed, drawing her fingers along his scruffy jaw, "I do. I just -"

"Don't like it. I know." Connor finished. He had a feeling he knew the real reason for her sudden about-face on space and he was adding it to the ever-growing list of issues they didn't, but needed, to talk about, "I'm not going anywhere."

Sarah bit her lip, indecision warring in her caramel gaze, "How do you do that?"

"Same way you know when I need your practical logic to calm down." Connor narrowed his gaze teasingly at her, "I know you."

Sarah scoffed, but relaxed further in the covers, "Yeah, you do. Okay...I will accept that you need to be mad with me but tell me you love me first."

"I love you, Sweetheart," Connor said easily and sincerely.

"Love you too." She returned softly. For once, not rebuking him for the pet name. Her hand unconsciously reached for his heart.

Connor shifted up and claimed a chaste kiss as he let her find his heartbeat. He understood the reassurance she needed better than she knew. They lingered like that for a moment, letting the peaceful moment pass in silence. Sarah soaked in his warmth and presence while she could, dreading him being distant from her for the rest of the day – potentially longer.

Eventually, he shuffled off the bed to finish dressing, but not before tugging her ankle as he stood, "Come on. Up. We're going to be late."

Grumbling under her breath, Sarah reluctantly left the nest she had created on his bed. Her search through the spare bit of clothes she kept at his apartment made her realize it would be prudent to leave a few more of her things behind. Her supply was...sparse and she hated going to work wearing the same clothes. She had a pair of scrubs in her bag that would suffice, she'd be in the ED all day anyway.

"I'm going to stay at my apartment tonight," Sarah said as she made her way into his kitchen. A mug of coffee was already waiting for her on the counter.

Connor breathed out through his nose, but nodded, "Okay. Do you want me to come over?"

"Only if you want to." She murmured, staring into her mug.

"...A night apart won't kill us." He grumbled back as he rinsed his cup and gathered his belongings, "I'll see you at the hospital. Lock the door behind you."

A swift kiss was pressed to her cheek before she could even think to respond.

Sarah grimaced as she watched him leave. The click of the front door sounded too loud in the quiet of the apartment. She silently wilted. She hadn't expected him to acquiesce so easily, and she had to remind herself to let him be upset and be distant. A swift current of remorse swirled in her belly as she realized she had done the same to him on more than one occasion... except she had never dared to be upfront about her need for a bit of space.

She sighed; it was going to be a long day.

"You gonna sit down or am I gonna have to restrain you?"

Natalie rolled her eyes as she filled out her charts. Exasperation didn't begin to cover her mood with the head nurse and her friend, "Maggie! My shift has barely started; you can't be on me about resting already."

"Yeah, and you've been on your feet the entire time. Your ankles are the size of tree trunks." Maggie responded sagely as she gave the doctor a once over, "You need to sit, and I want to get your BP."

Natalie grimaced as she tried to look at her feet, but she hadn't been able to see those for weeks, "My ankles don't look that bad...do they?"

"Redwoods would be envious," Maggie said drolly, making Natalie pout.

"Five minutes." The doctor mumbled as she shuffled behind the desk and into the highly uncomfortable desk chair. She wouldn't admit that her feet screamed in relief even as her back began to complain. There really was no winning at this stage of her pregnancy. She could be resting on a massage cloud and still be uncomfortable.

Maggie refrained from commenting as she pulled out a cuff and a stethoscope. She knew how ferociously Natalie wanted to pretend being pregnant didn't change anything, but it did. She had been trying for weeks to get it through the younger woman's head that taking breaks didn't mean she was incapable, but that she was acknowledging she was caring for more than just herself. She hadn't had much luck.

"Is this really necessary?" Natalie whined; her scowl was more for show as she gave up her arm to the nurse.

Maggie merely raised a brow, "Why are you asking when you already know the answer?"

"Because I'm tired and I'm grumpy and it's only ten o'clock in the morning, so I thought I'd share," Natalie answered dryly.

"Aren't I lucky?" Maggie returned as she released the pressure on the cuff and watched the gauge. Natalie's numbers were a little high, but not dangerous. She just needed to rest for a bit and get some water.

As if summoned by Maggie's worry or maybe it was Natalie's disgruntlement, Halstead left treatment three in time to see the cuff coming off his crush's arm. Instant concern spiked his veins cold as he gave her a once over as he walked briskly to the counter. She seemed okay. She had that feisty gleam to her dark eyes that he always found intriguing, but that meant very little medically, "You alright, Nat?"

"I'm fine. Maggie is just being overprotective." Natalie answered before the nurse could rebuke her.

Said nurse put her hand on her hip as her lips turned into a disapproving frown. It didn't go unnoticed by either doctor, and Will had been on the receiving end of that look enough to know that Natalie was in trouble. He tried and failed to hide a smirk, "Maggie?"

"Her pressure's a little high. She needs to rest for a bit, and she needs some fluids." Maggie stated archly, watching approvingly as Will bent over the counter to look at Natalie's ankles.

"I'll get you some water. You should put your feet up." Will said, falling in line with Maggie despite the death glare he was receiving from Natalie.

The budding pediatrician glanced down the counter length for an ally. There had to be someone who would help her fend off the worrywarts before her. Her gaze alighted on their psychiatric resident. Sarah had approached the counter with the stealth of a ninja – quiet and unobtrusive. It was a trait that Natalie direly wished she shared with the other woman, but her stomach made that impossible.

"Sarah, help me out here," Natalie called

The former surgeon was startled at the sound of her name, and she blinked owlishly at the other doctor for a moment, "Uhh - what?"

"You awake, Reese?" Will asked, amused by how lost to her world she seemed to be.

Sarah shrugged sheepishly, "It's been a morning. What did you need Dr. Manning?"

Natalie watched as she slid forward, frowning lightly at Sarah's formality. There had always been something of a distance between the two of them despite their frequent interactions. She hadn't thought much of it until recently when she noticed how easily the psychiatrist got on with the others in the ED. Hell, she was even more comfortable with Connor, and he had only been here for eight weeks. She was beginning to wonder if she had done something to offend Sarah.

Still, she stared beseechingly at the other woman, "Back me up here. I feel fine and I have patients to attend to, but these two would have me sitting on my ass all morning."

Sarah smiled faintly, "Probably for good reason. You were here before I was, and I think this is the first time I've seen you so much as pause. I don't think twenty minutes is going to hurt. You're close, right?"

"A few more weeks." Natalie murmured wearily, "I'm both looking forward to it and dreading it. It'll be nice to sleep through the night again."

Maggie snorted and even Will bit his tongue as Sarah blanched. None of them had the courage to point out she'd still have sleepless nights and it would still be because of the baby.

Natalie shifted again, trying to find a comfortable position if she was going to be forced to stay put. It was then the baby decided to make his presence known. He flipped and kicked. Despite how weary it could make her, Natalie never failed to get a thrill of delight and awe from the movement. Sometimes it made her nearly giddy.

Unthinkingly, Natalie reached for the first hand by her as she pressed it to her belly. The daintiness let her know it was Sarah without looking, "He's dancing around again."

"Good," Will murmured, grinning at her joy.

Natalie smiled wide as she turned her gaze up to see if Sarah could feel him, but the second she caught sight of the other doctor's face she frowned in concern, "Sarah?"

The psychiatrist had gone practically grey, and Natalie feared for a moment that she would pass out. A dull, distant glaze clouded her normally bright gaze, even as she stared unseeingly at her own hand.

Maggie's brow furrowed at the almost cold silence from Sarah as she prodded as well, "Sarah?"

Her name being called a second time seemed to jolt the younger woman out of whatever trance had entrapped her. She smiled tightly, snatching her hand back as she mumbled, "He's an active little guy... I should get back to my patients."

She barely made it a step as Will reached for her, "Reese, you alright?"

Again, that tight smile made an appearance, and she dutifully ignored their worried gazes, "Yeah, fine."

She disappeared into a treatment room before any of them could press her further.

"That was weird," Natalie murmured, as she shared questioning looks with her colleagues. She hated being left wondering.

Connor sighed tiredly as he headed for the stairs. He was too impatient to wait for the elevator today. It had taken less than thirty seconds since he had set foot in the hospital for an incoming trauma to steal him away. He hadn't left the operating room in hours, but his patient would pull through. He still needed to do rounds for his other patients and update his charts. The thought of which nearly made him turn around for the operating rooms again to see if there was a patient he could assist with – he was beyond behind on his paperwork.

The cold metal of the push-bar to the door barely registered as he swooped onto the landing because his gaze locked on the familiar form of his girlfriend as the door clanged shut behind him. Sarah sat three steps up, her elbows resting on her knees and her eyes wide as her hiding spot was invaded. He had the distinct feeling that she hadn't been waiting for him. She looked small and uncertain as she met his questioning gaze.

Connor stepped forward, but stopped as she stiffened, "Babe?"

A pang of hurt twinged in his gut as he perceived her discomfort. This wasn't what he had wanted when he told her that he needed time to feel what he was feeling. He should have known when she decided to stay at her apartment for the night.

Sarah shifted, "I know you wanted space. I didn't think you'd come this way -"

"Sarah, I'm not avoiding you and I don't expect you to avoid me." He cut in instantly, "What's the matter? I haven't seen you hide at work in years."

She didn't answer for a few seconds. Her mouth pursed in that way that told him she wanted to say something but was holding back, "Can you hug me?"

The question shocked him enough to step forward.

"Come here." He said, instantly reaching for her. She melted against him almost immediately, dispelling his earlier notions about her discomfort with him and causing sirens to sound in his head. Something had happened. She was shaking. Connor could only tighten his hold as she remained quiet.

This wasn't like her at all. She tucked her face against the curve of his neck, sending fainting wafts of jasmine and coffee to his senses. It was the smell of home and he found himself leaning them both back against the wall as he buried his nose into her bound curls.

"Talk to me." He murmured because this couldn't be because of their talk this morning. Sarah was showing too much vulnerability for it to be about them.

"I want to, but I can't right now." Sarah mumbled against his skin, "I'll fall apart completely if I do... I can't - won't do that here."

Connor could only bundle her closer, "You're freaking me out, you know that right?"

"Yeah..." Sarah breathed quietly, "I'll tell you later, promise."

"You better," Connor said, rubbing his hand between her shoulders as she gradually began to settle. It felt good to hold her like this and he took as much comfort from her presence as she did from his. Sarah never failed to bring a sense of calm to him... even when she was making him crazy.

She took a few shaky breaths before slowly pulling away from him. Her hands came up to frame his face. His scruff scraped soothing fires into her palms. She smiled weakly at his concerned gaze before she stole a light kiss, "I love you."

"Love you too." He replied quietly, "You're still freaking me out."

That made Sarah smirk and she stole one last kiss, this one lingering before she stepped out of his embrace, "I need to get upstairs... call me later?"

"Without a doubt, Sweetheart," Connor murmured as he kept his hand latched to hers for as long as possible. It was the only way he kept himself from demanding answers from her.

He remained in the stairwell even after he heard the clang of a door upstairs. Had it really only been this morning they had been on his bed together? This day was going on forever and he had never felt more tired.

Connor didn't know how long he lingered there, but he did know it was long enough for Halstead of all people to find him. He groaned silently at the sight of ginger. He really wasn't in the mood for verbal sparring... but surprisingly neither was Will.

Will arched a brow at him as he seemed to sense Connor's weary mood, "You alright?"

Connor sighed, but nodded, "Yeah, it's just been a morning."

Will frowned and tilted his head in bemusement, making Connor blink. He wasn't used to this sort of scrutiny from the other doctor, "What?"

"Reese said the same exact thing before she wigged on Natalie," Halstead muttered, shaking off the coincidence as he made for the next floor, not realizing that he had Connor's full attention now.

"Sarah did what?" Connor asked in a manner he considered light, but not light enough.

Will could only send him another bemused stare as he silently wondered if Rhodes knew how intense he had suddenly become.

A hot cup of tea. Her favorite chocolate chip cookies. The softest blanket she owned.

Sarah quietly took stock of her comfort items as she curled up on her couch hours later. She had made it through the rest of the day without running into Natalie again. Or Will. Or Maggie for that matter. She wasn't stupid. She knew her behavior had raised questions and she had no desire to answer. The only person she'd willingly confess to would be Connor and only because he'd haunt her every living step until he knew what was wrong. He was annoying that way.

A small smile quirked on her lips at the thought of her boyfriend. Her hand brushed over her phone tempted to call him, but Sarah was trying desperately to give him space as he processed. She had already breached that promise to herself once today. She didn't want to do it again.

Yet, as if summoned by her very thoughts, her phone lit with his smiling face. Sarah hesitated only a second before she answered, "Hey..."

"Hey... You home?"

"Yeah, you?" She asked softly.

"Mmhmm." He hummed. The distinct sound of a door sliding open filtered to her and she knew he was standing on his balcony.

Before she could stop herself, Sarah blurted, "Today sucked."

"Yeah? How so?"

She wrapped her blanket around her and pretended that it was actually him holding her, "Do you want me to go alphabetically or chronologically?"

"There had to be one bright spot."

There had been. The few precious moments she had been able to bury the nightmarish thoughts clouding her attention, "Mmm... Tell me about your day."

"Sucked."

"Yeah?" She hoped she didn't sound gleeful.

"Yeah."

"Why?" Sarah pressed, leaning back into the cushions behind her.

"Because I missed you."

"You saw me." She couldn't help but point out before cursing herself for doing so. He had set up the conversation perfectly to direct her to what he really wanted to discuss.

"Yeah, for half a sec and you were upset."

Sarah stayed silent, listening to his expectant silence with a heavy heart. She didn't want to explain what had happened with Natalie. The shock of the encounter hadn't quite worn off and she... she didn't really understand what had triggered her.

One minute she had been gently ribbing the pediatrician, the next she felt the pressure of a kick to her palm, and she was back in the hospital in Riyadh. Her hand pressed over her wounded belly as her stomach cramped with the tremors of her miscarriage. There hadn't been enough medication in the world to dull that pain.

"You promised you would talk to me."

Sarah sighed at the reminder, "I know. It's just not a phone conversation. It's...It's one of our painful conversations. I guess we're due for another round of those."

It was Connor's turn to be silent and she couldn't tell if it was a thoughtful silence or a frustrated silence or even a tired silence. Maybe it was all three.

"So, what happened with Natalie has to do with us?"

Sarah inhaled sharply, not sure why he was surprised he knew. Gaffney was one big rumor mill...she just hadn't thought she had garnered that much attention or interest, "Has to do with me and us adjacent. How'd you find out?"

"Halstead has to be the biggest gossip I've ever met."

Sarah's brows shot up in surprise, "You talked to Will?"

"Yeah, it was weird. Don't worry it didn't take him long to remember that he hates me."

She huffed a small laugh because she swore the two of them would be great friends if they would just get over themselves... more pointedly if Will got over himself. She knew Connor's only issue with Will was that he was constantly making issues for and with Connor.

She wished he was here, "I miss you too, you know?"

"I know."

"You still mad with me?" Sarah asked quietly.

Connor sighed, "I wasn't really mad this morning. Irritated? Frustrated? Yes. And I'm still both those things, but not as bad. You scaring the hell out of me this morning made me irritated and frustrated for different reasons."

"Sorry." She murmured, closing her eyes.

"Don't be sorry. Not for coming to me for comfort. I'll never be upset with you for that. I was frustrated that I couldn't take away your pain. Irritated that I didn't know the cause."

Something about his words pricked at her and hastily reached for her tea to pause the words on her tongue. She didn't want him to fight her battles. She wanted him to be there, and he was today. In the exact way she needed.

"You're incredibly vexing, you know that?" Sarah mumbled.

It made him laugh as he responded, "Right back at ya, Sweetheart."

Sarah rolled her eyes, "We're okay?"

"We were okay this morning. We are okay now."

"Good."

Connor hummed indulgently at her exclamation before he teasingly asked, "So... what are you wearing?"

"Connor." Sarah huffed, shaking her head even as a small smile pulled at her lips, "You're ridiculous... but you should go look in your sock drawer."

"Are you only wearing my socks? Because if so it's a little weird, but I can work with it."

She shook with silent laughter, "Back of the drawer at the bottom, you goon."

"Alright hold on."

Sounds of him entering his apartment and shuffling filled the air. It didn't take him long to find what she had left behind.

"A key... your key?"

"Yeah." Sarah breathed shyly, somehow glad that she wasn't there in person.

"You didn't do this because-"

"No." She interrupted, knowing he was asking if she had done it to placate him and that wasn't the case, "I put it there when you kidnapped me to your apartment. Just before you told me that you were in love with me, and I ran off."

"Why didn't you just give it to me?"

Sarah sighed, wondering if she could push that answer to one of their painful talks as well, "I wanted you to have it, but I wasn't ready for what you having it would mean. So, I gave it to you without really giving it to you."

"And what does me having it mean?"

"It means... It means that I'm willing to risk losing myself again. It means I'm trusting you with everything, Rhodes. I get lost again – I'm gonna need your help." Sarah admitted and she hoped like hell that he knew what it took for her to do that.