LoDisclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars. The show and all its characters belong to its appropriate owners.The lyrics used are the property of the fabulous group Lifehouse and I claim nothing. I was merely inspired by a particular track and honored it.
Rating: R 'cause of well, da smut.
Spoilers: Anything goes considering I had to rewrite the whole thing due to the finale. Pairings: WeeVer, some LoVe but believe me, WeeVer all the way.
Summary: Taking that final step will change everything.
Chapter Four: Sick Cycle Carousel
I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I
could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to change this mind
you better believe I tried to beat this lifehouse, sick cycle carousel, track two
Duncan appears at her apartment the day before she is to start school again and she can't muster up any surprise. She lets him into the apartment silently and leans against the door as he turns to look at her. He opens his mouth and then closes it before she offers, "Want to take a walk?"
They go down the block towards the beach and she waits for him to speak but when he doesn't, she asks, "How's Meg?"
He blinks and looks at her. "She's good," he says then adds, "Her parents aren't glad that she's dating me but..."
"I'm sorry," she offers and he shrugs. "It's okay," he says. "I didn't think we would stay together anyway."
"Why's that?" she asks and he looks at her in such a way, she winces, saying, "Yeah, I know. Stupid question. Duncan..."
"I still love you Veronica," he says suddenly, taking her hands in his, desperation filling his eyes. "And I know that it would be hard but we could make it work, couldn't we? We could try again?"
"I don't know," she whispers as they stop and lean against the quarry. The ocean splashes against the sand furiously, as if angry at something and Veronica crosses her arms over her chest before saying, "Duncan, I'm not the same girl I was then. I'm different. You're different."
"Why?" he demands. "Because I'm epileptic?"
"No," Veronica protests. "Because you look at me like it's my fault that Lilly's gone. You look at me like I did something wrong."
"I don't blame you," he says quietly and she replies, "It feels like you do. You never told me why we broke up then. You just...stopped. You didn't explain or lie, like you could've. All you had to say was that we couldn't be together and I would've trusted you. But now..." She wraps her arms around herself. "Now, I don't know if I can ever trust you."
"You trust Logan?" he says and she winces. "Do you Veronica? Do you trust him more than you do me?"
"No," she says finally. "I can't trust Logan. I don't think I ever have. What we had, it didn't mean much. He was feeling guilty over moving on and I wanted..."
"What?"
"I wanted to understand Lilly," she whispers. "I wanted to figure out her out."
"I don't think even Lilly knew who she was," Duncan says quietly. "So you were pretty much playing a losing game."
"I love you Duncan," she says. "I think a part of me will always love you. But I'm not in love with you. Not anymore."
"When did that happen?" he asks and she smiles slightly.
"This past year," she says. "I learned so much about myself. So much about this town and the people who live here. A lot of it is ugly but a few good things do happen here. And I won't let those good things get overrun by the ugly things. I'm sorry Duncan."
"I didn't really think we could go back to how it was," he says after a moment of silence. "I just wish that none of this had happened."
"So do I sometimes," she says. "But then I think about how much better my life is now and it's all gonna be okay. Someday."
"Yeah," he sighs and looks at her. "Walk you home?"
Veronica smiles and shakes her head. "Think I'll stay here for a while." She sits down on a nearby rock and adds, "Listen to the waves and stuff."
"When did you become nature girl?" Duncan asks with a twinkle in his eye and she grins at him before saying, "Goodbye Duncan."
"Yeah," he says suddenly solemn. "Bye Veronica."
She watches him leave until he is a speck on the horizon and then leans back against the rocks. She watches the waves smash against the shore and says, "Hello Logan."
"Guess I'm not as stealthy as I thought," Logan Echolls says as he straightens up from his crouch. "Veronica."
She turns her head to meet his gaze and turns away as he sits down beside her. They sit together in silence that is not comfortable but is also not uncomfortable. It is just silence and finally, he says, "Did you really think I did it?"
"I did," she says honestly because if there is one thing that they have both learned through all of this, is that honesty is the best thing. "But then the evidence pointed to your dad and you know the rest."
"You sold me out," he says and she blows out some air in a huff saying, "Do you want me to apologize?" as she gets to her feet and rounds on him. "Because I won't Logan. This is my job. This is who I am. I won't apologize for finding out who killed Lilly. I'm sorry it was your dad but I didn't make him kill her or sleep with her or tape it."
"I know," he says. "I just wonder, did I mean anything to you?"
"Did I?" she asks. "Did you really, truly move on from Lilly? Because you loved her so much Logan. I saw you when you loved her and I knew she loved you too."
"Bullshit," he mutters. "If she had loved me, she would've never slept with my father."
Veronica sighs. "I don't love you like you want me too," she says finally. "And I don't think I ever will. We weren't friends before Lilly died and not after. This will never work. I could never be your girlfriend and you could never be my boyfriend."
"Why?" he mocks. "Because we're not roses and cookies?"
"No," she says softly. "Because I can't trust you and you can't trust me."
He stares at her for a moment and then turns, walking away. She doesn't bother to watch him leave because she knows that it wouldn't make a difference. She won't be a replacement for Lilly. Not for Logan or for anyone else.
Chapter Five: Simon...