A/N — sorry for the looong delay. I now have the next several chapters written and will post weekly until the story is done (I promise!). On a personal note, I wanted to express how thankful I am to be part of this community. I have made so many friends over my years here, and well as found an outlet for my TLS obsession. You have all changed my world for the better and I often think of you — whether or not we have ever interacted — and smile. xoxo — tmtcltb

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Chapter 33 — Letting Go Is Hard

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"You're the last one here," Alisha scolded, looping her arms through Kara's and pulling her into a large room filled with small couches. Kara blinked, eyes adjusting to the low lighting, the scent of incense and the sound of waves hitting her immediately. Alisha leaned closer. "You better have a good excuse for being late to my bridal shower."

Kara squinted at the clock hidden behind a pitcher of water, lemon floating on the top. "Three minutes doesn't really count as late, Al."

"Mmm-hmm, how late was Wright the time you made him clean his console with a toothbrush?" Alisha asked. Before Kara could answer, Alisha turned to a woman in a black polo and khaki pants standing unobtrusively in the corner. "Our party is all here now."

The tall, thin woman smiled serenely. "Wonderful. If you will all follow me, I will show you where you can change and store your belongings."

As they followed the woman down the hallway, Alisha dropped her voice. "Rough week with Green out of town? I thought the whole point of him leaving Delta was to be home more."

"It is," Kara replied, working not to sound defensive. After all, this wasn't a criticism of Kara or even of Danny, not really. "But he has to vet the candidates and decide which ones to accept into the special warfare program. That means traveling."

Alisha glanced at her knowingly. "And I'm going to guess that Sasha needed something."

Kara sighed. Of course, Alisha knew. "And Sasha needed something. But he'll be home tonight."

"Second guess is that Debbie lost her marbles when you told her that she wasn't getting the girls today," Alisha continued.

"Actually, it went better than expected," Kara admitted, before sighing. "But when I told her that Courtney and Rick were taking the girls to the zoo, she suggested that we use this morning to go dress shopping."

Alisha snorted. "No wonder you look like Val after three months on an oil rig. Did she find a dress?"

xxx

"What about this one?" Debbie asked, stepping out of the dressing room in a slinky, white slip of a dress.

Kara took another sip of her orange juice, sitting up straighter in an effort to stay awake and think of something to say about the dress that didn't mention prostitutes. She settled on, "It's very modern."

Debbie turned, studying herself in the mirror, before shaking her head. "You're right. And I need something without a train."

"You decided on the overlook then?" Kara asked, wishing that her orange juice was coffee. But Doctor Egowman wanted Kara to cut down on the caffeine and she had chugged two cups already this morning, a necessity after Delilah decided to start her day at five am.

Debbie stepped back into the dressing room. "Yes, a simple ceremony on the cliffs by the water, followed by a private lunch at the restaurant. Of course, we haven't figured out who will be preparing the food yet. You know Peter. He won't relax unless he's sure that the food will be perfect."

"Have you asked Bacon?" Kara asked absently. She wondered how many dresses Debbie planned to try on. They had already been here for almost two hours and Kara was hoping to get lunch before heading to the spa, where the menu mentioned things like cucumber sandwiches. Rabbit food, as Danny said while leaning over her shoulder.

"Would you mind if we asked him?" Debbie responded through the doors. "Peter would love to have Bernard but he's your friend and I don't want to overstep."

Kara rolled her eyes, thankful that Debbie was still in the changing room. Asking Bacon to cater her wedding lunch was not what Kara meant when she told Debbie to stop contacting her friends, following the time that Debbie invited Danny to join them for lunch — without telling Kara in advance. "Of course, Mom. Bacon would probably be thrilled. He sees Peter as his only real competition. I think they have a friendly rivalry going."

Just then Debbie stepped out of the dressing room, the lace-covered A-line with a raised waist fitting her to perfection. The dress was ivory, with a scalloped neckline, emphasizing Debbie's long neck and toned shoulders. And while the dress did have a train, it was short enough to be raised while Debbie was walking with minimal effort.

Kara stood, setting down her drink, blinking away tears. "Oh Mom, it's beautiful!"

Debbie turned, studying the mirror and then glancing back at Kara, a smile spreading across her face. A moment later she pulled Kara in for a side hug.

"This is the one."

xxx

Kara bit down on her lip. "She found the perfect dress. It's beautiful."

"This is the changing area," the receptionist said, interrupting their conversation. The woman paused before the door, eyes straying to Sasha, before asking. "Are there any restrictions that I should be aware of? The steam room, for example, is not recommended for pregnant women."

Alisha shot a quick, searching glance at Kara — one that Kara pointedly ignored — before turning back to the receptionist. "When I booked, I scheduled a maternity massage for Sasha. Maybe she can start with that while the rest of us enjoy a steam?"

"I'll let our masseuse know," the woman replied easily, before turning to leave.

As they moved into the changing area and Alisha began issuing directions, Kara found herself next to Sasha. Despite technically working in the same building, Kara hadn't seen her recently. Probably because Sasha seemed to go to the office about as much as Danny — meaning never.

Kara opened her assigned locker. "How's desk duty going? Has Val stopped ignoring you?"

Sasha chuckled. "Thank you."

Puzzled, Kara stopped in the process of pulling off her shoes. "For what?"

"For not immediately asking about the baby," Sasha explained, before giving an exaggerated sigh. "Between Tom and random people on the street touching my stomach, there are times recently when I've wondered if this is what incubators feel like."

"People touch your stomach?" Kara asked. "And they're still alive?"

Sasha snorted. "I must be getting soft. Anyway, Dennis seems to be working his magic on Val. Two months ago, I never would have been invited to this thing."

"I hate to break this to you, but Val might have invited you to be sadistic," Kara replies. "She once compared getting a massage to spending time inside an iron maiden."

"True, but Alisha's the one who invited me," Sasha pointed out. "And if there is one thing that the mess in Columbia taught me, it's that Alisha Granderson is a very good friend to have. Dennis is brilliant but Val is devious. Those pictures almost had me convinced that Green really was there on vacation."

Kara set her clothes in the locker, belting her robe, before meeting Sasha's eyes. "You know that there's a flip side, right? You piss off Alisha and Val will make your life a living hell. You can ask Danny for examples if you don't believe me."

"No need," Sasha replied, grinning. "I was there the time that his credentials were under the name of Austen Powers. Do you know how many times people asked him if his parents hated him?"

"Ms. Cooper?" Called a voice from the door. "When you are ready, we can begin your massage."

"I'm coming." Sasha smirked at Kara. "Val's worth the risk. Besides, I already told Danny that if the two of you split up again, I've picked my side and it's not his."

Appearing out of nowhere, Alisha looped her arm around Kara again. "Kara and I are getting our massages now too. We'll see you in the steam room." Once they were in the hallway, Alisha leaned closer. "To confirm, you aren't pregnant, right? Because I can cover for you if..."

"No," Kara interrupted firmly. "I'm not."

Alisha paused, studying Kara's face. "Are you okay?"

Kara considered the question, before nodding. "I really am. I guess I didn't actually think it would be that easy. So, I'm disappointed, but not surprised."

Alisha waited for a moment, then turned Kara into a side room where two massage tables sat. "Good. Now, we're getting the full spa packages. Starting with an hour massage. Which I'm sure you need after a morning shopping with Debbie."

xxx

"Are you sure you don't want to try on anything else?" Kara pressed. She might think that the dress was perfect, but she didn't want Debbie picking it just because of her. Even if leaving now did mean that they would have time for lunch before Kara needed to head to the spa.

"No," Debbie shook her head as she passed the dress to the saleswoman. "I'll be back to pick this up later. But I did want to take a quick look at the flowergirl dresses."

"Stella was hoping that she could wear the sailor outfit you made for her," Kara said as she followed Debbie across the store. "That might be nice for the beach."

"I wish that I still had the dress you wore when you were the flowergirl in Kim's wedding," Debbie said, picking up a dress with so much tulle that the sides stuck straight out. "Do you remember that? I was the matron of honor and you wore that mini wedding dress and threw leaves instead of flowers?"

A denial was on the tip of Kara's tongue when a vague memory came back of a short, round woman who was always laughing. "Was Kim your friend from Los Angeles? The one who brought us salt water taffy when she visited?"

"That was her," Debbie replied, smiling as she stared into the distance. "We grew up together, you know. But Kimmy always had big dreams and she was out of Kansas the day after graduation. She came back to get married at home, though. You were about six."

Kara glanced at the dress Debbie was holding, searching her memory. "The skirt had real flowers in it, didn't it? Or am I imagining that?"

"It did." Debbie turned, searching the racks. "Well, the flowers were fake but they weren't sewn onto the dress, just loose in the top layer of tulle so they floated as you walked. A little like this one."

"I remember that your dress was red. You looked like Princess Diana on the dance floor." Reaching out a hand, Kara fingered the puffy tulle skirt. "What happened to Kim? I don't remember seeing her again."

"We had a fight." Debbie paused, her smile fading. "The wedding was a couple months after Daddy died and Kim wanted me to move to California, said that it would be better for both of us if I got a fresh start somewhere new. Somewhere away from the booze and the memories. I told her to leave me alone. Refused to keep anything associated with her, so I left your dress at her parents' house. You cried the next day when you found out the dress was missing. I had promised that you could wear it for Halloween and be a princess. We got you a costume from the drug store instead."

Kara's instinct was to ignore the comment, the way she always did when Debbie talked about the past, about her drinking. She forced herself to speak. "Did you and Kim ever make up?"

"No." Debbie stared at the flower girl dress for a moment. "Kim called me a few times after the fight, but I didn't pick up. Then we moved and our number changed. I looked her up a few years back, when I started trying to make amends. She died of the Red Flu, along with her husband and children. She was my best friend for years and the last thing I said to her was to stay out of my life. I never got the chance to make that right."

Kara reached out, resting her hand on Debbie's arm. "I'm sorry, Mom. Even if you hadn't spoken in years, it must have been hard to learn that she was dead."

"This really is pretty." Debbie held the dress up again, her eyes sparkling with tears. "But I suppose it would be too much for a beach wedding anyway. The sailor dresses make much more sense."

"I don't know. I'm starting to see it," Kara replied over the lump in her throat, "Maybe with blue petals and sashes to match the water? I bet the girls would love it as much as I did. Maybe they can reuse them for Easter."

Debbie swallowed, then reached out, squeezed Kara's hand. "I don't say this enough, Kara, but thank you for giving me a second chance."

xxx

Kara swooped Delilah up in her arms before leaning over to place a kiss on Stella's forehead. "Did you have fun with Uncle Rick and Aunt Courtney?"

"They have a baby!" Stella practically yelled. "I helped feed her and picked out her outfit and even changed a diaper. She's so cute, Mommy. Can we have a baby?"

"No baby," Delilah announced, scowling as she hid her face in Kara's shoulder.

Chuckling at the antics, Kara looked over at Rick. "Thank you for watching them. I imagine it's a lot to have a newborn and two small children."

"They were great," Rick replied instantly. "Stella knows a lot about kids. I think that she changes diapers better than I do."

Stella nodded, seriously. "Uncle Rick needs more practice. Madison's diaper was almost falling off!"

Kara hid a smile at Stella's scandalized tone. "Where is Madison? I need to give her a cuddle before we leave."

"Here's the little princess," Courtney announced as she joined them on the front porch. "I was feeding her when you arrived."

Setting Delilah down, Kara reached for Madison. The infant blinked at Kara, her large blue eyes solemn. Kara swept a finger under her chin, waiting for the gurgle of laughter. "There's my happy girl."

"No baby!" Delilah announced again, her arms wrapped around Kara's legs. "Delilah hates Madison."

Courtney hid a smile behind her hand. "Believe it or not, she was just as excited to play with Madison as Stella was. This is a mommy special."

Bending down best she could, Kara smoothed a hand across Delilah's head. "We don't tell other people that we hate them, Delilah. Oh look, Madison is frowning. Do you think that you could help me cheer her up?"

Delilah scowled, but then stood, pressing a slobbery kiss to Madison's head. "Don't be sad, Baby Madison."

"Now I think that it's time for us to go home," Kara said, passing Madison to Rick. "I got a text from Daddy and he should be there by the time we get there."

"Daddy's home!" Stella threw her arms around Courtney and then Rick. "Bye Aunt Courtney! Bye Uncle Rick! Bye Madison! Come on Delilah!"

While Stella dragged Delilah towards the car, Kara gathered their bag. "Thank you for watching them. If you ever need a few hours to yourself, we're happy to return the favor."

A shadow crossed Courtney's face and Rick reached out to set a hand on her back. "I may take you up on that. Rick ships out on Wednesday."

"We'll only be gone a couple of weeks," Rick added, the comment clearly for Courtney rather than Kara. "We'll be back before the anniversary ball."

Kara felt a jolt at the words. She knew the Nathan James was leaving, of course, and Carlton had been acting CO for almost six months, so this was hardly the first time the James left without her. But there was something so permanent about this departure, knowing that the Nathan James was no longer her ship. Still, Kara summoned a smile. "Please let us know if you need anything, Courtney. We're happy to watch Madison anytime. Even if it is just an hour so you can run errands."

"Mommy! Let's go! We want to see Daddy!"

Stella's demand drew chuckles and Kara gave a final goodbye before tossing the bag in the car and starting the twenty minute drive home. But even with the girls chatting excitedly in the backseat, Kara found her mind wandering back to the Nathan James' departure from St. Louis, leaving her behind.

Physically exhausted, yet unable to sleep.

Filling her days from beginning to end with work.

Doing anything and everything to forget what had happened.

And avoid thinking about what might have been.

Since the day she reboarded the ship as TAO, the Nathan James had become her home. The one part of her life where Kara felt secure in the knowledge that here, at least, she knew exactly who she was and what she needed to do.

And she had given that up.

Heart racing, Kara took one deep breath, then another, reminding herself that this time was different. Yes, the Nathan James was leaving without her, but that was her choice.

Because everything had changed.

Now Kara had Danny, and Stella and Delilah. She had Andrea and Alisha and even Debbie in a way that she couldn't have imagined possible back in those days in St. Louis. Yes, she was a commander in the United States Navy and that would always be part of who she was.

But it was no longer all that she was.

Or, maybe, Kara realized, she had always been more. She just hadn't been willing to let go of her guilt and fear enough to recognize what had been there, waiting for her all along.

"Mommy! Mommmmmy! Are you listening to me?"

Snapping her attention back to the present, Kara glanced at Stella in the rear-view mirror. "Yes, sweetheart?"

"Can we get burritos for dinner? Please, please! They're Daddy's favorites."

Kara's lips curled. Burritos also happened to be Stella's favorite. "I think that sounds like a wonderful idea."

Twenty-five minutes later, Kara unsnapped the girls from their carseats, before collecting the burritos and a carrot cake with thick cream cheese frosting that Stella insisted was for Danny, even though he hated both carrot cake and cream cheese.

Danny appeared at the door to the house, water droplets still dusting his hair. "There are my girls!"

"Daddy! Daddy!"

Sidestepping them, Kara carried the food to the kitchen, setting the cake to the side and gathering plates and napkins. She was standing on her tiptoes to get the glasses when an arm snaked around her waist. Kara leaned back against him, exhaling on a sigh as Danny pressed a kiss to her temple. "Hi sweetheart."

Abandoning the glasses, Kara turned, looping her arms around his neck and catching his lips in a proper kiss. "Hi yourself, handsome. How was San Diego?"

Danny lifted a hand to the back of her neck, nuzzling the skin below her ear. "Hot. Smelly."

"Smelly?" Kara asked, amused.

Danny chuckled, his chest rumbling against hers. Then he stepped back, reaching over Kara's head to grab the forgotten glasses. "I was stuck bunking in the barracks. The digs here are much better. The food is too. Stella didn't mention that you got burritos when she talked me into giving them the kettle corn that I brought back."

"The burritos were their idea. They missed you," Kara commented, moving to the table to unwrap the food. "Did you offer a spot to anyone?"

"I made two offers," Danny confirmed. "And I'm on the fence about one other guy. He's got some good skills but he called Azima little lady. I don't want to have to explain what happened to Slattery if he goes too far and Cooper shoots him."

"What did Azima say?"

Danny sighed. "She said it would be a joy to teach him a lesson."

"Sounds like a pass then," Kara said, snorting. "And Sasha's special request?"

Danny's exasperated amusement disappeared. "Martinez was right. Estaban is planning something."

"Will you be leaving again then?" Kara asked, working to keep her voice light despite the lump in her throat.

"No." Danny reached out to cup her cheek, waiting until their eyes met. "I'm out. Pablo is in charge from this point forward. Sasha is just going to have to learn to trust him. Okay?"

Kara nodded, leaning her head into Danny's palm. "I know. Sometimes I just can't believe that this is all real. I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall."

"That's not going to happen," Danny insisted, his voice low and intense. "I won't let it."

And despite knowing only too well how little control either of them truly had, Kara found herself smiling. "Thank you."

Danny raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

Kara stepped closer, wrapping her arms around Danny's waist. Resting her head against his chest, listening to the solid beat of his heart. "For always believing in us, even when I didn't."

"Anytime, Foster. Anytime."