A/N:- YAY! Everyone cheer for my new beta - MortyM! It's thanks to him that you have this chapter, polished and everything, today. Hopefully, having someone read my work before it's posted will mean I get more on track. Really, this is annoying me, so I can tell how you feel ducks and runs from crowd of angry fans.
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Not much chat today - just that this chapter is dedictated to MortyM. I sent this to him yesterday and got it back today! Very impressed. Thank you!
Chapter 12- The Astronomy Tower.
Remus and Harry excused themselves politely from the headmaster's presence, knowing he would be busy for a while sorting out other related matters that neither of them were in any position to be a part of. After standing awkwardly in front of the gargoyle that lead to the headmaster's office for a few minutes, Harry shifted uncomfortably and coughed.
"Um, Remus? I think I should, er, go and see what Ron and Hermione are doing. They, um, might be worried, or something." Remus looked at Harry, concerned but weary amber eyes scrutinising him carefully.
"Are you all right?" he asked quietly after a second, and Harry tried not to look into his eyes, dreading what he would see.
"Yeah, fine." he said vaguely. The werewolf was not convinced, but short of sticking to him like glue or dragging it out of him – both of which wouldn't sit well with the teen he knew – he was at a loss as what to do. Really, he had no experience with these sort of things, and despite Albus' occasional advice, he just followed his heart. So, instead, he nodded, and watched as Harry trudged off, head bowed. Then he sighed deeply, closing his eyes briefly, and went of to find something to do. A bottle of Firewhisky sitting in his cabinet sounded very welcome at the moment.
Harry walked away from the older wizard, feeling slightly guilty. He knew exactly why Remus was worried – after all, he had tried to kill himself twice – but his own pride, stubbornness and caring for the man held him back. Hell, the man had enough problems as it was.
Not knowing where he was going, he just stared unseeing at his trainers and let himself walk. A numb feeling spread through him, as if he was detached from everyone else, his mind blanked through basic Occlumency, though it was hardly necessary, and he gave up after a while. It was as if he could feel the pain and despair and anger pounding in his mind, but it was muted, as if surrounded in cotton wool. Up and down winding stairs, round corners, past empty classrooms and down corridors he walked in this way, and in small part thankful the castle was so empty. For once, he was glad of the solitude.
It was only when he realised that his wandering feet had brought him directly in front of a door that he looked up. Vaguely remembering the door – it looked familiar, as if he had been here once before, but he couldn't place it. Reaching his hand out, he clasped the handle and opened the door. A sick rush ran through him as he realised where he was.
Harry walked into the cold stone room, still in a semi-daze. Green eyes roamed over broken furniture and old-fashioned telescopes, but froze when he saw the window. Approaching cautiously, he ran his fingers over the stone ledge, feeling the emotional wall in his mind crumble, despair and deep sorrow mingled with guilt lashed out their icy black tendrils. He fell to his knees heavily, tears leaking down his face, not registering even when Hermione's panicked mind voice whispered behind the wave of despair, crying his name.
When a small object – silvery, like a pointed pyramid – glowed a vicious red, nobody, save Albus Dumbledore, noticed it. Severus continued to list the current events in the Wizarding underworld – not a lot – until he noticed the grave, saddened and shocked look slip onto his mentors' face. Not comprehending, but reading the expression with customary ease, he stopped the elderly man as he leapt up.
"Albus?" he asked, rising. Albus looked at the Potions' Master, his eyes serious.
"The new Astronomy Tower wards. Harry's up there." Severus froze, his heart sinking.
"What do you want me to do?" he said quickly, following the headmaster out of the room.
"Go to the grounds. I need someone down there in case he- in case." Albus amended. The other man nodded and curtly, and strode off, robes swirling. He paused a few steps away, and half-turned.
"Should Lupin be informed?" Albus hesitated.
"Not yet. We need speed, and I fear we may already be too late. If you see him however…" Snape nodded again, and continued down the deserted corridor.
In the Gryffindor Common Room, Ron and Hermione awaited Harry's return with unease and sadness. They were playing chess, Hermione constantly distracted as she reached out along their telepathic link to try to find him, and Ron was winning, as usual. Suddenly, Hermione gave a cry and threw her hands over her ears, as if trying to stop the influx of emotion pouring through her that way.
Startled, Ron looked up, and saw tears run down her shaking face, his expression worried and shocked.
"Hermione?" he said, moving round the abandoned game to go next to her, and trying to pry her hands off of her face. "Hermione, what's wrong?" The girl shuddered and sobbed, curling in on herself as torment flowed through her, identical to the waves of despair that currently took over Harry.
"Hermione?" Ron tried again, reaching out a hand to move her hand, before it was batted away, and Hermione scrambled off of her chair, falling out of the portrait hole, the red haired Weasley calling after her, dumbfounded.
She stumbled down the corridors, her emotions and mind whirling, she tried to wrest some sort of control over it, and called tentatively down the mind-link, calling Harry's name.
Severus strode down the darkening corridors, his robes swirling like in a high wind and his eyes burning with ice. Normally this would've been mistaken for anger in the sullen Potion Master's expression, but now it was hinting at something deeper, fear. As he neared the bottom of a staircase, he passed Remus' guest quarters, where the werewolf was returning, smelling faintly of alcohol and looking the worse for the wear. His face lined, his expression bleak and his grey hair seeming to spread with the sadness in his eyes.
"Sev'rus?" he said vaguely, slightly tipsy from the bottle of Firewhisky he had just downed (with the help of the house elves). Severus paused for a second, his feet impatient to be moving, to continue his flight to the grounds, but his head commanding he remained. Remus was important to Harry, and vice versa. Harry was in trouble, and needed Remus, and Remus needed to see Harry.
"Lupin." He said quickly, swiftly glancing up and down the werewolf to note the signs of alcohol. Not good, but still… "Go to the Astronomy Tower immediately. Po- Harry needs you." Remus' expression went shaken and his face white, amber eyes snapping up to meet onyx as this sentence made it's way through his muzzy mind.
"Harry, in trouble?" he said sharply, searching the other man's face. Severus nodded, watching as the other man tore off down up the stairs, nearly tripping as he went and nearly flew down the corridor. Then he went on his way down the hallway, preparing himself for what might yet happen.
Racing down the corridor like a woman gone mad, her hair flying behind her and her feet pounding on the worn stone floor, Hermione never saw the obstacle that was in her path, that is, until she hit it.
"Ah!" she yelped, as she fell to the floor, shattering her concentration into a million incoherent thoughts like glass. Sharply knocking her elbow against the wall, she narrowly missed hitting her head on the toe of a stationary suit of armour that sniggered at her descent. Looking up, she saw an elderly hand reach to help her up, and took it, flushing wildly as she saw it was Professor Dumbledore. Then another wave of depression swept over her, nearly making her fall back to the floor, sending a sick feeling deep into her stomach.
"Are you alright, Miss Granger?" he asked worriedly as her eyes closed against the pain. Tearing them open, she looked up at the blue-eyed man, her own brown eyes shining with tears.
"It's Harry, he's there, but he shouldn't be, doesn't want to be, and he can't leave and it all hurts so much!" she cried, her voice escalating as she tried to explain. A strange look flickered over Dumbledore's wrinkled face, but it disappeared quickly, and he straightened.
"Come with me Hermione." He said solemnly, leading them both in the same direction he had been taking. She didn't even notice he had used her first name; she was too tied up in the chaos that was her thoughts. It was lucky for Hermione that she now had the older man to guide her steps, as she was once again drawn back into the labyrinth of emotion, trying desperately to get the young elemental's attention. They strode down the dark halls and moving staircases, the very castle seeming to understand their need and moving so that they could take the quickest route to the Astronomy Tower.
The old wooden door that opened into the tower storage room, where Harry was, opened slowly, creaking on it's hinges slightly. The room was shadowy, not helped by the dark sky outside, where rain lashed against worn stone, and wind whistled. However, the two people standing slightly breathless at the door, Hermione looking from under Dumbledore's arm, could clearly see the small darker shadow in front of the window, barely moving and curled in on itself. It was Harry.
With a cry, Hermione pushed past the elderly Headmaster, and fell onto her knees beside Harry, reaching out to touch his shoulder. He flinched, moving suddenly and swiftly, turning over to view her, burrowing his back into the wall, his haunted emerald eyes fearful. Locking her eyes onto his, Hermione tried again and again to call through the bond, sending love and support and calm to him, her eyes soft as she maintained the contact. Tentatively, she reached out slightly, widening her arms so that he could move into them and tucking her hair behind her ear.
'It's okay, Harry, it's just me, Hermione. You know it's me, right? I'm just here to help, Harry. Please, Harry, I love you.' These words seemed at first to crash against the brick wall of misery that was Harry's mind, but slowly and surely, it started to crumble, letting her in and causing fresh tears to appear on the pale boy's face. 'I love you…'
Harry threw himself into her arms, sobbing, and she clutched him tightly, keeping her arms across his back and threading her fingers comfortingly in his hair. He seemed to be holding her just as tightly, as if she were his lifeline, which was probably true.
'It's okay Harry, I'm here, let it out.' she whispered into his mind, closing her eyes as tears spread from beneath her lashes again. Harry's thin frame shook, but she held him to her, resting her head lightly on his shoulder. For a split second as Hermione soothed his chaotic emotions, she felt something strange, something alien with an icy touch, seeming to be angry about something, but then it was gone, and Hermione was too busy comforting her mate to think on it.
It was just as Harry was calming down slightly, Dumbledore still standing beside the door, that Remus appeared, panting heavily with exertion and causing a lot of noise as he near exploded into the room. Harry's emerald eyes snapped open at the noise, fixing upon Remus' worried amber, before a pale and shocked look spread over his features, his eyes dimming in reminiscence, scuttling out of Hermione's embrace with almost superhuman strength and disappearing into the darkness created by a mound of disused telescopes.
Hermione turned sharply, ready to glare fiercely at whoever had disturbed them and sent waves of panic through Harry, but stopped when she saw Remus, shocked. Why had Harry run from Remus? He looked crestfallen, his eyes sad and rejected, his face haggard, and his clothes messy. He even smelled faintly of alcohol…
Caught by a sickening thought, she closed her eyes and plunged into Harrys' mind, sifting through the frozen mind to find the source. Flashes of broken glass, the scent of whiskey, the sound of heavy breathing and cries of pain and distress, blood, pain, torture, guilt, anger, bloodpaintortureguiltangerbloodbloodblood…
Flinching as snatches of memory bombarded her, she bit her lip and pulled herself out breathing heavily and tinged faintly green, but her brown eyes flashed with anger. Remus face went whiter, if possible when the angry young woman sharply drew her wand to point it at him, but relaxed into worried puzzlement as two spells fell from her lips.
"Sobrius, inolens." Immediately, the scent of alcohol disappeared, and Remus felt the onset of a hangover tinge his thoughts as the spells worked over him. Hermione then turned back to the frightened eyed boy who sat, watching from within the shadowy den he had pulled into.
Harry looked into Hermione's brown eyes as she tried to open the connection again, speaking out loud as well, to reassure him.
"It's okay, Harry, you can come out, we aren't going to hurt you. You trust me, don't you? I wouldn't ever hurt you, it's okay." She reached out a hand, leaving it hanging in the air as an invitation. "You're at Hogwarts, you're safe, I'm here, Hermione, you know me, don't you Harry?" Harry nodded slowly as he fought the memories that threatened to overwhelm him. He remembered now, he was at Hogwarts, he had escaped the Dursleys, he was safe. Tentatively, he crawled out, taking Hermione's hand and allowing himself to be enveloped in a loose embrace. She stroked his hair softly, still reassuring him. Dimly, he noticed the smell had gone, and he relaxed, focusing on the comfort his mate was giving him.
Remus was worried, scared, puzzled, slightly annoyed and lost. His godson, or at least, his best friends' son (this thought alone left his thoughts tangled) had scuttled away from him faster than a speeding broom, with an expression he had hoped never to see on his thin face, had been turned on by an angry Hermione, who had cleaned and sobered him no less, then managed to get him out of his hideaway hole. He even started to feel a little betrayed, Harry had turned to him for help, and he had given it, loved him… The werewolf sighed, leaning on the door frame, accidentally drawing Harry's attention to him.
As his emerald eyes snapped up at the sudden sound, he noticed Remus standing there, a strange medley of expressions on his face. Surely, he hadn't been standing there a moment ago, when Hermione had come in, but when had he arrived? And why did he look so, hurt? What had he done? His guilty thoughts must have passed through to Hermione, because just then, she reopened the mind link, her tone worried.
'What is it, Harry?'
'When did Remus get here? And why's he so hurt? What did I do?' he asked miserably, burying his face in her shoulder. Hermione glanced at the older man, seeing him look and glance away from Harry, her brow furrowed, then smoothing.
'Oh, Harry.' Was all she said for a moment. 'He was the one who smelt of whisky; he was the one who started your, well, whatever it was. And he doesn't know why, and he thinks he's done something to you. And,' she added with a thought-giggle, 'he might be a bit annoyed that I sobered him up a little.'
'You did? Thanks. But I suppose I'd better go and tell him it's all right.' He sighed quietly.
'It's not all right, and we all know it, Harry, there's no need to hide any more. Maybe if you just explained exactly what happened, he will understand. This is Remus, he won't think any differently of you, except maybe more compassion.'
'Thanks 'Mi.' he squeezed her slightly, then released as she let him get up, standing herself and brushing the dust off of her clothes. Harry thought for a second if there was supposed to be some way he should do this, something he could say, but in the end he gave up, crossed the room, and enveloped the startled werewolf in a hug, wrapping his arms around the thin waist and pressing his face against the man's chest.
"Harry?" Remus asked, tentatively placing a hand on Harry's shoulder, before wrapping his arms around him.
"I'm sorry." Harry said, his voice muffled against the worn robes the older man wore. Remus gently prised him off, still holding the teen loosely and looking him in the eye, concerned.
"What for? You did nothing."
"I ran from you, I know you won't hurt me at all, but I still ran, and I came here," he mumbled, slightly avoiding his amber eyes.
"It's okay, Harry, I don't mind at all. It wasn't your fault, I just want to know why." Harry looked into Remus' eyes finally, wondering how he was going to explain without sounding like he was nuts or something.
"I think," Dumbledore said suddenly and quietly from where he stood at the side of the room, having watched the entire thing, "that it would be best if we continued this conversation elsewhere. After all, the Astronomy Tower is hardly the most comfortable place in the school. If you would care to accompany me to my office, I'm sure we can get this all sorted out." They nodded, and Hermione and Remus accompanied Harry following the elderly wizard, Hermione looping her arm through his, and Remus laying his hand on his shoulder.
They passed through the corridors silently, past the gargoyle and up the staircase, where Dumbledore seated them comfortably in his office, offering tea for them all and sherbet lemons, which none refused for once (or at least, none refused the tea, the sherbet lemons were another matter). Cradling the hot mug in his hands, he sipped at the liquid, relaxing as it warmed his stomach. Hermione seemed slightly uncomfortable, but when questioned by Harry using the mind-link, she embarrassedly muttered that she was still in awe of Dumbledore, and that sitting in his office so calmly was unnerving.
After a few minutes, Dumbledore looked up from his packet of sherbet lemons, and called for Fawkes, the beautiful phoenix flying from another ante room to land on his desk-perch, nodding almost respectfully at Harry, and trilling a welcome. Then he turned to his master, and, eyeing him reproachfully, made a meaningful noise in the back of its throat, that seemed to roughly translate as 'You've forgotten something.' A look of understanding passed over Dumbledore's face as he stroked the fiery feathers, and he spoke quietly, a small smile on his face.
"Yes, I suppose we should. If you would go and fetch him, he can be rather tetchy if left for too long." The phoenix bowed its head in acquiescence, trilled its farewell to Harry, who it seemed to be rather attached to, and flew off, spreading its wings and disappearing with a sharp CRACK and burst of flame.
Another few minutes later, Fawkes returned, just as there was a knock on the door, and Severus stepped through. His gaze quickly found Harry, unharmed, and he relaxed slightly.
"Ah, Harry, you're alright. Albus, unless you require my presence, I think I should leave." Albus looked over the other three.
"Very well, Severus. You may return later." The forbidding man nodded, and left, his robes swirling slightly. "Now, Harry, I think I join Remus at least, in wondering why exactly you where in the Astronomy Tower?" his eyes were slightly grave, but he was holding it back for Harry's sake, knowing the impact it would have on the boy. Harry shifted uncomfortably.
"Well, there isn't a lot to tell…."
"Harry, the last time you where in the Astronomy Tower, you jumped off, trying to kill yourself!" Remus said, unsuccessful in his own attempts to reign in his anger and worry. Harry bit his lip.
"I know, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go there this time, I don't know what happened." Albus gave the teen a long look, and then spoke carefully.
"Harry, whilst I know that you are having a difficult time at the moment, and would probably prefer to leave this well alone, I cannot do so with a clear conscience."
"I wasn't trying to, you know, kill myself, Professor, I swear." Harry said quickly, but was calmed by a small gesture from the old man.
"It is not just the recent events that I am referring to, it is a few other matters. For instance, how long have you been practising wandless magic? How did you learn how to make a knife like the one you used earlier?" Remus was paling in the memory, but now he thought about it, he too was curious. "And how come, despite the fact that, at the time you were a reasonably average fifteen year old wizard, yet you managed to apparate into Hogwarts grounds, despite even myself not being able to?" Hermione gasped quietly, and looked at Harry with an odd gaze, not unfriendly, but Harry still felt uncomfortable under all the questions.
'You apparated into Hogwarts?' She breathed into his mind, and he nodded, worrying the other two men slightly. Seeing their shared serious look, she reassured them hastily.
"Sorry, I forgot I wasn't talking aloud." She blushed slightly.
"It's quite alright Miss Granger." Dumbledore said, smiling slightly, then turning to Harry.
"Well," he said, taking a deep breath, "I've been trying out wandless magic since last year, because I was thinking about the prophecy, and realised that as Voldemort and my wands have that weird effect-"
"Priori Incantatem." Albus put in at Remus and Hermione's questioning glances.
"Yeah, that, then I can't really use my wand against him in a duel, and the best way to fight him is with wandless magic." Albus nodded, but Remus looked at Harry seriously, searching.
"If you've been practising wandless magic, then why did you let them do that to you?" His eyes were sad, with a hint of anger that came forth whenever the Dursleys where mentioned. Harry looked away quickly, rubbing his arm uncomfortably.
"I felt like I deserved it." He said quietly and bluntly, and then continued quickly. "Um, well, the knife was kind of a made-up-on-the-spot thing, I remembered when Mr Weasley was attacked last year, the venom stopped blood replenishing potions and stopping the wound from closing was my idea." Without a word, Hermione moved silently to kneel beside his chair, resting her hand on his, and her head against his arm, offering her comfort. Taking it gratefully, he took a deep breath, and then persisted, suddenly feeling the need to have it all over.
"I can't really explain how I apparated into Hogwarts, I just wanted to come here, and then I was." He shrugged. "I never really thought about it, or about how it was possible. To be honest, I was thinking a lot at the time, it was all a bit of a blank."
"How so?" Albus asked sharply, garnering everyone's attention, his eyes where a bright and serious blue, without their twinkle and curious.
"Like just now, really. Detached, I could feel all the pain and everything, but it was kind of muffled somehow, but this time it just broke." Albus nodded thoughtfully, the room silent for a few seconds. Eventually, he looked up, locking gaze with Harry, sapphire meeting emerald.
"And today?" he asked gravely.
"I'm not too sure. I walked off from Remus," he looked slightly apologetically at the older man, "I was going to go and see Ron and Hermione. But I just got sort of lost in my thoughts, then it got all detached again and I realised I was at the door to the Astronomy Tower.
When I went in, it was as if something broke, the thing that was holding all my emotions and thoughts, and it was, a bit, um, overwhelming." Hermione buried her face in his robes at the memory of pain and despair that had lashed through her, knowing it was exactly, if not less than what he had been feeling.
"And when I came in?" Remus asked softly, his eyes old and sad. Harry kept his eyes away from everyone as he replied equally quietly, choking back tears.
"He drinks." He didn't have to give a name, all present knew from the tone and emotion running rampant over Harry's face that 'he' was Vernon Dursley. Remus quickly rose from his chair to Harry's, and the boy nearly threw himself into his arms, tears streaking his face as the werewolf cradled the boy he loved like a son.
"I'm sorry." Harry sobbed, "I didn't mean to, it's just-"
"Shhhh." Remus said into his ear, perching on the armchair to support his weight and resting the messy head of hair against his chest, rubbing circles on his back. "It's not your fault, it's okay. Shh."
Hermione wiped away her own tear as she failed to cut off the onslaught of emotion. They really had to learn how to stop this mind-link; it could get embarrassing. Not that she didn't want to share all of Harry, and know everything about him and love him and care for him, but she was stricken by a sudden thought of a certain event that happens to all boys (probably even abused ones) during the night, and bit back a snigger. Feeling her abrupt change in mood, Harry looked up, his tears drying and a question in his eyes.
She flushed slightly as everyone looked at her, Dumbledore's eyes twinkling as if he knew exactly what she had just thought, and Remus glancing between the two teens with an almost knowing look in his eyes.
"I think that concludes this meeting." Albus interrupted before anyone could say anything, to which Hermione was grateful. "I'm sure Mr Weasley will be wondering where the two of you have got to." For a second, a horrified look passed over Hermione's face.
"What?" Harry said quickly.
"I forfeited the match! And I was winning!" she said in a half-disbelieving, half-despairing. Harry chuckled, and Remus and Albus shared a glance over his head, which clearly questioned the boys' sanity – depression to giggling in under a minute could not be normal – but then they both smiled. Teenagers.
Review Responsesfalconsfan – Ta very much, I will try to take your advice! Even the bit about posting soon… oops. God, I hate myself when I realise, lying in bed at night, that it's been like a month since I posted – it is highly unintentional. And the plot bunnies keep bothering me, even though I have my trusty plot-bunny swatter! 'Pologies and all. cowers from masses of people throwing tomatoes
gaul1 – Ta, byes!
amber.moora – No way mate! How can I get sick of your doody little comments, hehehe. I liked writing Sirius, he's a real cad, but great fun. Shame I killed him off (even if it is canon). bows to applause New chapter for you today! waits by Outlook for review
Harmony8390 – I know the feeling – I can't count the amount of times I've been reading/writing when my coursework is due in the next day… Hehehe. You reread my entire story? Cool! Head now proudly held high due to you guys (Thanks!) and more on it's way as soon as it gets written up…
HeWhoComesWithTheDawn – Oh bother. This is why I need a beta! Firstly, I'll deal with the one I can immediately reply to – Remus apparating out of Hogwarts. Um, my mistake? It has been rectified – note people, Remus now floo's before them. Sorry!
And Harry's glasses – well, I figured (but forgot to explain – again, my blooper) that since he has worn them since he was a little kid, and there are lots of photos of him and everything, that people might notice if he wasn't wearing glasses. Therefore, the new edition glasses have been altered to normal glass, so that he can see clearly, without people wondering at the change. I haven't decided if they will remain (I'm rather fond of Harry's glasses as a prop). shrugs Thanks for noticing these things!
EbonyBeach – You crazy person, lol. Hope you haven't got too many blisters from D of E!
MortyM – Thanks for the comments (they keep me alive!), and I am glad you enjoyed it.
burch – I think I answered your questions above, and am really glad you like it. Hope you enjoyed this one!
Gred – Thank you! I've gone bright red from all your comments, guys! Thank you, thank you, thank you…
FireOpal