Okay, next chapter today, because tomorrow I might not have the time to post it. And because I have to finish chapter 26 today, because otherwise there will be no updates for a loooong time, I publish this one so early this morning.
It´s so hot here, that I can´t sleep (39°C).
to localizy: I totaly understand your problem, I have the same! But that´s not the only one. The counter at the stats for the reviews isn´t working properly either. Sometimes it says "2 reviews" although I got 15 or so, very depressing when you´re looking at the stats!
to LoVeLuKe: Read this chapter and youll know. But better doesn´t mean good!
to lilienprinzessin and gilmoregrly4life : Emily will play an important role in chapter 25, so just a little patience!
to ProFfeSseR: I hope you had a nice birthday! Actually right now it´s too hot here. You can´t go outside and the pools are just..urgh!
to Izzpuppy: Oh yeah, she is! And because of your question with Christmas and Christmas Eve: I really don´t know, in Germany it´s all the same. You have three days and they are all called Christmas here. And because it´s not really important for the story I was too lazy to look it up. But the dinner was the day before you open the presents in the morning, that´s the important part! ( In Germany you have dinner and you open the presents on the 24 dec. and the other two days are pretty boring and just to visit the family!)
to LLLoveForever: I thought about it for a second, but that´s not what I wanted. If he comes back just because there are complications, then the problem wouldn´t be solved. That´s why I did´t put it that way.
Chapter 23: Happy New Year
Two days later they still hadn´t talked about what had happened. They both avoided the subject, afraid what result their talk would bring.
They had found some sleeping arrangement: Lorelai took the bedroom, Luke slept in the guest bedroom downstairs. It wasn´t that Lorelai didn´t want him in their bedroom, she was just afraid to ask him to come back. And Luke wanted to sleep in his own bed again, but he didn´t found the courage to ask her. He was the one who had left and took her son away, now he had to deal with the consequences.
They both looked after Will and Luke went to the diner to check on things, but the main time they spent together in the house, avoiding "the talk" and both were walking on egg-shells the whole time. Rory had called and Lorelai had told her that everything would work out. She was still hurt that Rory spend Christmas and the New Years Eve with Logan and not with them. On the other hand she was glad that she wasn´t there, so that she and Luke had time alone and had to talk.
"I´m back!" Luke said when he entered the house. He had been in the diner again.
There was no answer so he assumed at first that Lorelai had gone out, but then he heard some noise upstairs.
He found William on his blanket in his nursery, playing with Lorelais cellphone again. He took it away and handed him a toy. Gladly William accepted it.
"Lorelai?" Luke called again, but again no answer. He walked into the bedroom and found the bathroom door open. He recognised the sounds coming out of it. When he entered it, he discovered that he heard right, she was throwing up again. At first he wasn´t sure what to do. When she had been pregnant with William, they had spend hours together sitting on the bathroom floor, her head on his shoulder, while he rubbed her back or stroked her hair and afterwards carried her into the bedroom, sometimes helped her to change and then lay her on the bed. Although it wasn´t what he would call a nice situation, he had enjoyed it in some way, because she had totally relied on him then.
In the current situation he wasn´t sure what to do, but then he couldn´t just walk away.
He took a glass which stood on the board above the sink and filled it with water and handed it to her, when she leaned back against the tub. She took a sip and thanked him.
He stood there for an awkward moment, then sat down on the edge of the tub and was surprised when she leaned her head against his thigh.
He hesitated for a moment, but then reached out an stroked her hair.
" I think I´m done" Lorelai said after some minutes and stood up.
She walked into the bedroom and plopped down on the bed, exhausted. Luke followed her.
"Do you need anything?" he asked. And again the memories came back when she had been pregnant with William. The had lay there on the bed, she had snuggled as close as possible against him and they had fantasised about their baby.
"No, thanks. But could you look after Will?"she said and swallowed hard, she had the same pictures in her head.
"Yeah, sure" he told her and walked over in the nursery to look after his son.
Two hours later William was cranky because he was hungry, so Luke carried him over to the bedroom. Lorelai was asleep, so he had to wake her. He sat down on the bed and then stroked her arm.
"Lorelai!" he said quietly and moved his hand upwards to her cheek.
"Lorelai!" he said again.
"Mmmhhhmmm, Luke honey, let me sleep" she mumbled still half asleep. He had to smile when he heard it and a flood of emotions suddenly rushed through him. She looked so peaceful and so beautiful. How could he have thought about leaving her? How could he have thought about a divorce? What was written on the amulet was true, plain and simple: He couldn´t live without her.
"Lorelai you need to wake up. Will is hungry" he said, still caressing her cheek. She needed a moment, but then opened her eyes. She looked directly into Luke´s and he quickly removed his hand from her cheek. He felt like he had been caught doing something forbidden. He had to clear his throat, while he handed her Will, before he could speak.
"I uhm,... he is hungry" he said and quickly left the room.
On New Years Eve the situation was still the same. Sookie had invited them over, but Lorelai preferred to stay at home. Maybe they would speak that day, it could be a good start for the New Year Lorelai thought.
Luke had cooked a dinner which they had eaten mainly in silence. Lorelai felt that the silence got to her. She had never been good with it, she preferred babbling and ranting, even screaming.
After dinner she sat down in the living room and watched Willy Wonka together with Will, who played with his rattle, chewed on it.
Luke joined them , but again there was silence. Lorelai broke it, she had to do it.
"Luke, we need to talk" she stated
"I know, but can´t we do it.. I dunno... tomorrow maybe?" he said
"No, we can´t. This silence is driving me crazy. And I need to know what you are thinking. I can´t just sit here and wait, while I don´t know what´s going to happen. Please Luke tell me what you want. Do you... do you want a ... a divorce?" she asked and pressed her hands together, afraid of his answer.
He turned around and looked at her for some time before he answered.
"No, I don´t want a divorce. I thought about it, but no... But I just don´t know how to work this out"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I don´t know how I can get you to trust me. Not to doubt me all the time and shut me out. God, Lorelai... you know I really ask myself what this marriage is worth when you are pregnant and you are thinking about an abortion and you don´t tell me. I mean, what else didn´t you tell me?"
"I was just so shocked and I felt so.. guilty... and stupid that I told you I couldn´t get pregnant. I had no idea how you would react."
"That´s exactly what I mean. You are expecting that I just walk away and leave you with these kids. Actually the thought that I could be happy about it never crossed your mind. And... it hurts." he admitted.
"But Luke I do love you. I´m so afraid of losing you because I love you"
"Yeah maybe. But obviously love isn´t enough for a marriage."
"Luke please forgive me. I was in kind of a shock state. My imagination was running wild and I only thought of the worst that could happen. And I thought that maybe if I just wouldn´t be pregnant anymore would solve everything. And when you yelled at me that I would be killing our kids, it really was the first time that I realised what it meant. Being pregnant was no longer some abstract problem, but I felt that there are really our children in here. I could never have an abortion. They ´re our children Luke. We´re gonna have two babies! And I´m soo scared."
"Me, too. I don´t know either how this will work. Three children, the Inn and the diner, that´s a lot. But somehow it will work out. We have to work it out."
"But what if we fail? If we have no more time for anything between feeding the babies, changing the diapers and singing them to sleep. We will have no more time for Will, not to speak of Rory or for our relationship. That´s why the thought of an abortion crossed my mind. It seemed like a possibility, just for some moments. And I really wanted to talk to you. I just couldnt"
"Why?" he asked. This was the main point. Before she didn´t knew why, there was no solution for this.
"I don´t know" she said sadly. She truly had no idea.
"You need to figure this out. Otherwise I don´t see a chance for this marriage in the long run." he told her and then leaned his elbows against his knees and lay his head in his hands, then sighed. Lorelai hesitated for a moment then sat closer to him, Will still in her lap, and then lay her head against his shoulder.
"I will figure it out. I promise." she told him, in nearly a whisper.
Luke sat up straight and at first Lorelai was taken aback, she thought maybe it was too early for him that she snuggled against him, but then he leaned back against the couch and lay his arm around her shoulders and then pulled her to him. She accepted his offer and lay her head against his chest and placed Will in his lap, so that he could hold him and she could sling her arms around his stomach and his back. They stayed like this and all three of them fell asleep.
When Lorelai opened her eyes two hours later her two men were still asleep. She smiled at the sight, but then realised that it was midnight when the firework exploded, outside and on the TV.
"Luke, hey, wake up!" she nudged him, carefully not to wake Will.
"Luuuke!" she whined and tapped against his shoulder.
"Mmmh...what? Lorelai?" he asked sleepily, but opened his eyes. When he looked at her she had a huge smile on her face.
"It´s midnight! Happy New Year!" she said, still smiling. He also had to smile.
"Happy New Year!" he said and their smiles faded when their eyes locked. Simultaneously they leaned in and met for a kiss. It was just a short one, but sweet and with a huge promise. When they broke apart the smiles were back.
"Happy New Year angel!" Lorelai said then and kissed Will softly on his cheek. She then placed a hand on her belly and wanted to speak, when Luke placed his hand over hers.
"Happy New Year babies!" Luke said.
After some moments Lorelai yawned.
"Im tired, I think I will go to bed." she told him, hoping that he would get the hint. But maybe he didn´t get it or he ignored it.
"Goodnight. I think I will also go to bed, I didn´t sleep much the last weeks." he told her and handed her William.
"Yeah me, neither. Sleep well!" she said a little bit disappointed and walked upstairs, while Luke turned off the TV and walked into the guest-bedroom.
TBC