*~*~*A/N: READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!!*~*~*
Enjoy! You'll laugh before the end of the chapter, I PROMISE.
~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~
The Weasleys, Harry and Hermione all poured out of the Ministry cars and into King's Cross Station. (A/N: How many Weasleys are left at Hogwarts, anyway? Let's see, Bill and Charlie finished a while ago, Percy's graduated, Fred and George rode off into the sunset on their brooms one day, with their shirts blowing and hair whipping in the wind ... sorry, short little fantasy there, and that leaves Ron and Ginny. HOLY CRAP, THERE ARE ONLY TWO LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) They all had their trunks with them, and Hedwig's cage was balanced on top of his. Crookshanks rode atop Hermione's shoulder.
Harry checked his watch again: ten fifty-two. They had eight minutes to get aboard. Plenty of time.
Harry and Hermione ran through the barrier first, followed by Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and Ron. Ginny was last to run through. Most unfortunately, as she ran through, none other than Mister-makes-you-want-to-piss-in-his-face Draco Malfoy walked in front of the barrier. The hard-haired blond and the small redhead's lips connected.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they both yelled as loud as they could. Malfoy spit on the ground. Ginny spit in his face. "YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE – WEASEL!" he yelled, and Harry and Hermione rolled their eyes as they grabbed onto Ron's cloak as the tall redhead struggled to get at Malfoy.
Anyway, back to the main characters.
They all boarded the Hogwarts Express, waving goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley as they got on. Harry, Hermione and Ron found a compartment of their own and heard the Weasley parents talking through the window.
"Oh, isn't it SWEET? My only daughter just had her first kiss!" Ron's mother was gushing. "Or at least, I THINK it was her first ..."
"It better damn well be," growled Mr. Weasley.
And NOW, back to the main characters!
The Golden Trio laughed their heads off at Mr. Weasley's remark. They all knew that it wasn't. But who really cared? BACK TO THE STORYLINE ... (A/N: Yes, there IS actually a plot here. It's buried under that last page of crap somewhere ... wait, just let me look for it ... AHA! Got it! *gasp* OH NO, THE PILE'S COMING DOWN ON ME! EEK! *runs away*)
Five minutes later, the train started moving, and everyone yelled their last goodbyes to the people waving on the station platform. Then the thousand-odd students settled back into their seats and braced themselves for the long ride ahead.
An hour after they left, Ron got up. He excused himself gallantly, saying that he had to visit the bathrooms. Harry and Hermione rolled their eyes at each other, knowing quite well that he'd gone off to make sure Ginny wasn't doing anything he disapproved of. When Hermione said so, Ron sniffed, stuck his nose in the air, and walked out in a huff.
"You know, he's acting like a bit of a girl," said Harry.
Hermione growled at him. "I resent that!"
"Sorry."
Suddenly, the train gave a rather large jolt as it ran over a log on the tracks, no doubt put there by some mischievous pixie in hopes that the train would crash. Fat chance of that happening, thought Harry as he lurched forward.
Suddenly, before anyone knew what was happening, Harry's face had crashed into Hermione's chest. She shrieked.
"GET OUT OF MY BOOBS! GET OUT OF MY BOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and slapped him away.
Neither one looked at the other in the eye for about five whole minutes after that.
During that time, Harry stared about the compartment, determinedly NOT looking at her – her – chestatial area. Ron came back.
"Hullo, I'm back," he said. No one answered. "Hello?" he said, louder, waving a hand in front of Harry's face. "Are you there?"
"What? Eh? Who? Okay," said Harry, blinking. Hermione blinked too, and noticed the tall redhead standing there.
Ron sat down across from Harry. They were each sitting with their backs to a different wall, facing the middle of the compartment. Ron glanced between them and raised his eyebrows at Harry, who had his hands over his face and his eyes only just showing through his fingers. He was muttering something.
"What's that, mate?" Ron leaned closer.
"Squishy ... soft and – squishy ..."
"I don't get it. What's soft and squishy?" Ron said aloud. Hermione gasped, looked at Harry, glared at Ron, and slapped Harry.
"How dare you say that about my – WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" she cried to Ron, who was looking at her – chestatial area.
"Where'd you get THOSE?"
"Get what?"
"BOOBS!"
Hermione slapped him. "HOW DARE YOU! And it's a complex process called adolescence, if you want me to explain it I'll –"
"Soft and squishy ... soft and squishy ..."
"HARRY!"
She slapped him again. He curled up into the fetal position on the seat and rocked back and forth, muttering to himself. "Soft and squishy ... soft and squishy ..."
Harry suddenly had a thought. When HAD Hermione gotten – hills and valleys in her – chestatial area? Harry glanced over across the compartment at Ron, who was still staring at Hermione's – chestatial area. Apparently they'd been thinking along the same wavelink.
Hermione suddenly rolled her eyes in exasperation and tipped both their heads up. "Okay, I'm up HERE, okay? Yeah, thank you," she snapped, tilting their chins so that they couldn't look down. "Humph."
~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~
When they arrived in Hogsmeade hours later, none of the "Golden Trio" were speaking to each other. They were far too embarrassed.
As they climbed into a carriage drawn by the starved-looking Thestrals, Ginny walked up with a toothbrush working furiously in her mouth. All three looked at her.
"Just how long have you been doing that?"
"In aygo igth muh," she said, nodding. The Golden Trio glanced at each other for the first time in hours, and looked away quickly.
"Um – what?"
Ginny spat into the cup she was carrying. "Since Malfoy kissed me," she said quickly, and continued brushing. Suddenly Hermione pointed behind the smaller girl.
"Look out."
Ginny felt someone come up behind her and take a great sniff of her hair. She spun around, wide-eyed, and saw Malfoy grinning. And she spit. In his face. Again. This time with toothpaste.
"AUGH!" he yelled, and walked off in a huff, nose in the air. Ginny narrowed her eyes and brushed even more furiously, clambering into the carriage with the Golden Trio as the Thestrals started moving.
~*~
Twenty minutes later, as they all sat down at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, chattering happily and being glad to be back, McGonagall walked in, followed by the new first years. Harry cheered along with the rest of them when a Gryffindor was called, and otherwise didn't pay much attention to the Sorting ceremony. Too much ... on his mind. Throughout the whole time, he didn't say a word to Hermione. Neither did Ron, he noticed.
Harry glanced up at the Head Table and noticed that there were three empty chairs. One, he knew, was reserved for this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. But he didn't see anyone else missing from the staff. He nudged Ron with his elbow, and whispered, "Who d' you reckon is going to fill those seats?"
Ron shrugged and was about to reply when Dumbledore rose to his feet and clapped his hands twice. Silence fell, and heads turned up towards the Head Table.
"I have an important announcement to make, ladies and gentlemen," he said. "As you all know, we are in need of yet another Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher here at Hogwarts. Luckily, I have found not one, but three suitable –"
At that moment, the doors to the Great Hall burst open with a large bang.
Enjoy! You'll laugh before the end of the chapter, I PROMISE.
~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~
The Weasleys, Harry and Hermione all poured out of the Ministry cars and into King's Cross Station. (A/N: How many Weasleys are left at Hogwarts, anyway? Let's see, Bill and Charlie finished a while ago, Percy's graduated, Fred and George rode off into the sunset on their brooms one day, with their shirts blowing and hair whipping in the wind ... sorry, short little fantasy there, and that leaves Ron and Ginny. HOLY CRAP, THERE ARE ONLY TWO LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) They all had their trunks with them, and Hedwig's cage was balanced on top of his. Crookshanks rode atop Hermione's shoulder.
Harry checked his watch again: ten fifty-two. They had eight minutes to get aboard. Plenty of time.
Harry and Hermione ran through the barrier first, followed by Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and Ron. Ginny was last to run through. Most unfortunately, as she ran through, none other than Mister-makes-you-want-to-piss-in-his-face Draco Malfoy walked in front of the barrier. The hard-haired blond and the small redhead's lips connected.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they both yelled as loud as they could. Malfoy spit on the ground. Ginny spit in his face. "YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE – WEASEL!" he yelled, and Harry and Hermione rolled their eyes as they grabbed onto Ron's cloak as the tall redhead struggled to get at Malfoy.
Anyway, back to the main characters.
They all boarded the Hogwarts Express, waving goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley as they got on. Harry, Hermione and Ron found a compartment of their own and heard the Weasley parents talking through the window.
"Oh, isn't it SWEET? My only daughter just had her first kiss!" Ron's mother was gushing. "Or at least, I THINK it was her first ..."
"It better damn well be," growled Mr. Weasley.
And NOW, back to the main characters!
The Golden Trio laughed their heads off at Mr. Weasley's remark. They all knew that it wasn't. But who really cared? BACK TO THE STORYLINE ... (A/N: Yes, there IS actually a plot here. It's buried under that last page of crap somewhere ... wait, just let me look for it ... AHA! Got it! *gasp* OH NO, THE PILE'S COMING DOWN ON ME! EEK! *runs away*)
Five minutes later, the train started moving, and everyone yelled their last goodbyes to the people waving on the station platform. Then the thousand-odd students settled back into their seats and braced themselves for the long ride ahead.
An hour after they left, Ron got up. He excused himself gallantly, saying that he had to visit the bathrooms. Harry and Hermione rolled their eyes at each other, knowing quite well that he'd gone off to make sure Ginny wasn't doing anything he disapproved of. When Hermione said so, Ron sniffed, stuck his nose in the air, and walked out in a huff.
"You know, he's acting like a bit of a girl," said Harry.
Hermione growled at him. "I resent that!"
"Sorry."
Suddenly, the train gave a rather large jolt as it ran over a log on the tracks, no doubt put there by some mischievous pixie in hopes that the train would crash. Fat chance of that happening, thought Harry as he lurched forward.
Suddenly, before anyone knew what was happening, Harry's face had crashed into Hermione's chest. She shrieked.
"GET OUT OF MY BOOBS! GET OUT OF MY BOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and slapped him away.
Neither one looked at the other in the eye for about five whole minutes after that.
During that time, Harry stared about the compartment, determinedly NOT looking at her – her – chestatial area. Ron came back.
"Hullo, I'm back," he said. No one answered. "Hello?" he said, louder, waving a hand in front of Harry's face. "Are you there?"
"What? Eh? Who? Okay," said Harry, blinking. Hermione blinked too, and noticed the tall redhead standing there.
Ron sat down across from Harry. They were each sitting with their backs to a different wall, facing the middle of the compartment. Ron glanced between them and raised his eyebrows at Harry, who had his hands over his face and his eyes only just showing through his fingers. He was muttering something.
"What's that, mate?" Ron leaned closer.
"Squishy ... soft and – squishy ..."
"I don't get it. What's soft and squishy?" Ron said aloud. Hermione gasped, looked at Harry, glared at Ron, and slapped Harry.
"How dare you say that about my – WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" she cried to Ron, who was looking at her – chestatial area.
"Where'd you get THOSE?"
"Get what?"
"BOOBS!"
Hermione slapped him. "HOW DARE YOU! And it's a complex process called adolescence, if you want me to explain it I'll –"
"Soft and squishy ... soft and squishy ..."
"HARRY!"
She slapped him again. He curled up into the fetal position on the seat and rocked back and forth, muttering to himself. "Soft and squishy ... soft and squishy ..."
Harry suddenly had a thought. When HAD Hermione gotten – hills and valleys in her – chestatial area? Harry glanced over across the compartment at Ron, who was still staring at Hermione's – chestatial area. Apparently they'd been thinking along the same wavelink.
Hermione suddenly rolled her eyes in exasperation and tipped both their heads up. "Okay, I'm up HERE, okay? Yeah, thank you," she snapped, tilting their chins so that they couldn't look down. "Humph."
~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~
When they arrived in Hogsmeade hours later, none of the "Golden Trio" were speaking to each other. They were far too embarrassed.
As they climbed into a carriage drawn by the starved-looking Thestrals, Ginny walked up with a toothbrush working furiously in her mouth. All three looked at her.
"Just how long have you been doing that?"
"In aygo igth muh," she said, nodding. The Golden Trio glanced at each other for the first time in hours, and looked away quickly.
"Um – what?"
Ginny spat into the cup she was carrying. "Since Malfoy kissed me," she said quickly, and continued brushing. Suddenly Hermione pointed behind the smaller girl.
"Look out."
Ginny felt someone come up behind her and take a great sniff of her hair. She spun around, wide-eyed, and saw Malfoy grinning. And she spit. In his face. Again. This time with toothpaste.
"AUGH!" he yelled, and walked off in a huff, nose in the air. Ginny narrowed her eyes and brushed even more furiously, clambering into the carriage with the Golden Trio as the Thestrals started moving.
~*~
Twenty minutes later, as they all sat down at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, chattering happily and being glad to be back, McGonagall walked in, followed by the new first years. Harry cheered along with the rest of them when a Gryffindor was called, and otherwise didn't pay much attention to the Sorting ceremony. Too much ... on his mind. Throughout the whole time, he didn't say a word to Hermione. Neither did Ron, he noticed.
Harry glanced up at the Head Table and noticed that there were three empty chairs. One, he knew, was reserved for this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. But he didn't see anyone else missing from the staff. He nudged Ron with his elbow, and whispered, "Who d' you reckon is going to fill those seats?"
Ron shrugged and was about to reply when Dumbledore rose to his feet and clapped his hands twice. Silence fell, and heads turned up towards the Head Table.
"I have an important announcement to make, ladies and gentlemen," he said. "As you all know, we are in need of yet another Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher here at Hogwarts. Luckily, I have found not one, but three suitable –"
At that moment, the doors to the Great Hall burst open with a large bang.