Summary: My encounter with a very evil Wonka and his Mary-Sue.

Rated: T

Warnings: Please don't report me or whatever they do here! I know it isn't exclusively about Willy and a Mary Sue- but it's just poking fun at all the Mary Sues we see around this fandom these days!

Disclaimer: I don't own Willy Wonka! I made the girl up, and no one owns me… and I took a part of her name from the play/musical "Sweet Charity"- m'kay? One more time: I'm sorry that the main characters are not Willy and my made-up girl!

Perfectly Evil

I found myself in a hallway. A very dimly lit hallway that was completely black and white. Not a speck of color to be found anywhere. Except for… her. She was just lying there, so I approached her. No way this girl could be real. Far too pretty and far too… uhm… oh, yes- perfect. I pushed back one of her supreme golden locks to see if I recognized her.All of a sudden her eyes shot open to reveal that they were the most faultless shade of blue.

Startled, I fell back and onto my butt-, which, by the way, was nowhere near as wonderful as hers. She was glaring at me… but when she noticed me looking at her she plastered on a flawless grin. "Why, hello," she greeted me in a frighteningly warm tone, "What might your name be, young lady?"

I cleared my throat, "B-Brooklyn…" I answered; still completely astonished that someone like this could actually exist.

"My name is Marilyn Susan Charity Hope Valentine. But you can just call me Mary." All right, this was getting a little creepy. I mean, what kind of a name was that? Probably the only imperfection of hers was her weird name. Well, Brooklyn wasn't exactly common, but "Marilyn Susan Charity Hope"? What were her parents on? Abruptly, a tall, skinny form came in through one of the doors. One of the few light bulbs swung over the mystery person revealing- Willy Wonka? What was he doing in a place like this? And why is he- Oh, my God! He's helping her up! Human contact? WHAT THE HELL? I, still sitting on the cold, hard cement of the hallway, was just in complete and utter shock!

Then, the amazing chocolatier spoke, "Are you okay? I was so worried about you! I love you so much!" He was obviously addressing Miss Valentine- OH MY GOD! She's trying to EAT him! Wait… no… Willy Wonka is… is- making out!

"What is going on?" I yelped at the frisky pair, just after he'd gently pushed her against a wall. I just could not deal with Willy Wonka… the same Willy Wonka that was supposed to be repulsed by the slightest touch- now about to fornicate with a living Barbie doll!

"Excuse me? I think I have a right to kiss my fiancé!" she informed me in that same high-pitched fake warmth she called a voice. And my head could have just exploded right there. "Well… he has to do the right thing, you know…" she trailed off, patting her stomach.

"Hee hee… I'm gonna be a dad!" Willy squealed, completely out of his own character.

…And that's when I woke up screaming, in an ocean of my icy sweat. "Oh thank God, it was just a dream!" I sighed, swinging out of bed. I turned on my computer, to read some fan fiction to calm my nerves. I clicked on my absolute favorite fandom, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, expecting some wonderful Willy/Charlie or Willy/Veruca… Mike/Charlie if I was lucky. But… there she was. Taunting me through the screen. I'd read intros to several fics, and I started hyperventilating. She was… everywhere! I felt an asthma attack coming on. I reached for my inhaler- but there she was, with Willy!

…They both had evil smirks bonded to their faces as they broke my inhaler in half.